Yaaraan e bazm ko Salam aor Aadaab
kissi na kissi taraH kuch ashaar tarteeb day hi diaye haiN aor wohi haazir e khidmat haiN.
agar koi shaer aap ko pasand aa jaa-aye to zaroor nishaandahi keejiaye ga.
kissi bhi shaer ki behtari ke leeaye aap ki tajaaveez maire sar aankhoaN par hoaN gi. aor us ke leeaye mairi taraf se paishgi shukriyaa qabool farma-aye.
aap ka shukarguzar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui
ROMAN
1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
1 un se ab milnaa milaanaa choR de
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
7. seep meiN bantaa hai har qatra guhar 6
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
8. 3Halqa-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
10. paiRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
5dil ki dil meiN rakh sunaanaa choR de
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
13. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki kahaaN2
YooN4 ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
1. Anaa jaanaa
puranaa miSra thaa "un ke ghar meiN aanaa jaanaa choR de"
puraane moshaa-iray meiN kissi dost ne aanaa jaanaa ki tarkeet istemal ki thi jis par ustaad e mohtaram Abudullah Nazir sb ne iss tarkeeb ko aanaa ki alif ke giraa-aye jaane ki wajaa se tabdeel karne ka mashwaraa diyaa thaa. so meiN ne bhi tabdeel kar diyaa hai.
2. kahaaN
ub mujhe "naheeN" se "kahaaN" ziadaa behtar lag rahaa hai [:)]
3. koocha-e-yaaraaN
Janab Jawaid sb ki nishaandahi par kocha ke daira kaar ko kam karne ke leeaye "Halqa" ka lafz istemaal kiyaa hai. mazeed ra-aye ka intezaar rahay ga.
4. too
Jawaid SaHib ke nishaandahi par behtari ki aik koshish. too ko yooN se badal diyaa hai.
5. dil ki dil meiN rakh
puranaa miSraa thaa dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de. bunat ki behtari ke leeaye kar diyaa hai dil ki dil meiN rakh, sunaanaa choR de.
6. seep meiN
seep meiN qatra bhi bantaa hai guhar ko Jawaid sb ki ra-aye par behtar kar diyaa hai.
TaraH miSra 26 -------- Muhammad K. Siddqui.
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
-
muhammad_19k
- -
- Posts: 540
- Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:36 am
- Location: Lahore
- Contact:
TaraH miSra 26 -------- Muhammad K. Siddqui.
Last edited by muhammad_19k on Thu Mar 15, 2007 6:02 am, edited 6 times in total.
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
-
Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
- -
- Posts: 1258
- Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 1:40 pm
- Location: London, England
- Contact:
moHtaram MuHammad Khawar Siddiqui saHib aadaab-o-tasleemaat! 
Khawar SaHib kiya kehne lagta hai. keh in dinooN t^abiyat khob zaorooN par hai. tabh~ee to DeDh~ darjan se bh~ee zeyadah asha'aar kehe haiN.
meree koshish bh~ee yahee th~ee keh koee aesee zameen ho keh jis meN shae,ir qalam uTh~ae aor ph~ir likh~ta hee jae. aor aap kee yeh Ghazal aor us ke ba'd aek a'dad qt^a'ah dekh~ kar jee baRa khush huwa. maiN khud bh~ee isee kaefiyat se do chaar hooN. pehle aek Ghazal hoee aor us ke ba'd dusree ghazal ho gaee.
aap ke asha'aar par dad-o-teHseen ke liye mujh~e munasib alfaaz^ kee baRee qillat meHsoos ho rahee hai. dusre alfaaz^ meN yooN keh sakta hooN keh woh alfaaz^ kahaaN se laooN jo aap ke asha'aar ke shaayaan-e-shaan hooN. aap kee pehlee walee Ghazal aor Ghaleba" pehlee Ghazal jis ka radeef hai. " guzar jae" dekh~ kar to yeh aHsaas jaR pakaR geya th~a keh khuda ma'loom dusree Ghazal kab kaheeN ge.
khuda ka shukr hai. ab mujh~e tasallee hai. keh aap baqaeedagee se she'er kaheeN ge.
aap kee Ghazal baRee dilkash aor HaseeN hai. asha'aar par aap kee lagan aor meHnat ka andazah lagana mushkil naheeN. aap ne waqa'ee kafee talash se she'er kahe haiN. mere dua'a hai keh khuda aap ko is maedaan meN surkhuru kar de.(Ameen)
shae'er#10(tak)kee wajah se beHer se kharij ma'loom ho raha hai.
dekh~ lijiye ga.
jaesa keh aap ka she'er hai. keh,
"mouj gar saHal ((tak)) aanaa choR de"
aek Surat zehn meN hai. keh " maoj gar saHil peh aana ch~ooR de"
1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
Bohot khoob, waah waah
2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
un ke ghar meiN aanaa jaanaa choR de
kiya kehne waah waah,
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
kiya kehne waah,
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
waah ji waah, achch~ee girah lagaee hai.
5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
Bohot khob, aakhir aap ne (Jan-e-man baandh~ hee liya) khub bandh~a hai. waah
6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
kiya khob hai waah waah,
7. seep meiN qatraa bhi bantaa hai guhar.
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
Bohot khoob,
8. koocha-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
kiya kehne!!
9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
wah ji waah Khawar SaHib bohot khoob,
10. piaRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
Bohot khoob,
11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de
waah waah,
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
is maZ^moon kee samajh~ nah aasakee. khaer lekin is maiN Khawar SaHib (le jaa na) meN ((le)) ke paRh~ne men pesh aarahee hai. jis se kharij az beHer hone ka imkaan baR geya hai. ya'nee yeh 222 kee aawaz par aaraha hai. jabkeh ise 122 hona chahiye th~a.
agar miSra' yooN hota keh " laash woh shayad uTh~ana ch~ooR de"=2122.....2122....212=
la......sh....woh.... shaa=
2.......1.......2.........2
yad......u......Th~a...na=
2..........1.......2........2
ch~oo.......R......de=
2..............1........2
lekin aap ka miSra' hai.
la....sh.......wo......sh=
2......1.........2........2
yad.....((le)).....ja.....na=
2.........((2)).......2.........2
ch~o.......R.......de=
2............1.........2
mumkin hai. maiN Ghalat^ samajh~ raha hooN. meree iSlaH farma deeN shukriyah!
13. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki knaheeN
too ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
is kamyaab koshish par meree dilee dad aor mubarak baad qubool kijiYe.
Wassalam
Muz^affar A Muz^affar
Khawar SaHib kiya kehne lagta hai. keh in dinooN t^abiyat khob zaorooN par hai. tabh~ee to DeDh~ darjan se bh~ee zeyadah asha'aar kehe haiN.
meree koshish bh~ee yahee th~ee keh koee aesee zameen ho keh jis meN shae,ir qalam uTh~ae aor ph~ir likh~ta hee jae. aor aap kee yeh Ghazal aor us ke ba'd aek a'dad qt^a'ah dekh~ kar jee baRa khush huwa. maiN khud bh~ee isee kaefiyat se do chaar hooN. pehle aek Ghazal hoee aor us ke ba'd dusree ghazal ho gaee.
aap ke asha'aar par dad-o-teHseen ke liye mujh~e munasib alfaaz^ kee baRee qillat meHsoos ho rahee hai. dusre alfaaz^ meN yooN keh sakta hooN keh woh alfaaz^ kahaaN se laooN jo aap ke asha'aar ke shaayaan-e-shaan hooN. aap kee pehlee walee Ghazal aor Ghaleba" pehlee Ghazal jis ka radeef hai. " guzar jae" dekh~ kar to yeh aHsaas jaR pakaR geya th~a keh khuda ma'loom dusree Ghazal kab kaheeN ge.
khuda ka shukr hai. ab mujh~e tasallee hai. keh aap baqaeedagee se she'er kaheeN ge.aap kee Ghazal baRee dilkash aor HaseeN hai. asha'aar par aap kee lagan aor meHnat ka andazah lagana mushkil naheeN. aap ne waqa'ee kafee talash se she'er kahe haiN. mere dua'a hai keh khuda aap ko is maedaan meN surkhuru kar de.(Ameen)
shae'er#10(tak)kee wajah se beHer se kharij ma'loom ho raha hai.
dekh~ lijiye ga.
jaesa keh aap ka she'er hai. keh,
"mouj gar saHal ((tak)) aanaa choR de"
aek Surat zehn meN hai. keh " maoj gar saHil peh aana ch~ooR de"
1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
Bohot khoob, waah waah
2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
un ke ghar meiN aanaa jaanaa choR de
kiya kehne waah waah,
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
kiya kehne waah,
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
waah ji waah, achch~ee girah lagaee hai.
5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
Bohot khob, aakhir aap ne (Jan-e-man baandh~ hee liya) khub bandh~a hai. waah
6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
kiya khob hai waah waah,
7. seep meiN qatraa bhi bantaa hai guhar.
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
Bohot khoob,
8. koocha-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
kiya kehne!!
9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
wah ji waah Khawar SaHib bohot khoob,
10. piaRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
Bohot khoob,
11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de
waah waah,
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
is maZ^moon kee samajh~ nah aasakee. khaer lekin is maiN Khawar SaHib (le jaa na) meN ((le)) ke paRh~ne men pesh aarahee hai. jis se kharij az beHer hone ka imkaan baR geya hai. ya'nee yeh 222 kee aawaz par aaraha hai. jabkeh ise 122 hona chahiye th~a.
agar miSra' yooN hota keh " laash woh shayad uTh~ana ch~ooR de"=2122.....2122....212=
la......sh....woh.... shaa=
2.......1.......2.........2
yad......u......Th~a...na=
2..........1.......2........2
ch~oo.......R......de=
2..............1........2
lekin aap ka miSra' hai.
la....sh.......wo......sh=
2......1.........2........2
yad.....((le)).....ja.....na=
2.........((2)).......2.........2
ch~o.......R.......de=
2............1.........2
mumkin hai. maiN Ghalat^ samajh~ raha hooN. meree iSlaH farma deeN shukriyah!
13. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki knaheeN
too ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
is kamyaab koshish par meree dilee dad aor mubarak baad qubool kijiYe.
Wassalam
Muz^affar A Muz^affar
-
muhammad_19k
- -
- Posts: 540
- Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:36 am
- Location: Lahore
- Contact:
Salam Janab Muzaffar Sb,
aap ki HoSla afzaai ke leeaye bohat mamnoon hooN. Allah taaalaa aap par rehmataoN oar naimatoaN ki baarish kare.
aap se aik baar phir darkhaast kar rahaa hooN ke mujhe ye zaroor bataayaa karaiN ki konse do aik shaer nisbatan beHtar haiN
apne jo nuqaat uthaa-aye haiN un ke leeaye dil se shukarguzar hooN. aa-i-aye un ko daikhte haiN.
aap ki daad se HoSlaa afzaai hoee.
. laikin mujhe pe meiN woh mafhoom adaa hotaa huwa nazar naheeN aa rahaa thaa jo "tak" meiN aataa hai. aor meiN ne tak ka tajurbaa karnay ka Hoslaa kiyaa ye sochtay huway ke tak ki kaaf aanaa ki alif meiN madgham ho rahi hai aor ye lafz "tak aanaa" ki baja-aye "takaanaa" ki awaz dai ga ( maire khayaal meiN ) jis se miSra beHr meiN rehay ga.
Molvi Abdul Haq sb ne iss ki misaal iss miSra se di hai,
ab us daastaN ko sunaa chahiaye
iss meiN ab ki be us meiN madgham ho rahi hai oar awaaz "abus" yani 12 ke wazn par nikal rahi hai.
iss taraH meiN ne "tak aanaa" meiN kaaf madgham kar ke "takaana" ki awaaz 122 par chahi hai.
aap ki mazeed rahnamai ka intezaar rahay ga.
aap ye ki giraane walay muamlay par mujhe ra-aye deejiaye ke kia ye naajaiz ho ga. ( ye mujhe bhi andaaza hai ke iss se bachne ki koshish karni chahiaye )
laikin mujhe kuch aor sujhaai naheeN day rahaa thaa.
agar uthaanaa istemaal karoooN to mafhooM kamzor reh ja-aye ga. laash uthaanay meiN khoon ka khat naheeN khich saktaa. kia aap kuch aor tajweez kar sakte haiN?
aor mafHoom ke mutaliq kia aap mujhe ijaazat daiN ge kuch aor comments ka intezaar kar looN? phir iss ke mafhoom ko bhi seedhaa karnay ki koshish kartay haiN.
aap ka bohat bohat shukriyaa,
mamnoon,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui
aap ki HoSla afzaai ke leeaye bohat mamnoon hooN. Allah taaalaa aap par rehmataoN oar naimatoaN ki baarish kare.
aap se aik baar phir darkhaast kar rahaa hooN ke mujhe ye zaroor bataayaa karaiN ki konse do aik shaer nisbatan beHtar haiN
apne jo nuqaat uthaa-aye haiN un ke leeaye dil se shukarguzar hooN. aa-i-aye un ko daikhte haiN.
waise ye aik tajurbaati shaer thaa. tajurbaati iss leeaye keh rahaa hooN ke mujhe ye yaqeen naheeN thaa ke meiN apni baat wazeh kar payaa hooN ke naheeNMuzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:
10. piaRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
Bohot khoob,
aap ki daad se HoSlaa afzaai hoee.maira pehla intekhaab mauj gar saHil peh aanaa chooR de hi thaa.Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:
shae'er#10(tak)kee wajah se beHer se kharij ma'loom ho raha hai.
dekh~ lijiye ga.
jaesa keh aap ka she'er hai. keh,
"mouj gar saHal ((tak)) aanaa choR de"
aek Surat zehn meN hai. keh " maoj gar saHil peh aana ch~ooR de"
. laikin mujhe pe meiN woh mafhoom adaa hotaa huwa nazar naheeN aa rahaa thaa jo "tak" meiN aataa hai. aor meiN ne tak ka tajurbaa karnay ka Hoslaa kiyaa ye sochtay huway ke tak ki kaaf aanaa ki alif meiN madgham ho rahi hai aor ye lafz "tak aanaa" ki baja-aye "takaanaa" ki awaz dai ga ( maire khayaal meiN ) jis se miSra beHr meiN rehay ga. Molvi Abdul Haq sb ne iss ki misaal iss miSra se di hai,
ab us daastaN ko sunaa chahiaye
iss meiN ab ki be us meiN madgham ho rahi hai oar awaaz "abus" yani 12 ke wazn par nikal rahi hai.
iss taraH meiN ne "tak aanaa" meiN kaaf madgham kar ke "takaana" ki awaaz 122 par chahi hai.
aap ki mazeed rahnamai ka intezaar rahay ga.
meiN aap ki itni moHabbat ka shukarguzar hooN. aap theek farmaate haiN haiN. le jaanaa ki ye ko giraanaa paRhtaa hai. mujhe lagaa ke ye "ye" giraai ja sakti hai. "ye" ko giraaane ki wazaaHat ke leeaye hi meiN ne "lejaaanaa" ko roman meiN ikathaa likhaa hai.Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
is maZ^moon kee samajh~ nah aasakee. khaer lekin is maiN Khawar SaHib (le jaa na) meN ((le)) ke paRh~ne men pesh aarahee hai. jis se kharij az beHer hone ka imkaan baR geya hai. ya'nee yeh 222 kee aawaz par aaraha hai. jabkeh ise 122 hona chahiye th~a.
agar miSra' yooN hota keh " laash woh shayad uTh~ana ch~ooR de"=2122.....2122....212=
la......sh....woh.... shaa=
2.......1.......2.........2
yad......u......Th~a...na=
2..........1.......2........2
ch~oo.......R......de=
2..............1........2
lekin aap ka miSra' hai.
la....sh.......wo......sh=
2......1.........2........2
yad.....((le)).....ja.....na=
2.........((2)).......2.........2
ch~o.......R.......de=
2............1.........2
mumkin hai. maiN Ghalat^ samajh~ raha hooN. meree iSlaH farma deeN shukriyah!
aap ye ki giraane walay muamlay par mujhe ra-aye deejiaye ke kia ye naajaiz ho ga. ( ye mujhe bhi andaaza hai ke iss se bachne ki koshish karni chahiaye
)laikin mujhe kuch aor sujhaai naheeN day rahaa thaa.
agar uthaanaa istemaal karoooN to mafhooM kamzor reh ja-aye ga. laash uthaanay meiN khoon ka khat naheeN khich saktaa. kia aap kuch aor tajweez kar sakte haiN?
aor mafHoom ke mutaliq kia aap mujhe ijaazat daiN ge kuch aor comments ka intezaar kar looN? phir iss ke mafhoom ko bhi seedhaa karnay ki koshish kartay haiN.
aap ka bohat bohat shukriyaa,
mamnoon,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
-
jawaid badauni
- -
- Posts: 810
- Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 5:38 am
- Contact:
Azeezi wa MoHibbee Khawar SaaHab,
aadaab
MaiN Amuman taFseeli ya tanqeedi tabsaroN se gurez karta hooN jiski kaii wojuHaat haiN. Awwal tou meri apni maSroofiyaat, doosrey mujhe Khadsha bhi lahaq hota hai keh kahiN mera tabsarah kisee naye saathee ki hommt nah toR dey ya unki dilshiknee ka sabab nah bun jaye. Yehee wajH hai keh kum se kum "open forum" meN maiN tanqeed se bachta hooN.
Aap ka moAmlah muKhtalif hai. Awwal to maiN ne meHsoos kiya keh aap ko Urdu zubaan per bohat uboor HaSil hai magar sheroN meN Safaii "finishing touch" ki kamee hai is liye mera farz banta hai keh ek naujawaan dost ki habt.ul.imkaan rahbaree karooN. Doosre yeh keh Khood aapka israar bhee hai keh tanqeedi tabsara kiya jaye aur woh bhi forum meN. MaiN jo bhi mashwarey aap ko dey raha hooN woh Galat bhee ho sakte haiN. Aap ka har baat ko maan lena qatAn lazim nahiN. Haan agar kisee nukte per aap muttafiq haiN tou usper zaroor amal kijiyega.
YuuN hee mashq karte rahiyega, insha Allah ek din bohat achche shayar baneNge yeh mere dAwa hai.
Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
ThoRa sa aur Saaf kar lijiye. Waise jahaN tak mujhe
ilm hai yaad aati hai manaii nahiN jaati, haaN Gum manaya
jata hai......
2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
us se ub milnaa milaanaa choR de
Doosra miSra bohat tez hai magar pahla misra
us se rabt nahiN qaaiim kar saka. Doosrey misrey ka
kuch behtar istaimal kijiye bohat achcha misra hai.
Masla":
ho rahee haiN har taraf ruswaaiyaaN
us se ub milna milaana choR de
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
sher ka matlab wazeh nahiN ho raha hai.
AaNkh meN dilbar basane se kya murad hai?
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
Achcha hai
5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
Tadbeer se nazreN churaane ka kya rabt hai?
Kuch taqdeer.o.tadbeer ke falsafey ki baat hoti
to baat digar thee.
6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
doosra misra yuuN kar ke dekhiy:
teGh apnoN per chalaanaa choR de
7. seep meiN qatraa bhi bantaa hai guhar.
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
seep meN banta hai ik qatra guhar
chashm.e tar ...............
8. koocha-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
Pahla misra achcha hai magar doosre se shayad
koii rabt nahiN bun raha hai. Yuun karke dekhiye:
hai wahaN bhi har taraf boo.e hasad
koocha-ay.e yaaraaN meN jaana choR de
9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
aajazi meN hai kamaal.e fun nihaaN
apne gun lillaah gaanaa choR de
10. piaRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
Alfaz ke e'tbaar se achcha shere hai magar
mAAna kuch Saaf nahiN.
11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de
dil ka Gam sub ko sunaana choR de
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
Lejana ka istaimal achcha nahin lag raha hai.
Sahee lafz le jana hai.
13. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
Bhaii! main tou is sheer ko yuuN kahta
aur der tak apne aap ko daad deta rahta:
"Karabala" deti hai baatil ko payaam
ahl.e haq ko aazmaana choR de
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
dil dukhaake kyuuN yeh K'Abey ke tawaaf ?
Too tou yeh chakkar lagana choR de
15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki knaheeN
too ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
Yeh tou mere maqtey ke bohat qareeb aa gaya hai.
Chaliye mujhe koii e'traaz nahin hai. Doosrey misrey
ko Saaf kar lijiyega, maslan:
shaairee ke gul khilaana choR de
aadaab
MaiN Amuman taFseeli ya tanqeedi tabsaroN se gurez karta hooN jiski kaii wojuHaat haiN. Awwal tou meri apni maSroofiyaat, doosrey mujhe Khadsha bhi lahaq hota hai keh kahiN mera tabsarah kisee naye saathee ki hommt nah toR dey ya unki dilshiknee ka sabab nah bun jaye. Yehee wajH hai keh kum se kum "open forum" meN maiN tanqeed se bachta hooN.
Aap ka moAmlah muKhtalif hai. Awwal to maiN ne meHsoos kiya keh aap ko Urdu zubaan per bohat uboor HaSil hai magar sheroN meN Safaii "finishing touch" ki kamee hai is liye mera farz banta hai keh ek naujawaan dost ki habt.ul.imkaan rahbaree karooN. Doosre yeh keh Khood aapka israar bhee hai keh tanqeedi tabsara kiya jaye aur woh bhi forum meN. MaiN jo bhi mashwarey aap ko dey raha hooN woh Galat bhee ho sakte haiN. Aap ka har baat ko maan lena qatAn lazim nahiN. Haan agar kisee nukte per aap muttafiq haiN tou usper zaroor amal kijiyega.
YuuN hee mashq karte rahiyega, insha Allah ek din bohat achche shayar baneNge yeh mere dAwa hai.
Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
ThoRa sa aur Saaf kar lijiye. Waise jahaN tak mujhe
ilm hai yaad aati hai manaii nahiN jaati, haaN Gum manaya
jata hai......
2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
us se ub milnaa milaanaa choR de
Doosra miSra bohat tez hai magar pahla misra
us se rabt nahiN qaaiim kar saka. Doosrey misrey ka
kuch behtar istaimal kijiye bohat achcha misra hai.
Masla":
ho rahee haiN har taraf ruswaaiyaaN
us se ub milna milaana choR de
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
sher ka matlab wazeh nahiN ho raha hai.
AaNkh meN dilbar basane se kya murad hai?
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
Achcha hai
5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
Tadbeer se nazreN churaane ka kya rabt hai?
Kuch taqdeer.o.tadbeer ke falsafey ki baat hoti
to baat digar thee.
6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
doosra misra yuuN kar ke dekhiy:
teGh apnoN per chalaanaa choR de
7. seep meiN qatraa bhi bantaa hai guhar.
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
seep meN banta hai ik qatra guhar
chashm.e tar ...............
8. koocha-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
Pahla misra achcha hai magar doosre se shayad
koii rabt nahiN bun raha hai. Yuun karke dekhiye:
hai wahaN bhi har taraf boo.e hasad
koocha-ay.e yaaraaN meN jaana choR de
9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
aajazi meN hai kamaal.e fun nihaaN
apne gun lillaah gaanaa choR de
10. piaRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
Alfaz ke e'tbaar se achcha shere hai magar
mAAna kuch Saaf nahiN.
11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de
dil ka Gam sub ko sunaana choR de
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
Lejana ka istaimal achcha nahin lag raha hai.
Sahee lafz le jana hai.
13. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
Bhaii! main tou is sheer ko yuuN kahta
aur der tak apne aap ko daad deta rahta:
"Karabala" deti hai baatil ko payaam
ahl.e haq ko aazmaana choR de
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
dil dukhaake kyuuN yeh K'Abey ke tawaaf ?
Too tou yeh chakkar lagana choR de
15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki knaheeN
too ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
Yeh tou mere maqtey ke bohat qareeb aa gaya hai.
Chaliye mujhe koii e'traaz nahin hai. Doosrey misrey
ko Saaf kar lijiyega, maslan:
shaairee ke gul khilaana choR de
-
muhammad_19k
- -
- Posts: 540
- Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:36 am
- Location: Lahore
- Contact:
Mohtaram Jawaid Sb,
Adab o tasleemat,
meiN is mohabbat ka behad mamnoon hooN ke aap ne mujhe iss qaabil samjha ke maire leeaye apni amumiat se bahir aa-aye aor apni maSroofiat meiN se maire leeaye waqt nikaalaa. Allah taalaa aap ko jaza day. laikin meiN takhleeqat par ahl e nazar logoaN ke tabSiraa ko bohat ahmiat daitaa hooN. iss ke wajaa hai ke meiN ne seekhaa hi in tabsiraa jaat se hai.
aap maidaan e ghazal meiN mairi nozaaidigi ke andaaza iss baat se lagaa sakte haiN ke mairi baaqaaida ghazloaN ke taadad abhi 10 se bhi kam ho gi. aor meiN ne jo seekhaa hai AbdulaH Nazir Sb aor doosre asaataaza se do aik portals par hi seekhaa hai jis meiN urdu bandan sar e fehrist hai.
aap ne mairi koshishoaN ko ko shaer , unfinished hi sahi, keh kar mairi HoSla afazai farmaai hai. jis ke leeaye meiN shukrguzar hooN
meiN tabSiraa ke ahmiat ka zikr karchukaa hooN aor forum mieN is leeaye ke ye rasm ban jaa-aye aor mairi taraH ke doosre dost bhi in tabSiraa jaat ko paRh kar seekh sakaiN.mairaa mehboob tareen mashghaalaa , in web sites par, asaataaza ke tabSiraa jaat paRhnaa hai.
YuuN hee mashq karte rahiyega, insha Allah ek din bohat achche shayar baneNge yeh mere dAwa hai.
Allah taalaa aap ki dua'aa qabool karay oar is dua'aa ka ajar bhi day
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
aap ko kuch ashaar ke mafhoom par aitraaz hai. meiN bohat bohat maazirat ke saath abhi in ki wazaahat naheeN karooN ga ke doosre qaari biased ho kar in ashhaar ko mari aankhoaN se daikhna shroo kar daiN. . mujhe umeed hai ke aap muaf farma-aiN ge. laikin iss baat ka yaqeen rakhiaye ga ke meiN un par ghor kar rahaa hooN
Sir, haath joR ke khaRa hooN. kuch doosre dostoaN ke comments ka intezaar hai.
ji shukriyaa
7. seep meiN qatraa bhi bantaa hai guhar.
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
seep meN banta hai ik qatra guhar
chashm.e tar ...............
ji shukriyaa.
waah. aap ka shaer yaqeenun bohat khoobsoorat hai. mairi taraf se bhi dhairoaN daad. ye meiN apni ghazal meiN lagaa looN to yaqeenun daad hi daad ho gi. laikin chooNke mafhoom meiN tabdeeli hai. alfaaz bhi tabdeel kiaye gay haiN oar mairaa koi miSraa bhi istemaal naheeN huwaa iss leeaye iss ko meiN apni ghazal meiN lagaana, bawajood pasandeedgi, ke bay eemaani samjhooN ga. aap se pur zor iSraar hai ke apni ghazal meiN iss khoobSoorat shaer ka izaafaaa farmaa-aye.
tajweez ke leeaye shukriyaa. aap ka pehlaa miSraa bohat achhchha hai. laikin maire dooSre ke saath fit naheeN hoga. aor poora shaer tabdeel karooN to woh to aap ka hi ho ja-aye gaa aor mair aaditaiN bigar jaa-aiN gi
ye bilkul ghair iraadi huwaa hai . laikin mairay leeaye azaaz ki baat hai .
aap ka bohat bohat sukr guzar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
Adab o tasleemat,
[/b][/color]MaiN Amuman taFseeli ya tanqeedi tabsaroN se gurez karta hooN jiski kaii wojuHaat haiN. Awwal tou meri apni maSroofiyaat, doosrey mujhe Khadsha bhi lahaq hota hai keh kahiN mera tabsarah kisee naye saathee ki hommt nah toR dey ya unki dilshiknee ka sabab nah bun jaye. Yehee wajH hai keh kum se kum "open forum" meN maiN tanqeed se bachta hooN.
meiN is mohabbat ka behad mamnoon hooN ke aap ne mujhe iss qaabil samjha ke maire leeaye apni amumiat se bahir aa-aye aor apni maSroofiat meiN se maire leeaye waqt nikaalaa. Allah taalaa aap ko jaza day. laikin meiN takhleeqat par ahl e nazar logoaN ke tabSiraa ko bohat ahmiat daitaa hooN. iss ke wajaa hai ke meiN ne seekhaa hi in tabsiraa jaat se hai.
aap maidaan e ghazal meiN mairi nozaaidigi ke andaaza iss baat se lagaa sakte haiN ke mairi baaqaaida ghazloaN ke taadad abhi 10 se bhi kam ho gi. aor meiN ne jo seekhaa hai AbdulaH Nazir Sb aor doosre asaataaza se do aik portals par hi seekhaa hai jis meiN urdu bandan sar e fehrist hai.
Aap ka moAmlah muKhtalif hai. Awwal to maiN ne meHsoos kiya keh aap ko Urdu zubaan per bohat uboor HaSil hai magar sheroN meN Safaii "finishing touch" ki kamee.
aap ne mairi koshishoaN ko ko shaer , unfinished hi sahi, keh kar mairi HoSla afazai farmaai hai. jis ke leeaye meiN shukrguzar hooN
hai is liye mera farz banta hai keh ek naujawaan dost ki habt.ul.imkaan rahbaree karooN. Doosre yeh keh Khood aapka israar bhee hai keh tanqeedi tabsara kiya jaye aur woh bhi forum meN.
meiN tabSiraa ke ahmiat ka zikr karchukaa hooN aor forum mieN is leeaye ke ye rasm ban jaa-aye aor mairi taraH ke doosre dost bhi in tabSiraa jaat ko paRh kar seekh sakaiN.mairaa mehboob tareen mashghaalaa , in web sites par, asaataaza ke tabSiraa jaat paRhnaa hai.
ji meiN is baat se ittefaaq kartaa hooN ke kissi ki har tajweez ko hamaaraa zahn qabool naheeN kartaa. laikin is ka ye matlab bhi naheeN ke ke us ki tajweez ye nishaandahi baikaar jaati hai. maira ye pukhtaa yaqeen hai ke shaer par kiaye gay tabSiraa se shaaer ke zahn ke dareechay khultay haiN. aor uss pataa chaltaa hai ke woh kia kehnaa chahtaa thaa oar qaari ne usse kia samjhaMaiN jo bhi mashwarey aap ko dey raha hooN woh Galat bhee ho sakte haiN. Aap ka har baat ko maan lena qatAn lazim nahiN. Haan agar kisee nukte per aap muttafiq haiN tou usper zaroor amal kijiyega.
YuuN hee mashq karte rahiyega, insha Allah ek din bohat achche shayar baneNge yeh mere dAwa hai.
Allah taalaa aap ki dua'aa qabool karay oar is dua'aa ka ajar bhi day
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
aap ko kuch ashaar ke mafhoom par aitraaz hai. meiN bohat bohat maazirat ke saath abhi in ki wazaahat naheeN karooN ga ke doosre qaari biased ho kar in ashhaar ko mari aankhoaN se daikhna shroo kar daiN. . mujhe umeed hai ke aap muaf farma-aiN ge. laikin iss baat ka yaqeen rakhiaye ga ke meiN un par ghor kar rahaa hooN
ji likhtay waqt hi mujhe is cheez ka andaaza thaa. laikin meiN yaad manaan ke istemaal se aik event ka sa taassur paidaa karnaa chaah rahaa thaa jis se yaad karne meiN josh o jazbaa nazar aa-aye1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
ThoRa sa aur Saaf kar lijiye. Waise jahaN tak mujhe
ilm hai yaad aati hai manaii nahiN jaati, haaN Gum manaya
jata hai......
yaqeenun aap kehte haiN toa doosre miSra meiN koi khaaS baat ho gi. mujhe pehla miSraa bohat pasand hai. aor maire zahn meiN aik mafhoom bhi hai. daikhte haiN agar kuch aor dostaoN ko bhi yehi, mafhoom ke clear, ka khyaal huwaa to meiN is par zaroor sochooN ga.2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
us se ub milnaa milaanaa choR de
Doosra miSra bohat tez hai magar pahla misra
us se rabt nahiN qaaiim kar saka. Doosrey misrey ka
kuch behtar istaimal kijiye bohat achcha misra hai.
Masla":
ho rahee haiN har taraf ruswaaiyaaN
us se ub milna milaana choR de
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
sher ka matlab wazeh nahiN ho raha hai.
AaNkh meN dilbar basane se kya murad hai?
Sir, haath joR ke khaRa hooN. kuch doosre dostoaN ke comments ka intezaar hai.
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
Achcha hai
ji shukriyaa
Sir uqdaa-a-aye tadbeer se nazreN churaane ka taaluq daikhiaye.5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
Tadbeer se nazreN churaane ka kya rabt hai?
Kuch taqdeer.o.tadbeer ke falsafey ki baat hoti
to baat digar thee.
"waar seh" ki tarkeeb bhi meiN ne tajurbaati tor par istemaal ki thi. meiN iss par ghor kar rahaa hooN.6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
doosra misra yuuN kar ke dekhiy:
teGh apnoN per chalaanaa choR de
7. seep meiN qatraa bhi bantaa hai guhar.
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
seep meN banta hai ik qatra guhar
chashm.e tar ...............
ji shukriyaa.
meiN ne apnaa hi mafhoom barqar rakhte huway aik tabdeli ki hai taa ke koocha-e-yaaraaN ki bay rabti kuch kam ho jaa-aye. agar is par dobaaraa raa-aye zani karaiN toa shukr guzar hooN ga.8. koocha-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
Pahla misra achcha hai magar doosre se shayad
koii rabt nahiN bun raha hai. Yuun karke dekhiye:
hai wahaN bhi har taraf boo.e hasad
koocha-ay.e yaaraaN meN jaana choR de
ji is par bhi ghor karooN ga.9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
aajazi meN hai kamaal.e fun nihaaN
apne gun lillaah gaanaa choR de
ji aap theek farmataiN haiN. kuch gehraa shaer kehne ki koshish ki hai,. lagtaa hai kaamyaab naheeN ho sakaaa10. piaRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
Alfaz ke e'tbaar se achcha shere hai magar
mAAna kuch Saaf nahiN.
iss par bhi ghor karooN11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de
dil ka Gam sub ko sunaana choR de
ji meiN lay ki ye wazn ke leeaye giraa rahaa hooN roman meiN ikatha is leeaye likha ke wazn ki wazaahat ho ja aye. urdu meiN "lay jaanaa" hi likhnaa chahtaa hooN.12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
Lejana ka istaimal achcha nahin lag raha hai.
Sahee lafz le jana hai.
113. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
Bhaii! main tou is sheer ko yuuN kahta
aur der tak apne aap ko daad deta rahta:
"Karabala" deti hai baatil ko payaam
ahl.e haq ko aazmaana choR de
waah. aap ka shaer yaqeenun bohat khoobsoorat hai. mairi taraf se bhi dhairoaN daad. ye meiN apni ghazal meiN lagaa looN to yaqeenun daad hi daad ho gi. laikin chooNke mafhoom meiN tabdeeli hai. alfaaz bhi tabdeel kiaye gay haiN oar mairaa koi miSraa bhi istemaal naheeN huwaa iss leeaye iss ko meiN apni ghazal meiN lagaana, bawajood pasandeedgi, ke bay eemaani samjhooN ga. aap se pur zor iSraar hai ke apni ghazal meiN iss khoobSoorat shaer ka izaafaaa farmaa-aye.
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
dil dukhaake kyuuN yeh K'Abey ke tawaaf ?
Too tou yeh chakkar lagana choR de
tajweez ke leeaye shukriyaa. aap ka pehlaa miSraa bohat achhchha hai. laikin maire dooSre ke saath fit naheeN hoga
. aor poora shaer tabdeel karooN to woh to aap ka hi ho ja-aye gaa aor mair aaditaiN bigar jaa-aiN gi 15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki kahaaN
too ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
Yeh tou mere maqtey ke bohat qareeb aa gaya hai.
Chaliye mujhe koii e'traaz nahin hai. Doosrey misrey
ko Saaf kar lijiyega, maslan:
shaairee ke gul khilaana choR de
ye bilkul ghair iraadi huwaa hai
. laikin mairay leeaye azaaz ki baat hai .aap ka bohat bohat sukr guzar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
-
muhammad_19k
- -
- Posts: 540
- Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:36 am
- Location: Lahore
- Contact:
Saraj ji,
aap ke mashwaray oar daad ke leeaye shukriyaa.
mamnoon,
Muhammad Khawar.
aap ke mashwaray oar daad ke leeaye shukriyaa.
mamnoon,
Muhammad Khawar.
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
-
haamidbaaqri
- -
- Posts: 567
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:50 am
- Location: bangalore, india 00-91-9341253797
- Contact:
Re: TaraH miSra 26 -------- Muhammad K. Siddqui.
Assalaam o alaikummuhammad_19k wrote:Yaaraan e bazm ko Salam aor Aadaab
kissi na kissi taraH kuch ashaar tarteeb day hi diaye haiN aor wohi haazir e khidmat haiN.
agar koi shaer aap ko pasand aa jaa-aye to zaroor nishaandahi keejiaye ga.
kissi bhi shaer ki behtari ke leeaye aap ki tajaaveez maire sar aankhoaN par hoaN gi. aor us ke leeaye mairi taraf se paishgi shukriyaa qabool farma-aye.
aap ka shukarguzar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui
ROMAN
1. aa chuki taazeer jaanaa choR de
yaad bhi aye dil manaanaa choR de
2. Khaab ki taabeer kuch meiN bhi kahooN
1 un se ab milnaa milaanaa choR de
3. KyooN rahe SeHra meiN ik naazuk mizaaj
aankh meiN dilbar basaanaa choR de
4. dil lagaanaa dil lagi jaaisaa naheeN
"koi kaise dil lagaanaa choR de"
5. khhul chukaa uqdaa tirii tadbeer ka
jaan e jaaN nazraiN churaanaa choR de
6. bay niazi ! taigh e Husn e yaar hai
waar seh aor dil jalaanaa choR de
7. seep meiN bantaa hai har qatra guhar 6
chasm e tar,! aansoo bahanaa choR de
8. 3Halqa-aye yaaraN meiN hai boo-e -hasad
kunj e zakhm -aye dil dikhaanaa choR de
9. aajazi meiN hai kamaal fan nihaaN
apne fan ke geet gaanaa choR de.
10. paiRh payaasaa bar lab saHal rahay
mouj gar saHal tak aanaa choR de
11. baat jo nikli paraa-ee ho gayee
5dil ki dil meiN rakh sunaanaa choR de
12. khoon se khinchtaa huwaa khat daikh kar
laash woh shayad lejaanaa choR de
13. Sabr kia karb oa balaa ke baad ho
aye khudaa! ab aazamaanaa choR de
14. hay sikhisataa dil se bay parwaah joa
ka'aabaa ke chakkar lagaanaa choR de
15. shaa'iri :khawar: tiray bas ki kahaaN2
YooN4 ghazal meiN gul khilaanay choR de.
1. Anaa jaanaa
puranaa miSra thaa "un ke ghar meiN aanaa jaanaa choR de"
puraane moshaa-iray meiN kissi dost ne aanaa jaanaa ki tarkeet istemal ki thi jis par ustaad e mohtaram Abudullah Nazir sb ne iss tarkeeb ko aanaa ki alif ke giraa-aye jaane ki wajaa se tabdeel karne ka mashwaraa diyaa thaa. so meiN ne bhi tabdeel kar diyaa hai.
2. kahaaN
ub mujhe "naheeN" se "kahaaN" ziadaa behtar lag rahaa hai [:)]
3. koocha-e-yaaraaN
Janab Jawaid sb ki nishaandahi par kocha ke daira kaar ko kam karne ke leeaye "Halqa" ka lafz istemaal kiyaa hai. mazeed ra-aye ka intezaar rahay ga.
4. too
Jawaid SaHib ke nishaandahi par behtari ki aik koshish. too ko yooN se badal diyaa hai.
5. dil ki dil meiN rakh
puranaa miSraa thaa dil ki rakh dil meiN sunaanaa choR de. bunat ki behtari ke leeaye kar diyaa hai dil ki dil meiN rakh, sunaanaa choR de.
6. seep meiN
seep meiN qatra bhi bantaa hai guhar ko Jawaid sb ki ra-aye par behtar kar diyaa hai.
mohtaram mohammed khawar saahib
masha allah badee mehnat kee hai aapnay.
bahut kuch aapki is mukhlisaanah kaushish kay baaray mei.n ustado.n nay kaha hai .mazeed kuch kehnay ko baaqi nahi.n hai.chu.nkeh hum khud aik taalibay ilm hai.n.
hum apni dilki gehraaiyo.n say aapki is khoobsoorat kaushish per mubaarakbaad pesh kartay hai.n.qubool keejiye.
mukhlis
haamidbaaqri
isee tartah mashq jaari rakhiye.
mai.n to karta nahi.n kuch aur ebaadat ke siwa
paas mere nahi.n kuch aur mohabbat ke siwa
paas mere nahi.n kuch aur mohabbat ke siwa
-
muhammad_19k
- -
- Posts: 540
- Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:36 am
- Location: Lahore
- Contact:
Mohtaram Janab Hamid Baaqri Sb,
mamnoon,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
koshish ki pazeerai ke leeaye shukriyaa qabool keejiaye,Assalaam o alaikum
mohtaram mohammed khawar saahib
masha allah badee mehnat kee hai aapnay.
bahut kuch aapki is mukhlisaanah kaushish kay baaray mei.n ustado.n nay kaha hai .mazeed kuch kehnay ko baaqi nahi.n hai.chu.nkeh hum khud aik taalibay ilm hai.n.
hum apni dilki gehraaiyo.n say aapki is khoobsoorat kaushish per mubaarakbaad pesh kartay hai.n.qubool keejiye.
mukhlis
haamidbaaqri
mamnoon,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com