Jo muhabbat se daamaan churaataa raha

[Raji]

Azeezaan-e-bazm
Aadaab-o-tasleemat

ek baar phir ham iss bazm meN maujood heN apni ek taaz ba taaza tuk' bandi ke saat jo jaise jaise bina soche samjhe zabaan se adaa hotaa raha ham likhte chale gaye aur yeh daikhe baghair ke ghazal ke mayaar par pooraa utartaa bhi hai yaa naheiN.

umeed kartee hooN ke apni aaraa aur rah'numahii se meHroom naheiN kareNge.

Wassalam

Zahida Raees :Raji:



Note:
Aap dostooN kee rehnumahii ke baad ghazal kee tarmeemee shakl kuch yooN hai. agar abb bhi kaheN koi kami yaa khami baaqi hai tu nishandahi ke saat saat rehnmumahii bhi keejiye. bohat mamnoon hoongi.

Wassalam

[Safiya]

Azeezaan-e-bazm
Aadaab-o-tasleemat

ek baar phir ham iss bazm meN maujood heN apni ek taaz ba taaza tuk' bandi ke saat jo jaise jaise bina soche samjhe zabaan se adaa hotaa raha ham likhte chale gaye aur yeh daikhe baghair ke ghazal ke mayaar par pooraa utartaa bhi hai yaa naheiN.

umeed kartee hooN ke apni aaraa aur rah'numahii se meHroom naheiN kareNge.

Wassalam

Zahida Raees :Raji:



Tuk Bandee
~~~~~~~
Jo muhabbat se daamaan churaataa raha
har ghRee khud ko hee aazmaataa raha

zindagi ka sabaq jo paRHataa raha
zindgi se voh hee door jaataa raha

paas uss ke nayee baat koii naa thee
guzre lamhooN ke qisse sunaataa raha

jooTe lafzooN ka gar voh bhi qahil naheN
kaun saa sach hameN voh sunaataa raha?

aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha


jab adaavaat, muhabbat ka hissa naheiN
phir voh kiyoN darmiyaaN apne aata raha

meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha

roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha
(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)

shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha

jab bhi khwabooN ki tabeer mil naa sakee
apni ghazlooN meN uss ko sajataa raha

raah-e-ulfat ke manzil rahe be- talab
har ghaRee raastaa meiN baRhataa raha

aadmi ke liye aadmi mautabar
yeh sabaq aadmi hee bhulaata raha

jab khuda se ta'alluq mera juR gaya
phir kahaaN darmiyaaN koi aata raha

:Raji: jab tak hawa ke mukhalif chalee
har koi aa'eena hee dikhataa raha

bass ussi zaat ka, hee yaqeeN aaj taak
HoSle ko bulandee pe laataa raha

jaane kiski dua'eN hoovi mautabar
aandhiyooN se gulooN ko bachataa raha

Raji tum se zamaane ko kitne gile?
har kohii tum ko hee aazmaata raha


(Zahida Raees :Raji: )

Raji sahiba ghazal bahut pasand aai. baaz guzarishat pesh haiN, mujhe jitni samajh mai baat ai vo aap ke goshguzar kar rahi hoN. baqi asatiza ekraam janeiN aur aap.


aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha
yahaN shayed zaban ki ghalati hai, hawa e zamana ghaleban bujhata nahi bujhati hai :).

meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha
hmm , baat samajh mai nahi aai. sar e sham ke baad shayed ko ki zaroorat nahi rahti .

roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha
(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)
dosri surat mujhe achi lagi

shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha
phir wahi masala ke zindagi sikhata nahi sikhati hai, islah mera kaam nahi islye apni guzarishat ke lye muazirat .

[nigaah]

Jo muhabbat se daamaan churaataa raha
har ghRee khud ko hee aazmaataa raha

matlaa Khubsoorat hai...!!

zindagi ka sabaq jo paRHataa raha
zindgi se voh hee door jaataa raha

yahaN "voh hee" ki jaga "vohi" ki zaroorat hai mere Khayaal say....beher ke mutaabiq...

paas uss ke nayee baat koii naa thee
guzre lamhooN ke qisse sunaataa raha

waahhhhh...bohut umdaa shair hai...

jooTe lafzooN ka gar voh bhi qahil naheN
kaun saa sach hameN voh sunaataa raha?

"jhooTe" ko aap Ghaliban Ghalati say "jooTe" lik gai haiN...shair bohut Khoob hai ye bhi mashAllah...

aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha

Safiay ki baat sahih hai..."hawa bujhaati hai"...meri daKhal andaazi naagawaar na ho tou ek soorat mere zehen maiN hai..

aarzoo ke diye jab bhi jalne ko thay!!
un ko toofaan-e-doraaN bujhaata raha

jab adaavaat, muhabbat ka hissa naheiN
phir voh kiyoN darmiyaaN apne aata raha

is ka matlab maiN nahiN samajh paai.....isliye tabsiray say maazrat....!!

meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha

is shair ka Khayaal bhi maiN samajh nahiN paai....

roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha
(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)

"meiN" ki jaga "dil" laga dia jaaye tou waazeh ho sakay ga ke ye shair kisi "shaairaa" ka hai "shaair" ka nahiN.....ye mehez mera Khayaal hai aap ko iKhtiyaar hai.....

shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha

yahaN bhi Safiya saahiba nay nishaandahi ki hai...jis say mujhay ittefaaq hai.....aur is ki koi soorat is waqt mere zehen maiN nahiN...

jab bhi khwabooN ki tabeer mil naa sakee
apni ghazlooN meN uss ko sajataa raha

raah-e-ulfat ke manzil rahe be- talab
har ghaRee raastaa meiN baRhataa raha

ashaar bohut achay haiN.....dono maiN lekin apnay liye aap nay muzakkar ka seGha istemaal kiya hai....albatta ashar bohut Khubsoorat haiN....

aadmi ke liye aadmi mautabar
yeh sabaq aadmi hee bhulaata raha

mashAllah.....Khoob kaha..

jab khuda se ta'alluq mera juR gaya
phir kahaaN darmiyaaN koi aata raha

:Raji: jab tak hawa ke mukhalif chalee
har koi aa'eena hee dikhataa raha

bass ussi zaat ka, hee yaqeeN aaj taak
HoSle ko bulandee pe laataa raha

mashAllahhhhhhhhhh.....SubhanAllah.......bohut hi dilkash ashaar...

jaane kiski dua'eN hoovi mautabar
aandhiyooN se gulooN ko bachataa raha

is shair maiN bhi ehi taassur mil raha hai ke...dua'eN==bachaata raha....halaaNke duaa'eN moannas haiN....ek soorat mere zehen maiN hai....agar aap ko garaaN na guzray....

konsa fael jaanay hua mautabar!!
aandhiyoN say gulooN ko bachaata raha

Raji tum se zamaane ko kitne gile?
har kohii tum ko hee aazmaata raha

maqtaa bhi Khoob hai.....mujhay yaad paRta hai Raji sahiba is say pehle bhi aap ki ek nazm paRhi thi ...jo mujhay bayyyy hud pasand aayi thi....aap ka zehen mashaAllah is muamlay maiN bohut zarKhaiz maloom hota hai....ke nit naye dilfaraib Khayaalat aap qalamband kiya karti haiN.....mujhay aap ka andaaz zaati taur per bay hud pasand hai.....agar thoRi si tawajju urdu ki grammar per day leN tou bohut musbat tabdeeli aap ke kalaam maiN mehsoos hogi.....

go ke maiN bhi aap hi ke darjay say talluq rakhnay waali ek adnaa si taalibaa-e-ilm hooN.....tifl-e-maktab hooN....islaah ki tou Khud mujhay bhi haajat hai....albatta ye kuch nukaat mere zehen maiN aaye thay ...jinhaiN maiN barmalaa likh gai...umeed hai aap ko geraaN na guzra hoga...aur agar guzra ho....tou paishgi maaz'rat ....

Nigaah

[Raji]

Nighaah jee aadaab,

bohat mamnoon hoooN ke aap ne meree tukbandi ko baghaur daika aur uss par apni besh qeemat aaraa se nawazaa

Quote:
Jo muhabbat se daamaan chuRaataa raha
har ghRee khud ko hee aazmaataa raha


matlaa Khubsoorat hai...!!

bohat shukriyaa


Quote:
zindagi ka sabaq jo paRHataa raha
zindgi se voh hee door jaataa raha


yahaN "voh hee" ki jaga "vohi" ki zaroorat hai mere Khayaal say....beher ke mutaabiq...

Jo hukm jee :)

Quote:
paas uss ke nayee baat koii naa thee
guzre lamhooN ke qisse sunaataa raha


waahhhhh...bohut umdaa shair hai...

bohat shkriyaa jee

Quote:
jooTe lafzooN ka gar voh bhi qahil naheN
kaun saa sach hameN voh sunaataa raha?


"jhooTe" ko aap Ghaliban Ghalati say "jooTe" lik gai haiN...shair bohut Khoob hai ye bhi mashAllah...

saaHee kaha aap ne. jitnee jaldee ashaar zehn par vaarid hote gaye ham ne utnee hee jaldi meN yahaN post bhi kar diyaa

Quote:
aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha


Safiay ki baat sahih hai..."hawa bujhaati hai"...meri daKhal andaazi naagawaar na ho tou ek soorat mere zehen maiN hai..

aarzoo ke diye jab bhi jalne ko thay!!
un ko toofaan-e-doraaN bujhaata raha

wah jee khoob dakhal andaazi hai yeh soorat ziyada behtar maloom ho rahi hai. weise meiN agar she'r ko nacar kar letee tu shayed inn ghaltiyooN ko bohat hadd tak door kiyaa jaa sakta thaa lekin ham Tehre jald baaz khair...

Quote:
jab adaavaat, muhabbat ka hissa naheiN
phir voh kiyoN darmiyaaN apne aata raha


is ka matlab maiN nahiN samajh paai.....isliye tabsiray say maazrat....!!

janaba jab muhabbatooN ke rishtooN meN adavateN (yeh koi third party/ situation bhi ho saktaa hai ) Tapak paRe tu muhabbatooN ke rishtooN meN farq paR sakta hai. mera khayal tu yahi hai abb sher iss khayal ko zahir kar raha hai ke naheiN yeh tu aap log hee bata sakte heN. :)

Quote:
meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha


is shair ka Khayaal bhi maiN samajh nahiN paai....

yani shaam se pehle (taareekiyooN ke aane se qabl ) dua'oN ka silsilah shrooh kar diyaa ke aglee subha aafiyat le kar aaye. :)

Quote:
roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha
(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)


"meiN" ki jaga "dil" laga dia jaaye tou waazeh ho sakay ga ke ye shair kisi "shaairaa" ka hai "shaair" ka nahiN.....ye mehez mera Khayaal hai aap ko iKhtiyaar hai.....

hummmmmmm... baat tu aap kee durust hai daikhte heN deegar sukhanwar aur asaatizaa iss bare meN kyaa kehte heN. verna mujhe koi e'itraaz naheiN :)

Quote:
shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha


yahaN bhi Safiya saahiba nay nishaandahi ki hai...jis say mujhay ittefaaq hai.....aur is ki koi soorat is waqt mere zehen maiN nahiN...

jee sis, is she'r ke hawale se meiN khud bhi khaami ko meHsoos kar rahee thee lekin hoovaa kuch yooN ke iss ko ghazal se kharij iss liye naheiN kiyaa ke mehz mamooli ghaltee kee bunyaad par iss ke khayal kee doosree soorat yaa behtar shakl jo mujhe kisee mubassir yaa sukhanwar se mil saktee hai usse kiyoN choR.dooN


Quote:
jab bhi khwabooN ki tabeer mil naa sakee
apni ghazlooN meN uss ko sajataa raha

raah-e-ulfat ke manzil rahe be- talab
har ghaRee raastaa meiN baRhataa raha


ashaar bohut achay haiN.....dono maiN lekin apnay liye aap nay muzakkar ka seGha istemaal kiya hai....albatta ashar bohut Khubsoorat haiN....

majboori hai sis, radeef ko baratne ke liye zaroori ho gaya thaa



Quote:
aadmi ke liye aadmi mautabar
yeh sabaq aadmi hee bhulaata raha


mashAllah.....Khoob kaha..
shukriya

Quote:
jab khuda se ta'alluq mera juR gaya
phir kahaaN darmiyaaN koi aata raha

:Raji: jab tak hawa ke mukhalif chalee
har koi aa'eena hee dikhataa raha

bass ussi zaat ka, hee yaqeeN aaj taak
HoSle ko bulandee pe laataa raha


mashAllahhhhhhhhhh.....SubhanAllah.......bohut hi dilkash ashaar...

is par bhi shukriya

Quote:
jaane kiski dua'eN hoovi mautabar
aandhiyooN se gulooN ko bachataa raha


is shair maiN bhi ehi taassur mil raha hai ke...dua'eN==bachaata raha....halaaNke duaa'eN moannas haiN....ek soorat mere zehen maiN hai....agar aap ko garaaN na guzray....

konsa fael jaanay hua mautabar!!
aandhiyoN say gulooN ko bachaata raha

mujhe kiyoN giraaN guzre gii khair aap kee tajveez tu teak hai lekin chonke lafz fael kee nisbat dua mujhe ziyada behtar maloom ho raha hai agar iss kee presence meN koi aur soorat aap ko samajh aaye tu batahiye gaa. ham bhi sochte heN ke kyaa karna chahiye :smt120

Quote:
Raji tum se zamaane ko kitne gile?
har kohii tum ko hee aazmaata raha


maqtaa bhi Khoob hai.....mujhay yaad paRta hai Raji sahiba is say pehle bhi aap ki ek nazm paRhi thi ...jo mujhay bayyyy hud pasand aayi thi....aap ka zehen mashaAllah is muamlay maiN bohut zarKhaiz maloom hota hai....ke nit naye dilfaraib Khayaalat aap qalamband kiya karti haiN.....mujhay aap ka andaaz zaati taur per bay hud pasand hai.....agar thoRi si tawajju urdu ki grammar per day leN tou bohut musbat tabdeeli aap ke kalaam maiN mehsoos hogi.....

aap ke tafseeli tabsare ke liye bohat bohat shukriya ke yahaaN post karne ka maqsad wasool hoova.
kuch waqt aur study kee kami hai ke yeh ghaltiyaaN baRh gayii heN. inshaAllah koshish rahe gii ke jis qadar jald ho sake iss kami par qaaboo paa sakooN.


go ke maiN bhi aap hi ke darjay say talluq rakhnay waali ek adnaa si taalibaa-e-ilm hooN.....tifl-e-maktab hooN....islaah ki tou Khud mujhay bhi haajat hai....albatta ye kuch nukaat mere zehen maiN aaye thay ...jinhaiN maiN barmalaa likh gai...umeed hai aap ko geraaN na guzra hoga...aur agar guzra ho....tou paishgi maaz'rat ....

Nigaah

Sis yeh seekhne ka safar hai aur baarhaa hameN apne se umr aur tajrube meN junier log voh baat sikhaa daite heN jo hameN ham se seniors naheiN bata paate. iss liye iss baat ko meHsoos karne kee zaroorat naheiN ke aap ne kisee ko kuch sikhayaa tu uss ko buraa laga yaa lage gaa... righto :) .

ham sab bayaq waqt seekh aur sikhaarahe heN. kuch logooN ka sikhanaa zahir hotaa hai aur kuch ka naheiN. ;)

ek baar phir aap ka bohat bohat shukriyaa ke itne khule andaaz se aap ne apni aaraa ka izhaar kiyaa aur meree rah'numhii kee

ummeed kartee hooN ke yeh silisilah aahinda bhi jaaree rahe gaa

khush rahiye

Wassalam
Zahida Raees :Raji:

[Raji]

Nighaah jee aadaab,

bohat mamnoon hoooN ke aap ne meree tukbandi ko baghaur daika aur uss par apni besh qeemat aaraa se nawazaa

Quote:
Jo muhabbat se daamaan chuRaataa raha
har ghRee khud ko hee aazmaataa raha


matlaa Khubsoorat hai...!!

bohat shukriyaa


Quote:
zindagi ka sabaq jo paRHataa raha
zindgi se voh hee door jaataa raha


yahaN "voh hee" ki jaga "vohi" ki zaroorat hai mere Khayaal say....beher ke mutaabiq...

Jo hukm jee

Quote:
paas uss ke nayee baat koii naa thee
guzre lamhooN ke qisse sunaataa raha


waahhhhh...bohut umdaa shair hai...

bohat shkriyaa jee

Quote:
jooTe lafzooN ka gar voh bhi qahil naheN
kaun saa sach hameN voh sunaataa raha?


"jhooTe" ko aap Ghaliban Ghalati say "jooTe" lik gai haiN...shair bohut Khoob hai ye bhi mashAllah...

saaHee kaha aap ne. jitnee jaldee ashaar zehn par vaarid hote gaye ham ne utnee hee jaldi meN yahaN post bhi kar diyaa

Quote:
aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha


Safiay ki baat sahih hai..."hawa bujhaati hai"...meri daKhal andaazi naagawaar na ho tou ek soorat mere zehen maiN hai..

aarzoo ke diye jab bhi jalne ko thay!!
un ko toofaan-e-doraaN bujhaata raha

wah jee khoob dakhal andaazi hai yeh soorat ziyada behtar maloom ho rahi hai. weise meiN agar she'r ko nacar kar letee tu shayed inn ghaltiyooN ko bohat hadd tak door kiyaa jaa sakta thaa lekin ham Tehre jald baaz khair...

Quote:
jab adaavaat, muhabbat ka hissa naheiN
phir voh kiyoN darmiyaaN apne aata raha


is ka matlab maiN nahiN samajh paai.....isliye tabsiray say maazrat....!!

janaba jab muhabbatooN ke rishtooN meN adavateN (yeh koi third party/ situation bhi ho saktaa hai ) Tapak paRe tu muhabbatooN ke rishtooN meN farq paR sakta hai. mera khayal tu yahi hai abb sher iss khayal ko zahir kar raha hai ke naheiN yeh tu aap log hee bata sakte heN.

Quote:
meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha


is shair ka Khayaal bhi maiN samajh nahiN paai....

yani shaam se pehle (taareekiyooN ke aane se qabl ) dua'oN ka silsilah shrooh kar diyaa ke aglee subha aafiyat le kar aaye.

Quote:
roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha
(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)


"meiN" ki jaga "dil" laga dia jaaye tou waazeh ho sakay ga ke ye shair kisi "shaairaa" ka hai "shaair" ka nahiN.....ye mehez mera Khayaal hai aap ko iKhtiyaar hai.....

hummmmmmm... baat tu aap kee durust hai daikhte heN deegar sukhanwar aur asaatizaa iss bare meN kyaa kehte heN. verna mujhe koi e'itraaz naheiN

Quote:
shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha


yahaN bhi Safiya saahiba nay nishaandahi ki hai...jis say mujhay ittefaaq hai.....aur is ki koi soorat is waqt mere zehen maiN nahiN...

jee sis, is she'r ke hawale se meiN khud bhi khaami ko meHsoos kar rahee thee lekin hoovaa kuch yooN ke iss ko ghazal se kharij iss liye naheiN kiyaa ke mehz mamooli ghaltee kee bunyaad par iss ke khayal kee doosree soorat yaa behtar shakl jo mujhe kisee mubassir yaa sukhanwar se mil saktee hai usse kiyoN choR.dooN


Quote:
jab bhi khwabooN ki tabeer mil naa sakee
apni ghazlooN meN uss ko sajataa raha

raah-e-ulfat ke manzil rahe be- talab
har ghaRee raastaa meiN baRhataa raha


ashaar bohut achay haiN.....dono maiN lekin apnay liye aap nay muzakkar ka seGha istemaal kiya hai....albatta ashar bohut Khubsoorat haiN....

majboori hai sis, radeef ko baratne ke liye zaroori ho gaya thaa



Quote:
aadmi ke liye aadmi mautabar
yeh sabaq aadmi hee bhulaata raha


mashAllah.....Khoob kaha..
shukriya

Quote:
jab khuda se ta'alluq mera juR gaya
phir kahaaN darmiyaaN koi aata raha

:Raji: jab tak hawa ke mukhalif chalee
har koi aa'eena hee dikhataa raha

bass ussi zaat ka, hee yaqeeN aaj taak
HoSle ko bulandee pe laataa raha


mashAllahhhhhhhhhh.....SubhanAllah.......bohut hi dilkash ashaar...

is par bhi shukriya

Quote:
jaane kiski dua'eN hoovi mautabar
aandhiyooN se gulooN ko bachataa raha


is shair maiN bhi ehi taassur mil raha hai ke...dua'eN==bachaata raha....halaaNke duaa'eN moannas haiN....ek soorat mere zehen maiN hai....agar aap ko garaaN na guzray....

konsa fael jaanay hua mautabar!!
aandhiyoN say gulooN ko bachaata raha

mujhe kiyoN giraaN guzre gii khair aap kee tajveez tu teak hai lekin chonke lafz fael kee nisbat dua mujhe ziyada behtar maloom ho raha hai agar iss kee presence meN koi aur soorat aap ko samajh aaye tu batahiye gaa. ham bhi sochte heN ke kyaa karna chahiye :smt120

Quote:
Raji tum se zamaane ko kitne gile?
har kohii tum ko hee aazmaata raha


maqtaa bhi Khoob hai.....mujhay yaad paRta hai Raji sahiba is say pehle bhi aap ki ek nazm paRhi thi ...jo mujhay bayyyy hud pasand aayi thi....aap ka zehen mashaAllah is muamlay maiN bohut zarKhaiz maloom hota hai....ke nit naye dilfaraib Khayaalat aap qalamband kiya karti haiN.....mujhay aap ka andaaz zaati taur per bay hud pasand hai.....agar thoRi si tawajju urdu ki grammar per day leN tou bohut musbat tabdeeli aap ke kalaam maiN mehsoos hogi.....

aap ke tafseeli tabsare ke liye bohat bohat shukriya ke yahaaN post karne ka maqsad wasool hoova.
kuch waqt aur study kee kami hai ke yeh ghaltiyaaN baRh gayii heN. inshaAllah koshish rahe gii ke jis qadar jald ho sake iss kami par qaaboo paa sakooN.


go ke maiN bhi aap hi ke darjay say talluq rakhnay waali ek adnaa si taalibaa-e-ilm hooN.....tifl-e-maktab hooN....islaah ki tou Khud mujhay bhi haajat hai....albatta ye kuch nukaat mere zehen maiN aaye thay ...jinhaiN maiN barmalaa likh gai...umeed hai aap ko geraaN na guzra hoga...aur agar guzra ho....tou paishgi maaz'rat ....

Nigaah

Sis yeh seekhne ka safar hai aur baarhaa hameN apne se umr aur tajrube meN junier log voh baat sikhaa daite heN jo hameN ham se seniors naheiN bata paate. iss liye iss baat ko meHsoos karne kee zaroorat naheiN ke aap ne kisee ko kuch sikhayaa tu uss ko buraa laga yaa lage gaa... righto .

ham sab bayaq waqt seekh aur sikhaarahe heN. kuch logooN ka sikhanaa zahir hotaa hai aur kuch ka naheiN. ;)

ek baar phir aap ka bohat bohat shukriyaa ke itne khule andaaz se aap ne apni aaraa ka izhaar kiyaa aur meree rah'numhii kee

ummeed kartee hooN ke yeh silisilah aahinda bhi jaaree rahe gaa

khush rahiye

Wassalam
Zahida Raees :Raji:

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
Raji Saahibah,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal majmooAii taur per pasand aayi jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad Haazir hei.
Tabsirah karne se pahle ye bataadenaa chaahtaa hooN ke aapka meri aaraa se muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN hei.

Jo muhabbat se daamaan churaataa raha
har ghRee khud ko hee aazmaataa raha

MatlA achchaa hei

zindagi ka sabaq jo paRHataa raha
zindgi se voh hee door jaataa raha

Doosre misreA ko yooN behtar banaayaa jaasaktaa hei: kis liye jaane wo door jaataa rahaa

paas uss ke nayee baat koii naa thee
guzre lamhooN ke qisse sunaataa raha

Achcha sheAr hei.

jhooTe lafzooN ka gar voh bhi qahil naheN
kaun saa sach hameN voh sunaataa raha?

DounoN misrAoN meiN voh kii takraar se doosra misraA kamzour hougayaa hei. Usko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
kaunsi sachchi baateN sunaataa rahaa

aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha

is sheAr meiN "hawa-e-zamaana" ko muzakkar isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hei jo ghalaT hei. Doosre misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaa saktaa hei:
Haif unko zamaana bujhaataa rahaa

jab adaavaat, muhabbat ka hissa naheiN
phir voh kiyoN darmiyaaN apne aata raha

SheAr thouRaa saa mubham hei lekin agar ham "voh" ko aek raqeeb samjheN tou baat vaazeh houjaati hei.

meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha

Is sheAr meiN pahlaa misraA vazn meiN nahiN hei. Iskaa mafhoom bhii pecheedah hougayaa hei. Agar pahle misreA se lafz 'ko' ko nikaal deN tou ibaarat ghalaT houjaati hei aur nah nikaaleN tou misraA beHr se khaarij houjaataa hei. Aek soorat yeh housakti hei:
Shaam hii se wo agli seHara ke liye
naghama-e-Aafiyat gungunaataa rahaa

roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha

Doosre misreA ko yooN kardiyaa jaaye tou behtar housaktaa hei:
shamA-e-ummeed insaaN jalaataa rahaa

(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)
Yeh soorat bhii Theek hei lekin mukhaatib karne waale ko mard samjhaa jaayegaa.

shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha

Is sheAr meiN zindagi jo moa'annac lafz hei muzakkar kii haiciat se isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hei jo ghalaT hei. Is ke doosre misreA ko yooN kardeejiye:
meraa maahaul mujhko sikhaataa rahaa

jab bhi khwabooN ki tabeer mil naa sakee
apni ghazlooN meN uss ko sajataa raha

Is sheAr meiN bhii mukhaatib karne waale kii shakhsiyat mard aadmin kii maloom houti hei. Iskaa aek yeh Hal housaktaa hei:
Jab nah khwaabaoN kii taAbeer poori houi
Wo khayaalaoN kii dunyaa basaataa rahaa

raah-e-ulfat ke manzil rahe be- talab
har ghaRee raastaa meiN baRhataa raha

Is sheAr kaa bhii andaaz mardaanah hei. Shayed pahlaa misraA yooN hei "raah-e-ulfat kii manzi rahii be-talab" phir bhii mafhoom gunjalak hougayaa hei. Is sheAr kii aek soorat yooN housakti hei:
raah-e-ulfat kii manzil nazar meiN rahii
aur iSraar aage baRhaataa rahaa

aadmi ke liye aadmi mautabar
yeh sabaq aadmi hee bhulaata raha

Bavajood lafz "aadami" kii takraar ke, ye sheAr thekk hei.

jab khuda se ta'alluq mera juR gaya
phir kahaaN darmiyaaN koi aata raha

Bahut achchaa sheAr hei.

:Raji: jab tak hawa ke mukhalif chalee
har koi aa'eena hee dikhataa raha

MaqTaA bhii achchaa hei

bass ussi zaat ka, hee yaqeeN aaj taak
HoSle ko bulandee pe laataa raha

[/quote]

Is sheAr ko behtar karne ke liye pahle misre misreA meiN 'hee' ko hei banaadeejiye aur doosre misreLA ko yooN kardeejiye:
jou hamaishah miraa dil baRhaataa rahaa

jaane kiski dua'eN hoovi mautabar
aandhiyooN se gulooN ko bachataa raha

Yeh sheA vazn ke liHaaz se durust hei lekin doosre misreA se faaAil ki shanaakht nahiN houti. Is sheAr ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
jaane kis ki duaa'eN houeeN kaargar
wo jou aandhi se gul ko bachaataa rahaa

Raji tum se zamaane ko kitne gile?
har kohii tum ko hee aazmaata raha

Yeh maqTaA bhii khoob hei. Meri nazar meiN pahle misreA kii behtar shakl yooN housakti hei:
Raji tum se heiN dunyaa ko kitne gile !
End.........................

Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[Raji]

Raji sahiba ghazal bahut pasand aai. baaz guzarishat pesh haiN, mujhe jitni samajh mai baat ai vo aap ke goshguzar kar rahi hoN. baqi asatiza ekraam janeiN aur aap.


aarzoo ke diye jub bhi jalne ko the
kiyoN hawa-e-zamaanaa bujhataa raha
yahaN shayed zaban ki ghalati hai, hawa e zamana ghaleban bujhata nahi bujhati hai :).

meiN sar-e-shaam ko, agli subh ke liye
aafiyaat kee dua se sajaataa raha
hmm , baat samajh mai nahi aai. sar e sham ke baad shayed ko ki zaroorat nahi rahti .

roushinee teergi kee jaga le sake
meiN umeedooN ki shama’ jalataa raha
(meiN diye aarzoo ka jalaataa raha----- dosree Soorat)
dosri surat mujhe achi lagi

shairee ka hunar mujhko aataa naa thaa
zindagi shairee khud sikhataa raha
phir wahi masala ke zindagi sikhata nahi sikhati hai, islah mera kaam nahi islye apni guzarishat ke lye muazirat .

Azeezi Safiya saaHeba:
Aadaab-o-tasleemat,

sub se pehle tu takheer se likhne ke liye maa'zrat. aap ke tafseeli khat aur ghaltiyooN kee nishandahi ke liye bohat shukrguzaar hooN. umeed kartee hooN ke yeh silsilah aap aahinda bhi jaaree rakheNgee.
aap kee guzarishat ke saat saat deegar sukhnwar-o-asaatizaa kee aaraa ko mad-e-nazar rakh kar kalaam ko meiN ne do HissoN meN toR diyaa hai jo aap daikh sakte heN.
aap se darkhwast hai ke agar abb bhi aap ko koi kami mehsoos ho tu barmala keh deejiye.

mamnoon

Zahida Raees :Raji: