salaam dosto,
aapkii Khidmat emN ek taraHii Ghazal pesh kar rahaa huN. mulaahizah farmaaiye. aapkii aaraa kaa muntazir rahuuNgaa.
Ghazal
1.
aap har ek se sunte haiN ta'alluq rakhte haiN
"yeh agar sach hai to, zaalim! ise kia kahte haiN?"
2.
tum jise kah do buraa, usko buraa kahte haiN
tum bhalaa kah do jise, usko bhalaa kahte haiN
3.
jo kabhii hamko na bhoole se bhalaa kahte haiN
na buraa unko kaheNge, na buraa kahte haiN
4.
aapke Husn ko ham maah_laqaa kahte haiN
aapkii zulf bikharne ko ghaTaa kahte haiN
5.
jinko andaaz-e-jafaa, naaz o adaa kahte haiN
unke aane ko jawaanii kii hawaa kahte haiN
6.
ho ke Khud parda_nashiiN kahtaa hai, "nahno aqrab!"
isii poshiida Haqeeqat ko Khudaa kahte haiN
7.
laakh jal, jal ke bujhe jaayeN magar Khud jal kar
raah dikhlaaye, use ham to diyaa kahte haiN
8.
dard-e-dil, ranj o alam, zaKhm-e-jigar, aah o foGhaaN
in 'inaayaat ko ulfat kii jazaa kahte haiN
9.
chain o aaraam o sukuuN, taab o tavaaN, sabr o qaraar
inko khone ko moHabbat kii jazaa kahte haiN
10.
kaaNTe dil meN terii ulfat ke chubhaa kar jeenaa
isko ham 'ishq meN jeene kaa mazaa kahte haiN
11.
ham se dil le ke raqeeboN se ta'alluq rakhnaa
aap lah dijiiye! kia isko vafaa kahte haiN?
12.
is liye jaate haiN phir unke bulaane par ham
dekh leN! aaj hameN aur vo kiaa kahte haiN
13.
Husn paakeezii-e-dil se kare nazreN neechii
isko ham, nek_sifat! sharm o Hayaa kahte haiN
14.
sirf Khud_gharzii pe ho jinkii rifaaqat kaa madaar
aise yaaroN ko ham dushman se buraaa kahte haiN
15.
waqt se pahle reh-e-Haq meN fanaa hone ko
maut kahte nahiiN, ham isko baqaa kahte haiN!
16.
jaan o dil un pe fidaa kar diye "Sai'hbaa Jii" ne
'aashiqii isko, ise tarz-e-vafaa kahte haiN
shukria.
ek taraHii Ghazal...aap har ek se sunte haiN ta'alluq rakhte
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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Hashmat Usmani
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Abdullah Nazir
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Bahut khoob, waah waah
MuHtaram
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT
1- aap har ek se sunte haiN ta'alluq rakhte haiN
"yeh agar sach hai to, zaalim! ise kia kahte haiN?"
Aap ne maTleA meiN kuch mukhaalifat hougayi hei:
a- aap ne maTleA meiN qaafiye kee paabundi nahiN kee hei.
b- Pahle miSreA meiN aek sabab-e-khafeef kaa iZaafah houne se miSraA be-baHr hougayaa hei. MiSraA vazn ke liHaaz se lafz "rakhte" per khatm hourahaa hei.
2- tum jise kah do buraa, usko buraa kahte haiN
tum bhalaa kah do jise, usko bhalaa kahte haiN
Yeh sheAr Saaf hei. Waah.
3- jo kabhii hamko na bhoole se bhalaa kahte haiN
na buraa unko kaheNge, na buraa kahte haiN
Achcha Husn-e-maTlaA hei, waah waah.
4- aapke Husn ko ham maah_laqaa kahte haiN
aapkii zulf bikharne ko ghaTaa kahte haiN
Yeh bhee acchaa Husn-e-maTlaA hei, waah waah.
5- jinko andaaz-e-jafaa, naaz o adaa kahte haiN
unke aane ko jawaanii kii hawaa kahte haiN
Achcha Husn-e-maTlaA hei, waah.
6- ho ke Khud parda_nashiiN kahtaa hai, "nahno aqrab!"
isii poshiida Haqeeqat ko Khudaa kahte haiN
Yeh sheAr achchaa hei. "naHnuo aqrabu min Habl-il-vareed" kee Taraf ishaarah. Waah waah.
7. laakh jal, jal ke bujhe jaayeN magar Khud jal kar
raah dikhlaaye, use ham to diyaa kahte haiN
Is sheAr kee ibaarat gambheer hougayi hei. (pahle miSreA se yooN maAloom houtaa hei ke baat jamA ke saighe kee hourahi hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "raah dikhlaaye" aur baaqi HiSSeh se yeh patah jaltaa hei ke baat mufrad kee hei yaAni aek diye kee. Agar yeh sheAr yooN houtaa to iltibaas door houjaataa:
laakh jal jal ke bujhe jaaye magar khud jalkar
raah dikhaaye tou ham usko diyaa kehte heiN.
8. dard-e-dil, ranj o alam, zaKhm-e-jigar, aah o foGhaaN
in 'inaayaat ko ulfat kii jazaa kahte haiN
Waah waah, bahut khoob.
9. chain o aaraam o sukuuN, taab o tavaaN, sabr o qaraar
inko khone ko moHabbat kii jazaa kahte haiN
Bahut khoob, waah waah. Doosre miSreA ke ibteddaa meiN "inko" kii bajaaye "inke" hounaa chaahiye.
10. kaaNTe dil meN terii ulfat ke chubhaa kar jeenaa
isko ham 'ishq meN jeene kaa mazaa kahte haiN
Achcha sheAr hei, waah waah. Lafz "chbhaakar" kee bajaye "chubhoukar" hounaa chaahiye.
11. ham se dil le ke raqeeboN se ta'alluq rakhnaa
aap lah dijiiye! kia isko vafaa kahte haiN?
Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSreA meiN "aap kah deejiyhe" se baat nahiN ban paarahi hei. Housaktaa hei aap kahnaa chaahte heiN "aap kah lijiye". Meri nazar meiN mandarja-e-zeil SoorataoN meiN se aek behtar hougi:
a- aap farmaayiye, kyaa isko wafaa kahte heiN
b- kyaa wafaa hei yehi, kyaa isko wafaa kahte heiN.
12. is liye jaate haiN phir unke bulaane par ham
dekh leN! aaj hameN aur vo kiaa kahte haiN
achchaa aur Saaf sheAr hei.
13.Husn paakeezii-e-dil se kare nazreN neechii
isko ham, nek_sifat! sharm o Hayaa kahte haiN
Achchaa SheAr hei, waah waah.
14. sirf Khud_gharzii pe ho jinkii rifaaqat kaa madaar
aise yaaroN ko ham dushman se buraaa kahte haiN
Achchaa sheAr hei waah waah. Doosra miSreA lafz "ham" kee vajh se be-BeHr hourahaa hei. Doosre miSreA ko yooN karleejiye tou beHr meiN aajaayegaa:
apne aAdaa se bhi ham unko buraa kahte heiN
15. waqt se pahle reh-e-Haq meN fanaa hone ko
maut kahte nahiiN, ham isko baqaa kahte haiN!
achchaa sheAr hei waah waah. "maut kahte nahiN ham isko, baqaa kahte heiN".
16. jaan o dil un pe fidaa kar diye "Sai'hbaa Jii" ne
'aashiqii isko, ise tarz-e-vafaa kahte haiN
achchaa maqTaA hei, waah waah.
Note: Meri aaraa se aapkaa muttafiq hounaa Zaroori nahiN hei.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Last edited by Abdullah Nazir on Thu Jul 13, 2006 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
