1.
makaaN badlaa hai par manzar naheeN badlaa
miree tanhaayee kaa bistar naheeN badlaa
2.
hai chashm.e.khavaab tau roshan sitaaroN see
magar taarikiyoN ne ghar naheeN badlaa
3.
abhee tak maiN gumaaN ke daa'iroN meN hooN
abhee taqdeer kaa chakkar naheeN badlaa
4.
mire andar ki laRkee mar chukee kab kee
havaa'oN kaa magar tewar naheeN badlaa
5.
tujhey kis aas par aawaaz detee maiN?
tiraa tau guNbad.e.be.dar naheeN badlaa
6.
bhale baahar se voh yaksar badal jaaye
magar uss kaa abhee andar naheeN badlaa
7.
sutoon.e.jism se lipTaa huvaa :Naheed:
woh banjar mosamoN kaa Dar naheeN badlaa
aek ArSah baAd aapki yeh Haseen ghazal paRhne ko mili. BeHad luTf-andouz houaa. Saare ke saare ashAar bahut hii dilkash heiN aur aapke apne khaaS andaaz meiN kahe gaye heiN. Is beHr kii kam-yaabi aur mushkil ke baa-vujood aap ne iske vazn ko poore poore iqtidaar se bartaa hei. Meri dili daad aur mubaarkbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Is beHr ke silsileh meiN isi jagah bahut pahle maiN ne mandarja-e-zel ibaarat likhkhi thii jiske baare meiN koii tashaffi bakhsh javaab nahiN milaa thaa aur aapki ghazal se mujhe javaab mil gayaa hei.
BeHr-e-Hazaj musaddas kaa zikr Maulvi Abdul-Haq kii kitaab meiN nah paane ke ba'd urdu ke mukhtaiif dawaaween meiN talaash karne per bhii uska vajood nah paakar mujhe bahut taAjjub houaa.
Uska vazn hei:
Mufaa'ee'lun…….mufaa'ee'lun…..mufaa'ee'lun
//0/0/0…………………. //0/0/0………………..//0/0/0
= 1222………………….1222…………………..1222
Is ko paRhne ke ba'd mujhe bahut hii dilkash aahang maloom houaa aur maiN ne souchaa ke kiyuN nah maiN khud is vazn meiN aek ghazal likhkhuN. Jab sheAr kahne lagaa tou Hazaj kii mucamman saalim shakl zehn per ghalib nazar aayi aur bhatakne kaa khauf aakhir tak lagaa rahaa. Gouyaa maiN ne khud ko is imtiHaan meiN Daal diyaa. Shayad yehi sabab hei ke urdu meiN hazaj musaddas ko nazar andaaz kardiyaa gayaa hei.
Jin Hazraat ko ilm hou ke yeh musaddas shakl kisi shayer ne isteAmaal kii hei tou mehrbaani farmaakar us ghazal kii copy shayer ke naam ke saath mujhe PM se yaa Email se bhejne kii zahmat gavaaraa farmaaeN.
Ab maiN apni ghazal pesh kartaa hooN, jiski kaamyaabi yaa naakaami aapke tabSiraoN ke Hawaale hei.
GHAZAL roman meiN
nah kaam aayegi Umr-e-mukhtaSar dekho
zaraa dunyaa ko aankheN khoulkar dekho
kahaa kis ne idhar dekho udhar dekho
miri jaanib ba-chashm-e-chaarah-gar dekho
nah wo aaye na aayaa naamah-bar dekho
hovaa jaataa hei ab waqt-e-saHar dekho
jafaa-joo de gayaa dard-e-jagar dekho
use dekho nah ab uski kamar dekho
rah-e-hasti nahiN hei moAtabar dekho
kahaaN tak saath de zaad-e-safar dekho
Adaawat khel hei baazegaraoN kaa saa
Bhali lagti hei ulfat kii Dagar dekho
Taghaaful hii sahi andaaz-e-jaanaanah
Miraa bhii iZTiraab-e-chashm-e-tar dekho
dilaoN ne TooTkar Haalat bayaaN kardi
duAaa meiN aagayaa khud hii acar dekho
nah poocho ham pah Dhaaye heiN sitam kis ne
bhaTakte kab se heiN ham dar badar dekho
Ajab hei zindagi kaa imtiHaaN :Nazir:
Nah dekhi jaaye hei dunyaa magar dekho.
=======
aap kee Ghazal naz^ar-nawaaz huyee. is kee zameen aur aap ke jaZbaat kee shiddat mua,ccir haiN. yeh Ghazal aap ke maKhSooS raNg kee aa,eenah-daar hai. daad qubool keejiYe aur mujh` ko chand baateN kehne kee ijaazat deejiYe. chooN.k yeh chaupaal iSlaaH ke liYe naheeN hai is liYe meree ma'rooZ^aat Sirf meree raaYe kee Haiciyyat rakh`tee haiN! dekh` lene meN to harj naheeN hai?
aap kaa u'moomee andaaz achh`aa hai lekin ash,a'ar meN naa-hamwaaree aur alfaaz^ ke intiKhaab meN kamzoree hai. agar aap apnaa mut^aali,a'h wasee' kareN aur apnaa kalaam kisee SaaHeb-e-i'lm ko dikh`aa liyaa kareN to yaqeena" aap un manziloN se bohat jald guZar jaaYeN gee jo abh`ee qadre zeHmat kaa baa,ic haiN. is ijmaal kee tafSeel yooN hai:
------------------------
makaaN badlaa hai par manzar naheeN badlaa
miree tanhaayee kaa bistar naheeN badlaa
mat^la' achh`aa hai. pasand aayaa. daad! waise meraa Khayaal hai keh :bistar: kee bajaaYe aap ke qalam se koyee aur lafz^ nikaltaa to behtar hotaa!
------------------------------
hai chashm.e.khavaab tau roshan sitaaroN see
magar taarikiyoN ne ghar naheeN badlaa
:taareekiyoN ne gh`ar naheeN badlaa: kaa kyaa mat^lab hai? mazeed yeh keh :chashm-e-Khwaab: ke kyaa ma'nee haiN? :chashm-e-Khwaab-aaloodah: aur :chashm-e-Khwaab-aageeN: to dekh`e haiN lekin :chashm-e-Khwaab: naheeN dekh`aa. ma'nee ke e'tibaar se bh`ee :Khwaab kee aaNkh: mo'tabar naheeN hai. aap ke paas koyee sanad ho to likh`eN. is Soorat meN maiN apne e'tiraaZ^ se faura" rujoo' kar looN gaa!
-------------------------------------
abhee tak maiN gumaaN ke daa'iroN meN hooN
abhee taqdeer kaa chakkar naheeN badlaa
she'r Th`eek hai. pehlaa miSra' qadre sust hai. aap behtar samajh`tee haiN.
----------------------------
mire andar ki laRkee mar chukee kab kee
havaa'oN kaa magar tewar naheeN badlaa
awwal to maZ^moon kuch ziyaadah hee :aazaad: (yaa :modern:?) hai. doosre yeh keh :andar kee laRkee: kee maut se :hawaa,oN: kaa kyaa ta,a'lluq hai? agar :laRkee kee maut: huyee to :muqaddar: ke tewar kaa Zikr ziyaadah munaasib hotaa!
--------------------------------
tujhey kis aas par aawaaz detee maiN?
tiraa tau guNbad.e.be.dar naheeN badlaa
:guNbad-e-bedar: kee tarkeeb dilkash hai. she'r bh`ee pasand aayaa. daad qubool keejiYe.
----------------------------------
bhale baahar se voh yaksar badal jaaye
magar uss kaa abhee andar naheeN badlaa
:bhale: ke ba'd :hee: kee Z^aroorat hai. doosre yeh keh :andar badalnaa: Ghair-faSeeH muHaawirah hai. agar aap is ko rakh`naa hee chaahatee haiN to pehlaa miSra' yooN soch saktee haiN:
bh`ale hee dekh`ne meN woh badal jaaYe
--------------------------------
sutoon.e.jism se lipTaa huvaa :Naheed:
woh banjar mosamoN kaa Dar naheeN badlaa
pehlee baat to yeh keh :sutoon: se :t^aaqat, quwaat, maZ^boot^ee: kaa tasawwur qaa,im hotaa hai, :kamzoree: kaa naheeN! doosree baat yeh keh :sutoon-e-jism: se :banjar mausam ke Dar: kaa lipaT jaanaa ya'nee kyaa? aap Ghaur kareN gee to bunat aur alfaaz^ kee kamzoree Khud hee a'yaaN ho jaaYe gee. do mutabaadil (aur mumkin!) SoorateN likh` rahaa hooN. aage aap soch saktee haiN.
sawaad-e-rooH par ph`ilaa huwaa Naheed
miree har saaNs se lipTaa huwaa Naheed
-----------------------------
aap kaa meree raaYe se ittifaaq Z^arooree naheeN hai!
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
aek ArSah baAd aapki yeh Haseen ghazal paRhne ko mili. BeHad luTf-andouz houaa. Saare ke saare ashAar bahut hii dilkash heiN aur aapke apne khaaS andaaz meiN kahe gaye heiN. Is beHr kii kam-yaabi aur mushkil ke baa-vujood aap ne iske vazn ko poore poore iqtidaar se bartaa hei. Meri dili daad aur mubaarkbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Is beHr ke silsileh meiN isi jagah bahut pahle maiN ne mandarja-e-zel ibaarat likhkhi thii jiske baare meiN koii tashaffi bakhsh javaab nahiN milaa thaa aur aapki ghazal se mujhe javaab mil gayaa hei.
BeHr-e-Hazaj musaddas kaa zikr Maulvi Abdul-Haq kii kitaab meiN nah paane ke ba'd urdu ke mukhtaiif dawaaween meiN talaash karne per bhii uska vajood nah paakar mujhe bahut taAjjub houaa.
Uska vazn hei:
Mufaa'ee'lun…….mufaa'ee'lun…..mufaa'ee'lun
//0/0/0…………………. //0/0/0………………..//0/0/0
= 1222………………….1222…………………..1222
Is ko paRhne ke ba'd mujhe bahut hii dilkash aahang maloom houaa aur maiN ne souchaa ke kiyuN nah maiN khud is vazn meiN aek ghazal likhkhuN. Jab sheAr kahne lagaa tou Hazaj kii mucamman saalim shakl zehn per ghalib nazar aayi aur bhatakne kaa khauf aakhir tak lagaa rahaa. Gouyaa maiN ne khud ko is imtiHaan meiN Daal diyaa. Shayad yehi sabab hei ke urdu meiN hazaj musaddas ko nazar andaaz kardiyaa gayaa hei.
Jin Hazraat ko ilm hou ke yeh musaddas shakl kisi shayer ne isteAmaal kii hei tou mehrbaani farmaakar us ghazal kii copy shayer ke naam ke saath mujhe PM se yaa Email se bhejne kii zahmat gavaaraa farmaaeN.
Ab maiN apni ghazal pesh kartaa hooN, jiski kaamyaabi yaa naakaami aapke tabSiraoN ke Hawaale hei.
GHAZAL roman meiN
nah kaam aayegi Umr-e-mukhtaSar dekho
zaraa dunyaa ko aankheN khoulkar dekho
kahaa kis ne idhar dekho udhar dekho
miri jaanib ba-chashm-e-chaarah-gar dekho
nah wo aaye na aayaa naamah-bar dekho
hovaa jaataa hei ab waqt-e-saHar dekho
jafaa-joo de gayaa dard-e-jagar dekho
use dekho nah ab uski kamar dekho
rah-e-hasti nahiN hei moAtabar dekho
kahaaN tak saath de zaad-e-safar dekho
Adaawat khel hei baazegaraoN kaa saa
Bhali lagti hei ulfat kii Dagar dekho
Taghaaful hii sahi andaaz-e-jaanaanah
Miraa bhii iZTiraab-e-chashm-e-tar dekho
dilaoN ne TooTkar Haalat bayaaN kardi
duAaa meiN aagayaa khud hii acar dekho
nah poocho ham pah Dhaaye heiN sitam kis ne
bhaTakte kab se heiN ham dar badar dekho
Ajab hei zindagi kaa imtiHaaN :Nazir:
Nah dekhi jaaye hei dunyaa magar dekho.
=======
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
mohtaram Nazir saahab,
aadaab,
maiN buaht mamnoon hooN aap kee ke aap ne na sirf meree ghazal paRhee aur isey ta'rifee aNdaaz meN saraahaa!
iss behr meN meree ye pehli koshish hai. aur jahaaN tak mujhey yaad paRtaa hai maiN ne aik aadh kalaam paRh rakhaa hai iss behr meN magar kis shaa'ir kaa, ye yaad naheeN hai.
isee behr meN aap kee ghazal bhee paRhee jo ke buhat dilkash aur pur.acar kalaam hai. daad haazir hai.
Aap aur janaab Sarwar saaheb ke tabsaroN se buhat kuch seekhane ko miltaa hai.
buaht shukriya
mukhliS
Naheed
------------------------
makaaN badlaa hai par manzar naheeN badlaa
miree tanhaayee kaa bistar naheeN badlaa
mat^la' achh`aa hai. pasand aayaa. daad! waise meraa Khayaal hai keh :bistar: kee bajaaYe aap ke qalam se koyee aur lafz^ nikaltaa to behtar hotaa!
daad kaa shukriya, aap kaa kehnaa bajaa hai, maiN ne iss lafz par buhat ghaur kiyaa thaa, magar kuch mutabaadil lafz zehn meN hi naheeN aa kar diyaa, iss liye ise fil.vaqt tau rehne diyaa hai magar maiN mazeed sochati hooN ke iss kee mazeed behtar shakl kyaa ho sakti hai.
------------------------------
hai chashm.e.khavaab tau roshan sitaaroN see
magar taarikiyoN ne ghar naheeN badlaa
:taareekiyoN ne gh`ar naheeN badlaa: kaa kyaa mat^lab hai? mazeed yeh keh :chashm-e-Khwaab: ke kyaa ma'nee haiN? :chashm-e-Khwaab-aaloodah: aur :chashm-e-Khwaab-aageeN: to dekh`e haiN lekin :chashm-e-Khwaab: naheeN dekh`aa. ma'nee ke e'tibaar se bh`ee :Khwaab kee aaNkh: mo'tabar naheeN hai. aap ke paas koyee sanad ho to likh`eN. is Soorat meN maiN apne e'tiraaZ^ se faura" rujoo' kar looN gaa!
dar.asl maiN :khawaab bhari aaNkeN: kehnaa chaah rahi thee magar uss waqt saheeH alfaaz zehn meN naheeN aaye, chashm.e.Khawab-aageeN: zehn meN thaa, magar vazn par nahi aa rahaa thaa, bahar haal diakhti hooN isey.
buhat shukriya!
-------------------------------------
abhee tak maiN gumaaN ke daa'iroN meN hooN
abhee taqdeer kaa chakkar naheeN badlaa
she'r Th`eek hai. pehlaa miSra' qadre sust hai. aap behtar samajh`tee haiN.
----------------------------
mire andar ki laRkee mar chukee kab kee
havaa'oN kaa magar tewar naheeN badlaa
awwal to maZ^moon kuch ziyaadah hee :aazaad: (yaa :modern:?) hai. doosre yeh keh :andar kee laRkee: kee maut se :hawaa,oN: kaa kyaa ta,a'lluq hai? agar :laRkee kee maut: huyee to :muqaddar: ke tewar kaa Zikr ziyaadah munaasib hotaa!
pata nahi ye mazmoon aazaad/jaded hai yaa naheeN, magar maiN ne tau nazm kar liyaa isey
haaN, havaa’oN kee nisbat :muqaddar: zeyaadah behtar hai, jaane mere zehn meN kyoN naheeN aayaa. Khair ab badal letee hooN, shukriya!
--------------------------------
tujhey kis aas par aawaaz detee maiN?
tiraa tau guNbad.e.be.dar naheeN badlaa
chaleN aik she’r tau paas huvaa :)
----------------------------------
bhale baahar se voh yaksar badal jaaye
magar uss kaa abhee andar naheeN badlaa
:bhale: ke ba'd :hee: kee Z^aroorat hai. doosre yeh keh :andar badalnaa: Ghair-faSeeH muHaawirah hai. agar aap is ko rakh`naa hee chaahatee haiN to pehlaa miSra' yooN soch saktee haiN:
bh`ale hee dekh`ne meN woh badal jaaYe
aap yaqeen kijiye, iss misre kee bunat se maiN khud bhee mutma’in naheeN thee, magar aap ke mutabaadil misre’ ne tau meree mushkil hi hal kar dee hai , aur iss ke liye behad shukriya!
--------------------------------
sutoon.e.jism se lipTaa huvaa :Naheed:
woh banjar mosamoN kaa Dar naheeN badlaa
pehlee baat to yeh keh :sutoon: se :t^aaqat, quwaat, maZ^boot^ee: kaa tasawwur qaa,im hotaa hai, :kamzoree: kaa naheeN! doosree baat yeh keh :sutoon-e-jism: se :banjar mausam ke Dar: kaa lipaT jaanaa ya'nee kyaa? aap Ghaur kareN gee to bunat aur alfaaz^ kee kamzoree Khud hee a'yaaN ho jaaYe gee. do mutabaadil (aur mumkin!) SoorateN likh` rahaa hooN. aage aap soch saktee haiN.
sawaad-e-rooH par ph`ilaa huwaa Naheed
miree har saaNs se lipTaa huwaa Naheed
hmmmmm, aap ne baat theek hee kee hai, maiN agar apne khayaal kee daleel dooN gee tau zaahir hai voh kamzor hi ho gee, lehaza maiN chup chaap aap kee dee gayee 2 SooratoN meN se pehle misre ke saath she’r badal letee hooN.
Waisey agar naa.gavaar na ho tau meree daleel bhee sun hi leN
Jaisey ke :sutoon: ke ma’ni taaqat, quwwat, mazbootee se maakhooz haiN, :sutoon.e.jism: ko maiN ne apne :wujood: ke tau par iste’maal kiyaa jo ke be.had mazboot aur taaqatwar hai magar phir bhee na phalne poolane waali/baNjar rutoN,mosamoN kaa Dar nahi jaa rahaa hai.
-----------------------------
aap kaa meree raaYe se ittifaaq Z^arooree naheeN hai!
janaab Itnee achee baateN bataa kar aap ab ye tau na kaheN naa ke aap kee raaYe se mutafiq honaa Zaroori naheeN hai
maiN aap ke iss tanqeed/tabsare ke liye waqayee be.had mamnoon hooN. maiN iss baat kaa Aiteraaf tau karti hooN ke mujhe ab mazeed mutaalea kee zaroorat hai ke pehle kaa paRhaa huvaa mavaad ab kaafi naheeN hai. yahaaN par rehte huve yahi tau masala hai ke kitaabeN naheeN mil sakteeN, ab Pakistan kaa chakkar lage tau kitaabeN bhee aayen. Khair, aap kaa aik baar phir shukriya!
