Guzarish #24 ke muta'liq meree tarHee ghazal

[Munawwar]

Azeez Dosto

BaRe dinoN ba'd aap logoN se mukhaatib ho sakaa huN. Ham naukree peshah logoN ko furSat naam kee cheez kam hi miltee hai, aur agar "furSat" kee kamaaee meN lag jaaye to paisoN kee kamaayee ruk jaayegee. Bas, ummeed pe Haazir huaa huN ke aap log mujhe bhoole naheeN hoNge. Agar bhool gaye hoN, to mujhe ek nayaa rukn samajh leN. Waise bhee is kaam meN nayaa hi huN maiN.

BaRaa acchaa tarHee miSra' chunaa hai Naazir SaaHab ne is mushaaire ke liye. MaiN apnee waapasee isee mashq se karooN to ummeed hai ke yeh aap sab ko manzoor hogaa.

Ab ziyaadah bakbak kiye baghair, maiN apnee ghazal darj kiye detaa huN.

khumaar-e-mai ko zaahid! too na jaane

khumaar-e-mai ko zaahid! too na jaane
ye ne'mat khoob bakhshsee hai khudaa ne

miree turbat ke aage bozah khaane!
qafas ke pesh yeh gulshan suhaane!

na manzil kee hai gunjaaish na parwaa
ye achhee rah dikhaayee rahnumaa ne

na jaauN phir wahaaN, lekin kabhee to
wo zaalim bhee yahaaN aaye bulaane.

kabhee milne kee zahmat gar karo phir
"to shaayad lauT aaye din puraane"

yeh kaisaa rashk hai ke aasmaaN ne
parindoN ke jalaaye aashiyaane

tujhe ruknaa hi thaa aye waqt! to phir
tu ruk jaataa ke jab the woh zamaane!

karooN naaz apni qismat par, ke ro'ooN?
wo kahte haiN hameN unko bhulaane.

unheN mere hi she'roN ko tha chunnaa?
lage bazm-e-'adoo meN jab wo gaane!

khabar aa'ee ke aayeNge "Munawwar"
tiree mehfil ko naghmoN se sajaane
-----------------------------------------------------------------

To leejiye Munawwar aa gayaa. Ab sajee sajaayee bazm meN usne kyaa sajaawaT kee yeh to ahl-e-bazm hee bataa paayeNge. Aap apne fikr-o-khayaal, aur agar ghazal is laaiq huee to tabsire, pesh kareNge aur meree himmat afzaa'i kareNge to maiN aapkaa beHad mamnoon rahuNgaa.

Yeh inaayat zaroor farmaayeN.

Aapkaa gustaakh khaadim
Bhaswar Dasgupta "Munawwar"

[muhammad_19k]

Munawar sb,

aik achhchhi koshish par mubarik baad kabool keejeeaye. Mein bhi abhi seekh rahaa hooN. iss leeaye shairi ko samajhni ke leeaye touseefi nazar ke bajaa-aye tanqeedi nazar se parhtaa hooN. umeed hai aap muaaf farma-aiN ge

"yeh kaisaa rashk hai ke aasmaaN ne
parindoN ke jalaaye aashiyaane "

rashk ka isteAmaal kabil e tawajja hai. Rashk meiN doosre ka nuqsan naheeN kiya jaata. aisa hasad meiN hota hai.



"tujhe ruknaa hi thaa aye waqt! to phir
tu ruk jaataa ke jab the woh zamaane! "

ye aik khoobsoorat shaAer laga.

"karooN naaz apni qismat par, ke ro'ooN?
wo kahte haiN hameN unko bhulaane. "

iss shaAer ka rabt samajh naheeN aaya.

"unheN mere hi she'roN ko tha chunnaa?
lage bazm-e-'adoo meN jab wo gaane!"

iss shaAer mein aap ne "unheN" ko //0 ya 12 yani "mafa"ke vazn par kaise leeaya hay? kia unhaiN /0/0 (2 2) yani failun ke vazn par nahi aata?


umeed hai ke hameiN aik doosre se seekhne ka moqa miltaa rahe ga,

aap ka mukhlis,
Muhammad Khawar.

[Munawwar]

Janaab Muhammad Khawar Saahab,

Mujhe pehlee baar aapse mukhaatib hone kaa mauqa' mil rahaa hai. Mujhe baRee khushee huee ke aap ne meree ghazal par apne besh qeematee khayaalaat se mujhe aagaah kiyaa, aur meree madad karne kee koshish bhee kee.

"yeh kaisaa rashk hai ke aasmaaN ne
parindoN ke jalaaye aashiyaane "

rashk ka isteAmaal kabil e tawajja hai. Rashk meiN doosre ka nuqsan naheeN kiya jaata. aisa hasad meiN hota hai.

Baat to aapne bilkul saHeeH farmaayee, par maiN ne jo soch is she'r ko kahte waqt aazmaayee thee woh yuN hai ke parindah aasmaaN meN parwaaz kartaa hai, aur aashiyaaN chaman meN baaNdhtaa hai. Isse aasmaaN ko rashk aataa hai. Ab aasmaaN se falak yaa aafaaq bhee ham ma'nee haiN, aur yeh qehr Dhaane kee quwwat rakhte haiN. Barq, jo nasheman ko jalaatee hai, isee aasmaaN se girtee hai. Agar aasmaaN parindah kaa dost hee hai to uske aashiyaaN par barq kiyoN giraataa hai? Taish to naheeN, haaN rashk ho saktaa hai. Rashk meN insaan us shai ko miTaane kee ummeed rakhtaa hai jis ne usmeN is ahsaas ko paidah kiyaa. Maantaa huN ke is ehsaas ko hasad baaNdhnaa zubaanee taur par mazeed bar mahal hotaa, par yeh behr kee paa bandee ke khilaaf thaa.

"tujhe ruknaa hi thaa aye waqt! to phir
tu ruk jaataa ke jab the woh zamaane! "

ye aik khoobsoorat shaAer laga.

Shukriyah SaaHab.

"karooN naaz apni qismat par, ke ro'ooN?
wo kahte haiN hameN unko bhulaane. "

Jis jafaa kaar kee be niyaazee se ghamgeen huaa, jiskee sitam gaaree se zakhmee huaa, agar wo khud hameN ye kaheN, ke ham unheN bhulaa deN, to dekhiye ke kaisee Haalat hogee hamaaree. Sataayaa huaa jigar mujhe samjhaayegaa ke use bhool jaa, to uske diye hue dard-o-ranj sab khatm ho jaayeNge. Tu phir wahee insaan ho jaayegaa jo tu unse milne ke pehle thaa. Par dil to yahee kahegaa ke iske yaad kiye baghair, iske gham meN chaar aaNsoo bahaaye baghair koee jeetaa hai bhalaa? Isee kashmakash kaa bayaaN hai is she'r meN.

unheN, tumhe, waghairah alfaaz jin meN "hay" apne aage ke Harf se juR jaataa hai, unheN 'mafaa' kee shakl meN baaNdhnaa jaayaz hai. Micaal ke liye asaatizah ke yeh darj-e-zail she'r dekh leN:

maiN unheN chheDuuN aur kuch na kaheN
chal nikalte jo mai piye hote

--- Ghaalib

aaj unheN kuchh is tarah jee khol kar dekhaa kiye
aek hee lamhe meN jaise umr bhar dekhaa kiye

--- Hafeez Hoshiarpuri

ham unheN vo hameN bhulaa baiThe
do gunah gaar zahar khaa baiThe

---- Khumaar Barabankvi

vo kahaaniyaaN adhuuree jo na ho sakeNgii puurii
unheN maiN bhi kyoN sunaaooN unheN tum bhii kyoN sunaao

---- Ahmad Faraaz (yahaaN ghaur keejiye ke unheN ke 11 meN baaNdhaa gayaa hai, jo ke jaayaz hai)

unheN, inheN, tumheN in lafzoN ke balke 22 meN baaNdhnaa ghaaliba" ghalat hogaa.

Ummeed hai baat waazah kar paayaa huN.

MaiN aapkaa be Had mamnoon huN ke aapne ghazal dekhee. Ummeed hai guftagoo hotee rahegee.

Khair khwaah
Munawwar

[muhammad_19k]

Ji Munawar Sb aap ka shukriya. Oar baaqi umeed kartaa hooN ke jub ye topic Sir Abudhullah ki nazar se guzre ga to oar bohat kuch bhi clear ho ja-aye ga.

[Munawwar]

Azeezah Sara jee

Aapkaa beHad mamnoon huN ke aapne meree ghazal aur meree bak bak, donoN hee kee pasandeedagee farmaayee. Yeh aapkee zarrah nawaazee hi hai.

Ab agar Janaab Naazir SaaHib bhee ek dafa' yeh ghazal dekh leN aur do chaar besh qeematee jumle is par farmaa deN, to maiN samajh jaauN ke mere dost meree ta'kheer kee wajah se mijhpar khafaa naheeN haiN, aur agar the bhee to ab mua'af kar chuke haiN.

aapkaa phir se shukr adaa kartaa huN
Munawwar

[abdulhadiruswa]

Janab Munawwar Saahib,

Tasleemaat,

Apki Tarahi ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye aapka shukriyah. Is kamyab kavish per khaksar kee daad aur mubarkbad qubool farmaayiye.

Khaksar,

Abdulhadi Ruswa,

[Munawwar]

Janaab Abdul Hadi SaaHab,

Zarrah nawaazee kaa shukriyah! Ummeed hai ke mustaqbil meN bhee inaayat farmaate raheNge

Aapkaa mamnoon
Munawwar

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Munawwar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Guzarish 24 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

khumaar-e-mai ko zaahid! too na jaane
ye ne'mat khoob bakhshsee hai khudaa ne

MaTlaA bahut khoob hei, waah waah.

miree turbat ke aage bozah khaane!
qafas ke pesh yeh gulshan suhaane!

Lafz "boozah'khaane" ko aap ne bozah-khaane likhkhaa hei. SheAr achchaa hei, waah waah.

na manzil kee hai gunjaaish na parwaa
ye achhee rah dikhaayee rahnumaa ne

Achcha Tanz hei. Waah waah.

na jaauN phir wahaaN, lekin kabhee to
wo zaalim bhee yahaaN aaye bulaane.

Achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

kabhee milne kee zahmat gar karo phir
"to shaayad lauT aayeN din puraane"

Gireh ke miSreA meiN lafz "phir" munaasib nahiN lag rahaa hei. Agar uski jagah "tum" kehdeN tou behtar hei.

yeh kaisaa rashk hai ke aasmaaN ne
parindoN ke jalaaye aashiyaane

SheAr achchaa hei, waah waah. Pahle miSreA ke aakhir meiN lafz "ne" se gurez karnaa chaahiye kiyunkeh wo doosre miSreA meiN radeef hei. Doosri baat yeh hei keh lafz "keh" aam Taur per "ye" aur "hey" ke bina paidaa houne waali aavaaz ke saath isteAmaal houtaa hei. Is liye mumkin hei ke is miSreA ko yuN kardiyaa jaaye:
yeh kaisaa be-amaaN rashk-e-falak hei

tujhe ruknaa hi thaa aye waqt! to phir
tu ruk jaataa ke jab the woh zamaane!

Achcha sheAr hei. "wo zamaane" se ibhaam paidaa hourahaa hei. Qaari sawaal karsaktaa hei "wo zamaane" se aapki kyaa muraad hei? Kaunse zamaane?

karooN naaz apni qismat par, ke ro'ooN?
wo kahte haiN hameN unko bhulaane.

Waah waah, bahut khoob.

unheN mere hi she'roN ko tha chunnaa?
lage bazm-e-'adoo meN jab wo gaane!

Achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

khabar aa'ee ke aayeNge "Munawwar"
tiree mehfil ko naghmoN se sajaane

MaqTaA bahut khoob hei waah waah. Bahut achchee khabar hei.


Aapka MukhliS,

Nazir.

[Munawwar]

Janaab-e-Mahataram Abdullah Naazir Saahab,

Aadaab!

Aapkaa kin alfaaz meN shukr adaa karooN? Aapne der se hi sahee, par jis andaaz se meree ghazal par tabSirah likhaa, uske liye maiN aapkaa tah-e-dil se mamnoon huN. Aapne jin baatoN kee taraf nishaan dehee farmaayee hai maiN un par ghaur karooNgaa.
Bas ab itnaa hi kahnaa chaahtaa huN ke ham jaise nau par aapke tajurbe aur besh i'lmee ke dam se hi parwaaz kaa iraadah karte haiN. Aap hamaaree rahbaree farmaayeN to chalne kaa mazaa hi kucch aur hai.

Ummeed hai ke aap meree be Sabree par naaraaZ naheeN hoNge. Aakhir mehr kee raushnee par har cheez kaa Haq hai

Aapkaa mamnoon khaadim
Munawwar