Wo kehtay haiN maiN kitna kam sukhan hooN

[ahm4me]

Azeezaan e Mehfil
Taslimaat

Apni aik ghazal aap ki mehfil main pesh kernay ki jisaarat ker raha hoon, umeed hay pasand aay gi. Aap kee araa ka intizaar rahay ga.

Mukhlis
Muhammad Ahmed

GHAZAL

Be bal o par, shikasta jaan o tan hooN
Magar perwaz maiN apni magan hooN

Khud apni dhoop main jalta raha hooN
Khud apni zaat pe saaya figan hooN

MaiN dewaaroN se bataiN ker raha hooN
Wo kehtay haiN maiN kitna kam sukhan hooN

Wo kab ka manziloN ka ho chuka hay
MaiN jis ka muntazir hooN, khema zan hooN

Bala ki dhoop ne chaTkha dia hay
MaiN jaisay kachi mitti ka badan hooN

Sitam gar ho ke wo shikwa-kunaN hay
MaiN ke ab bhi jabeen-e-be shikan hooN

Ye main kia hogaya hoon tujh se mil ke
Ke khushbu hooN, sitara hooN, pawan hooN

JunooN ki ik girah mujh per khuli hay
to sarshaari ke Khat pe gaamzan hooN

Rahi hijrat sada mansoob mujh se
Watan maiN ho ke :Ahmed: be watan hooN

Muhammad Ahmed
Apirl 2006

[Sarwar A. Raz]

mukarramee Muhammad Ahmad SaaHeb:aadaab!

aap kee yeh jadeed raNg kee Ghazal achh`ee lagee. maZ^aameen meN nudrat hai aur bayaan meN taazagee. meree daad HaaZ^ir hai. qubool farmaa,iYe! shuriyah!

Ghazal par tafSeel se guftgoo kaa mauqa'h naheeN hai. haaN do (2) maqaamaat kee t^araf aap kee tawajjuh kaa t^aalib hooN jahaaN Huroof yooN dab rahe haiN keh aise nah dabnaa hee mustaHsin th`aa. ek naz^ar aur dekh` lene meN harj naheeN hai.
----------------------------------
Be bal o par, shikasta jaan o tan hooN
Magar perwaz maiN apni magan hooN
Note: b'baal o par (likhnaa chaahiye thaa)....Nazir.

:be baal: meN :yaa-e-majhool: (baRee ye) hai aur :be: ko :bay: kee t^araH paRhaa jaaYe gaa. wazn barqaraar rakh`ne ke liYe miSre' meN us ko :bi: kehnaa paR rahaa hai. :ye: kaa dabnaa sunaa hai lekin aisaa dabnaa ke :be-baal: bigaR kar :wabaal: ke wazn par ho jaaYe naheeN dekh`aa.
--------------------
Sitam gar ho ke wo shikwa-kunaN hay
MaiN ke ab bhi jabeen-e-be shikan hooN

yahaaN bhee :maiN keh: ko :maikay: kehne se hee wazn pooraa hotaa hai. in maqaamaat ko dekh` leN to kyaa buraa hai?

ummeed hai keh koyee baat naa-gawaar naheeN guZree ho gee.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[ahm4me]

ahmed sahib,

adaab arz hei.

waah! ghazal bohat pasand aayi. sabhi ashaar ache hain khaas

chund ashaar ko kai baar paRhi.

daad o mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.

sara

Mohtaram Sara Sahiba,
Adab

Ghazal aap ko pasand aai mujhay behad khushi hay, Is Pazeerai ka bohat shukria, umeed hay ainda bhi isi tarah apni aara se nawazti rahain gi.

Shukria,

Mukhlis,
Muhammad Ahmed.

[ahm4me]

mukarramee Muhammad Ahmad SaaHeb:aadaab!

aap kee yeh jadeed raNg kee Ghazal achh`ee lagee. maZ^aameen meN nudrat hai aur bayaan meN taazagee. meree daad HaaZ^ir hai. qubool farmaa,iYe! shuriyah!

Ghazal par tafSeel se guftgoo kaa mauqa'h naheeN hai. haaN do (2) maqaamaat kee t^araf aap kee tawajjuh kaa t^aalib hooN jahaaN Huroof yooN dab rahe haiN keh aise nah dabnaa hee mustaHsin th`aa. ek naz^ar aur dekh` lene meN harj naheeN hai.
----------------------------------
Be bal o par, shikasta jaan o tan hooN
Magar perwaz maiN apni magan hooN
Note: b'baal o par (likhnaa chaahiye thaa)....Nazir.

:be baal: meN :yaa-e-majhool: (baRee ye) hai aur :be: ko :bay: kee t^araH paRhaa jaaYe gaa. wazn barqaraar rakh`ne ke liYe miSre' meN us ko :bi: kehnaa paR rahaa hai. :ye: kaa dabnaa sunaa hai lekin aisaa dabnaa ke :be-baal: bigaR kar :wabaal: ke wazn par ho jaaYe naheeN dekh`aa.
--------------------
Sitam gar ho ke wo shikwa-kunaN hay
MaiN ke ab bhi jabeen-e-be shikan hooN

yahaaN bhee :maiN keh: ko :maikay: kehne se hee wazn pooraa hotaa hai. in maqaamaat ko dekh` leN to kyaa buraa hai?

ummeed hai keh koyee baat naa-gawaar naheeN guZree ho gee.

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Mohtaram Janab Sarwar A. Raz Sahib
Aadaab

Nau mashq aur urooz se wajbi waqfiat honay ke naatay is bar ghazal main kuch kami reh gai (aur ye ghazal kisi ko dikha bhi nahi saka). Mehfil-e-Ahbab main ghazal bhejnay ka ye faida to bahar haal hota hay ke Ahbaab main se koi na koi khamioN ki nishandahi ker deta hay.

Is ghazal main khush naseebi ye rahi ke urooz ki khamioN ne aap (Sarwar A. Raz “Sarwar” Saaheb) ko na cheez ki ghazal ki taraf multafit ker dia, Aur pehli baar meri ghazal ko aap ki reh numai hasil hui. Urooz ki ye ghaltioN iss baar acchhi lagiN kioN ke agar urooz ki ye ghaltiaN na hoti to main is rehnumai se bhi mehroom rehta.

Sab se phelay to main aap ka be had shukar guzaar hoon ke aap ne ghazal ko apni khas tawajja se nawaaza, meri adna kawish ko saraha aur rehnumai bhi farmai.

Shuru shuru main mat’la kuch yoon tha:

Shikasta per, shikasta jan-o-tan hooN
Magar perwaaz main apni magan hooN

Lafz shikasta ki takrar ki waja se issay tabdeel ker dia tha jo ke kharij-az-behar hogaya, main aap ka mamnoon hooN ke aap ne nishandahi farmai. Pehlay misray ka naimul badal abhi zair-e-ghor hay.

Doosray shair ko aap ki nishandahi ke baad kuch yoon tarteeb dia hay.

“Sitam gar ho ke bhi shikwa kunaN wo
Yeh maiN hooN ke jabeen-e-be-shikan hooN”

Aap se nazr-e-cani ki darkhwast hay.

Shukria,

Mukhlis,
Muhammad Ahmed.

[yasir shah]

muHtaram janaab Ahmed SaaHib!
assalamOlaikuM

sab se pehle to aap apne is jumle peh meree taraf se daad qubool keejiye

Urooz ki ye ghaltioN iss baar acchhi lagiN kioN ke agar urooz ki ye ghaltiaN na hoti to main is rehnumai se bhi mehroom rehta.

ab kuCh Ghazal ke Hawaale se baat ho jaa.ay :


GHAZAL

Be bal o par, shikasta jaan o tan hooN
Magar perwaz maiN apni magan hooN

waah !

Khud apni dhoop main jalta raha hooN
Khud apni zaat pe saaya figan hooN

kyaa kehne !

MaiN dewaaroN se bataiN ker raha hooN
Wo kehtay haiN maiN kitna kam sukhan hooN

janaab ! bahut khoob -


Wo kab ka manziloN ka ho chuka hay
MaiN jis ka muntazir hooN, khema zan hooN

yeh bhi aChChaa hay-


Bala ki dhoop ne chaTkha dia hay
MaiN jaisay kachi mitti ka badan hooN

kyaa baat hay , janaab !


Sitam gar ho ke wo shikwa-kunaN hay
MaiN ke ab bhi jabeen-e-be shikan hooN

"meN keh" meN "meN" ko dabaa kar "keh" ko bar.wazn 2 karne ke liye Khenchne ki zeHmat gawaaraa karnee paR rahee hay ,,,meN doosre miSre' ko shaayed yooN kehtaa:

"meN to ab tak jabeen-e-be.shikan hooN"


Ye main kia hogaya hoon tujh se mil ke
Ke khushbu hooN, sitara hooN, pawan hooN

pehle miSre' ko yooN bhi kahaa jaa saktaa hay :
"mujhe kyaa ho gayaa hay tujh se mil kar"


JunooN ki ik girah mujh per khuli hay
to sarshaari ke Khat pe gaamzan hooN

Rahi hijrat sada mansoob mujh se
Watan maiN ho ke :Ahmed: be watan hooN

bahut khoob !



khush rahye
du'aago
yasir

[ahm4me]

muHtaram janaab Ahmed SaaHib!
assalamOlaikuM

Wa Alaikum Assalam

sab se pehle to aap apne is jumle peh meree taraf se daad qubool keejiye

Urooz ki ye ghaltioN iss baar acchhi lagiN kioN ke agar urooz ki ye ghaltiaN na hoti to main is rehnumai se bhi mehroom rehta.

ab kuCh Ghazal ke Hawaale se baat ho jaa.ay :[/color]


GHAZAL

Be bal o par, shikasta jaan o tan hooN
Magar perwaz maiN apni magan hooN

waah !

Khud apni dhoop main jalta raha hooN
Khud apni zaat pe saaya figan hooN

kyaa kehne !

MaiN dewaaroN se bataiN ker raha hooN
Wo kehtay haiN maiN kitna kam sukhan hooN

janaab ! bahut khoob -


Wo kab ka manziloN ka ho chuka hay
MaiN jis ka muntazir hooN, khema zan hooN

yeh bhi aChChaa hay-


Bala ki dhoop ne chaTkha dia hay
MaiN jaisay kachi mitti ka badan hooN

kyaa baat hay , janaab !


Sitam gar ho ke wo shikwa-kunaN hay
MaiN ke ab bhi jabeen-e-be shikan hooN

"meN keh" meN "meN" ko dabaa kar "keh" ko bar.wazn 2 karne ke liye Khenchne ki zeHmat gawaaraa karnee paR rahee hay ,,,meN doosre miSre' ko shaayed yooN kehtaa:

"meN to ab tak jabeen-e-be.shikan hooN"

Is shair ki nai soorat Janab Sarwar Sahib ko diay gaye reply main mojood hay


Ye main kia hogaya hoon tujh se mil ke
Ke khushbu hooN, sitara hooN, pawan hooN

pehle miSre' ko yooN bhi kahaa jaa saktaa hay :
"mujhe kyaa ho gayaa hay tujh se mil kar"


JunooN ki ik girah mujh per khuli hay
to sarshaari ke Khat pe gaamzan hooN

Rahi hijrat sada mansoob mujh se
Watan maiN ho ke :Ahmed: be watan hooN

bahut khoob !



khush rahye
du'aago
yasir

Mohtaram Janab Yasir Shah Sahib
Adab

Ghazal ke baray main aap ke taacurat paRh ker khushi hui, Aap ki tamam tar pazeerai ke liay main aap ka mamnoon hooN. Umeed hay ainda bhi isi tarah likhtay rahaiN ge.

shukria,

Mukhlis,
Muhammad Ahmed.