aao sab ke hote huey apnaa klaam pesh kerne ki jasaarat kerni tau nahiN chaahiye thi. magar aik adnaa si kosish qalambaNd ho ga'ee hai es laiy aap sabki khidmat meN pesh hai . apni raaey se zaroor nawaaziay gaa.
wassalam
1)
Mujh ko teraa agar khiyaal nah ho :?
"tum se shaayed koee sawaal nah ho"
2)
be-rukhee per teri malaal nah ho
merae dil kaa kabhi yeh Haal nah ho
3)
zindagi itnee bhi muHaal nah ho
khwaahishoN kaa agar yeh jaal nah ho
4)
hai gawaarah her aik baat magar
per kabhi Aq'l ko zawaal nah ho
5)
kayaa yeh mumkin hai meiN tumheiN dekhoN
aur chehrae peh phir gulaal nah ho?
6)
jo Hifaazat keraiN zubaan ki ham
ham peh naazil kabhi wabaal nah ho
aapkii yeh Ghazal paRhii aur bahot pasand aayii. saadaa alfaaz meN bahot hii pur_asar aur 'umda ash'aar nikaale haiN aapne. bahot Khoob...Allah kare zor e qalam aur ziyaada!
be_ruKhii per tirii malaal na ho
mere dil kaa kabhii yeh Haal nah ho
bahot Khoob, marHaba!
zindagii itnii bhii muHaal nah ho
khovaahishoN kaa agar yeh jaal na ho
bilkul baja farmaayaa aapne. maiN bhi yehii kahta huN ki:
zindagaanii agar "SAWAAL" na ho
KhaahishoN kii kabhii majaal na ho
hai gavaaraa her ek baat magar
per kabhi 'aql ko zawaal na ho
haan ji, sach kaha ki ... 'aql ko dil par fauziyat honii hii chaahiye
kia yeh mumkin hai? maiN tumheN dekhuuN!
aur chehre pe phir gulaal nah ho?
lolz...haN aisa mumkin hai agar aap UN se "HOLI" ke roz na mileN
jo Hifaazat kereN zabaan ki ham
ham peh naazil kabhi wabaal nah ho
kia mashwara diyaa hai aapne...hameN islaaH kar lenii chaahiye aur CHATROOM se baahar nikal aane ke ba'd tauba tilla kar liyaa kareN
ek kaamiyaab Ghazal kahne par meri jaanib se sad_haa mubaarkaaN aur daad, gar qubool uftaad!
aapkii yeh Ghazal paRhii aur bahot pasand aayii. saadaa alfaaz meN bahot hii pur_asar aur 'umda ash'aar nikaale haiN aapne. bahot Khoob...Allah kare zor e qalam aur ziyaada!
be_ruKhii per tirii malaal na ho
mere dil kaa kabhii yeh Haal nah ho
bahot Khoob, marHaba!
Jazak Allah
zindagii itnii bhii muHaal nah ho
khovaahishoN kaa agar yeh jaal na ho
bilkul baja farmaayaa aapne. maiN bhi yehii kahta huN ki:
zindagaanii agar "SAWAAL" na ho
KhaahishoN kii kabhii majaal na ho
Allah Allah kayaa baat hai
hai gavaaraa her ek baat magar
per kabhi 'aql ko zawaal na ho
haan ji, sach kaha ki ... 'aql ko dil par fauqiyat honii hii chaahiye
ji bilkul!!!!
kia yeh mumkin hai? maiN tumheN dekhuuN!
aur chehre pe phir gulaal nah ho?
lolz...haN aisa mumkin hai agar aap UN se "HOLI" ke roz na mileN
jo Hifaazat kereN zabaan ki ham
ham peh naazil kabhi wabaal nah ho
kia mashwara diyaa hai aapne...hameN islaaH kar lenii chaahiye aur CHATROOM se baahar nikal aane ke ba'd tauba tilla kar liyaa kareN
janaab mashwwerah muft hai.. meN tau aik hi baar chat room gaee thi woh din aur aaj kaa din dobaarah himmat nahin huee :x
ek kaamiyaab Ghazal kahne par meri jaanib se sad_haa mubaarkaaN aur daad, gar qubool uftaad!
faqat naa_cheez,
Hashmat
Janab-e-moHteram Hashmat Bhaii
salaam-e-khuloos
aapki post k comments peRh ker phir peRhae aur haNsti hi gaee.
bohat hi berjastah aur shustaah andaaz hai aap kaa.
aik aik shaer per Alaihdah Alaihdah tareef peh tau khushee sae jaise nehaal ho gaee hoN. saare daaNt baahir haiN :D :D :D baaNcheiN khil ker kaanoN se ja lgi heN.
Allah aapko khush,hanstaa muskuraata rekhe bhaai. aap ki aik post ne hi jaise poori forum per dhanak raNg bikhair diay haiN. :D
es forum per hansi ki similiy aisi hai jaise muNh cheRha rehi ho yaa chanoti( challange!! agar meri hindi theek hai tau sahyed yehi matlab hai) de rehi ho. baa her haal haNsi nahiN lagti es liay sirf hahahahah per iktifaaa keroNgi :D
aik nehaayat dilchasp andaaz per aap bhi daad k mustaHiq heN. jaldi se lijiay daad Haazir hai.
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Aapki TaraHi ghazal achchi hei khaaskar vazn ke lihaaz se. YahN chand baataiN Arz karrahaa hooN is ummeed se ke aap aur doosre qaareyeeN mustafeed housakenge:
1)
Mujh ko teraa agar khiyaal nah ho
"tum se shaayed koee sawaal nah ho"
Manavi lihaaz se aur vazn ke lihaaz se yeh maTlaA theek hei. Is meiN aik Aib hei jisko "shutar gurbah" kehte heiN. Pahle misreA meiN "teraa" kaa lafz is baat kii dilaalat karrahaa hei ke doosre misreA meiN "too" aayegaa jahaN "tum" hei. Is liye pahle misreA ko yooN kardengi tou her lihaaz se durust houjaaegaa:
1)Mujhko apnaa agar khayaal nah hou.
"tum se shayad koiee sawaal na hou"
2)
be-rukhee per teri malaal nah ho
merae dil kaa kabhi yeh Haal nah ho
Yeh sheAr theek hei goke dounoN misraAaoN me
iNr rabT sirf mafhoom ke lihaaz se hei.
3)
zindagi itnee bhi muHaal nah ho
khwaahishoN kaa agar yeh jaal nah ho
Bahut achcha sheAr hei.
4)
hai gawaara her aik baat magar
per kabhi Aq'l ko zawaal nah ho
Pahle misreA meiN lafz "magar" aur doosre misreA meiN "per" kaa ijtimaaA zuban ke lehaaz se theek nahiN hei. Is sheAr kii tasheeh yooN housakti hei:
Hai gawaaraa her aik baat mujhe
Gar miri Aql ko zawaal nah hou.
5)
kyaa yeh mumkin hai meiN tumheiN dekhoN
aur chehrae peh phir gulaal nah ho?
Is sheAr meiN achchi manzar kashi hei.
6)
jo Hifaazat keraiN zubaan ki ham
ham peh naazil kabhi wabaal nah hou
In dounoN misraoN meiN bhii ham kii takraar theek nahiN hei. Is sheAr ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
Jo (yaa 'gar') Hifaazat karaiN zubaaN kii mudam
Ham pah naazil kabhi wabaal nah hou.
=====
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]
Last edited by Abdullah Nazir on Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
moHtarama Tahira Masood SaaHiba, aap ki ghazal bahut pasand aai :D . Janaab Nazir SaaHib ki tajaaveez k baa'd to ghazal , ghazaal ban gaii hai !! :D . DheroN daad qabol kejeye. shukriya
mokhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
aap ne jis khuloos aur apnaaiyat se es kalaam ki taSHiH fermaaee hei meN es k liay mamnoon khaas hoN aur dast=e=bah duaa hoN keh Allah aap ko es kaa ajr-e-Azeem Ataa fermaaey.Ameen
kioNkeh yeh post tafseeli jawaab maaaNg rehi thi es liay mujhe afsos ahi keh jawaab meN takheer ho gaee. kuch naasaazi-e-tabaa k baaic aisaa huaa, daer se aane per intehaaii m'azerat khwaah hoN.
aap ne jo bhi tajveez irshaad fermaee heN meN un se meN akcar maqaamaat per mtafizq aur mutmainn hoN. shukeriyah ab zeraa tafSeeli jaaizah
1)
Mujh ko teraa agar khiyaal nah ho
"tum se shaayed koee sawaal nah ho"
Manavi lihaaz se aur vazn ke lihaaz se yeh maTlaA theek hei. Is meiN aik Aib hei jisko "shutar gurbah" kehte heiN. Pahle misreA meiN "teraa" kaa lafz is baat kii dilaalat karrahaa hei ke doosre misreA meiN "too" aayegaa jahaN "tum" hei. Is liye pahle misreA ko yooN kardengi tou her lihaaz se durust houjaaegaa:
1)Mujhko apnaa agar khayaal nah hou.
"tum se shayad koiee sawaal na hou"
es shaer meN aap ne jis kami ki nishandahi fermaee mujhe woh khal tau rehi thi magar waazeh taur peh yeh andazah nah thaa keh yeh galat ho gaa.
aap ki tajveez bhi bohat m'Aqul hai.
agar es ko yuN kerdoN keh
meray dil kaa agar yeh Haal nah hou
tau kaisaa hai..
2)
be-rukhee per teri malaal nah ho
merae dil kaa kabhi yeh Haal nah ho
Yeh sheAr theek hei goke dounoN misraAaoN meN rabT sirf mafhoom ke lihaaz se hei.
shukeriyah :D es haislah afzaee kaa
3)
zindagi itnee bhi muHaal nah ho
khwaahishoN kaa agar yeh jaal nah ho
Bahut achcha sheAr hei.
:khushi huee!!!
4)
hai gawaara her aik baat magar
per kabhi Aq'l ko zawaal nah ho
Pahle misreA meiN lafz "magar" aur doosre misreA meiN "per" kaa ijtimaaA zuban ke lehaaz se theek nahiN hei. Is sheAr kii tasheeh yooN housakti hei:
Hai gawaaraa her aik baat mujhe
Gar miri Aql ko zawaal nah hou.
shukeriyah!!!
5)
kayaa yeh mumkin hai meiN tumheiN dekhoN
aur chehrae peh phir gulaal nah ho?
Is sheAr meiN achchi manzar kashi hei.
mehrbaani 6)
jo Hifaazat keraiN zubaan ki ham
ham peh naazil kabhi wabaal nah hou
In dounoN misraoN meiN bhii ham kii takraar theek nahiN hei. Is sheAr ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
Jo (yaa 'gar') Hifaazat karaiN zubaaN kii mudaam
Ham pah naazil kabhi wabaal nah hou. a
moHtarama Tahira Masood SaaHiba, aap ki ghazal bahut pasand aai :D . Janaab Nazir SaaHib ki tajaaveez k baa'd to ghazal , ghazaal ban gaii hai !! :D . DheroN daad qabol kejeye. shukriya
