Jurm-e-Dosti

Kuhnah mashq ShoAraa kaa kalaam jo beHr meiN hounaa zaroori hei

Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar

Post Reply
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Jurm-e-Dosti

Post by Steve Almas »

Aadab-o-Niaz

Aik taza kalam ke sath hazir hooa hoon, to leejiye Pesh-e-khidmat he. Iss ghazal mein mein ne zindagi ki kuch sachaiuon ko ahata kerney ki koshash ki he. faisla aap per he keh kamyab hooa hoon keh nahein.

Steve Almas


Image
Last edited by Steve Almas on Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Top
Ibn-e-siddique
-
-
Posts: 219
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 4:12 am
Location: Doha Qatar
Contact:
Contact Ibn-e-siddique

Post by Ibn-e-siddique »

steve almas saHib

aadaab arz hai

aap ki ghazal abhi abhi nazar navaaz hui. mazaameen to ache haiN, magar ghazal ke ash'aar paRh ker ye andaaza ho rahaa hai ke aap ne matle ke misra-e-oola meiN umr ko umer aur she'r no. chaar ke misra-e-caani meiN hijr ko hijer ke vazn per baaNdha hai.

deegar ash'aar ache haiN, daad qubool keejiye

amjad
Mire ash'aar ae Iqbal kyuN pyaare na hoN mujhko
mire TooTe hue dil ke ye dard.angez naale haiN
Top
Sarwar A. Raz
-
-
Posts: 518
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 3:18 pm
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Contact:
Contact Sarwar A. Raz

Post by Sarwar A. Raz »

mukarramee Almas SaaHeb:aadaab!

hamaaree Urdu meHfiloN kaa baRaa almiyyah yeh hai keh log rasmee waah-waah kar ke aur chand baNdh`e-Take jumle likh` kar samajh`te haiN keh tabSirah kaa farZ^ adaa kar diyaa. aap Khush-qismat haiN keh Amjad SaaHeb jaise shaa,i'r aap ke kalaam par likh`te haiN. waqt kee kamee kee vajh se woh tafSeel se naheeN likh` sake warnah mere kuch` kehne kee Z^aroorat nah hotee.

aap ke Khayaalaat hameshah hee achh`e hote haiN. albattah bayaan meN kamee hotee hai. waqt, mut^aalia'h aur meHnat ke saath` yeh bh`ee behtar ho jaaYe gee. do ek baateN maiN likh`taa hooN. Ghazal par ek aur naz^ar Daal leN to harjh naheeN hai:
--------------------------------------------
(1) Amjad likh` hee chuke haiN keh SaHeeH alfaaz^ :u'mr: aur :hijr: haiN nah keh :u'mar: aur :jijar: in ko durust kar leN, jaise

hamaaree u'mr guZree hai yeh jurm----------
wafaa ----------

(2) aap :tere: aur :tire: waGhairah meN farq kiyaa kareN. is se wazn SaHeeH ho jaaYe gaa. she'r #2 kaa pehlaa lafz^ :tiree: honaa chaahiYe.

(3) aap ash,a'ar keh kar un kee nacr (prose) banaa kar dekh` liyaa kareN. is se bayaan meN Safaayee aaYe gee aur apnee Ghalat^iyaaN z^aahir ho jaaYeN gee. aap kaa bayaan kaheeN kaheeN ulajh jaataa hai aur kaheeN naa-mukammal bh`ee reh jaataa hai. she'r #2 aur 5 is kaa namoonah haiN.

(4) aap ke ba'Z^ ash,a'ar bohat hee Khoob haiN, jaise #3, 6. aap ne #6 meN :nah: ko :naa: baaNdh`aa hai jo durust naheeN hai. is ko yooN kar sakte haiN:

madaavah kar sake kab woh mire TooTe huwe dil kaa
huyee muddat----------------

daad HaaZ^ir hai.

aap meN shaa,i'ree kee bohat SalaaHiyat hai. likh`te rahiYe aur meHnat jaaree rakh`iYe.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa

Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
Top
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Post by Steve Almas »

steve almas saHib

aadaab arz hai

aap ki ghazal abhi abhi nazar navaaz hui. mazaameen to ache haiN, magar ghazal ke ash'aar paRh ker ye andaaza ho rahaa hai ke aap ne matle ke misra-e-oola meiN umr ko umer aur she'r no. chaar ke misra-e-caani meiN hijr ko hijer ke vazn per baaNdha hai.

deegar ash'aar ache haiN, daad qubool keejiye

amjad
Amjad Sahib
Bohat aadab :-)
Aapki ki nishandahi nihait sahi thi, Jinein mein ne phir se theek kerney ke ilava aour bhi chand tabdeelian ki hein, Zaroor dekh lijiye ga.
Daad ke liye bhi shukriya qabool kijiye

Mukhlis
Steve Almas
Last edited by Steve Almas on Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Top
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Post by Steve Almas »

mukarramee Almas SaaHeb:aadaab!

hamaaree Urdu meHfiloN kaa baRaa almiyyah yeh hai keh log rasmee waah-waah kar ke aur chand baNdh`e-Take jumle likh` kar samajh`te haiN keh tabSirah kaa farZ^ adaa kar diyaa. aap Khush-qismat haiN keh Amjad SaaHeb jaise shaa,i'r aap ke kalaam par likh`te haiN. waqt kee kamee kee vajh se woh tafSeel se naheeN likh` sake warnah mere kuch` kehne kee Z^aroorat nah hotee.

aap ke Khayaalaat hameshah hee achh`e hote haiN. albattah bayaan meN kamee hotee hai. waqt, mut^aalia'h aur meHnat ke saath` yeh bh`ee behtar ho jaaYe gee. do ek baateN maiN likh`taa hooN. Ghazal par ek aur naz^ar Daal leN to harjh naheeN hai:
--------------------------------------------
(1) Amjad likh` hee chuke haiN keh SaHeeH alfaaz^ :u'mr: aur :hijr: haiN nah keh :u'mar: aur :jijar: in ko durust kar leN, jaise

hamaaree u'mr guZree hai yeh jurm----------
wafaa ----------

(2) aap :tere: aur :tire: waGhairah meN farq kiyaa kareN. is se wazn SaHeeH ho jaaYe gaa. she'r #2 kaa pehlaa lafz^ :tiree: honaa chaahiYe.

(3) aap ash,a'ar keh kar un kee nacr (prose) banaa kar dekh` liyaa kareN. is se bayaan meN Safaayee aaYe gee aur apnee Ghalat^iyaaN z^aahir ho jaaYeN gee. aap kaa bayaan kaheeN kaheeN ulajh jaataa hai aur kaheeN naa-mukammal bh`ee reh jaataa hai. she'r #2 aur 5 is kaa namoonah haiN.

(4) aap ke ba'Z^ ash,a'ar bohat hee Khoob haiN, jaise #3, 6. aap ne #6 meN :nah: ko :naa: baaNdh`aa hai jo durust naheeN hai. is ko yooN kar sakte haiN:

madaavah kar sake kab woh mire TooTe huwe dil kaa
huyee muddat----------------

daad HaaZ^ir hai.

aap meN shaa,i'ree kee bohat SalaaHiyat hai. likh`te rahiYe aur meHnat jaaree rakh`iYe.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
Janab Sarwar Saahib
Aadab... :-) :-) :-)
Zahe naseeb, mudat ke ba'ad phir aapki nazar-e-karm hooi, Dekh ker khushi hooi, :grin: :grin: Aapki batai chand aik tabdeelion ke ilava kuch aour bhi rado badal aapko dekhne ko mile ga,
Aapki islah aour daad bhi dil se qabool he
Shukriya
Steve Almas
Top
User avatar
rahmed25682
-
-
Posts: 126
Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:28 am
Location: Karachi
Contact:
Contact rahmed25682

Post by rahmed25682 »

Salam Steve Almas sahab ..

aap kee ghazal parhy .. yaqeen maaniye bohat umda khayalat ka aik khoobsurat guldasta maloom huee. Yaqeenan is main kuch islaahaat kee gunjaaish hogy jis kee nishandahi SARWAR sahab ker chukay hain,kion ye kaam aik USTAAD he ba-khoobi ker sakta hay.

ALLAH KARAY ZOR-e-QALAM AUR ZIADA

Khush rahain

Khair Andesh

Raheel Ahmed
Kab Say HooN , Kia BataaooN Jahan-e-Kharab Main
Shab-Haaye Hijr Ko Bhee RakhooN Gar Hisab Main
=============================
Ghalib
Top
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Jurm-e-Dosti

Post by Steve Almas »

Salam Steve Almas sahab ..

aap kee ghazal parhy .. yaqeen maaniye bohat umda khayalat ka aik khoobsurat guldasta maloom huee. Yaqeenan is main kuch islaahaat kee gunjaaish hogy jis kee nishandahi SARWAR sahab ker chukay hain,kion ye kaam aik USTAAD he ba-khoobi ker sakta hay.

ALLAH KARAY ZOR-e-QALAM AUR ZIADA

Khush rahain

Khair Andesh

Raheel Ahmed
Raheel Ahmad Ji
Aadab-o-Niaz
Ghazal per aap ki nazar-e-karam hooi, Bohat shukriya
Aap ne baja kaha he, Likhtey waqt ki khamiyan Ustadon ki nazar mein jald aati hein aour yeh hamarey Sarwar saahib ki Shafqat he keh unhon ne waqt nikal ke iss ki nishan dahi ker di. Mein ne un Alfaz ki bandash ke ilava bhi chand aik aour tabdeeliyan ki hein, Umeed he aap ne zaroor dekhe hongi. daad ka bohat bohat shukriya.
apna khayal rakha kijiye, Yaqeenan mulaqat hoti rahe gi...

Mukhlis
Steve Almas
Top
Star Mind
-
-
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 11:39 pm
Location: Balochistan
Contact:
Contact Star Mind

Post by Star Mind »

Huzoor aaKhir kaar ham bhi aa hi gaye

kaise haiN aap?

janaab , Ghazal to aap ki jaa-jawaab hai ! maashaa Allah bohut hi achche mazaameen aap ne nazm keye haiN !

mujhe aap ki poori Ghazal pasand aayee Khaas tor par woh ash'aar jinheN Sarwar SaaHib ne Qoute farmaayaa !

so daad Haazir hai qabool kejeye !

shukriya

moKhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki

Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne

Zia Baloch
Top
User avatar
Abdullah Nazir
-
-
Posts: 2681
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
Location: Jeddah
Contact:
Contact Abdullah Nazir

Bahut khoob

Post by Abdullah Nazir »


MuHtarami
Steve Almaas Saahib,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi khaskar tarmeem shudah Haalat meiN. Bahut hii achche mazaameen heiN aur saare ashAar bahut hii dilkash heiN.

Meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiyhe.


Aapka Mukhlis,

Nazir.
Image
Top
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Jurm-e-Dosti

Post by Steve Almas »

Huzoor aaKhir kaar ham bhi aa hi gaye

kaise haiN aap?

janaab , Ghazal to aap ki jaa-jawaab hai ! maashaa Allah bohut hi achche mazaameen aap ne nazm keye haiN !

mujhe aap ki poori Ghazal pasand aayee Khaas tor par woh ash'aar jinheN Sarwar SaaHib ne Qoute farmaayaa !

so daad Haazir hai qabool kejeye !

shukriya

moKhliS : Zia Baloch
Mohtram Zia Saahib

Khush Amdeed.
B'khariyat hoon. :-) :-) :-)
Bhai yeh to hamari khush qismati he keh aap aaye. Ghazal to mujhey bhi behad pasand he, abb aap ne us chahat ko dobala ker key mera hosla bharhaya he. Shukriya qabool kijiye

Mukhlis
Steve Almas
Top
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Post by Steve Almas »

MuHtarami
Steve Almaas Saahib,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi khaskar tarmeem shudah Haalat meiN. Bahut hii achche mazaameen heiN aur saare ashAar bahut hii dilkash heiN.

Meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiyhe.


Aapka Mukhlis,

Nazir.
Mohtram Nazir Saahib
Aadab

Aapki Hosla afzai aour dili mohabbat ka mamnoon hoon, Ghazal pasand aai jis ke liye bohat shukriya qabool kijye.

Apna khiyal rakhiye ga

Steve Almas
Top
Steve Almas
-
-
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 6:52 pm

Post by Steve Almas »

almas ji,

tasleemat.

wah! bohat hi khoobsurat ghazal kahi..........sabhi ashaar bohat pasand aaye aur chehre per muskurahat si chaah gayi.......

khaas jab ye shair paRhi:

"tere aane se itna tou hua mehfil huii raushan
vagarna dil jale dil jala ker roshni karte...."

bohat bhala laga ye shair.

mire shairon mein dhalti hai jo tere pyaar ki khushbu
muhabbat mein agar jeete yaqeenan shayri karte!

very simple n sweet!

poori ghazal per dil se daad qubool keejiye.

sara
Sara Ji
Kufr toota khuda khida kerke, keh aap ne bhi nigah-e-karam idher ki, aour aap muskraye to :-) :-) :-) . Ghazal pasand aaney ka bohat shukriya.

Mukhlis
Steve Almas
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Kalaam-e-Sukhanwar”