Tarahi ghazal# 7

[RAUSHNEE]

Salam......

pehli baar kissi tarahi misray per likha hai......aap sab ki tanqeed o tashee ki muntazir rahongee


mere zabt ko ab tu azmana chhor day
khul k mil bus munh chupana chorr day

jo tere koochay ko apna butt kada he man lay
kaise woh kafir wahan per ana jana choorr day

in rivaaj-e-dehar mein jakra hoa tu mein bhi hon
tu tarq-e-talluq ka jana yeh bahana chhorr day

jazba-o-shauq-e-jawani, shokhi-e-adhe bahar
inka qatel-e-amm khudara!Ay zamana!chor day

kocha-e-ahl-e-juno'n men ahl-e-khirad!hargiz nahi
dekh nasayh tu wahan per ana jana chhor day

dil-o-ja'n or maal-o-zar such kuch tu tera ho gaya
ay muhabbat ab tu hum ko azmana chhor day


Raushnee

[Handsome]

bohat umdah :)

[Anmol]

Dear Raush,

Bohot achha laga tumheN tarahi misre pe likhta dekh kar, aur kya hi umda ashaar nikaale heN tum ne, maiN to heraan reh gayi. Daad aur mubarakbaad qubool karo.

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Raushnee saHiba

salaam arz hai

aap ki ye kawish dekh ker bahot khushi hui, maashallah aap ke kalaam meiN kaafi nikhaar aat jaa rahaa hai. bass vazn per mazeed tavajjoh ki zaroorat hai, voh koi baRaa mas'ala nahin hai, mashq-o-muzaavilat se voh mas'ala bhi Hal ho jaaye ga :)

ash'aar per meri raaye Haazir hai


mere zabt ko ab tu azmana chhor day
khul k mil bus munh chupana chorr day

she'r ke pehla misra vazn se kharij hai, pehle aap ko beHr ke baare men bataa dooN, phir aage chalte haiN

is misre ki beHr hai (DC likh rahaa hooN)

2122______2122______212

taraHi misre ki taqtee' yooN hogi

khul ke mil _____ 2 1 2

bas ____ 2

mooN chupaana _____ 2 121

choR de ___ 21 2

*********

aap ka misra hai :

mere zabt ko ab tu aazmaana choR de

is misre meiN "mere" aur "ab" ko agar nikaal deN , to misra khud hi vazn meiN aa jaaye ga

dekhiye

zabt ko tu aazmaana choR de

2122 = zabt ko tu

2122 = aazmaana

212 = choR de

umeed hai aap ko taqtee samajh aayee hogi, aur dekhiye, aap ke misre se do lafz nikaale, she'r vazn mein ho gayaa :), bas itni si baat hai

zabt ko tu aazmaana choR de
khul ke mil bas mooN chupaana choR de


jo tere koochay ko apna butt kada he man lay
kaise woh kafir wahan per ana jana choorr day

yahaaN pehle misre ke aakhir se agar "he man lay" haTaa deN to misra vazn mein aa jaaye ga

taqtee' dekho

2122 = jo(1) tire (12) koo(2)

2122 = chay(2) ko(1) apna (22)

212 = but(2) kadah(12)

ab ye misra yaa'ni jo tire koochay ko apna but.kadah vazn mein to aa gayaa, magar mukammal nahiN hai, is liye is meiN se kuch alfaaz nikaal ker kuch aur Daalne paRen ge, taa'ke misra mukammal ho jaaye, is liye yooN karte haiN :

jo tire kooche ko samjhe but kadah
kyuN vahaaN voh aana jaana choR de

agar aap lafz "kaafir" ko khapaana chaah rahi haiN, phir aik soorat ye ho sakti hai :

kyuN voh kaafir vaaN pe jaana choR de

in rivaaj-e-dehar mein jakra hoa tu mein bhi hon
tu tarq-e-talluq ka jana yeh bahana chhorr day

is she'r ko is taraH vazn mein laaya jaa sakta hai

maiN bhi paaband-e-rivaaj-e-dehr hooN
tark-e-ulfat ka bahaana choR de

dil-o-ja'n or maal-o-zar such kuch tu tera ho gaya
ay muhabbat ab tu hum ko azmana chhor day

is she'r per meri Haqeer si raaye ye hai :

qalb-o-jaaN sab kuch tiraa hai is liye
ae mohabbat !! aazmaana choR de

ya phir :

jaan-o-dil sab kuch to tera ho gayaa
ab to mujh ko aazmaana choR de

umeed hai in chand ash'aar per meri aaraa agar pasand nahin aaiN gi to buree bhi nahiN lageN gi

khush raho

amjad