guz # 25

[zmufti]

Ahl-e-bazm
aadaab
apni aik puraani ghazal pesh kar rahi hooN jo issi zameen meN hai
aap ki aaraa ka intizaar rahe ga
regards
zmufti

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
zmufti SaaHibah,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

khwaab aankhaoN ne bune heiN jaan-e-jaanaaN kyaa kyaa
pal rahe heiN mire dil meiN haye armaaN kyaa kyaa

MaTlaA be-beHr hougayaa hei. IslaaH ke bahut saare imkaanaat meiN se aek yuN hei:
(khwaab aankhaoN ne bune heiN shab-e-hijraaN kyaa kyaa
pal rahe heiN dil-e-majboor meiN armaaN kyaa kyaa)

ik adaa-e-naaz se jeet loongi uskaa dil
phir nazar baandh legi waAdah o paimaaN kyaa kyaa

Yeh sheAr bhee be-beHr hougayaa hei. Is kee iSlaaH ke bahut saare imkaanaat meiN se aek yuN hei:
(jeetne dil, maiN sabhi naaz sahoongi us ke
jaane phir hounge baham waAda o paimaaN kyaa kyaa)

LauT aayengi bahjaareN yeh chaman mehke gaa
tere aajaane se raushan houe imkaaN kyaa kyaa

Yeh sheAr bilkul durust hei, waah waah.

dilrubaa khwaab kee paryaaN khushyaoN ke jugnoo
dil ke hamraah hougayaa aaj yeh raqSaaN kyaa kyaa

Yeh sheAr bhee be-BeHr hougayaa hei. Doosre miSreA meiN hougayaa ko agar "houaa" kardeN tou vazn meiN aajaayega; Is sheAr kee iSlaaH ke mukhtilif imkaanaat meiN se aek yuN hei:
(dilrubaa khwaab kee paryaaN houN ke raushan jugnoo
dil ke hamraah houe aaj yeh raqSaaN kyaa kyaa)

Teri chaahat meiN Sanam khud ko kaheeN khou baiThi
is muHabbat meiN uThaaye maiN ne nuqSaaN kyaa kyaa

is sheAr kaa pahlaa miSraA bilkul Theek hei. Doosre miSreA meiN iSlaaH kee Zaroorat hei kiyunkeh be-beHr hougayaa hei. IslaaH kee aek Soorat yeh hei:
(teri chaahat meiN Sanam khud ko kaheeN khou baiThi
is muHabbat meiN uThaane paRe nuqSaaN kyaa kyaa)

apni jaaN bechne nikle tou yeh ham ne jaanaa
gulshan-e-hasti meiN hei maut se arzaaN kyaa kyaa

Yeh sheAr SaHeeH hei, waah waah.

abr se barse sharar raakh houee faSl-e-gul
barq-e-qaatil ne ujaaRe heiN gulistaaN kyaa kyaa

SheAr beHr meiN hei aur achchaa hei. Doosre miSreA meiN barq-e-qaati kee jagah kuch aur sochiye tou behtar hei.

raat jab gehri huee dard ke taare chamke
daagh-e-dil zakhm-e-jigar huaa furozaaN kyaa kyaa

Pahlaa miSraA bahut achchaa hei. Doosraa miSraA vazn meiN nahiN hei aur maAni ke liHaaz se bhee ibaarat durust nahiN. IslaaH kee aek Soorat yeh hei:
(raat jab gehri houee dard ke taare chamke
zakhm seene meiN houe haaye furozaaN kyaa kyaa)

dukh khudaa bhee houa hei dekhkar yeh Aalam
sulm insaaN peh yahaaN kartaa hei insaaN kya kyaa

Doosra miSraA vazn meiN hei lekin pahlaa nahiN. IslaaH kee aek Soorat yuN hei:
(maSliHat kyaa hei khudaa kee yeh khudaa hee jaane
sulm insaaN peh yahaaN kartaa hei insaaN kyaa kyaa)
zouRhkar khaak-e-jigar peete heiN khoon-e-Hasrat
aur hameN dikhlaayegi gardish-e-dauraaN kyaa kyaa

Is sheAr kaa pahlaa miSraA beHr meiN hei lekin khaak-e-jigar ouRhne kee ibaarat durust nahiN maAloom houti. IslaaH kee aek Soorat yeh hei:
(Sabr karlete heiN apnaa hee luhoo pee pee kar
aur ham ArZ kareN garishish-e-dauraaN kyaa kyaa)


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

moHtarmah Zarqa Mufti Behen aadaab!

Guzarish 25 ke miSra' par kahe gaee aap kee Ghazal dekh~ee agarcheh is qabl bh~ee dusree meHfilooN meN yeh Ghazal dekh~ne ka maoqa' mila. baRee talaash aor meHnat se she'er kahe haiN. is se aap kee lagan aor urdu daostee ka bakhubee andazah ho ta hai.

aap ke haaN nafees alfaaz^ kee aarae,ish-o-zebaae,ish ka baRa ehtamaam kiya jata hai. lekin dusree t^araf maZ^ameen kee yaksaniyat ka rujHaan zeyadah hai. macala" asha'aar meN qareeb qareeb aek jaese maZ^moon kee jh~alkiyaaN dekh~aee detee haiN. mumkin hai. yeh aap kee sha'oree koshish ho. agar aap kee Ghazliyaat meN har she'er munfarid maZ^moon le kar bandh~a jae aor is silsilah meN qawafee se madad lee jae jo keh khud apnee zaat meN madadgaar hota hai. aor koshish se mukhtalif kaefiyat ke qawafee le kar pehle se alag rakh~ leye jaeeN to baRee madad miltee hai.

maiN aap se daostanah maHool meN raqam t^araz hooN ise meHZ^ bahamee dilchaspee tak hee meHdood rakh~eeN. maiN to khud seekh~ne ke ibtadaee maraHil se guzar raha hooN.

khaer in batooN ke ilawah aap kee Ghazal dekh~ kar baRee khushee huee mujh~e qawee ummeed hai keh aap apnee dilchaspee aor urdu se qalbee taa'luq ka caboot dete huwe YooN hee apna adabee safar jaree rakh~eeN gee. jis se hameeN Z^aroor kuch~ seekh~ne ka maoqa' mile ga.

Wassalam
Muz^affar AHmad Muz^affar

[zmufti]

Mohtaram Naazir saheb
Tasleemaat
maiN aap ki tah-e-dil se mamnoon hooN keh aap ne meri ghazal per tafsilee tabsara kiyaa aur ghalatioN ki nishandahi ke saath saath islaah bhee farma dee
Allah aap ko is ki jaza de Aamin
wasalaam
zmufti

[zmufti]

moHtarmah Zarqa Mufti Behen aadaab!

Guzarish 25 ke miSra' par kahe gaee aap kee Ghazal dekh~ee agarcheh is qabl bh~ee dusree meHfilooN meN yeh Ghazal dekh~ne ka maoqa' mila. baRee talaash aor meHnat se she'er kahe haiN. is se aap kee lagan aor urdu daostee ka bakhubee andazah ho ta hai.

Muzaffar bhai aap ka shukria

aap ke haaN nafees alfaaz^ kee aarae,ish-o-zebaae,ish ka baRa ehtamaam kiya jata hai. lekin dusree t^araf maZ^ameen kee yaksaniyat ka rujHaan zeyadah hai. macala" asha'aar meN qareeb qareeb aek jaese maZ^moon kee jh~alkiyaaN dekh~aee detee haiN. mumkin hai. yeh aap kee sha'oree koshish ho. agar aap kee Ghazliyaat meN har she'er munfarid maZ^moon le kar bandh~a jae aor is silsilah meN qawafee se madad lee jae jo keh khud apnee zaat meN madadgaar hota hai. aor koshish se mukhtalif kaefiyat ke qawafee le kar pehle se alag rakh~ leye jaeeN to baRee madad miltee hai.

Muaaf kijye ga Mujhe aap ki is baat se qataaN ittefaaq nahiN maiN ne har qisam ke mozooat per likha hai shayad aap ki nazar se nahiN guzra
issi bazm meN meri aik nazm "LaRkiaN" maujood hai


maiN aap se daostanah maHool meN raqam t^araz hooN ise meHZ^ bahamee dilchaspee tak hee meHdood rakh~eeN. maiN to khud seekh~ne ke ibtadaee maraHil se guzar raha hooN.

khaer in batooN ke ilawah aap kee Ghazal dekh~ kar baRee khushee huee mujh~e qawee ummeed hai keh aap apnee dilchaspee aor urdu se qalbee taa'luq ka caboot dete huwe YooN hee apna adabee safar jaree rakh~eeN gee. jis se hameeN Z^aroor kuch~ seekh~ne ka maoqa' mile ga.

Wassalam
Muz^affar AHmad Muz^affar[/color]

Muzaffar bhai
MaiN aap ki mamnoon hooN keh aap ne apna qeemti waqt meri maamooli ghazal per taweel tabsare meN sarf kiyya
regards
zmufti

[muhammad_19k]

Salam Zarqa ji,

aap ke ashaar ke leeaye Muzaffar sb ne behtareen jumlaa likha hai, wohi repeat kartaa hoon.

"bohat mehnat oar talaash se kehe gay shair haiN"


Allah kare zor e qalam oar ziadaa.

haan aap ki ghazal aor ustaad e mohtaram ka tabsiraa paRhte huwe pehlay thori si hairat hoee laikh phir baad meiN uqdaa khulaa ke aap ne apni paish kardaa ghazal "edit" kar lee hoee hai. kia hi achhchha ho ke asal ghazal bhi rehne di-ja-aye aor baad meiN tarmeem shudaa ghazal dobaraa post ki jaaye taake tabsira ki khoobsoorti barqaraar rahay.


Mukhlis,
Muhammad Khawar.