Asaataaza ki iSlah! Aik khel!

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:27 am

Tamam Ahl e bazm ko Salam!

Kissi jagaa parhaa thaa ke sha-eri ka ustaad woh sha'ir hotaa hai ke jis ke shaer meiN ko bhi lafz tabdeel karne se us ke sher ka Husn jaataa rahay ga. Yaani Alfaaz pehle hi iss khoobSoorti se pro-aye hotaiN haiN ke un meiN tabdeeli un ke Husn meiN bigaaR to paidaa kar sakti hai laikin us ko mazeed behtar naheeN kar saktaa.

dooSri taraf asaataaza is muqam par bhi hotay haiN ke kissi aam se sha'er meiN sirf aik hi lafz change kar ke ussay shahkaar banaa daitaiN hai.

Mairay haath aik kitaab lagi jis meiN astaaza ki iSlaaH ke kuch namoonay diaye gay haiN. to sochaa aap ke saath baant looN. laikin tareeqa qaar mujhe Jawaid Sb ka hi pasand aayaa taa ke dil chaspi baaqi rahay oar phir ham jitnaa sochtay haiN, fan utnaa hi nikhartaa hai.

Moulanaa Altaf HussaiN Haali ka aik sha'er daikhiaye.

baarhaa daikh chukay tairaa farab aye zaalim
ham se ub jaan ke dhokaa naheeN khayaa jaataa

is par sheikh imaam bakhs nasikh ne iSlaah di jis se shaer ka Husn barH gayaa.

kia hameiN sochnaa chahiaye ke kia tabdeeli ki gayee thi?

Ishaara: sirf aik lafz tabdeel kiya gia thaa. jo "failun" (2 2) ke wazn par hai.

Post by **Hashmat Usmani** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:32 am

mere Khayaal se lafz-e-"zaalim" ko lafz-e-"dost" se tabdeel kiyaa gayaa hogaa kiuN k dhoka to zaalim se nahiin khaayaa jaataa bal koii dost hii daGhaa de kar baa'is-e-qalaq ban saktaa hai.

aapke jawaab kaa intizaar rahegaa. shukria.

Post by **sbashwar** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:48 am

Mere khayal mein HUSN bhi hosakta hai.

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:09 am

Salam Saraa ji,

sara_j wrote: khawar sahib adaab arz hai,

ye acha silsila shuru kiya hai Jawaid bhai aur aap ne is se dimaagh per zor aur souchne ki salahiyet baRhti hai

Iss silsalay ka sehraa bhi Jawaid SaHib ke sir hi jaataa hai.

lekin aapne jo likha vo tou Haali ke ashaar paRh ker bhi tou hum bata sakte hain na, is mein mashq kahan hogi?

agar aap shaer na paRhaiN ge to mashq hi ho gi na. [:-)]

shayari ko itni sanjeedgi se maine kabhi nahi liya bas aek shauq tha balke aek zidd thi kisi ko dikhaane ke liye.

khair aapne jo shair likha
baarhaa daikh chukay tairaa farab aye zaalim
ham se ub jaan ke dhokaa naheeN khayaa jaataa
aur usme jis lafz ko badla gaya voh lafz shayed
'zaalim' hoga,

aap theek farmaateeN haiN woh lafz Zalim hi hai. ubb is baat ke leeaye zor lagaa-aye ke kona lafz ho saktaa hai.

ab iski wazahat aap hi keejiye ke aisa
kyun kiya gaya? aap jis kitaab mein paRh rahe hain usme
tafseel bhi likhi hogi humse zaroor share keejiyega.

iss ke leeaye kuch waqt dijiaye. pehlay daikhay haiN ke aor dost kia tabdeeliaN suggest karay haiN.

mamnoon,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:16 am

Salam Hashmat Usmani Sb,

is khel meiN hiSSaa laine ka shukriyaa.

Hashmat Usmani wrote:mere Khayaal se lafz-e-"zaalim" ko lafz-e-"dost" se tabdeel kiyaa gayaa hogaa kiuN k dhoka to zaalim se nahiin khaayaa jaataa bal koii dost hii daGhaa de kar baa'is-e-qalaq ban saktaa hai.

ji aap bilkul theek farmateiN haiN. ke lafz dost ko tabdeel kiyaa gyaa. laikin "dost" ke saath naheeN.

Zalim ki jagaa jo lafz layaa gayaa woh bhi failun (2 2) ke wazn par hai.

aapke jawaab kaa intizaar rahegaa. shukria.

Ji meiN jald hi jawab day dooN ga.

aap ka mamnoon,
Muhammad Khawar.

Post by **Hashmat Usmani** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:53 am

muhammad_19k wrote: Zalim ki jagaa jo lafz layaa gayaa woh bhi failun (2 2) ke wazn par hai.

oops!!! maiN ne jald-baazii meN Ghaur se nahiiN paRhaa...shitaanii kaam kar baiThaa ... sorry!

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:46 am

Hashmat Usmani wrote:
muhammad_19k wrote: Zalim ki jagaa jo lafz layaa gayaa woh bhi failun (2 2) ke wazn par hai.
oops!!! maiN ne jald-baazii meN Ghaur se nahiiN paRhaa...shitaanii kaam kar baiThaa ... sorry!

Janab koi baat naheeN. iss taraH to hotaa hi hai

meiN iSlaahi shaer paish kar daitaa hooN

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:50 am

Haali ne shaer yooN likhaa thaa

baarhaa daikh chukay tairaa farab aye zaalim
ham se ub jaan ke dhokaa naheeN khayaa jaataa

oar iSlaah meiN Zaalim ko badal kar dunya kar diyaa. Jis se shaer yooN hogayaa. ub khud hi meHsoos kijiaye ke kia faraq parhaa.

baarhaa daikh chukay tairaa farab aye duniya
ham se ub jaan ke dhokaa naheeN khayaa jaataa