"bilaktee dekhee hai faoji ki aek maaN maiN neY"

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

miree dua'a hai keh duniyaa meN koee jang nah ho
bilaktee dekhee hai faoji kee aek maaN maiN neY
(Aek tanqeedi jaae'Zah)

yeh she'er Janab-e-Jawaid Badauni SaHib kee us GhaZal se akhaZ kiyaa geyaa hai. jo unhooN ne Urdubandhan ke t^araHee mushae'rah maah-e-rawaaN ke liye kahee hai.

khaliQ-e-she'er Jawaid Badauni SaHib GhaZal aor naZm meN yad-e-beZ^aa rakhte haiN. QaSeedah gaoee MirZa Rafee' Saodaa par aor GhaZal pardaZee Mir par khatm ho gaee. lekin Haqeeqat to yeh hai keh aap bhee QaSeedah gaoee ke saath saath GhaZal gaoee par khaaSee Girift rakhte haiN. lekin is Waqt aap ke isee she'er ko tanqeedi Zawiyah se dekhaa jae gaa.

mundarajah-e-bala she'er muttaqaZ^ee hai keh is par t^ae'ranah nigaah Dalee jaeY aor is Ghaer ma'amulee she'er ke andar ke jaohar ko talaash kar ke use manaSSah-e-sahood par layaa jaeY. aor is ke khaliq ke Zatee jaohor kee nao' aor takhleeQee upaj ko saamne rakhte huwe she'er kee afadiyat aor eSr-e-HaZ^ir ke siyaasee tanaZur meN is par chand sut^oor likhee jaeeN.

Jawaid SaHib ke is she'er ko ma'mulee naheeN kaha jaa saktaa. dekhaa jae to dua'aa, duniyaa, jang, faoji, aor maaN ke alfaaz^ ko aapas meN aesee sheer-o-shakr kiyaa geyaa hai. keh gaoyaa in kee nisbat aor ra'ayat aaj kee seyaasee aor mua'asharatee gehmaa gehmee aor din bah din biGaRtee huee Surat-e-aHwaal-e-aQwaam se jooR dee gaee hai.

is aek she'er se Shae'ir ke kaee fit^ree a'naSir kee nishaandahee ho jaatee hai. she'er meN ma'anawiyat, taSweeriyat, kaefiyat, sab lafz^ooN ke Zariye'eY hee paedah kee jaa saktee hai. aor Zubaan kaa takhleeqee istema'aal hee she'ir kee upaj-e-fit^ree jaoher Zaor-e-takhiyyul jaosh-e-jaZbaat kee buniyaadee kaleed faraham kartaa hai.

mulaHiZ^ah farmaaiye keh aap ne kis khubSuratee se apne dilee jaZbaat aor eHsaasaat ko aek she'er meN Dhaal kar dua'aiyaa andaaZ-o-peraeY meN a'waam kee khidmat meN pesh kar diyaa hai. is she'er kee afadiyat aor Z^arurat ke pesh-e-naz^ar woh naam nihaad inshaa pardaaZ jo gao takiye lagaa kar shae'eree ko apnee meeraac samajhte huwe meHZ^ tafreH-e-t^aba' kee GharZ^ se khaamah farsaaee karte haiN agar is she'er kee upaj samajh sakeeN yaa is kee teh meN atar kar khaliQ-e-she'er kee muraad aor iltijaa ka baGhaor mut^alea'h kar sakeeN to yaqeena" un kee neendeeN Haraam ho jaeeN.

Aap is she'er meN ma'nee kee tarseel aor apnee Qalabee kaefiyat ko kamah Haqqah hoo bayaan karne meN baRe kaamyaab rahe haiN. maiN samajhtaa hooN is she'er ko mustaqbil meN Sarfee aor naHwee aa'tebaar se bhee baRee qadr kee nigaah se dekhaa jae gaa. she'er meN muta'adid usloobiyaat aor imteyaZaat ke bawaajood lafz^ jang kee maojoodagee se she'er meN aek shadeed Qisam kee infaradiyat paedah ho gaee hai. aor yahee infardiyat aor anokhaa usloob-e-bayaaN aage chal kar "Jawaidiyaat" kaa t^urrah-e-imtiyaaZ bane gaa.

she'er meN agarcheh Jadeed t^arZ-e-fikr kee goonj Saaf sunaaee de rahee hai. baa eeN hamah aap ne she'er meN apne us aa'jaaZ ko barqaraar rakhaa keh aap lehjah-e-a'aam ke shae'ir haiN. aor yahee da'awaa Mir kaa bhee thaa. dekhaa jae to donooN kaa fan (Art) fareb-e-naz^ar kaa darajah rakhtaa hai. keh dekhne meN saadah aor a'aam fehem hai lekin is kaa acar teh dar teh nasheeN hai. keh is kee sab se nichlee aor aakhree teh tak khud khaaliq-e-she'er hee utar saktaa hai. aor isee maqaam par aakar Mir ne apne usloob-e-she'er ke barah meN kahaa thaa.

"koee sadah hee is ko saadah kahe
hameeN to lage hai woh a'iyyaar saa"

yahaaN bhee Mir apne barah meN naheeN balkeh apne usloob-e-she'er ke barah meN tanbeeh kar rahe haiN. baz^ahir dekhaa jae to Jawaid SaHib kaa she'er apnee haiyat aor alfaaz^ kee tarteeb aor sajawaT ke aa'tebaar se saadah ma'loom ho taa hai. lekin darHaqeeqat apnee afadiyat ke leHaaz^ se bohot gehraa hai.

yeh she'er Jawaidiyaat ke sehl-e-mumtina' ke usee Qabeel se hai jis meN maoSoof kee Qareeb Qareeb sabhee GhaZleeN aor naZmeeN kahee gaeeN haiN. Ghalib ne apne aek khat^ meN sehl-e-mumtina' kee dad aor ta'reef meN yooN likhaa hai keh jis ko dekh kar yeh kheyaal paedah ho ke esaa kehnaa bohot aasaan hai magar jab kehne baeTho to namumkin ho.

Jawaidiyaat kaa usloobee pehlo yeh hai keh Haerat anGeZ had tak a'aam bool chaal yaa nacar kee naHwee tarteeb barqaraar rakhee gaee hai. yeh baat to sabhee jante haiN keh beHer aor waZan kee a'arooZ^ee Z^aroratooN ke teHet neHwee tarteeb meN taqdeem-o-takheer hotee hee rehtee hai. agarcheh is kee bhee apnee Had bandiyaaN aor uSloob haiN. aap ke haaN jaesaa keh is she'er se bhee z^ahir hai kaheeN kaheeN Z^arurat-e-lafZ^ee ke teHet koee lafz^ aage peeche yaa Ghaer Qudratee andaaZ meN aataa hai wagarnah sabhee she'eree kawish miSra' ya'nee jumlae kee saakht qudratee andaaZ meN barqaraar rehtee hai.

pas Z^arurat hai keh in jumlah aosaaf ko khat^ir nishaan rakhte huwe she'er ke paekar meN pinhaaN aarZu aor tamannaa ko samjhaa jae aor is dua'aaiyah koshish meN shae'ir kaa saath diyaa jaeY.

"hamare Zehn par chaeY naheeN haiN HirS ke saaeY
jo ham meHsoos karte haiN Wohee teHreer karte haiN"

Zeyahah Hadd-e-adab!
MuZaffar

[jawaid badauni]

Dosto!
Aadaab

Kisee sher per tabsarah karna ek adabee f'el ya amr hai aur Muzaffar Saahab ne yeh kaam bohat KhubSoortee se najam diya hai jis ke liye maiN unheN mubarkbaad pesh karta hooN. Yeh nacheez sher mujh naacheez ka tha is liye yeh bhi likhna zaroori ho gaya hai keh Muzaffar Saahab ne sher ki tAreef meN bohat saKhaawat se kaam liya hai aur gaahe maahe nahiN har maqam per unka zaatee Khuloos haaiil hota raha warna rasman bhee mera mawazna Khudaa.e SuKhan se nah karte. MaiN jaanta hooN yeh baaat sirf apna mauqif samjhaane ke liye kahi gaii hai warna "kahan Raja Bhoj kahan Gangu teli."

Muzaffar Bhaii ne is tabsarey ko tanqeed ka naam diya tha magar mujhe tou kahin tanqeed nazar nahiN aaii. To sochta hooN pahle woh karooN jo kisee ne nah kiya hoga, yAAnee Khud apnee tanqeed. Mujhe yeh sher likhne ke bAAd ismeN 3 (teen) KhamiyaN nazar aayeeN magar sher mujhe itna achcha laga keh un ko nazar andaz kar gaya:

1. Pahle tou yeh ke koii maaN apne jawan beTe ki mayyat per bilak ker nahiN rotee woh phooT phooT kar kar rotee hai. Bilaktee lafz zaroorat.e sheree ke sabab rakhkha gaya tha kyuuNke taRapte lafz mujhe ziyada munasib nahin laga.

2. Is sher ki doosree Khaame hai lafzoN ki tarkeeb. MaiN kahna chaahta hooN ek fauji ki maaN magar kah gaya hooN fauji ki ek maaN, yeh bhi zarooratee sheree hi hai warna maaN tou sub ki ek hi hoti hai.

3. Teesri aur aaKhree kamee yeh hai keh Ghazal meN ek aisa sher shamil kiya gaya hai jiska Ghazal ke riwayatee mazameen se koii rishta nahiN. Ab yeh ghalatee bohat Aam ho chukee hai magar hamari hi bazm meN ek buzurg aaj bhi is ke muKhalif haiN,unki baat ka eHtraam bahr Haal hum sub per laazim hai.

Muzaffar Sahab ne jis Haseen andaz meN likha hai maiN aage kya likhoN. MaiN naSr meN bohat kamzor hooN (jiska maTlab yeh hargiz nahiN keh nazm meN kamzor nahiN.) Mere barAks Muzaffar SaHab ko Urdu NaSr per bohat achcha uboor HaSil hai. Bohat achche ache alfaz istaimal karte haiN.

Is sher meN main kahna kya chaahta tha aaiye us ki bhi wazahat kar dooN. Duniya meN jahaN bhi jung hoti hai koii zalim ho ya mazloom, har jung meN sub se ziyadah nuQsan marne wale faujiyoN ke walidaaoN ka hi hota hai. Khuda kisee maN ko uske jawan beTe ki mayyat pe na rulaye. Jo faujen zulm.o.sitam per gaamzan haiN awal tou aSl ghalatee unke shahoN ya Sudoor ki hai unki nahiN phir agar unki Khata hai bhi tou unki zaeef maaoN ka kya quSoor hai. Woh bhii agar zulm karte karte mar jate haiN tou unki maayeN bhi humdardee ki mustaHaq haiN. Ittefaq se yeh Ghazal kahne se ek roz qabl main ne ek aisee hi maaN ka bayan paRha tha aur mera nacheez sher us se mutaASSir huwwa jo fitree see baat hai.

Mera zaate Khayaal hai keh hameN apni GhazaloN meN Gham haai duniya ko jagah dena chaahiye kyuuNkeh Ghazal hamare jazbaat ki tarjumaan hai aur hamaare izhaar.e Khayaal ka ek muAaSSar zareeya hai. Muzaffar Sahab ka behud mamnoon hooN. MaiN chaahta hooN is qism ke mazameeN ka silsial aaindah bhi jaare rahe.

Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid

[Sarwar A. Raz]

mukarramee Muzaffar SaaHeb: aadaab!

"khaliQ-e-she'er Jawaid Badauni SaHib GhaZal aor naZm meN yad-e-beZ^aa rakhte haiN."

Khayaal aayaa keh aap se hee daryaaft kar looN keh kaheeN aap :yad-e-beZ^aa: kee bajaaYe : yad-e-t^oolaa: to naheeN likhnaa chaahate the?

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

mukarramee Muzaffar SaaHeb: aadaab!

"khaliQ-e-she'er Jawaid Badauni SaHib GhaZal aor naZm meN yad-e-beZ^aa rakhte haiN."

Khayaal aayaa keh aap se hee daryaaft kar looN keh kaheeN aap :yad-e-beZ^aa: kee bajaaYe : yad-e-t^oolaa: to naheeN likhnaa chaahate the?

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

moHtaram Sarwar A'alam Raz Sarwar SaHib aadaab!

maiN ne :yad-e-beZ^aa: likhaa hai aor yahee meree muraad bhee hai. ya'nee bama'naa :mo'jizah: keh maoSoof apne kalam meN ma'jizanah t^aor par dastaras rakhtaa hai.

Aap ne :taZkirah-e-Hindee: yaqeena" paRhaa ho gaa jis meN Ghulam Samdaanee MuSHefee marHoom Saodaa se Mir kaa muwaZinah karte huwe Mir ke barah meN likhte haiN. " sach to yeh hai keh Ghazal meN :yad-e-beZ^aa rakhtaa hai"

yeh Hawalah Husn-e-ittefaaQ se mujhe mil geyaa hai. yahaaN bhee MuSHefee kee muraad wohee hai. jo maiN kehnaa chahtaa hooN. ya'nee mo'jizanah t^aor par maharat-e-kamaal rakhnaa yaa kamaal-e-hunar mandee.

agar maiN :yad-e-t^oolaa: kehtaa to woh bhee Ghaer maozooN nah hotaa. aor yahee ma'nee de jataa. lekin us meN mo'jizah kaa rang nah rehtaa.

khush raheeN!
Muz^affar

[Sarwar A. Raz]

mukarramee Muzaffar SaaHeb: aadaab!

"khaliQ-e-she'er Jawaid Badauni SaHib GhaZal aor naZm meN yad-e-beZ^aa rakhte haiN."

Khayaal aayaa keh aap se hee daryaaft kar looN keh kaheeN aap :yad-e-beZ^aa: kee bajaaYe : yad-e-t^oolaa: to naheeN likhnaa chaahate the?

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

moHtaram Sarwar A'alam Raz Sarwar SaHib aadaab!

maiN ne :yad-e-beZ^aa: likhaa hai aor yahee meree muraad bhee hai. ya'nee bama'naa :mo'jizah: keh maoSoof apne kalam meN ma'jizanah t^aor par dastaras rakhtaa hai.

Aap ne :taZkirah-e-Hindee: yaqeena" paRhaa ho gaa jis meN Ghulam Samdaanee MuSHefee marHoom Saodaa se Mir kaa muwaZinah karte huwe Mir ke barah meN likhte haiN. " sach to yeh hai keh Ghazal meN :yad-e-beZ^aa rakhtaa hai"

yeh Hawalah Husn-e-ittefaaQ se mujhe mil geyaa hai. yahaaN bhee MuSHefee kee muraad wohee hai. jo maiN kehnaa chahtaa hooN. ya'nee mo'jizanah t^aor par maharat-e-kamaal rakhnaa yaa kamaal-e-hunar mandee.

agar maiN :yad-e-t^oolaa: kehtaa to woh bhee Ghaer maozooN nah hotaa. aor yahee ma'nee de jataa. lekin us meN mo'jizah kaa rang nah rehtaa.

khush raheeN!
Muz^affar

mukarramee: aadaab!

jawaab kaa shukriyah! maiN aap kaa mat^lab samajh gayaa thaa. shaayad meree fikr aap tak mere alfaaz^ aur un kaa lehjah nah poNhchaa sake! Khair, eeN ham andar a'ashiqee baalaa-e-GhamhaaYe-digar!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"