tarahi ghazal ghaflat eyaar kahan tak shab e hijraaN kab tak

[khozema husaini]

ghazalHazreen e mehfil
assalaam o alaikum
KHair talab ba KHair ba Hamd e Allah
misra e taraH per apni taza ghazal kay saath hazir e mehfil hoon, shayad kisi qabil ho . tamaam qaraeen say guzarish hay k apne taasuraatzaroo mujh tak ponhchaen main aap ka tah e dil se mashkoor rahoonga
husaini
Ghazal
dafn seene meN rakheN wasl ke armaaN kab tak
dekhiye hote heN woh hum pay mehrabaaN kab tak
munhasir chaar dinoN per he mira dour e Hayaat
ghaflat e yaar kahaN tak shab e hijraaN kab tak
aaeenah bandi e dil kaGHzi gul se kijaaye
aik seHraa meN tamanna e gulistaaN kab tak
aoj per aaj he tuGHyani e beHr e jazbaat
aik kooze meN daba rakkhenge toofaaN kab tak
her ghaRi dil pay diye jaate heN dastak aalaam
bin bulaye chale aayenge yeh mehmaaN kab tak
subh se KHamosh he , tha shab meN shareek e maatam
saath deta mira aaKHir dil e naalaaN kab tak
le liya qatl ka ilzaam hameeN ne sar per
husn ko dekhte ab aur paraishaaN kab tak
jo nah milti hameN GHurbat meN husaini manzil
koo ba koo phirte younhi maA sar o saamaaN kab tak

husaini khandwi

[Abdullah Nazir]

Muhtarami
Khozema Huseini Saahib


Purkhuloos Tasleemaat, :)


Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut khushi houi. Agar aapka kalaam isi tarah baasirah navaaz houtaa rahaa tou aap naamvar shoAraa kii fehrist meiN shumaar kiye jaayege.

Aapki ghazal ke ashAar per tabsirah karne se pahle yeh bataadenaa zaroori samajhtaa hooN ke meri raaye aapke liye qaabil-e-qubool hounaa zaroori nahiN hei. Fann-e-sheAr o shaayri meiN aap se aik arsa-e-daraaz pahle se houne ke naate kuch arz karrahaa hooN:

1)dafn seene meN rakheN wasl ke armaaN kab tak
dekhiye hote heN woh hum pay mehrabaaN kab tak

MaTlaA bahut achchaa hei manavi lihaaz se lekin doosre misreA meiN aik lafz apne vazn meiN nahiN isteAmaal houaa hei. Wo lafz hei "mehrban" jisko is jagah "meherbaan" paRhne kii zaroorat paish aarahi hei. Is lafz meiN harf "hey" ke neeche zair nahiN houtaa hei.

2)munhasir chaar dinoN per he mira dour e Hayaat
"ghaflat e yaar kahaN tak shab e hijraaN kab tak "
Aapki girah theek hei lekin is se behtar housakti thii.

3)aaeenah bandi e dil kaGHzi gul se kijaaye
aik seHraa meN tamanna e gulistaaN kab tak
Is sheAr kii tashreeH mukhtalif andaaz meiN kii jaasakti hei. Mujhe bahut pasand aayaa yeh sheAr.

4)aoj per aaj he tuGHyani e beHr e jazbaat
aik kooze meN daba rakkhenge toofaaN kab tak
Yeh sheAr bhii bahut khoob hei.

5) her ghaRi dil pay diye jaate heN dastak aalaam
bin bulaye chale aayenge yeh mehmaaN kab tak
Aap ne bin bulaaye kehkar mehmaaN ke qaafiye ko nibhaaliyaa.

6) subh se KHamosh he , tha shab meN shareek e maatam
saath deta mira aaKHir dil e naalaaN kab tak
Is sheAr ke pahle misreA meiN lafz "se" ziyaadah hougayaa hei vazn ke lihaaz se. Warnah sheAr achchaa hei.

7) le liya qatl ka ilzaam hameeN ne sar per
husn ko dekhte ab aur paraishaaN kab tak
Yeh sheAr bhii khoob hei.

8) jo nah milti hameN GHurbat meN husaini manzil
koo ba koo phirte younhi maA sar o saamaaN kab tak
Aapka maqTaA bhii bahut khoob hei basharT yeh ke doosre misreA meiN lafz "maA" kii bajaye "be" isteamaal kareN.

Agar meri raaye se ikhtilaaf hu tou aapko poora poora haq hei ke mujh se mazeed vazaaHat Talab farmayeN.

Haqeeqat yeh hei ke agar aapki shayiri isi andaaz se jaari o saari rahi tou mujhe ummeed hei ke aap bahut hii numaayaaN Tarz ke shayeri hounge aur aapka mustaqbil darakhshaN hougaa.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[khozema husaini]

Muhtarami
Khozema Huseini Saahib


Purkhuloos Tasleemaat, :)


Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut khushi houi. Agar aapka kalaam isi tarah baasirah navaaz houtaa rahaa tou aap naamvar shoAraa kii fehrist meiN shumaar kiye jaayege.

Aapki ghazal ke ashAar per tabsirah karne se pahle yeh bataadenaa zaroori samajhtaa hooN ke meri raaye aapke liye qaabil-e-qubool hounaa zaroori nahiN hei. Fann-e-sheAr o shaayri meiN aap se aik arsa-e-daraaz pahle se houne ke naate kuch arz karrahaa hooN:

1)dafn seene meN rakheN wasl ke armaaN kab tak
dekhiye hote heN woh hum pay mehrabaaN kab tak

MaTlaA bahut achchaa hei manavi lihaaz se lekin doosre misreA meiN aik lafz apne vazn meiN nahiN isteAmaal houaa hei. Wo lafz hei "mehrban" jisko is jagah "meherbaan" paRhne kii zaroorat paish aarahi hei. Is lafz meiN harf "hey" ke neeche zair nahiN houtaa hei.

2)munhasir chaar dinoN per he mira dour e Hayaat
"ghaflat e yaar kahaN tak shab e hijraaN kab tak "
Aapki girah theek hei lekin is se behtar housakti thii.

3)aaeenah bandi e dil kaGHzi gul se kijaaye
aik seHraa meN tamanna e gulistaaN kab tak
Is sheAr kii tashreeH mukhtalif andaaz meiN kii jaasakti hei. Mujhe bahut pasand aayaa yeh sheAr.

4)aoj per aaj he tuGHyani e beHr e jazbaat
aik kooze meN daba rakkhenge toofaaN kab tak
Yeh sheAr bhii bahut khoob hei.

5) her ghaRi dil pay diye jaate heN dastak aalaam
bin bulaye chale aayenge yeh mehmaaN kab tak
Aap ne bin bulaaye kehkar mehmaaN ke qaafiye ko nibhaaliyaa.

6) subh se KHamosh he , tha shab meN shareek e maatam
saath deta mira aaKHir dil e naalaaN kab tak
Is sheAr ke pahle misreA meiN lafz "se" ziyaadah hougayaa hei vazn ke lihaaz se. Warnah sheAr achchaa hei.

7) le liya qatl ka ilzaam hameeN ne sar per
husn ko dekhte ab aur paraishaaN kab tak
Yeh sheAr bhii khoob hei.

8) jo nah milti hameN GHurbat meN husaini manzil
koo ba koo phirte younhi maA sar o saamaaN kab tak
Aapka maqTaA bhii bahut khoob hei basharT yeh ke doosre misreA meiN lafz "maA" kii bajaye "be" isteamaal kareN.

Agar meri raaye se ikhtilaaf hu tou aapko poora poora haq hei ke mujh se mazeed vazaaHat Talab farmayeN.

Haqeeqat yeh hei ke agar aapki shayiri isi andaaz se jaari o saari rahi tou mujhe ummeed hei ke aap bahut hii numaayaaN Tarz ke shayeri hounge aur aapka mustaqbil darakhshaN hougaa.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

janaab nazir saheb
aadaab o tasleemaat
aap ke purkhuloos tabsare ne dil khush kar diya ANDHA KIYA CHAHE DO AANKHEN janaab baRi mehrabani hogi agar aap isi tarah nazar e inayat farmate rahen bila suhbah is maidaan men mujhe ziyadah tajruba nahi he agar aap rahnumaae farmayen to bohat karam hoga
husaini

[Shummu]

Adaab Khizema sahab!

Wah janab wah ..kya kehne...bahut hi umda ghazla kahi hai aapne khaskar neeche quoted ash'aar behad pasand aaye...daad haazir hai!!! :D

Shumaila

dafn seene meN rakheN wasl ke armaaN kab tak
dekhiye hote heN woh hum pay mehrabaaN kab tak

munhasir chaar dinoN per he mira dour e Hayaat
ghaflat e yaar kahaN tak shab e hijraaN kab tak

aoj per aaj he tuGHyani e beHr e jazbaat
aik kooze meN daba rakkhenge toofaaN kab tak

her ghaRi dil pay diye jaate heN dastak aalaam
bin bulaye chale aayenge yeh mehmaaN kab tak

le liya qatl ka ilzaam hameeN ne sar per
husn ko dekhte ab aur paraishaaN kab tak

[khozema husaini]

Ghazal
dafn seene meN rakheN wasl ke armaaN kab tak
dekhiye hote heN woh hum pay mehrabaaN kab tak

:) waah kya khoob kaha aapne!

munhasir chaar dinoN per he mira dour e Hayaat
ghaflat e yaar kahaN tak shab e hijraaN kab tak

:) ye bhi khoob!

aaeenah bandi e dil kaGHzi gul se kijaaye
aik seHraa meN tamanna e gulistaaN kab tak

wow! bohat khoob!

aoj per aaj he tuGHyani e beHr e jazbaat
aik kooze meN daba rakkhenge toofaaN kab tak

bohat khoob janaab bohat khoob! :)

her ghaRi dil pay diye jaate heN dastak aalaam
bin bulaye chale aayenge yeh mehmaaN kab tak

:D very nice Khozema ji bohat ache!

subh se KHamosh he , tha shab meN shareek e maatam
saath deta mira aaKHir dil e naalaaN kab tak

nice.

le liya qatl ka ilzaam hameeN ne sar per
husn ko dekhte ab aur paraishaaN kab tak

kya kehne saahib, bohat khoob kaha! :)

jo nah milti hameN GHurbat meN husaini manzil
koo ba koo phirte younhi maA sar o saamaaN kab tak

bohat khoob maqta zabardast! :)

husaini khandwi

wah waah Khozema saahib kya khoob ashaar kahe hain aap.

aap sab saahibaan ne tarahee misre per bohat khoob ghazal kahe hain aur har ghazal mein naye khayaalat dekh ker bohat khushi hui hai.

bohat umdha ghazal per daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.

sara

saraji aadaab
bohat bohat shukriyah