Ghalib ki zameen meiN eik ghazal--a tribute

[Shafeeq]

ehl-e-bazm

aadaab-o-tasleemaat.

Ghalib ki zameen meiN (unki barsi ke mauqe par)
ghazal kehne ki koshish maine ki thhi. mulaheza farmaiye:



denge na bosa keh diya, pher ke muNh zara, ke yuN
chheD ke humne le liya bosa-e-na_rava, ke yuN

qalb-o-jigar ko thhaam luN teri nazar ke saamne
chashm-e-karam ka vaasta, teer woh ik chalaa, ke yuN

aaina gar samet le un ke badan ke aks ko
us ko raqeeb jaan ke, denge na hum giraa, ke yuN

baandhna sau tareeq se gesu meiN gardishoN ko woh
aake mere qareeb phir karna woh kham ko waa, ke yuN

khwaab-o-khayaal ho gaya, unki nazar se bhi gira
ankhoN meiN khar tha raqeeb, kaNta nikal gaya, ke yuN

"Qibla numa" hai qibla gar,ka'ba hai kya? tawaf kya?
khud hai khuda khuda numa,kashf-e-nazar bata ke yuN

keeje Asad ke shayroN se vird-e-zabaan-e-zindagi
leeje Shafeeq musta'Ar nuskha-e-kiimiya, ke yuN

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Shafeeq SaaHib,

Pahli baar aap is meHfil meiN tashreef laaye aur hameN apne kalaam se bhi navaazaa. Ham aapka tah-e-dil se istiqbaal karte heiN aur ummeed karte heiN keh apni giraaNqadr takhleeqaat se navaazte rahenge.

Aapki ghazal ne khaaksar ko bahut kuch souchne per majboor kiyaa, jaise yeh keh aap ne itni sanglaakh zameen kiyuN ikhtiyaar ki wo bhi pahli baar urdubandhan per aate hi? Aur jaise kyaa aap is ghazal kii radeef aur qaafiyaoN ke saath inSaaf karsakenge? Waghairah waghairah.

Aapki ghazal per kuch kehne se pahle maiN Prof. Saleem Chishti kii kitaab SharH-e-Deewaan-e-Ghalib meiN peshkardah sharH se iqtibaasaat kaa zikr karungaa.

GHALIB ki Ghazal kaa maTlaA aur SharH kaa mafhoom:

ghuncha-e-naashiguftah ko door se mat dikhaa ke yooN
bouse ko poochtaa hooN maiN, moNh se mujhe bataa ke yooN.

Pahle miSreA ki ibaarat mukammal hourahi hei "tuu mujhe nashiguftah ghuncha dikhaakar yeh samjhaane ki koushish na kar ke bousah isko kehte heiN"
Doosre miSreA meiN "bouse ko poochtaa hooN maiN" se pahle miSreA kaa taAalluq paidaa kiyaa gayaa hei. YaAni "maiN bouse ko poochtaa hooN aur tuu mujhe door se nashiguftah ghunchah dikhaakar samjhaane kii koushish karrahaa hei ke yooN houtaa hei". Aur doosre miSreA ki takmeel yooN houti hei "moNh se mujhe bataa ke yooN" . Is TukRe kaa mafhoom yeh bhi housaktaa hei "mujhe apne moNh se vazaaHat karke bataa ke bousah yooN houtaa hei" aur yeh bhii housakti hei ke "mujhe bousah lekar yaa dekar Amali Taur per yeh bataa ke bousah yooN houtaa hei".

Mandarja-e-baalaa ibaarataoN ke izhaar se meraa maqSad yeh hei ke Ghalib ne is zameen kaa khaaTirkhwaah Haq adaa kiyaa hei. Isi ki raushni meiN aapki ghazal ke ashAaar kaa tajziyah karte heiN.

Aapki ghazal:

denge na bosa keh diya, pher ke muNh zara, ke yuN
chheD ke humne le liya bosa-e-na_rava, ke yuN

Is meiN koii shak nahiN ke pahle miSreA meiN aap ne qaafiye aur radeef kaa mukammal Haq adaa kardiyaa, waah waah. Doosre miSreA meiN "chaiRke hum ne le liyaa bousa-e-naaravaa" se pahle miSreA se taAalluq bhi paidaa hourahaa hei lekin radeef bechaari tanhaa khaRi houi hei. Aisaa kiyuN? Jee kiyunke "cheD ke" se baat nahiN ban paarahi hei. Agar aap kehte "jabr se" to radeef khud bakhud taabeAdaar houjaati.
qalb-o-jigar ko thhaam luN teri nazar ke saamne
chashm-e-karam ka vaasta, teer woh ik chalaa, ke yuN
Bahut khoob, waah waah, kyaa kehne.

aaina gar samet le un ke badan ke aks ko
us ko raqeeb jaan ke, denge na hum giraa, ke yuN
Is sheAr meiN aap kehrahe heiN (aayienah agar unke badan ke Aaks ko sameT le, us aayeeneh ko raqeeb jaan ker ham giraa nahiN denge. Aap hi bataayiye ab maiN "keh yuN" se kis ibaarat ki takmeel karuN. Chaliye, micaal ke Taur per ham Ghalib ka aek aur sheAr lete heiN: "raat ke waqt mai piye saath raqeeb ko liye……….aaye wo yaaN khudaa kare per nah kare khudaa ke yuN". Is sheAr ko nacr meiN yooN keh sakte heiN (wo khuda kare yahaN aaye lekin yooN nah aaye ke wo raqeeb ke saath hou aur nasha ki Haalt meiN hou. Aapke baaqi ashAar ko maiN aap hii ki fikr per chouRtaa hooN aur mujhe yaqeeN hei ke mujh se ziyaadah behtar Taur per samajh sakeNge.
=========
Baghair tabSireh ke ghazal ke baaqi ashAar
baandhna sau tareeq se gesu meiN gardishoN ko woh
aake mere qareeb phir karna woh kham ko waa, ke yuN

khwaab-o-khayaal ho gaya, unki nazar se bhi gira
ankhoN meiN khar tha raqeeb, kaNta nikal gaya, ke yuN

kijiye Asad ke shayroN se vird-e-zabaan-e-zindagi
lijiye Shafeeq musta'Ar nuskha-e-kiimiya, ke yuN
======
Note: MaiN is baat kaa iqraar kartaa hooN ke is zameen meiN agar maiN bhi kuch sheAr kehne ki koushish karuN tou aap ne jaise ashAar kaheNge waise bhi nah keh paaoongaa.
Baharhaal meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye aur apne kalaam se aayindah bhi navaazte rehiye.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[jawaid badauni]

ehl-e-bazm

aadaab-o-tasleemaat.
Ghalib ki zameen meiN (unki barsi ke mauqe par)
ghazal kehne ki koshish maine ki thhi. mulaheza farmaiye:



denge na bosa keh diya, pher ke muNh zara, ke yuN
chheD ke humne le liya bosa-e-na_rava, ke yuN

qalb-o-jigar ko thhaam luN teri nazar ke saamne
chashm-e-karam ka vaasta, teer woh ik chalaa, ke yuN

aaina gar samet le un ke badan ke aks ko
us ko raqeeb jaan ke, denge na hum giraa, ke yuN

baandhna sau tareeq se gesu meiN gardishoN ko woh
aake mere qareeb phir karna woh kham ko waa, ke yuN

khwaab-o-khayaal ho gaya, unki nazar se bhi gira
ankhoN meiN khar tha raqeeb, kaNta nikal gaya, ke yuN

kijiye Asad ke shayroN se vird-e-zabaan-e-zindagi
lijiye Shafeeq musta'Ar nuskha-e-kiimiya, ke yuN

Mohtarmee Shafeeq SaHab,
Aadaab

Sub se pahle to maiN Urdu Bandhan meN aap ka dili istaqbal karta hooN. Khooshamdeed. Ummid hai aap is bazm meN sargarm raheNge aur aapka kalame balaGhatnizaam gaahe maahe nazar nawaaz hoga.

Aapki himmat ki daad deta hooN. Awwal to Chachaa Ghalib ki zameen meN qalam ka hal chalana hi koii aasaan kaam nahiN phir aap ne chunee bhi woh zameen to "radeef" ke peshe nazar kuch ziyadah hi dushwar hai. "Ke YooN" ko nibhana itna aasaan kaam nahiN.

Ghazal pasand aaii bohat mehnat ki hai aap ne. Meri daad qubool kijiye. Maqtey meN aapne zaroorte sheiree ke muTabiq "leeje" aur "keeje" alfaz astiamal kiye haiN jo yaqeenan baja aur durust hai magar type karte waqt aap "leejiye" aur "keejiye" hi type kar gaye haiN. Isey "edit" se durst kar deejiyega. Leejiye aur leeje donoN hi alfaz durust haiN magar jis wazn meN istaimal kiye gaye hain oosee wazn meN likhna ziyada achcha lagega. Agar is mashwarey se aap muttafiq nahiN to isey nazar andaz kar deeejiyega, mera Khyaal ghalat bhi ho sakta hai.

Khair andesh,

Jawaid Badauni
Muscat - Oman

[khozema husaini]

janab shafeeqsaheb
aadaab
khushaamadeed
aapki ghazal paRhi aur mohtaram janab nazir saheb aur jawaid badayuni saheb ka tabsara bhi dekha is liye ab aur kuchh kehna meri bisaat sebaher ki baa thai bus meri janib se daad qubool farmayen
Husaini

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Shafeeq saHib

salaam arz hai

sab se pehle to mehfil mein khush.aamdeed.

Ghalib is mushkil zameen meiN aap ki ghazal dekhi, aap ki kaawish laaiqa-e-sad aafreen-o-sitaaish hai.

zameen ke saath saath ye beHr bhi bahot mushkil hai, aur bahot kam sho'araa is meiN taba'aazmaai karte haiN.

is liye meri jaanib se aik kaamiyaab kawish per bharpoor daad qubool farmaaiN.

umeed hai apna kalaam yooN hi sunaate raheN ge

amjad

[Shafeeq]

mohibbi Nazir saheb,

kuch naguzeer masroofiyaat ki bina par haazir-e-bazm na ho saka.
aap ne khaaksaar ki ghazal ko baRHi mushfiqaana nazar se dekha, raye qaayam ki aur rush_haat-e-qalam ko supurd-e-bazm kiya.is ke liye aap bajaa taur par mere mukhlisaana shukriye ke mustahaq haiN.
aap ne mere do asha'ar ko apne taaziyaana-e-islaah se saabit qadam aur raah-e-mustaqeem par gaamzan karne ki mukhlisaana koshish ki hai. doosra shayr jo alaamat-e-istefhaamiya ke sahwan adam istemaal ki vajeh se qadre mukhtalif mafhoom adaa karta hua nazar aata hai, is par aap ki giraft bajaa hai. maine sawaaliya andaaz meiN kaha hai ke agar aaine jaisi bejaan cheez bhi hamare mehboob ke jism ko samet le tau kya hum use raqeeb tasavvur karte hu'e (is tarah) gira na denge?
raha sawaal matle par aitatraaz ka tau misra-e-uula tau aap se saad haasil kar chuka hai, misra-e-saani ke talluq se aap ke do aitaraazaat haiN. awwalan "chheD ke" ki jagah "jabr se" ki tarkeeb zyaada munasib thhi, saaniyan radeef ka istemaal mehaz bara-e-radeef ho kar rah gaya hai. pehle aitaraaz ke jawab meiN istedlaal arz-e-khidmat hai ke lafz "chheD" rishta-e-mohabbat ke manaafi nahiN hota. kyoN ke chheD-chhaaD aashiq-o-maashooq ka mehboob-o-marghoob mashghala hai jis ki saan tegh-e-ishq ko mazeed jauhardaar karti hai. asaatzaa ke paas is tarah ki misaaleN kasrat se nazar aati haiN.maslan:
yaar se chheD chali jaaye Asad(Ghalib)
****
khataa saabit karenge aur unko khoob chheDenge
suna hai unko ghusse mein lipat jaane ki aadat hai (Rind Lucknawi)

tau is tarah aap ne mulahezaa farmaaya ke lafz "chheD" shokhi ke liye istemaal hota hai jo aashiq mehboob ki sharm-o-hayaa ke radd-e-amal ke taur par ikhtiyaar karta hai aur mere shayr meiN yeh donoN baateiN aa gayi haiN. misra-e-uula meiN mehboob ka muNh pherna sharm-o-hayaa ki alaamat hai aur chheDkar bosa lena aashiq ki shokhi hai jo mehboob ki sharm ka radd-e-amal hai. mazeed bar_aaN 'jabr' ka istemaal mazhab-e-shayr meiN na_jaez-o-mamnooA hai kyoN ke 'jabr' istelaah-e-jurm hai. raha sawaal radeef ke tanha hone ka tau yeh aitaraz is liye mahall-e-nazar hai ke aashiq amalan bosa le kar bata raha hai "ke yuN".
aap ka yeh farmaana ke agar aap bhi is zameen meiN ghazal kehte tau shaayad is se achhe shayr na keh paate, mehaz aap ki aali_zarfi par mahmool kiya ja sakta hai
khaak_paa-e-shoAra,
Shafeeq Ahmed

[Shafeeq]

Mukurrami Jawed Badayuni Saheb, Mohtaram Khozema Hussaini Saheb aur Janab Ibn-e-Siddique Saheb,
Aap hazraat ne meri ghazal mulaheza farmaayi aur fauran se peshtar gul_haa-e-tahseen-o-tauseef se khaaksaar ke mashaam-e-jaaN ko mu'Attar farmaaya jo na sirf meri izzat_afzaai hai balke mustaqbil ki samt meiN meri raftaar-e-shabdeez-e-fan meiN behtari aur tezi ka sabab bhi hogi. maiN aap hazraat ki karam_farmaaiyoN ka intehaai mamnoon huN.
khaaksaar
Shafeeq Ahmed

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Shafeeq SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapki tashreeH-e-sukhan paRhkar bahut khushi houi ke meri Aql-e-khaam ko aapke mafhoom-e-kalaam tak rasaayi meiN diqqat pesh aayi thii.

Ibtidaa hi se aapki ghazal per kuch likhte houe yooN meHsoos hourahaa thaa ke apni kam-ilmi ke baavajood khaamah farsaayi kii jasaarat karrahaa thaa. Waise mujh se jo kuch be-adabi sarzad houi wo sharH-e-deewaan-e-Ghalib kaa nateejah thi.

Aap ne meri dalaayil ko rad karte houe jo kuch farmaayaa hei yaqeenan mere liye aek mashAal-e-raah se kam nahiN. Apni maAloomaat meiN izaafah karne kii koushish karungaa taake adabi guftgu meiN izhaar-e-khayaal karne se pahle apni tangiy-e-bisaaT-e-fikr o fehm kaa jaayizah le sakuN aur sharH o basT ki baag Door ko haath se nah jaane dooN.

Chaliye, Khudaa kaa shukr hei ke hamaare darmiyaan aap jaisi Aalim o FaaZil shakhsiyat maujood heiN aur hameN bahut kuch seekhne ko milegaa.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.