tarHi GHazal ab ke tajdeed e wafa ka nahiN imkaaN jaanaaN

Post by **khozema husaini** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 6:08 pm

assalaam alaikum
aik aur taza ghazal ke saath hazir e mehfil hoon aur tamaam qaraeen se guzarish karta hoon ke apni garaanqadr aara se baraye mehrabani zaroor nawaen aur mujhe shukriya ada karne ka mouqa faraham kareN
Husaini

ghazal

ho gaye kooch ke aacaar numayaan janaaN
aa bhi jaao , hoon kuchh hee der ka mehmaaN janaaN
jeete ji tum ne rakha mujh ko tawajjoh se tahee
kisliye hote ho maiyat pe pashaimaaN janaaN
harkat e dil men bhi pinhaaN he ajab mouseeqqee
kisqadar lay muN bulati he yeh janaaN janaaN
chashm e KHoonbaar ko too kam nah samajh , ulfat meN
chand qatre bhi uThha dete heN toofaaN janaaN
tum ko taKHleeq e jafa se nahuN milti fursat
ab ke tajdeed wafa ka nahiN imkaaN janaan
yeh koee shams o qamar heN keh mire zaKHm e jigar?
hogaya KHana e zulmat bhi daraKHshaaN janaa
aap ko hajat e shmsheer o sinaaN he ab bhi ?
kiya huye aap ke sab qatl ke saamaaN jaanaaN ?
tum agar jabr ke qaail heN to aisa hee sahee
hum Husaini heN rakheN sabr pe eemaaN janaaN

Post by **waqar_masood** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:40 pm

assalam o alaikum janab khozema hussaini sahib

aap ki tarhi ghazal parhi , buhut acchi lagi , aap nay buhut umda mazameen baandhay hein , meri janib say daad qubool kejay ...behtreen takhleeq hay..

waqar masood

Post by **naheedv** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 11:29 pm

janaab Hosaini saahab,
aadaab,

aap ne Faraz kee mashhoor.e.zamaanah ghazal :jaanaaN jaanaaN: ke misre' par taba' aazmaayee kee hai. go ke aap ne ache misre' kaa intikhaab kiyaa hai magar aap kee ghazal kaa raNg aur Faraz kee ghazal kaa raNg bilkul hi judaa hai.
lekin ye aisii baat bhee naheeN hai ke har likhne waale kaa apnaa aik khaas aNdaaz hotaa hai jo ke us kee her teHreer meN numaayaaN hotaa hai.
aap kee ye ghazal bhee aap ke raNg mein hai aur pasaNd aayee.
aap ne girah qadre mukhtalif lagaayee hei magar pasaNd aayee.
meree jaanib se daad qubool kijiye!

mukhliS
Naheed

Post by **Sarwar A. Raz** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 7:07 am

mukarramee Khozemah SaaHeb: aadaab a'rZ^ hai!

aap kee yeh t^araHee Ghazal naz^ar-nawaaz huyee. aap kee koshish baRee Had tak kaamyaab hai. meree daad HaaZ^ir hai!

maiN ne :baRee Had tak: is liYe kahaa hai keh aisee maqbool-e-a'am GhazaloN kee t^araH meN Ghazal-goyee hameshah qadre maKhdoosh hotee hai. qaaree Ghair-shao'oree t^aur se aap kee Ghazal ko t^araH kee Ghazal ke muqaabil rakh` kar raaYe qaa,im kartaa hai. aur nateejah hameshah Hasb-e-tawaqqo' naheeN hotaa hai!

aap ne achh`e asha'ar nikaale haiN. albattah kaheeN kaheeN aap :Siraat^-e-mustaqeem: se bh`aTak gaYe haiN! kam se kam meraa to yehee Khayaal hai. agar maiN Ghalat^ee par hooN to aap kee tashreeHaat yaqeena" meree taSHeeH kar deN gee.
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ho gaye kooch ke aacaar numayaan janaaN
aa bhi jaao ke hoon kuchh der ka mehmaaN janaaN

mat^la' achh`aa hai. agar :kuch` hee der: kahaa jaataa to acar baRh` jaataa lekin wazn kee bh`ee apnee majbooriyaaN hotee haiN!
------------------------
movt hoti nahi maroob e fuGHaan o matam
kisliye hote ho maiyat pe pashaimaaN janaaN

yeh kyaa baat huyee SaaHeb? jab aap maut ke gh`aaT utar hee chuke haiN to kisee ke rone-dh`one se us ke :mar,o'ob: hone kaa kyaa sawaal hai? mazeed yeh keh :maut ke mar,o'ob hone: se aap kaa kyaa mat^lab hai? kyaa aap yeh kehnaa chaahate haiN keh agar :maut se qabl: meHboobah aap ke sirhaane aa kar apnee pashemaanee kaa iz^haar kartee to maut us ke ro'b se Dar kar bh`aag jaatee? agar yehee maqSood th`aa to aap ke alfaaz^ is ko adaa naheeN kar sake haiN. apne Khayaal kee tashreeH farmaa deN to i'naayat ho gee.
-------------------
dhaRkan e dil bhi huaa karti he paband e baher
kisqadar lay muN bulati he yeh janaaN janaaN

yeh :dh`aRkan-e-dil: kyaa hotee hai? lafz^ :dh`aRkan: Hindi kaa hai aur :dil: Farsee kaa. aap ne kaun se qaa,ideh se yeh iZ^aafat banaayee hai? mujh` ko i'lm hai keh kuch` sho'araa ne is qism kaa ijtihaad bartaa hai lekin us ke bh`ee kuch` taqaaZ^e haiN. gustaaKhee mu,a'af! aap kee yeh tarkeeb bh`auNDee hai aur Ghalat^ bh`ee. is ko Z^aroor hee badal deN.

doosree baat yeh hai keh SaHeeH lafz^ :beHr: (baRee Hey saakin hai, is par zabar naheeN hai!) nah keh :baHar:! az-raah-e-karam taSdeeq kar ke she'r kee iSlaaH farmaa leejiYe.
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saGHar e dil meN he kam go k luhoo ki miqdaar
chand qatre bhi uThha dete heN toofaaN janaaN

doosraa miSra' bohat achh`aa hai. lekin pehlaa us kaa saath` naheeN de sakaa hai. KhuSooSa" :luhoo kee miqdaar: se jo :naap-tol: kaa naqshah saamne aataa hai woh behtaree chaahataa hai. mazeed yeh keh :saaGhar: se madhoshee aur suroor kaa taSawwur waabastah hai aur yahaaN yeh kh`ap naheeN rahaa hai. yooN soch sakte haiN:

chashm-e-KhooNbaar ko too kam nah samajh`, ulfat meN
chand qatre bhi uThha dete heN toofaaN janaaN
--------------------
tum ko taKHleeq e wafa se nahuN milti fursat
ab ke tajdeed wafa ka nahiN imkaaN janaan

:taKhleeq-e-wafaa: se aap kaa kyaa mat^lab hai? wafaa kaa taKhleeq kiyaa jaanaa is se qabl kaheeN naheeN dekh`aa. aap ne agar dekh`aa hai to sanad a't^aa kar ke shukriyah kaa mauqa' i'naayat keejiYe.
-----------------------
zou fishaaN daaGH e mohabbat huye manind e qamar
hogaya KHana e zulmat bhi daraKHshaaN janaan

she'r Th`eek hai. albattah :daaGh: kaa :Z^au-fishaaN: honaa yaqeenee naheeN hai kyoN.k yeh siyaah bh`ee ho sakte haiN. is kee bajaaYe :zaKhm: behtar rahe gaa keh woh Khoon se surKh hote haiN aur is se :raushanee: kaa mat^lab liyaa jaa saktaa hai. yooN aap behtar jaante haiN.
-------------------------
ab tumheN hajat e talwaar o tabar he kiyonkar
kiya huye aap ke sab qatl ke saamaaN jaanaaN

yeh she'r kayee Ghalat^iyoN kaa shikaar hai:

(1) tarkeeb :Haajat-e-talwaar-o-tabar: Ghalat^ hai kyoN.k is meN Arabee/Farsee kee :Haajat: ko Hindi kee :talwaar: se munsalik kiyaa gayaa hai. is par oopar bh`ee guftgoo ho chukee hai.

(2) pehle miSre' meN :tumheN: aur doosre meN :aap: kehne se shutur-gurbah kaa a'ib paidaa ho gayaa hai. Hairat yeh hai keh doosre dostoN ne is ko naheeN dekh`aa jab.k yahaaN is a'ib par baarhaa guftgoo ho chukee hai!

(3) :kyoN-kar: ko aap ne :kyoN: ke ma'nee meN ista'maal kiyaa hai jab.k is kaa mat^lab :kaise: hai. Ghalib kehte haiN:

gayee woh baat keh ho guftgoo, to kyoN-kar ho
kahe se kuch` nah huwaa, ph`ir kaho, to kyoN-kar ho
--------------------------
woh agar jabr ke qaail heN to hone deejay
hum Husaini heN rakheN sabr pe eemaaN janaaN

aap kaa Khit^aab yahaaN kis se hai? agar :jaanaaN: se hai to pehle miSre' meN :woh: kis ko kahaa gayaa hai? yaa yahaaN do (2) muKhtalif meHboob maqSood haiN?

z^aahir hai keh aisaa naheeN hai. to ph`ir yooN kehnaa ho gaa:

tum agar jabr ke qaa,il ho to aisaa hee sahee
hum Husaini heN rakheN sabr pe eemaaN janaaN
-----------------------------
ummeed hai keh mere is tajziyah kaa aap buraa naheeN maaneN ge. maiN Ghalat^ bh`ee ho saktaa hooN. is Soorat meN aap kee taujeeHaat kaa muntaz^ir rahooN gaa. shukriyah!

Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar: