Trahai Mushaai'rah keleye apni koshish le kar Hazir-e-khidmat howaa hoN :D , gar qabool uftad ..!
umeed hai k apni rahnumaai , tanqeed aur tabSiroN se nawaazeNge :D
ti lejeye ghazal Haazir hai
Urdu Version :
Roman Version :
1.
Maujzan gar, i'shq ka jalaal na ho!
Dil maiN raushan, tiraa khayaal na ho!
2.
Koshish-e-Z^abt^-e-naala-e-u'ryaaN
Ho nahiN sakti, gar kamaal na ho!
3.
Koi tu aisa muZdah ho yaa rab !
K zameeN par tiree, qitaal na ho!
4.
Ab k ham woh jawaab laaye haiN
"Tum se shaayad koii sawaal na ho!"
5.
Husn phir kaise saamne aaye??
Agar aaNkhoN maiN hii, jamaal na ho!
6.
Aye khudaa ! mere shams ko ho a'T^aa
Woh :Zia:, jisko phir zawaal na ho !
MokhliS : Zia Baloch
Last edited by Star Mind on Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
aapkii taraHii Ghazal paRh kar bahot lutf aayaa. hamesha kii taraH Ghazal meN aalaa mazaameen, husn e taGhazzul, husn e bayaan aur dil_kashii hai. mujhe jo ash'aar beHad pasand aaye unkii nishaan-dehii Hasb-e-zel meN kar rahaa huuN:
1.
mauj_zan gar, 'ishq ka jalaal na ho!
dil meN raushan, tiraa Khayaal na ho!
2.
koshish-e-zabt-e-naala-e-'uryaaN
ho nahiiN saktii, gar kamaal na ho!
3.
koii to aisaa muzda ho, yaa Rab!
ki zamiiN pe tire, qitaal na ho!
6.
ai Khuda! mere shams ko ho 'ataa
voh "Zia", jisko phir zawaal na ho!
ek kaamiyaab aur 'umda Ghazal par aapko sad mubaarak_baad aur daad, gar qubool uftaad.
3.
Koi tu aisa muZdah ho yaa rab !
K zameeN pe tire, qitaal na ho!
4.
Ab k ham woh jawaab laaye haiN
"Tum se shaayad koii sawaal na ho!"
5.
Husn phir kaise saamne aaye??
Agar aaNkhoN maiN hii, jamaal na ho!
6.
Aye khudaa ! mere shams ko ho a'T^aa
Woh :Zia:, jisko phir zawaal na ho !
--WAHHH Zia sahab kya kehna.,..bahut hi khoob....aajkal to zoron se aamad ho rahi hai...nazar na lage... yun to sabhi sher acche hain magar quoted ash'aar zyaada apsand aaye aur khaaskar giraah aur maqta bahut hi khoob hai!Daad haazir hai huzoor :D
Shumaila
Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai
Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
Aapki ghazal paRhne ke bad hi iraadah tou kiyaa thaa ke apni raaye ka izhaar karuN lekin kuch tou had se ziyaadah masroofiyat aur kuch TabeeAat kii naasaazi ki vagha se der hougai jiske liye maiN aapse maAzirat khwaah hooN.
aapkii taraHii Ghazal paRh kar bahot lutf aayaa. hamesha kii taraH Ghazal meN aalaa mazaameen, husn e taGhazzul, husn e bayaan aur dil_kashii hai. mujhe jo ash'aar beHad pasand aaye unkii nishaan-dehii Hasb-e-zel meN kar rahaa huuN:
1.
mauj_zan gar, 'ishq ka jalaal na ho!
dil meN raushan, tiraa Khayaal na ho!
2.
koshish-e-zabt-e-naala-e-'uryaaN
ho nahiiN saktii, gar kamaal na ho!
3.
koii to aisaa muzda ho, yaa Rab!
ki zamiiN pe tire, qitaal na ho!
6.
ai Khuda! mere shams ko ho 'ataa
voh "Zia", jisko phir zawaal na ho!
ek kaamiyaab aur 'umda Ghazal par aapko sad mubaarak_baad aur daad, gar qubool uftaad.
faqat muKhlis,
Hashmat
W/Salaam Hashmat SaaHib :D .
taa'kheer keleye maa'zirat khwaah hoN .
aap ki be-saakhta daad ne hamesha mera HoSla baRhaaya hai 8)
aap jis firakh-dilee se daad-o-taHseen ka shor bar paa karte haiN, us keleye mere paas munaasib alfaaz nahiN, aap ko meri kaavish pasand aayee jis ka matlab hai k meri meHnat raayegaaN nahiN gayee :D
aap ne tu taqreeba" poori ghazal ko hi pasand farmaaya hai.maiN aap ka tah-e-dil se mamnoon hoN, umeed hai k aayenda bhi aap meri HoSla-afzaai farmaayeNge :D . beHad shukriya aap ka
mokhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
Shummu wrote:3.
Koi tu aisa muZdah ho yaa rab !
K zameeN pe tire, qitaal na ho!
4.
Ab k ham woh jawaab laaye haiN
"Tum se shaayad koii sawaal na ho!"
5.
Husn phir kaise saamne aaye??
Agar aaNkhoN maiN hii, jamaal na ho!
6.
Aye khudaa ! mere shams ko ho a'T^aa
Woh :Zia:, jisko phir zawaal na ho !
--WAHHH Zia sahab kya kehna.,..bahut hi khoob....aajkal to zoron se aamad ho rahi hai...nazar na lage... yun to sabhi sher acche hain magar quoted ash'aar zyaada apsand aaye aur khaaskar giraah aur maqta bahut hi khoob hai!Daad haazir hai huzoor :D
Shumaila
MoHtarama Shumaaila SaaHiba, aap ne tu mujhe itni i'zzat se nawaaza k mere paas shukriya tak kehne keleye alfaaz nahiN bache .
bilaa-shubah aap ki daad-o-taHseen mere leye masha'al-e-raah hai :D .
ghazal ko pasand farmaane par maiN aap ka tah-e-dil se mamnoon hoN. bahut bahut shukriya
mokhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
Aapki ghazal paRhne ke bad hi iraadah tou kiyaa thaa ke apni raaye ka izhaar karuN lekin kuch tou had se ziyaadah masroofiyat aur kuch TabeeAat kii naasaazi ki vagha se der hougai jiske liye maiN aapse maAzirat khwaah hooN.
"Maujzan gar, i'shq ka jalaal na ho!
Dil maiN raushan, tiraa khayaal na ho! "
iske pahle misreA ko vazn ke liHaaz se yooN hounaa chaahiye thaa:
(maujzan i'shq kaa jalaal na ho!)
iski taqteeA yooN hougi:
mauzan ish = faa'ilaatun
q'kaa jalaa = mafaa'ilun
n'ho = fa'ilun
================
Is Tarah aapke pahle misreA meiN lafs "gar" ziyaadh hourahaa hei. Ab aap ibaarat kii salaasat ko nazar meiN rakkheN tou aapki marzi ke muTaabiq tabdeeli karni hougi.
Waise ghazal bahut hii pasand aayi hei. Allah kare zour-e-qalam aur ziyaadah.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
W/Salaam,
Ustaad-e-moHtaram janab A.Nazir SaaHib,
yaqeena" ye mere leye kesi i'zaaz se kam nahiN k aap ne meri is Haqees kaavish ko na Sirf saraaha balke parkhaa bhi :D .
aap ne bajaa farmaaya k matla maiN mujh se khataa hogayee hai . aayenda maiN nazar-e-caani k baa'd hi koch post karoNga :)
agar maiN mat^laa ko youN kardoN tu kyaa khayaal hai aap ka
"Mujh maiN gar, i'shq ka jalaal na ho"
apni raaye se aagaah kar k mujhe i'zzat-o-sharaf se nawaazeye :D . yaqeena" ham aap ki nigraani maiN bahut kuch seekhna chaahte haiN. yeh ham sab ki khush-qismati hai k hameN aap jese ahl-e-i'lm ki meHfiloN maiN aane ka sharaf HaaSil howaa hai :D .
mujhe aap ki khoobSoorat daad hamesha yaad raheygee aur yaqeena" meri HoSla afzaai ka baa'ic bhi hogee :D . shukriya
mokhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
(((agar maiN mat^laa ko youN kardoN tu kyaa khayaal hai aap ka
"Mujh maiN gar, i'shq ka jalaal na ho" )))
Mere khayaal meiN is se behtar shak yooN housakti hei:
(Gar mujhe Hasrat-e-visaal na ho)
Aage aapki marzi.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
W/Salaam
ustaad-e-moHtaram Janab A.Nazir SaaHib,
aap ki tajveez laa-jawaab hai , hameN beHad pasand aayee :D . bahut bahut shukriyaa. aap youN hi saath dete rahe to woh din door nahiN jab ham bhi kuch ban kar dikhaayeN :D . tah-e-dil se mamnoon hoN. shukriya
mokhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
aap ki ye tarahee ghazal paRhee aur buhat pasaNd aa'ee.
mere khayaal meiN aap se matle' ke pehle misre' meiN kuch` chook ho ga'ee hai aur ghaalibun uss taraf janaab Nazir saahab ne bhee ishaarah kiyaa hai.
3rd she'r kaa pehlaa misra' agar yooN ho tau kaisaa ho:
ko'ee aisaa bhee muzdah ho yaa rab!
aap buhat ach`aa likh rahe heiN. alla kare zor e qalam aur zeyaadah!
aap ki ye tarahee ghazal paRhee aur buhat pasaNd aa'ee.
mere khayaal meiN aap se matle' ke pehle misre' meiN kuch` chook ho ga'ee hai aur ghaalibun uss taraf janaab Nazir saahab ne bhee ishaarah kiyaa hai.
3rd she'r kaa pehlaa misra' agar yooN ho tau kaisaa ho:
ko'ee aisaa bhee muzdah ho yaa rab!
aap buhat ach`aa likh rahe heiN. alla kare zor e qalam aur zeyaadah!
iss kaavish par meree daad qubool kijiye!
mukhliS
Naheed
Naheed jee :D
aap ka tah-e-dil se mamnoon hoN, k aap ne is darja meri kaavish ko ihmiyat dee hai !. Allah ta'aala aap ko khush rakke(aameen) :D
aap ka mashwara hameN jee jaan se pasand aaya hai , jis keleye aap ka tah-e-dil se ik baar phir mamnoon hoN !!. umeed hai k yeh silisla youNhi jaari-o-saari raheyga !!. shukriya
mokhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
Star Mind wrote:4.
Ab k ham woh jawaab laaye haiN
"Tum se shaayad koii sawaal na ho!"
Janaab hum itni jaldi lajawaab hone waloN meiN se nahiN heN. wese girah zabardast lagayi hay, bohot rawaN dawaaN. 8)
5.
Husn phir kaise saamne aaye??
Agar aaNkhoN maiN hii, jamaal na ho!
Very nice and well said. Wese agar kisi ki aankhoN me jamaal na ho lekin saamne wale ka husn bemisaal ho to phir?? Aap un bejamaal aankhoN pe bharosa kareNge ya bemisaal husn per?
6.
Aye khudaa ! mere shams ko ho a'T^aa
Woh :Zia:, jisko phir zawaal na ho !
Beautiful...maqta bhi khoob hay. :)
Waah Zia Sahib,,,, aap ki yeh taraHee ghazal to bohot khoob hay. Sabhi ashaar ache heN lekin mujhe quoted ashaar zyada pasand aaye heN. Daad qubool kijiye huzoor jitni aap k daaman meiN sama sake.
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