Tarahi Guz#16

[zmufti]

Ahl-e-Bazm
aadaab
apni aik adna si ghazal mushairey maiN pesh kar rahi hoN
umeed hai aap sab apni aaraa se aagaah karieN ge
regards
zmufti

1. soz jab dil maiN nahiN aah bhee dilgeer nahiN
Kyaa ajab hai keh tirre naaloN maiN taaceer nahiN

2. kyoN tirri nazroN maiN meri koi tauqeer nahiN
“kyaa mire dil meiN tire Husn ki taSveer nahiN”

3. soch pehroN maiN hai go paaoN maiN zanjeer nahiN
be basi apni magar laaiq-e-tasheer nahiN

4. dil pe nakaam umeedoN ke andheray chaaye
aarzoo ki lau nahiN aas ki tanveer nahiN

5. goonge behray saayoN se kaise kahieN ham haal-e-dil
Qaid-e-tanhaai se barh kar koi taazeer nahin

6. ik shahar apney haseeN khawaboN se aabaad kiyya
ab mirre naam wahaN koi bhee jaageer nahiN

7. kyoN khata kaar huay jo rah-e-ulfat pe chale
kyaa muhabbat se bari duniya maiN taqseer nahiN

8. ham khushi se maut ke pehlo maiN so jaate magar
Maut bhee beemari-e-dil maiN to akseer nahiN

9. Zulm ki chakki maiN ham piste rahieN sadioN talak
loh-e-mehfooz pe aisi koi tehreer nahiN

[Mahtab Qadr]

Zarqa jee Walaikum aadab
aapki kamyaab koshish par dili mubarakbaad. aapne bahut achi tarah qawafi nibhaye haiN.
baaz bateiN jo dobara ghaur karne ki haiN :
sher no. 2 mai aapne kaha , jiski nacr yoN hosakti hai ke agarmere dil mai mere husn ki tasveer ho to teri nazroN maiN meri tauqeer bhi hona chahiye.
mera khyal hai ke dil mai tauqeer ke lye husn ki tasveer hona zaroori nahi , maslan ham yahaN aik dosre ki tauqeer karte haiN izzat karte haiN. iska ye matlab shayed nahi ke ham aik dosre ke husn se mutassir haiN ya dil mai unki tasveer rakhte haN.

soch pehroN maiN hai go paaoN maiN zanjeer nahiN
be basi apni magar laaiq-e-tasheer nahiN
bahut acha sher hai, agar pahle misre ko yoN karleiN to baat ziada wazeh ho sakti hai
soch pe pehre haiN, go paoN maiN zaneer nahiN
be basi apni magar laaiq e tash heer nahiN

dil pe nakaam umeedoN ke andheray chaaye
aarzoo ki lau nahiN aas ki tanveer nahiN
dosra misra agar is tarah karlia jaye to munasib hoga
aarzooaN mai kahiN aas ki tavneer nahiN

goonge behray saayoN se kaise kahieN ham haal-e-dil
Qaid-e-tanhaai se barh kar koi taazeer nahin
qaid e tanhai agar ho to phir goonge bahre bhi nahi milte islye pahle misre ke khyal ko tabdeel kijye munasib hoga

ik shahar apney haseeN khawaboN se aabaad kiyya
ab mirre naam wahaN koi bhee jaageer nahiN
agar pahle misre ko zara sa badal deiN to wazan mai bhi ajaiyeg maslan
us ne ek shahr suna hai , nayaa abaad kiyya
ab mirre naam wahaaN koi bhee jaageer nahiN

ham khushi se maut ke pehlo maiN so jaate magar
Maut bhee beemari-e-dil maiN to akseer nahiN
wazan ka masala theek karleiN to munasib hoga

aakhri sher mai shayed thorhi si tarmeeem ki zaroorat ho.
MQ

Ahl-e-Bazm
aadaab
apni aik adna si ghazal mushairey maiN pesh kar rahi hoN
umeed hai aap sab apni aaraa se aagaah karieN ge
regards
zmufti

1. soz jab dil maiN nahiN aah bhee dilgeer nahiN
Kyaa ajab hai keh tirre naaloN maiN taaceer nahiN

2. kyoN tirri nazroN maiN meri koi tauqeer nahiN
“kyaa mire dil meiN tire Husn ki taSveer nahiN”

3. soch pehroN maiN hai go paaoN maiN zanjeer nahiN
be basi apni magar laaiq-e-tasheer nahiN

4. dil pe nakaam umeedoN ke andheray chaaye
aarzoo ki lau nahiN aas ki tanveer nahiN

5. goonge behray saayoN se kaise kahieN ham haal-e-dil
Qaid-e-tanhaai se barh kar koi taazeer nahin

6. ik shahar apney haseeN khawaboN se aabaad kiyya
ab mirre naam wahaN koi bhee jaageer nahiN

7. kyoN khata kaar huay jo rah-e-ulfat pe chale
kyaa muhabbat se bari duniya maiN taqseer nahiN

8. ham khushi se maut ke pehlo maiN so jaate magar
Maut bhee beemari-e-dil maiN to akseer nahiN

9. Zulm ki chakki maiN ham piste rahieN sadioN talak
loh-e-mehfooz pe aisi koi tehreer nahiN

[zmufti]

Mahtaab Saheb
aadaab
aap ke tabsarey ka shukria
aur ghalatioN ki nishandahi ka shukria
mushairey maiN shirkat ka maqsad hi abhee bahr ki mashq karna hai
agar munasib samjhieN to yeh taqtee dekh lijye aur ghalat rukan ki nishaandahi farma dijye shukria

Faa'ilaa'tun / fa'ilaa'tun / fa'ilaa'tun / fa'ilun
ik shahar ap/ney haseeN khawa/boN se aabaa/d kiyya

ham khushi se/ maut ke peh/lo maiN so jaa/te magar
Maut bhee bee/mari-e-dil/ maiN to aksee/r nahiN
regards
zmufti

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
zmufti SaaHibah,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut khoob hei jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

1. soz jab dil maiN nahiN aah bhee dilgeer nahiN
Kyaa ajab hai keh tirre naaloN maiN taaceer nahiN

2. kyoN tirri nazroN maiN meri koi tauqeer nahiN
“kyaa mire dil meiN tire Husn ki taSveer nahiN”

3. soch pehroN maiN hai go paaoN maiN zanjeer nahiN
be basi apni magar laaiq-e-tasheer nahiN

mandarja-e-baalaa ashAar vazn meiN heiN aur bahut achche heiN.

4. dil pe nakaam umeedoN ke andheray chaaye
aarzoo ki lau nahiN aas ki tanveer nahiN

is sheAr ka doosra miSraA beHr se khaarij hei.
Is miSreA ko yooN kardeN to vazn meiN aajaayegaa.
aarzoo ki nahiN lau, aas ki tanveer nahiN.

5. goonge behray saayoN se kaise kahieN ham haal-e-dil
Qaid-e-tanhaai se barh kar koi taazeer nahin

Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hei.
Isko yooN karsakti heiN:
goonge behare se kaheN Haal-e-pareshaaN kaise

6. ik shahar apney haseeN khawaboN se aabaad kiyya
ab mirre naam wahaN koi bhee jaageer nahiN

Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr hei.
Isko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
jis HaseeN shehr ko khwaabaoN se thaa aabaad kiyaa

7. kyoN khata kaar huay jo rah-e-ulfat pe chale
kyaa muhabbat se bari duniya maiN taqseer nahiN

is sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN lafz "dunyaa" ki alif ka saaqiT hounaa Theek nahiN. Is meiN lafz "dunyaa" ke bajaaye "dehr" banaadeN to behtar houjaayega.

8. ham khushi se maut ke pehlo maiN so jaate magar
Maut bhee beemari-e-dil maiN to akseer nahiN

is sheAr ke dounouN miSreAe be-beHr hougaye heiN. Is sheAr ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
khud bakhud maut ke pahlo meiN agar soujaayeN
maut beemaari-e-dil ke liye akseer nahiN.

9. Zulm ki chakki maiN ham piste rahieN sadioN talak
loh-e-mehfooz pe aisi koi tehreer nahiN

pahle miSreaA meiN lafz "talak" ko "tak" kardeejiye.

MaiN is kaamyaab kaavish per aapko dobaarah daad detaa hooN.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[zmufti]

Mohtaram Abdullah Nazir Saheb
Tasleemaat
aap ka buhat shukria keh aap ne meri ghazal ki janib tawajh farmaayii aur ghalatioN ki nishandahi ke saath islah bhee farma dee
Mahtaab saheb ke Tabsarey ke ba'ad maiN maiN bhee is per kuch ghour karti rahi ab aap ke mashwaroN ko mad-e-nazar rakhtey huay ghazal ko edit kar rahi hoN
aik baar phir aap ka shukria teh-e-dil se ada karti hoN
Wasalam
zmufti

1. soz jab dil maiN nahiN aah bhee dilgeer nahiN
Kyaa ajab hai keh tirre naaloN maiN taaceer nahiN

2. tirri nazroN maiN mirre jazboN ki tauqeer nahiN
“kyaa mire dil meiN tire Husn ki taSveer nahiN”

3. soch pehroN maiN hai go paaoN maiN zanjeer nahiN
be basi apni magar laaiq-e-tasheer nahiN

4. dil pe nakaam umeedoN ke andheray chaaye
Bujh gayyii aarzoo aur aas ki tanveer nahiN

5. Gham-e-furqat maiN tirri yaad ke pehrey ke tale
Qaid-e-tanhaai se barh kar koi taazeer nahin

6. jis HaseeN shehr ko khwaabaoN se thaa aabaad kiyaa
ab mirre naam wahaN koi bhee jaageer nahiN

7. kyoN khata kaar huay jo rah-e-ulfat pe chale
kyaa muhabbat se bari dahr maiN taqseer nahiN

8. khud bakhud maut ke pahlo meiN agar soujaayeN
or
bakhushi maut ke pahlo maiN bhee so jaate magar
maut beemaari-e-dil ke liye akseer nahiN.

9. Zulm ki chakki maiN ham piste rahieN sadioN tak
loh-e-mehfooz pe aisi koi tehreer nahiN