taraHi ghazal (20)

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Assalam-o-alaikum

is zameen meiN meri kaawish Haazir hai :

aaina saaz ke aisi ho hunar ki soorat
nazar aa jaaye jo andar ke bashar ki soorat

dil ki veeraani-o-Hasrat ka voh aalam hai ke ab
shehr ka shehr hi lagta hai khaNDar ki soorat

jab nikalta hooN safar per to tumhaari yaadeN
saath rehti haiN mire rakht-e-safar ki soorat

vaada-e-vasl faqat chodhveeN shab ka karna
din badalne se badalti hai qamar ki soorat

mere she’roN meiN taraavat hai usi ke baa’ic
mere meHboob ki soorat, gul-e-tar ki soorat

TooT jaati hai koi Daali khizaaN meiN jis vaqt
ham se dekhi nahiN jaati hai shajar ki soorat

aik hi shams nikalta hai jahaaN meiN lekin
ajnabi lagti hai ghurbat meiN saHar ki soorat

kabhi manzil ke ta'iyyun meiN na jaldi karna
tum ne dekhi nahiN dushvaar Dagar ki soorat

baad-e-sarsar jo kabhi mausam-e-hijraaN meiN chale
daagh seene ke bhaRakte haiN sharar ki soorat

naaseHa chaar qadam tum bhi agar saath chalo
ham tumheN raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat

ik Hikaayat thi puraani mire dil ki Amjad
aaj logoN se suni taaza khabar ki soorat

shukria

Amjad

[jawaid badauni]

Azeezi Amjad SaHab,
Aadaab

Zindabad. Aapki tarahee Ghazal bohat achchee lagee. Meree nacheez daad qubool kijoiye.

Mundarjazel sher meN ek lafz type hone se rah gaya hai, zara thik kar lijiyega:

ham se dekhi nahiN jaati shajar ki soorat

Ya to dekhi se pahle "ab" hona chaahiye ya jaati ke bAAd "hai".


Apka MuKhlis
Jawaid

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Jawaid bhai,

salaam arz hai

aap jaise senior aur kohna mashq shaa'ir ko meri kaawish pasand aayee, ye jaan ker bahot khushi hui.

jis she'r ka aap ne zikr kia, us meiN vaaqai typo hai, darasl mere misre meiN "jaati" ke baa'd "hai" hai.

nishaand.dahi ke liye shukria, maiN abhi tasHeeH kar deta hooN

Amjad

[farhan]

Assalam-o-alaikum

Walaikum As salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

is zameen meiN meri kaawish Haazir hai :

ji....irshaad....

aaina saaz ke aisi ho hunar ki soorat
nazar aa jaaye jo andar ke bashar ki soorat

waah!!!!!!! maQta khoob hai....kiya khoob khiyaal hai...tehseen...marHaba....daad peesh hai

dil ki veeraani-o-Hasrat ka voh aalam hai ke ab
shehr ka shehr hi lagta hai khaNDar ki soorat

Hasrat o yaas ka behtareeN izhaar....yaqeenan aisa hi lagta hai jab aadmi aalam-e-gam main ho to....daad hazir hia janab

jab nikalta hooN safar per to tumhaari yaadeN
saath rehti haiN mire rakht-e-safar ki soorat

bahut khoob...behtareeN shair hai.....yeh shair mujhay bahut pasand aaya..

vaada-e-vasl faqat chodhveeN shab ka karna
din badalne se badalti hai qamar ki soorat

sach kahooN to mujhay yeh shair samajh main hi nahin aaya aapni kam ilmi kay baaic...maa'zirat....

mere she’roN meiN taraavat hai usi ke baa’ic
mere meHboob ki soorat, gul-e-tar ki soorat

achcha shair hai....

TooT jaati hai koi Daali khizaaN meiN jis vaqt
ham se dekhi nahiN jaati hai shajar ki soorat

waahhhhhhhhh!!!!seeday dil main utar gaya yeh shair....bahut hi khoob....behtareeN.....yeh shair mujhay sub say ziyada pasand aaya...is shair per khusoosi daad qabool kijea....

aik hi shams nikalta hai jahaaN meiN lekin
ajnabi lagti hai ghurbat meiN saHar ki soorat

bilkul sach kaha .....daad hazir hai[/color

kabhi manzil ke ta'iyyun meiN na jaldi karna
tum ne dekhi nahiN dushvaar Dagar ki soorat

achchi naseehat hai....qabool kartay huay daad bhi hazir hai...qabool kijea...is shair main aap ki tajrubakari aur jahaaN deedgii saaf zahir hai...

baad-e-sarsar jo kabhi mausam-e-hijraaN meiN chale
daagh seene ke bhaRakte haiN sharar ki soorat

bahut khooob.....waahh!!

naaseHa chaar qadam tum bhi agar saath chalo
ham tumheN raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat

achcha shair hai....wah

ik Hikaayat thi puraani mire dil ki Amjad
aaj logoN se suni taaza khabar ki soorat

bahut khoobbbb.....aHsan....bahtareeN.....daad hazir hai..qabool kijea.....

shukria

Amjad

bahut hi behtareeN o lajawab ghazal per mayri daad hazir hai..qabool kijea.....

farhan

[zmufti]

Amjad bhai
aadaab
Mushairey maiN aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayii
Sabhi asha'ar achchey lage
meri janib se daad qabool kije
regards
zmufti

[Anmol]

Adaab, Amjad SaaHib!

Ik taveel arSe ke baad aap ki koi ghazal paRhna naSeeb hua hai. Nihaayat khoobsoorat khayalaat aur dilkash bayaan hai, har sher hi apni tareef aap karwa raha hai. :rose

aaina saaz ke aisi ho hunar ki soorat
nazar aa jaaye jo andar ke bashar ki soorat

Waah bohot umda matla hai. =D>

Btw aajkal ke insaan ke andar ki soorat posheeda hi rahay to zyada behtar nahiN hai? Agar aisa hunar kisi ko mil gaya k andar ke bashar ki soorat nazar aane lagi to ya to woh Dar ke maare pagal ho jaye ga ya Khud apni aaNkheN phoR lega.

dil ki veeraani-o-Hasrat ka voh aalam hai ke ab
shehr ka shehr hi lagta hai khaNDar ki soorat

Nice...

YahaN bhi phool se chehre dikhaate dete they
Ye ab jo haiN, yehi deewaar-o-dar na they aise

Waise mujhe aap se poori humdardi hai. Don't worry, dil ki weeraani bhi jald hi door ho jayegi. ;)

jab nikalta hooN safar per to tumhaari yaadeN
saath rehti haiN mire rakht-e-safar ki soorat

Nice,

Ghair lete haiN mujhe raste tiree yaadoN ke
Jab bhi karta huuN tire baad safar shaam ke baad

vaada-e-vasl faqat chodhveeN shab ka karna
din badalne se badalti hai qamar ki soorat

Waah bohot khoob, anokhi farmayish hai. ;)

mere she’roN meiN taraavat hai usi ke baa’ic
mere meHboob ki soorat, gul-e-tar ki soorat

Waah waah. ;) Ye sh'er likh kar to aap ne mujhe heraan kar dia.

TooT jaati hai koi Daali khizaaN meiN jis vaqt
ham se dekhi nahiN jaati shajar ki soorat

Ji ji ham jaante haiN, aap nihaayat humdard insaan waq'e hue haiN. Kitna dard bhara lehja hai is sh'er ka.

Bohot hi umda sh'er hai. =D> Excellent one.

aik hi shams nikalta hai jahaaN meiN lekin
ajnabi lagti hai ghurbat meiN saHar ki soorat

Ye daaGh daaGh ujaala, ye shab'guzeeda saHar
Woh intizaar tha jis ka, yeh woh saHar to nahiN

kabhi manzil ke ta'iyyun meiN na jaldi karna
tum ne dekhi nahiN dushvaar Dagar ki soorat

Waah. Bohot Khoobsoorat sh'er hai. :rose

naaseHa chaar qadam tum bhi agar saath chalo
ham tumheN raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat

Ye bhi Khoob rahi. Very nice. Waise saath chalne meiN to koi harj nahiN, albatta naaseHa aap ki baat maanega ya nahiN, us ki koi guarantee nahiN.

Laazim nahiN k Khizr ki ham paairavi kareN
Maana k ik buzurg hameN hamsafar mile

(sorry, aap ko buzurg keh dia. )

Waah ye to kamaal ho gaya. Waise to poori ghazal hi Khoob hai, lekin 11 meiN se 6 ashaar to mujhe behad behad pasand aaye haiN, aur aap ne mere comments se aNdaaza kar lia hoga k woh ashaar kaun se haiN. Meri jaanib se is shaandaar ghazal per DheroN daad qubool kijiye, aur agar aap aisa hi kalaam likheNge to phir maiN aap se ab roz aik ghazal ki farmayish karne wali huuN.


shukria

Amjad

Aap ka bhi shukria,
Anmol

[Ibn-e-siddique]

farhan bhai

salaam arz hai

janaab aap ke tafseeli tabsire ke liye bahot bahot shukria.

ye aap ka Husn-e-nazar hai jo itni daad se navaazte haiN :). insha'Allah koshish karooN ga ke tazmeen ka she'r bhi shaamil kar dooN

aap ka bahot bahot shukria

aap ki ghazal ka intizaar rahe ga

amjad

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Amjad Nabeel SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Guz.20 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

aaina saaz ke aisi ho hunar ki soorat
nazar aa jaaye jo andar ke bashar ki soorat

MatleA ke pahle miSreA meiN ibhaam paidaa hourahaa hei aur baat vaaZeH nahiN hourahi hei. Agar aap kehnaa chaahte heiN "aaina saaz ke hunar ki Soorat aisi ho (yaAni aisi houni chaahiye) " tuu phir doosre miSreA meiN "jo" kee bajaye "jis se" .

Agar alfaaz ko nazar andaaz karke majmooAi Taur per yeh mafhoom liyaa jaaye "aayinah saz ke hunar kee Soorat aisi houni chaahiye ke agar koii bashar aayina dekhe tou usko apne andar kee Soorat nazar aajaye. Bahut achcha mazmoon hei waah waah.

Yeh bhee housaktaa hei keh meri nazar us mafhoom tak nah pahunch saki hou jiskaa aap izhaar karrahe heiN.

dil ki veeraani-o-Hasrat ka voh aalam hai ke ab
shehr ka shehr hi lagta hai khaNDar ki soorat

Waah waah, bahut khoob.

jab nikalta hooN safar per to tumhaari yaadeN
saath rehti haiN mire rakht-e-safar ki soorat

Bahut khoob, waah waah. (to tumhaari) meiN tanaafur-e-lafzi hei jis se iHtiraaz per ziyaadah zour nahiN denaa chaahiye.

vaada-e-vasl faqat chodhveeN shab ka karna
din badalne se badalti hai qamar ki soorat

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

mere she’roN meiN taraavat hai usi ke baa’ic
mere meHboob ki soorat, gul-e-tar ki soorat

Achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

TooT jaati hai koi Daali khizaaN meiN jis vaqt
ham se dekhi nahiN jaati hai shajar ki soorat

Achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

aik hi shams nikalta hai jahaaN meiN lekin
ajnabi lagti hai ghurbat meiN saHar ki soorat

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

kabhi manzil ke ta'iyyun meiN na jaldi karna
tum ne dekhi nahiN dushvaar Dagar ki soorat

Waah waah, kyaa kehne.

baad-e-sarsar jo kabhi mausam-e-hijraaN meiN chale
daagh seene ke bhaRakte haiN sharar ki soorat

Waah waah, bahut khoob.

naaseHa chaar qadam tum bhi agar saath chalo
ham tumheN raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat

naaSeHaa ke maAni heiN (ai naaSeH). Is iAtibaar se agar sheAr yuN hou tou behtar nazar aayegaa:
naaSeHa chaar qadam tuu bhi agar saath chale
ham tujhe raah dikhaayenge KhiZar kee Soorat.
maAni ke liHaaz se bahut achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.

ik Hikaayat thi puraani mire dil ki Amjad
aaj logoN se suni taaza khabar ki soorat

Bahut achchaa maqTaA hei, waah waah.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[Ibn-e-siddique]

zarqa behen

salaam arz hai

ghazal ko pasand farmaane ke liye bahot bahot shukria

amjad

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Nazir saHib

salaam arz hai

sab se pehle to maiN aap ka mamnoon hooN ke aap ne meri ghazal per tafseeli tabsira kia aur is qadar daad-o-teHseeN se navaaza. yaqeenan ye mujh jaise nau.aamoz shaa'ir ke liye baRi pazeeraai ki baat hai.

matle ka maf'hoom aap ne durust bayaan kia hai, mere zehn meiN bilkul yehi mazmoon tha, magar pehle misre meiN "taaq-e-lafzi" hone ki vajah se shaayad aap ko uljhan meHsoos hui ho.

ajur naaseHa vaale she'r per aap ki tajveez bahot umda hai, magar maine bahot se sho'araa ko "naseHaa" ke saath "tum" lagaate hue paRha hai. micaal ke taur per Faiz-o-Faraz ke do ashaar :

jo tumhaari maan leN naaseHa, to rahe ga daaman-e-dil meiN kia
na kisi adoo ki adaavateN, na kisi sanam ki muravvateN

(faiz)

aur :

NaaseHa tum ko khabar kia hai mohabbat kia hai
roz aa jaate ho batlaane ke yooN hai , yooN hai

(faraz)

is liye maine bhi "naaseHaa" ke saath "tum" ka iste'maal kia, taaham maiN aap ki tajveez per zaroor ghaur karooN ga inshallah

aap ka bahot bahot shukria

amjad

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Amjad Nabeel SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

MaiN aapke mandarja-e-zeil ilmi javaab ke liye beHad shukrguzaar hoon aur apni naaqiS aaraa kee tashreeH karnaa Zaroori samajhtaa hooN.


[quote}
salaam arz hai

sab se pehle to maiN aap ka mamnoon hooN ke aap ne meri ghazal per tafseeli tabsira kia aur is qadar daad-o-teHseeN se navaaza. yaqeenan ye mujh jaise nau.aamoz shaa'ir ke liye baRi pazeeraai ki baat hai.

matle ka maf'hoom aap ne durust bayaan kia hai, mere zehn meiN bilkul yehi mazmoon tha, magar pehle misre meiN "taaq-e-lafzi" hone ki vajah se shaayad aap ko uljhan meHsoos hui ho.

ajur naaseHa vaale she'r per aap ki tajveez bahot umda hai, magar maine bahot se sho'araa ko "naseHaa" ke saath "tum" lagaate hue paRha hai. micaal ke taur per Faiz-o-Faraz ke do ashaar :

jo tumhaari maan leN naaseHa, to rahe ga daaman-e-dil meiN kia
na kisi adoo ki adaavateN, na kisi sanam ki muravvateN

(faiz)

aur :

NaaseHa tum ko khabar kia hai mohabbat kia hai
roz aa jaate ho batlaane ke yooN hai , yooN hai

(faraz)

is liye maine bhi "naaseHaa" ke saath "tum" ka iste'maal kia, taaham maiN aap ki tajveez per zaroor ghaur karooN ga inshallah

aap ka bahot bahot shukria

amjad[/quote]



Apne maleA ke baare meiN aap ne Taaq-e-lafzi kaa zikr kiyaa hei. MaiN ne uski ibaarat ko nacr meiN likhne kee koushish kee lekin mujhe taufeeq nahiN houee. Housaktaa hei keh iskaa sabab meri kam-ilmi hou.
Aapka maTlaA yooN hei:
aaina saaz ke aisi ho hunar ki soorat
nazar aa jaaye jo andar ke bashar ki soorat
Agar aap iski nacr likhkar bataayeN tou mehrbaani hougi.

naaseHa chaar qadam tum bhi agar saath chalo
ham tumheN raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat

Mandarja-e-baalaa sheAr meiN "naaSeHa" ke taAalluq se aap ne jou asnaad pesh kee heiN un se maiN tou kyaa koii bee inkaar nahiN karsaktaa. Dar aSl baat yeh hei "naaSeHa" koii lafz nahiN balkeh is taSreef ke saath "ai naaSeH" ke maAni meiN aataa hei.

Sirf naaSeH ke saath jahaaN bhee "tum" yaa "aap" ke isteAmaal kee ta'weel kee gayi hei lafzi bunyaad per nahiN balkeh uske adabi rujHaan ko nazar meiN rakhte houe, jaise:
pand acar karti hei naaSeH kaheeN deewaane ko
nah hei daanish mujhe (aap) aate heiN samjhaane ko
Lafz "aap" aek to Dehli kaa muHaavirah hei aur doosre "khud" ke maAni bhee detaa hei.

yeh tou maanaa ke badkhoo bhee hei dil-aazaar bhee hei
aur kuch HaZrat-e-naaSeH bhee banaadete heiN.
Is meiN HaZrate-e-naaSeH kee munaasibat se jamA kaa Seighah iHtiraam ke liye isteAmaal karnaa Farsi adab ke liHaaz se jaayiz hei.

Ab aapke pesh kiye houe ashAar per nazar Daalte heiN taakeh mauZooA ko achchi TaraH se samajh sakeN.
jo tumhaari maan leN naaseHa, to rahe ga daaman-e-dil meiN kia
na kisi adoo ki adaavateN, na kisi sanam ki muravvateN
:FaiZ:

Is sheAr meiN naaSeH ko iHtiraam ke saath mukhaaTib kiyaa gayaa hei yaAni jaise wo kehrahe houN "ai naaSeH SaaHib"

NaaseHa tum ko khabar kia hai mohabbat kia hai
roz aa jaate ho batlaane ke yooN hai , yooN hai
:Faraz:

Is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN tanz hei jisko akcar tanqeed nigaar jaayiz samajhte heiN ke "tuu" kee bajaaye "tum" yaa "aap" isteAmaal kareN.

Is TaraH se Faiz aur Faraz ke ashAaar ke SaHeeH houne meiN koii shak paidaa nahiN houtaa.

Aapke sheAr ko in ashaar ke tanaazur meiN dekhiye. Agar aapko apnaa sheAr her Haiciat se munaasib maAloom hourahaa tou aapki marZi per munHaSir hei.

In sab baataoN ke baavajood, mauZooA tishnah reh jaataa hei. Aayindah agar furSat mili tou mazeed guftgu housakegi.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Mohtaram Nazir saHib

salaam arz hai

aap ke vaqt aur tafseeli javaab ka bahot bahot shukria

matle ki nacr likh rahaa hooN, umeed hai aap misra-e-oola ki taa'qeed door karne mein meri madad farmaaiN ge :

aaina saaz ke hunar ki aisi soorat ho jo andar ke bashar ki soorat nazar aa jaaye

mujhe aap se ittefaaq hai ke lafz "jo" ki jaga "jis se" hona chaahiye. magar maf'hoom vohi hai jo aap ne pehle tabsire mein bayaan kia. ab agar aap misra-e-oola durust karne meiN meri madad farmaaiN to inaayat hogi

___________

rahi baat "naaseHa" vaale she'r ki to maine bhi "naaseHa" ke liye "tum" tanzan iste'maal kia hai. magar phir bhi shutur.gurbah ka shuba na rahe is liye maiN aap ki tajveez ba.sad tashakkur qubool karta hooN

"naaseHa chaar qadam tu bhi agar saath chale
ham tujhe raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat"

shukria

amjad

[Star Mind]

Assalam-o-alaikum

is zameen meiN meri kaawish Haazir hai :

w/salaam

janaab Ghazal to Khoob kahee aap ne ! aur isee se hameN bhi i'laaqa mila aur ham ne bhi isee zameen maiN ghazal......... ;) aap dekh lijiyega ! (meeri nazar ki Soorat !) :D

aaina saaz ke aisi ho hunar ki soorat
nazar aa jaaye jo andar ke bashar ki soorat

bohut Khoob ! aap ne jo majbooree bayaan kee thee us tanaazur maiN Khoob mat^la' hai mubaarak ho ! :smt045

dil ki veeraani-o-Hasrat ka voh aalam hai ke ab
shehr ka shehr hi lagta hai khaNDar ki soorat

kyaa kehne ! Khoob ! "KhaNDar" ka iste'maal Khoob kiyaa hai ! ;)

jab nikalta hooN safar per to tumhaari yaadeN
saath rehti haiN mire rakht-e-safar ki soorat

bohut Khoob ! achcha she'r hai !

vaada-e-vasl faqat chodhveeN shab ka karna
din badalne se badalti hai qamar ki soorat

romantic to hai laiken lagtaa hai i'lm-e-falak k maahir ne ye she'r kahaa hai ! daad !

mere she’roN meiN taraavat hai usi ke dam se
mere meHboob ki soorat, gul-e-tar ki soorat

waah waah ! dil ki baat keh dee miyaaN ! :smt045


TooT jaati hai koi Daali khizaaN meiN jis vaqt
ham se dekhi nahiN jaati hai shajar ki soorat

kyaa baat hai Huzoor ! Khoob nibhaaya hai ! :)

aik hi shams nikalta hai jahaaN meiN lekin
ajnabi lagti hai ghurbat meiN saHar ki soorat

Khoob farmaaya janaab !

baad-e-sarsar jo kabhi mausam-e-hijraaN meiN chale
daagh seene ke bhaRakte haiN sharar ki soorat

waah waah ! mazaa agaya ! KhaaS kar dosra miSra' to jaan-leva hai !

naaseHa chaar qadam tum bhi agar saath chalo
ham tumheN raah dikhaaiN ge khizar ki soorat

kyaa baat hai ! aise naaSiH hameN mile to ham aap k paas bhej deNge ! :D

ik Hikaayat thi puraani mire dil ki Amjad
aaj logoN se suni taaza khabar ki soorat

janaab maqt^a' to qaat^i' hai ! waah , saadgee aur acar k liHaaz se agar ise HaaSil-e-Ghazal kahoN to ?? :smt120 :smt024


shukria

Amjad

to Amjad SaaHib ye rahe mere tacaccuraat ! kaise lage ?

shukriya

Zia Baloch

[hassan_bashir]

Amjad bhai aadaab!

eik muddat ke baad aap kee koee Ghazal paRhane ko milee aur paRh kar nihaayat masarrat huee. gaahe gaahe agar koee aisee GhazaleN sunaa diyaa kareN to kyaa harj hai aur aap ne dekhaa ke aap ke kalaam ka kyaa acar hotaa hai? ba-qaul-e-Zia saaHib ke aap kee Ghazal se mutassir ho kar unhoN ne raat bhar meiN Ghazal keh daalee.

khair! aap kee Ghazal ke tamaam ash'aar aChhe haiN aur Sarwar saaHib aur Nazir saaHib ke tabSirah ke darimiyaan kaafi sheroN kee nacr bhii paRhane ko milaa so kalaam ko samajhne meiN aasaanii huii.

lihaaza is khubsuurat aur eik kaamyaab koshsih par miree jaanib se daad aur mubaarakbaad qubuul keejiYe. :rose

Talib-e-Dua'a

~ Hassan ~