Nazir SaHeb kee zameen meN ma'moli si koshish.

Kuhnah mashq ShoAraa kaa kalaam jo beHr meiN hounaa zaroori hei

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Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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Nazir SaHeb kee zameen meN ma'moli si koshish.

Post by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar »

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a'zeezan-e-meHfil aadaab!

ek tazah Ghazal ke chand she'er dekhiye. jo Nazir SaHeb kee Ghazal kee zameen meN kahe gae haiN. jo un kee khidmat meN un kee aSal Ghazal kee kamyabee par pesh kar raha hooN.un kee Ghazal kee kamyabee aor maqbuliyat par aor kiya kaha ja sakta hai. ba'Z^ aoqat ilfaaz^ naheeN milte. lekin she'er ho jate haiN. :-) to yeh isee kefiyat ka iz^har kar rahe haiN.

shoa'lah-e-jaaN ko bujha kar chal diye.

khak-e-hastee ko uRa kar chal diye.


zindagee par aa'tbaar aata naheeN

naGhmah-e-jaaN hai to ga kar chal diye.


kaam akhir aageya khon-e-jigar

teree rahooN ko saja kar chal diye.


be wafa hai yeh bhee dunya kee t^arH

zindagee ko aazma kar chal diye.


bazm meN ham ko bulata kaon hai

bin bulae'e muNh uTha kar chal diye.


aaj tak beTha huwa hooN maiN waheeN

jin qit^arooN meN baTha kar chal diye.


naqsh-e-pa-e-raftagaaN jo bhee mile

apnee palkooN par saja kar chal diye.


maiN ne maNgee jab muHabbt par daleel

to isharooN meN bata kar chal diye.


mekade ka dar khula to mekhuwaar

laRkhaRa kar Dagmaga kar chal paRe.


maiN ne maNga jam kabhee bosah to woh

aae'nah mujh ko dikha kar chal diye.


bazm meN mujh ko bulaya bhee to kiya

mujh ko GhaerooN se mila kar chal diye.


ras aaee ham ko nah SubH-e-t^arab

shaam-e-Gham se jee lubha kar chal diye.


daar he jab apnee manzil hai to phir

taaj kaNTooN ka sja kar chal diye.


un ko marne kee mere de do khabar

teer-e-mizhgaaN jo chala kar chal diye.


jo koee namah tera laya kabhee

us ko kandhe par uTha kar chal diye.


qiSSah-e-bedaad-e-ulfat sun ke woh

muskurae'e muskura ke chal diye.


yeh shaheedan-e-wafa ka khon hai

aap mathe par laga kar chal diye.


bakht-e- khuftah kasah-e-sar dard-e-dil

jo bacha tha so uTha kar chal diye.


qafile bad-e-naseem-e-SubHke

mere gulshan ko jala kar chal diye.


jab kabhee naSeH ne ham ko dee Sada

jam-e-jam muNh ko laga kar chal diye.


jab bhee pohNche tere koche meN Sanam

khon meN ham to naha kar chal diye.


teree ruswaee ka har dam hai kheyaak

naqch-e-pa apne miTa kar chal diye.


aap kee ham par paRee nazr-e-karam

ham zamane bhar peh chah kar chal diye.


do ghaRee ko bazm meN aae thy aap

kese kese gul khila kar chal diye.


u'mr bhar laoTe nah wa'da kar ke aap

mujh ko sulee par chaRha kar chal diye.


ab kise ja kar sunaeeN majara

aap to daman bacha kar chal diya.


zalzale aese nah dekhe the kabhee

bastiyaaN saree gira kar chal diye.


inqalaab aae'e ga jab yeh mard-o-zan

rah-e-Haq meN sar kaTa kar chal diye.


jis kisee kee thee muz^affar yeh a't^a

zindagee us ko thama kar chal diye.
Last edited by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar on Fri Jun 23, 2006 6:19 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Abdullah Nazir
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Bahut khoob

Post by Abdullah Nazir »


MuHtarami
Muzaffar Ahmed Muzaffar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki is ghazal per kal hi nazar paRi jo bahut Taweel hei. Zaroorat hei keh is per tafSeeli nazar Daali jaaye lekin waqt is qadar tang hei ke aisaa kaam is waqt mushkil hei.

BaharHaal aapki yeh kaawish bhi laayiq-e-daad o teHseen hei.

Meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

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Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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shukria

Post by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar »

mokarram-o-moHtaram Janab AbdulAllah Nazir SaHeb tasleema! :-)

aap ka be Had mamnoon hoN keh aap ne apnee maSrufiyat meN se waqt nikaala aor Ghazal jo keh aap kee zameeN meN hoee thhe. ko dekha aor pasand farmaya.

meree to itnee khwahish Z^aroor thee keh aap kam az kam yeh Ghazal Z^aroor paRh leeN. aor khuda ne yeh khuwahish puree kee hai. lehazah ab maiN mut^mae'n hooN. :-)

khuda aap ko shabanah roor kawishooN ka yaqina" ajar a't^a farmaeeN ge. aap ke Haq meN dil dua'a go rehta hai. naSirf maiN balkeh degar afraad bhee aap ko apnee khaS dua'ooN meN yad karte hoNge.

khuda aap ko hameshah khush-o-khurram rakhe.

ijazat dujiye.
aap ka khadim
muzaffar aHmad muzaffar
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Abdullah Nazir
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TafSeeli TabSirah

Post by Abdullah Nazir »


MuHtarami
Muzaffar Ahmed Muzaffar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aaj aapki is ghazal per tafSeeli nazar Daalne kaa mauqaA haath lagaa hei, is liye HaaZir hougayaa. YooN to aapki ghazal majmooAi Taur per laayiq-e-daad o teHseen hei taaham apni aaraa kaa zikr Zaroori samajhtaa hooN.

MULAAHIZAAT:

shoa'lah-e-jaaN ko bujha kar chal di
khak-e-hastee ko uRa kar chal diye.


Waah waah bahut achchaa maTlaA hei.

zindagee par aa'tbaar aata naheeN
naGhmah-e-jaaN hai to ga kar chal diye.


Achcha sheAr hei, waah.

kaam akhir aageya khon-e-jigar
teree rahooN ko saja kar chal diye.


Bahut khoob, waah waah.

be wafa hai yeh bhee dunya kee t^arH
zindagee ko aazma kar chal diye.


Mazmoon bahut hi achchaa hei lekin meri nazar maiN agar yeh sheAr yooN houtaa to behtar thaa:
bewafaa hei zeest dunyaa kee TaraH
jaane waale aazmaakar chal diye.


bazm meN ham ko bulata kaon hai
bin bulae'e muNh uTha kar chal diye.


Seedhaa saadah achcha sheAr hei.

aaj tak beTha huwa hooN maiN waheeN
jin qit^arooN meN baTha kar chal diye.


Is sheAr meiN qiTaaraoN se mujhe ki nisbat ghair manoos lag rahi hei aur faa'Ail ghair mazkoor houne se bhalaa nahiN lag rahaa hei . Is liye behtar hougaa ke aap is sheAr ko yooN karleN:
aaj tak baiThe houe heiN ham vaheeN
jin SafaoN meiN wo biThaakar chal diye.


nqsh-e-pa-e-raftagaaN jo bhee mile
apnee palkooN par saja kar chal diye.


Bahut khoob, waah waah.

maiN ne maNgee jab muHabbt par daleel
to isharooN meN bata kar chal diye.


Pahle miSreA meiN muhabbat per ki bajaye "ki daleel" behtar hei. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "to" ki bajaaye "wo" behtar hei acchaa sheAr hei, waah waah..

mekade ka dar khula to mekhuwaar
laRkhaRa kar Dagmaga kar chal paRe.


Is sheAr meiN lafz "mekhwaar" kaa aSl talaffuz hei "mai-khaar" is liye miSraA be-beHr houraha hei. Doosri baat ye ke maikade meiN daakhil houte waqt laRkhaRaane aur Dagmagaane kaa sawaal nahiN paidaa houtaa. Is liyhe is sheAr ki behtar Soorat yooN hougi:
maikade se chal paRe maikhwaar yooN
laRkhaRa kar Dagmagaakar chal diye.


maiN ne maNga jam kabhee bosah to woh
aae'nah mujh ko dikha kar chal diye.


Pahle miSreA meiN "jab" ki bajaaye "jam" type hougayaa hei to ghalaT hei. SheAr achcha hei.

bazm meN mujh ko bulaya bhee to kiya
mujh ko GhaerooN se mila kar chal diye.


achcha sheAr hei, waah.

ras aaee ham ko nah SubH-e-t^arab
shaam-e-Gham se jee lubha kar chal diye.


Pahlaa miSraA be-beHr houraha hei. Isko yooN kardeejiye to Theek houjaayegaa:
kab mili hamko bhalaa SubH-e-Tarab

daar he jab apnee manzil hai to phir
taaj kaNTooN ka sja kar chal diye.


Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "manzil" ki bajaaye meri nazar meiN "qismat" behtar hei. Achchaa sheAr hei waah waah.

un ko marne kee mere de do khabar
teer-e-mizhgaaN jo chala kar chal diye.


Pahle miSreA meiN "mere" ko "mire" likhiye.
SheAr achchaa hei. Bahut khoob, waah waah.

jo koee namah tera laya kabhee
us ko kandhe par uTha kar chal diye.


Pahle miSreah meiN "tera" ko "tira" hounaa chaahiye. Waise "jo koee" bhee Theek nahiN lag rahaa hei. Pahle miSreA ki behtar shakl yooN housakti hei:
naamah-bar laayaa agar naamah tiraa

qiSSah-e-bedaad-e-ulfat sun ke woh
muskurae'e muskura ke chal diye.


Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSreA meiN kitaabat ki ghalaTi hei. "mskura ke" ko "muskuraa kar" banaadeejiye.

yeh shaheedan-e-wafa ka khon hai
aap mathe par laga kar chal diye.


Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "aap" se thouRaa saa ibhaam paidaa hourahaa hei. Behtar hougaa ke usko yooN kardeN:
tum jo maathe per lagaa kar chal diye
Bahut khoob, waah waah.
l
bakht-e- khuftah kasah-e-sar dard-e-dil
jo bacha tha so uTha kar chal diye.


waah waah.

qafile bad-e-naseem-e-SubHke
mere gulshan ko jala kar chal diye.


Waah waah, bahut khoob.

jab kabhee naSeH ne ham ko dee Sada
jam-e-jam muNh ko laga kar chal diye.


Is sheAr meiN "jaam-e-jam" kaa isqadar aasaani se moyassar hounaa Ajeeb sa maAloom houtaa hei. Is liye behtar hougaa ke aap "jaam-e-jam" ko "jaam-e-mai" banaadeN.

jab bhee pohNche tere koche meN Sanam
khon meN ham to naha kar chal diye.


Bahut khoob, waah waah. Doosre miSreA ki behtar shakl yooN housakti hei:
sar basar khooN meiN nahaa kar chal diye

teree ruswaee ka har dam hai kheyaak
naqch-e-pa apne miTa kar chal diye.


Bahut khoob, waah waah. Pahle miSreA ki behtar shakl yooN housakti hei:
teree ruswaayee ka har dam thaa khayaal

aap kee ham par paRee nazr-e-karam
ham zamane bhar peh chah kar chal diye.


achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

do ghaRee ko bazm meN aae thy aap
kese kese gul khila kar chal diye.


achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

u'mr bhar laoTe nah wa'da kar ke aap
mujh ko sulee par chaRha kar chal diye.


achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

ab kise ja kar sunaeeN majara
aap to daman bacha kar chal diya.


achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.

zalzale aese nah dekhe the kabhee
bastiyaaN saree gira kar chal diye.


waah, bahut khoob.

inqalaab aae'e ga jab yeh mard-o-zan
rah-e-Haq meN sar kaTa kar chal diye.


Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "jab" ki bajaaye "gar" banaadeejiye to sheAr ki Soorat behtar houjaayegi.

jis kisee kee thee muz^affar yeh a't^a
zindagee us ko thama kar chal diye.


achcha sukoon bakhsne waalaa maqTaA hei. Bahut khoob, waah waah.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

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Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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shukria

Post by Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar »

moHtaram janab AbdullAllah Nazir SaHeb!
tasleem arZ^ hai.

aap ka meree Ghazal par tafSilee tabSirah kee shakal meN aHsan bar-e-digar dekh kar dil khushee se jhoom uTha aor aaNkh mare khushee ke bar aaee.

aap ne yaqina" mere dil meN chupee tamanna ko jaan liya ho ga. aap ke yeh pur shafqt aHsanat ko nah bhula paoN ga.

khuda aap ko SeHet-o-salamatee walee lambee u'mr se nawaze. aap kee dilee muradeN poree kare. bandah ke pas bajuz dua'a kiya hai so jo hai HaZ^ir-e-khidmat hai.

pas inhee dua'aooN ke sath ijazat chahooN ga.

wassalam
aap ka khadim
muz^affar
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