tarHi GHazal guz. # 19 apne dil se dushmani achchhi nahiN

Post by **khozema husaini** » Wed Jul 26, 2006 5:32 pm

moAzziz KHawaateen o Hazraat
assalam alaikum
aapni tazah tarHi ghazal ke saath Haazir hua hooN aur ummeed karta hoon aap sab apni garaNqadr aara se nawaaz kar mamnoon farmayenge
shukriyah
Husaini
Ghazal
hum ne mana Aashiqi achchhi nahiN
aisi shakl e KHudkushi achchhi nahi

har ghaRi seenah zani achchhi nahi
is qadar deewaangi achchhi nahiN

be sabab jhooTi haNsi achchhi nahiN
rooH ki paZmurdgi achchhi nahiN

kal buri thi aaj bhi achchhi nahiN
mai kasho , badah kashi achchhi nahiN

ishtiyaaq e qurbat e janaN hai kya?
aag hai bhaRki hui achchhi nahi

marg e parwanah ka baaic ban gai
shamAa teri roshni achchhi nahiN

hanste hanste bhi chalak jati hai aaNkh
dekh itni bhi KHushi achchhi nahiN

khol mat ae chashm e giyaaN raaz e dil
teri KHoo e muKHbiri achchhi nahiN

aik dil hii to hai apna GHamgusaar
"apne dil se dushmani achchhi nahiN

kyuN Husaini GHam se hum maaNgeN najaat
hum to kehte heN kami achchhi nahiN

Abdullah Nazir · Post by **Abdullah Nazir** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 3:35 am

MuHtarami
Khozema Husaini SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Guzarish 19 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

hum ne mana Aashiqi achchhi nahiN
hai yeh micl e KHudkushi achchhi nahi

MaTlaA mafhoom ke liHaaz se achchaa hei. Doosre miSreA mein muzaaf aur muzaaf ilaihi kee tarkeeb pecheedah hougayi hei. Hei yeh micl-e-(khudkushi achchhi nahiN)

har ghaRi seenah zani achchhi nahi
is qadar deewaangi achchhi nahiN

Waah waah, bahut khoob.

hoNToN per jhooTi haNsi achchhi nahiN
rooH ki paZmurdgi achchhi nahiN

Achchaa sheAr hei waah waah. "hounTaoN per" go ke ghalaT nahiN hei lekin sheAr kee rawaani meiN manfi Taur per acar-andaaz hourahaa hei. Isko bajaye "hoNTaoN per" ke (be-sabab) karsakte heiN.

kal buri thi aaj bhi achchhi nahiN
mai kasho , badah kashi achchhi nahiN

Waah waah.

ishtiyaaq e qurbat e janaN hai kya?
aag hai bhaRki hui achchhi nahi

Achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

marg e parwanah ka baaic ban gai
shamAa teri roshni achchhi nahiN

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

muzr ho sakti hai behr e dosti
dekh zyadah sheerni achchhi nahiN

Is sheAr meiN 2 zaahir khaamiyaaN heiN.
1- lafz "muzr" nahiN balkeh "muZir" hei jisko saHeeH likheN tou miSraA beHr se khaarij houjaayegaa.
2- Lafz "sheerni" nahiN balkeh "sheereeni" hei jisko SaHeeH likhne se miSraA beHr se khaarij houjaayegaa.
3- aSl lafz "ziyaadah" hei jou baAZ auqaat boul chaal meiN "zyaadah" isteAmaal houtaa hei.
Is sheAr ko aap ghazal meiN shaamil nah keejiye aur agar karnaa hee hei tou sare se iski bunaat ko badal deejiye.

[y]hanste hanste bhi chalak jati hai aaNkh
had se zyadah bhi KHushi achchhi nahiN [/u]

achcha sheAr hei lekin lafz "zyaadah" boul chaal kaa hei.

khol mat ae chashm e giyaaN dil ke raaz
teri KHoo e muKHbiri achchhi nahiN

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

aik dil hii to hai apna GHamgusaar
"apne dil se dushmani achchhi nahiN

Bahut khoob, waah waah. Achee gireh hei.

kyuN Husaini GHam se hum maaNgeN najaat
hum to kehte heN kami achchhi nahiN

Achchaa maqTaA hei, waah waah.

Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

Post by **khozema husaini** » Fri Jul 28, 2006 2:27 pm

mohtaram nazir saheb
aadaab o tasleemaat
ghazal ki pazeerai ka bohat bohat shukriyah
maTlaA ke Alawah doosre ashAar men bhi aap ke mashware ke mutabiq tabdeeliyan kar di hen men aap ka behud ahsaanmand hoon jo aap meri GHazlon per itni tafSeel se tabSarah karte hen mujhe is se bohat kuchh seekhne ko milta hai ummeed hai aap ka yeh karam jari rahega bohat bohat shkriyah jazaak Allah KHair
Husaini

Post by **khozema husaini** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:01 pm

mohtarmah sara sahebah
adaab
bahut bahut shukriyah
Husaini