Ghazal--"mire mazaar pe aaNsoo..."

[Daanish]

azeezaan-e-giraami
ek taweel arsay ke ba'ad Haazir hu'a huN ek ma'mooli si kaavish ke saath.
lijiye mulaheza farmaaiye aur apni aara se nawaaziye:
Daanish


fanaa ke ba'ad bhi mujh ko sataa raha hai koi"-Qamar Jalaalwi



mire mazaar pe aaNsoo bahaa raha hai koi
sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam se jagaa raha hai koi

nazar nazar se milaakar pilaa raha hai koi
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

nafas nafas meiN mire ek Hashr barpaa hai
Hareem-e-dil meiN dabe paoN aa raha hai koi

har ek Ghuncha-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai
rawish rawish pe mujhe yaad aa raha hai koi

mujhe umeed ke jhoole meiN woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi

sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

shab-e-firaaq meiN paiham shab-e-visaal ki yaad
haNsaa haNsaa ke ai Daanish rulaa raha hai koi

[Sarwar A. Raz]

azeezaan-e-giraami
ek taweel arsay ke ba'ad Haazir hu'a huN ek ma'mooli si kaavish ke saath.
lijiye mulaheza farmaaiye aur apni aara se nawaaziye:
Daanish


fanaa ke ba'ad bhi mujh ko sataa raha hai koi"-Qamar Jalaalwi



mire mazaar pe aaNsoo bahaa raha hai koi
sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam se jagaa raha hai koi

nafas nafas meiN mire Hashr ik hu'a barpaa
yuN bazm-e-dil meiN dabe paoN aa raha hai koi

hamaare saaGhar-e-dil meiN milaake jaam-e-nazar
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

har ek Ghuncha-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai
rawish rawish pe mujhe yaad aa raha hai koi

isi umeed ke jhoole pe woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi

sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

shab-e-firaaq meiN paiham shab-e-visaal ki yaad
haNsaa haNsaa ke ai Daanish rulaa raha hai koi

mukarramee Daanish SaaHeb: aadaab!

shaayad aaj pehlee baar aap se muKhaat^ib hooN. aap kee Ghazal kayee din huwe dekh`ee th`ee lekin likh`ne kee naubat aaj aayee hai. Ghazal paRh kar chand Khayaalaat aaYe jin ko pesh-e-Khidmat kar rahaa hooN. in ko :iSlaaH: hargiz nah samajh`iYe gaa! maiN do-teen din meN ek muKhtaSar maZ^moon :iSlaah-e-suKhan: ke baare meN pesh karooN gaa jis se yeh z^aahir ho jaaYe gaa keh maiN kisee Soorat se kisee ko bh`ee iSlaaH dene ke qaabil naheeN hooN. haaN tajaaweez pesh karnaa yaa apne Khayaalaat kaa iz^haar aur baat hai. so is Khat^ ko isee raushanee meN dekh`iYe. i'naayat ho gee. shukriyah!
----------------------------
mire mazaar pe aaNsoo bahaa raha hai koi
sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam se jagaa raha hai koi

achh`aa mat^la' hai. :sukoon: kee jagah :sukoot: bh`ee ho saktaa hai. daad HaaZ^ir hai!
-------------------------
isi umeed ke jhoole pe woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi

:isee umeed: ya'nee kaun see umeed? :isee: ko :mujh`e: se badal deN aur :pe: ko :meN: se to behtar ho gaa. kyaa Khayaal hai aap kaa?
-------------------------
nafas nafas meiN mire Hashr ik hu'a barpaa
yuN bazm-e-dil meiN dabe paoN aa raha hai koi

:yuN: aap oopar likh` chuke haiN! takraar se bach sakeN to kyaa harj hai? isee bahaaneh bandish bh`ee chust ho jaaYe gee!

nafas nafas meN mire ek Hashr barpaa hai
Hareem-e-dil meN dabe paa,ooN aa rahaa hai koyee!
-------------------------
hamaare saaGhar-e-dil meiN milaake jaam-e-nazar
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

:saaGhar: meN :jaam: milaanaa muHaawirah kabh`ee dekh`aa naheeN. ph`ir is se aap kaa :Z^abt^-e-naz^ar: kyoN.kar aazmaayaa jaa saktaa hai? baat yaqeena" bohat mubham hai. yaaN yooN kahiYe keh meree samajh` meN naheeN aayee. ek Soorat yeh ho saktee hai:

naz^ar naz^ar se milaa kar pilaaYe jaataa hai
hamaaraa Z^abt^-e-naz^ar aazmaa rahaa hai koyee

aur bh`ee SoorateN mumkin haiN jo aap Khud hee soch leN ge!
------------------------
har ek laala-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai
rawish rawish pe mujhe yaad aa raha hai koi

she'r yooN to Theek hai albattah pehlaa miSra' kuch` sust lag rahaa hai. doosre miSre' meN :rawish rawish: kee munaasibat se yooN kar deN to kyaa harj hai?

qadam qadam peh chaman meN woh muskuraataa hai
rawish rawish peh mujh`e yaad aa rahaa hai koyee!
------------------
sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

is she'r par Najm SaaHeb likh` chuke haiN.
-----------------------
shab-e-firaaq meiN paiham shab-e-visaal ki yaad
haNsaa haNsaa ke ai Daanish rulaa raha hai koi

maqt^a' bohat Khoob hai! waah!
----------------
ummeed hai keh koyee baat Khaat^ir-e-naazuk par giraaN naheeN guZree ho gee!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[Daanish]

azeezaan-e-giraami
ek taweel arsay ke ba'ad Haazir hu'a huN ek ma'mooli si kaavish ke saath.
lijiye mulaheza farmaaiye aur apni aara se nawaaziye:
Daanish


fanaa ke ba'ad bhi mujh ko sataa raha hai koi"-Qamar Jalaalwi



mire mazaar pe aaNsoo bahaa raha hai koi
sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam se jagaa raha hai koi

nafas nafas meiN mire Hashr ik hu'a barpaa
yuN bazm-e-dil meiN dabe paoN aa raha hai koi

hamaare saaGhar-e-dil meiN milaake jaam-e-nazar
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

har ek Ghuncha-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai
rawish rawish pe mujhe yaad aa raha hai koi

isi umeed ke jhoole pe woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi

sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

shab-e-firaaq meiN paiham shab-e-visaal ki yaad
haNsaa haNsaa ke ai Daanish rulaa raha hai koi

mukarramee Daanish SaaHeb: aadaab!

shaayad aaj pehlee baar aap se muKhaat^ib hooN. aap kee Ghazal kayee din huwe dekh`ee th`ee lekin likh`ne kee naubat aaj aayee hai. Ghazal paRh kar chand Khayaalaat aaYe jin ko pesh-e-Khidmat kar rahaa hooN. in ko :iSlaaH: hargiz nah samajh`iYe gaa! maiN do-teen din meN ek muKhtaSar maZ^moon :iSlaah-e-suKhan: ke baare meN pesh karooN gaa jis se yeh z^aahir ho jaaYe gaa keh maiN kisee Soorat se kisee ko bh`ee iSlaaH dene ke qaabil naheeN hooN. haaN tajaaweez pesh karnaa yaa apne Khayaalaat kaa iz^haar aur baat hai. so is Khat^ ko isee raushanee meN dekh`iYe. i'naayat ho gee. shukriyah!
----------------------------
mire mazaar pe aaNsoo bahaa raha hai koi
sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam se jagaa raha hai koi

achh`aa mat^la' hai. :sukoon: kee jagah :sukoot: bh`ee ho saktaa hai. daad HaaZ^ir hai!
-------------------------
isi umeed ke jhoole pe woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi

:isee umeed: ya'nee kaun see umeed? :isee: ko :mujh`e: se badal deN aur :pe: ko :meN: se to behtar ho gaa. kyaa Khayaal hai aap kaa?
-------------------------
nafas nafas meiN mire Hashr ik hu'a barpaa
yuN bazm-e-dil meiN dabe paoN aa raha hai koi

:yuN: aap oopar likh` chuke haiN! takraar se bach sakeN to kyaa harj hai? isee bahaaneh bandish bh`ee chust ho jaaYe gee!

nafas nafas meN mire ek Hashr barpaa hai
Hareem-e-dil meN dabe paa,ooN aa rahaa hai koyee!
-------------------------
hamaare saaGhar-e-dil meiN milaake jaam-e-nazar
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

:saaGhar: meN :jaam: milaanaa muHaawirah kabh`ee dekh`aa naheeN. ph`ir is se aap kaa :Z^abt^-e-naz^ar: kyoN.kar aazmaayaa jaa saktaa hai? baat yaqeena" bohat mubham hai. yaaN yooN kahiYe keh meree samajh` meN naheeN aayee. ek Soorat yeh ho saktee hai:

naz^ar naz^ar se milaa kar pilaaYe jaataa hai
hamaaraa Z^abt^-e-naz^ar aazmaa rahaa hai koyee

aur bh`ee SoorateN mumkin haiN jo aap Khud hee soch leN ge!
------------------------
har ek laala-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai
rawish rawish pe mujhe yaad aa raha hai koi

she'r yooN to Theek hai albattah pehlaa miSra' kuch` sust lag rahaa hai. doosre miSre' meN :rawish rawish: kee munaasibat se yooN kar deN to kyaa harj hai?

qadam qadam peh chaman meN woh muskuraataa hai
rawish rawish peh mujh`e yaad aa rahaa hai koyee!
------------------
sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

is she'r par Najm SaaHeb likh` chuke haiN.
-----------------------
shab-e-firaaq meiN paiham shab-e-visaal ki yaad
haNsaa haNsaa ke ai Daanish rulaa raha hai koi

maqt^a' bohat Khoob hai! waah!
----------------
ummeed hai keh koyee baat Khaat^ir-e-naazuk par giraaN naheeN guZree ho gee!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Mohtarmii Sarwar SaHeb
aadaab
aap ki tashreef_aawari Khaaksaar ke liye baic-e-ifteKhaar hai--"woh aaye...Khuda ki qudrat hai!"
aap ko shayad yaad nahiN lekiN saabiq meiN meri ek haqeer shayri kaavish par aap ne izhaar-e-Khayaal farmaaya thha aur is taraH mujhe sharaf-e-takallum naseeb hu'a. aap ki islaaH sar_aankhoN par qubool hai. shayari ke maidaan meiN mubtadi huN aur zabaan-o-adab ke mu'amle meiN ek adna taalib-e-ilm...aap se aur Mohtaram Abdullah Nazir SaHeb yahi tawaqqu'a rakhta huN ke is taraH islaaH farmaayenge (bashart-e-fursat-o-faraaGh):

mujhe umeed ke jhoole meiN woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi

waah! shayr ki qismat saNwar gayi!

nafas nafas meN mire ek Hashr barpaa hai
Hareem-e-dil meN dabe paa,ooN aa rahaa hai koyee!
waah! waah! bas shukriyah keh sakta huN!

hamaare saaGhar-e-dil meiN milaake jaam-e-nazar
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi
ji haaN yeh shayr yaqeena" islaaH_talab hai. ...aur aap ki tajweez ko qubool karte hu'e tarmeemshuda shayr ko aap ki ijaazat se matl'a-e-caani bana loonga:
nazar nazar se milaakar pilaa raha hai koi
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

qadam qadam peh chaman meN woh muskuraataa hai
rawish rawish peh mujh`e yaad aa rahaa hai koyee!

yun tau misr'a-e-awwal meiN yeh tarmeem ki thhi--'har ek Ghuncha-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai'...aap ki islaaH sar_aankhoN par qubool lekin qadam qadam pe kehne se Khayaal mar'ee aur maa'ddi muntaqil hone ka ehtemaal rehta hai aur Ghuncha-o-gul meiN kisi ke muskuraane se wahdat-ul-wajood ke nazariye ko nazm kiya gaya hai, kyoN ke fitrat ke saare jalwe Khuda ka partav samjhe jaate haiN, masla" Aatish farmaate haiN--
"gul aate haiN hasti meiN adam se hamatan gosh
bulbul ka yeh naala nahiN afsaana hai uska".
is Khayal ko agar saheeH tarah se nazm na kar saka huN tau islaaH ka muntazir rahunga.

sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

albatta, nazar-e-caani ke ba'ad, yahaN Najm saHeb se ma'zerat chaahte hu'e yeh arz karuN ke shayr ki yahi soorat behtar ma'aloom hoti hai.

islaaH ke liye aur tabsirah farmaane ke liye aap ka ehsaanmand huN. zarrah_nawaazi ke liye bohat bohat shukriyah.
Khaaknasheen
Daanish

[yasir shah]

[quote author=Daanish link=topic=8280.msg99873#msg99873 date=1155869938]
ahl-e-bazm

ek arsa-e-daraaz ke ba'ad aap ki Khidmat meiN ek ma'mooli si kaavish lekar Haazir hu'a huN. mulaheza farmaaiye aur apni aara se nawaaziye:

"fanaa ke ba'ad bhi mujh ko sataa raha hai koi"--Qamar Jalaalwi

muHtaram janaaB Daanish SaaHib !
aadaab a'rZ hay

aap ki Ghazal peh aik tifl-e-maktab ki Heciyat se apne ta.ccuraat raqm karooN gaa,, ummeed hay keh taba'-e-shaai'raanah peh giraaN naheeN guzreN gay-

mire mazaar pe aaNsoo bahaa raha hai koi
sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam se jagaa raha hai koi

"sukoon-e-khwaab-e-a'dam se jagaanaa" intihaai naa.munaasib tarkeeb meHsoos hotee hay kyooNkeh awwal to "sukoon se jagaanaa" kehnaa durust naheeN aur mazkoorah tarkeeb meN "jagaanaa" kaa "khwaab " se paiwand tarteeb-e-iZaafat ke baai'c mumkin naheeN hay - duwum yeh keh madfoon murday ke liye lafz "a'dam" kaa isti'maal bhi Theek naheeN -


nazar nazar se milaakar pilaa raha hai koi
hamara zabt-e-nazar aazmaa raha hai koi

waah !


mujhe umeed ke jhoole meiN woh jhulaata hai
yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi


"jhoolaa jhulaanaa" agarcheh Gher.adabee zabaan hay laiken yeh iStilaaH yahaaN ma'nee.khez hotee agar Theek taraH se adaa ho paatee ,aap ne kahaa hay :

mujhe umeed ke jhoole meiN woh jhulaata hai

agar meN wohee jhoolaa samajh rahaa hooN jis ki taraf aap ne ishaarah kiyaa hay to woh jo jhoolaa jhulaa rahaa hay usay aik jaa KhaRaa rehnaa Chaahiye magar agle miSre' se Soorat-e-Haal kuCh yooN tabdeel ho rahee hay keh :

yuN door jaa ke mire paas aa raha hai koi




nafas nafas meiN mire ek Hashr barpaa hai
Hareem-e-dil meiN dabe paoN aa raha hai koi

waah ! bahut khoob

har ek Ghuncha-o-gul meiN woh muskuraata hai
rawish rawish pe mujhe yaad aa raha hai koi

waah !

sajaa ke rang-e-shafaq apne aariz-o-lab par
utar ke baam-e-falak se bulaa raha hai koi

kyaa kehne !


shab-e-firaaq meiN paiham shab-e-visaal ki yaad
haNsaa haNsaa ke ai Daanish rulaa raha hai koi

bahut khoob ,, kyaa kehne janaab !


[/quote]


khush rahye rose:
du'aago
yasir

[Daanish]

mukarrammii Yaasir SaHeb
Ghazal pasand farmaane ke liye bohat bohat shukriyah. daad-o-taHseen ke liye aap ak ehsanmand huN.

'sukoon-e-Khwaab-e-adam' ki tarkeeb meiN mujhe koi aib nazar nahiN aata agarche ke aap ka zauq-e-saleem isay tasleeem nahiN karta hoga. 'Khwaab' ka maqsad 'sukoon' (bama'ni 'qaraar-o-Khamoshi') hai aur is lihaaz se 'khwaab ke sukoon' se jagaane meiN mujhe koi qabaahat nazar nahiN aati. iKhtilaf ke liye ma'azeratKhwah huN. meri naaqis ray'e yeh hai ke 'adam' ka istea'maal bhi beja nahiN hai. riwayati shayari meiN aap ko aisi micaaleN kasrat se milengi--masla" Momin farmaate haiN:
'hum tau kal Khwaab-e-adam meiN shab-e-hijraaN hongay'
'jhoola' se murad haqeeqi jhoola nahiN hai bal^ke umeed kaleedi lafz hai--jis taraH se jhoola qareeb aata aur door jaata hai ya'ni musalsal qurb naseeb nahiN hota isi taraH se woh meri umeed ko barqaraar rakhe hai aur mayoosi ka shikaar nahiN hone deta. lekin haqeeqat-e-Haal yeh hai ke apne qurb-e-daimi se behramand bhi nah karta. chuN ke shayar naumeed nahiN hai isi liye umeed ko jhoole ke aane ke liye aur naummeedi ko jhoole ke jaane se ta'abeer kiya hai. mafhoom wahi hai jo DaaGh farmaate haiN ke--'saaf chhupte bhi nahiN saamne aate bhi nahiN'.

Ghazal tafseel se paRHkar izhaar-e-Khayal farmaane ke liye shukriyah
basad Khuloos
Daanish