TarHi Ghazal Guzarish 30 - Muhammad K. Siddiqui

[muhammad_19k]

Sadre meHfil or 'azeezan bazm!

Salam.

kayee baar muzaffar SaHeb se sunaa ke baithay baithay ghazal ho gayee. yehi Haal Jawaid SaHeb ka daikhaa ke idhar TaraH misRa aayaa aor udhar ghazal tayyar. in dostoaN par rashk ke maaray seena phaT saa jaataa thaa. is baar sochaa ke kyooN na meN bhi aik hi nishist meN ghazal keh DaalooN. Koshish ki oar meN kaamyaab bhi ho gayaa. woh baat alaihdaa hai ke woh nishist hi 8 ghantay ki ho gayee . chooNke mairaa maqsood aik hi nishast meN ghazal makammal karnaa thaa. is leeaye meN ne taraH miSra par girah naheeN lagai jis ke leeaye meN Sadre mushairaa oar dostoaN se muaafi ka talabgaar hooN. laikin dost eHbaab jaanteN haiN ke TaraH miSra par giraa lagaana maire leeaye kitnaa mushkil kaam hai. aik hafta to ussi meN lag jaataa hai

khair leejiaye ghazal paish e khidmat hai.

>>>>> nayee shakal >>>>>

oar haaN aik oar baat. aap jaante haiN ke maheenay bhar men Sirf aik aadhi ghazal hi paish kartaa hooN aor baaqi waqt us ki nok palak saNwarne meN guzar jaataa hai. is leeaye aap se darkhaast hai ke ghazal ke behtari meN apna hiSSa zaroor Daaliaye gaa ke,

1. konsa sher aap ko sub se zydaa pasand aayaa?
2. konsay ashaar achchay haiN.
3. konsay ash'aar meN behtari ki gunjaish hai. agar aap apnaa mashwaraa bhi deN to ye doonaa eHsaan ho gaa.
4. konsay ash'aar ghazal se nikaal daine chaahi-aiN.

aap ka shukrguzar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.

GHAZAL IN ROMAN

1. ye andaazaa huwaa Aaho fughaaN say
ko-ii aashiq ge-yaa hai is jahaaN say
2. mujhey un say moHabbat hoa ge-ii thi
nikaalooN kyooNkar is koa daastaaN say
3. mujhey apnii koii taSveer dejay
k jaa-aye teeragi mairay makaaN say
4. "moHabbat" hii lagaa hai lafz e nafart
sunaa jub bhii he us sheereeN byaaN say
5. karam farmaa-i-aye mujh par khudaa raa
kahaaN Taaqat ke guzrooN imteHaaN say.
6. jo naazaaN thay kabhi apney sukhan par
tirii meHfil meN haiN kuch bayzabaaN say
7. na hoa murgh ea saHar kyooN mujh se behtar
woh uthtaa hai bohat pehlay azaaN say
8. meN tark ea dunya kar ke kyooN na daikhooN
keh kuch furSat milay baar e giraaN say
9. meN un ke naqsh e paa koa dhooNdhta hooN
he manzil jin ki aagay laa makaaN say
10. mujhe ab taiz chalnaa hoa gaa :khawar:
meN peechay reh ge-yaa hooN karvaaN say

new one!

kahaaN ja kar bhalaa wo bheek maaNgeN
jinhaiN too hai uthaa-aye a aastaaN sey.

NOTE. huroof e illat ki lambi aawaazoN ke leeaye ii, oa, aa, ay, waghiara aor chhoti awaazoN ke leeaye sirf i, e, a istemaal ki-aye gay heN.

[zmufti]

khawar saheb
mushaire meN aap ki ghazal majmooii tor par pasand aayii
sher no.5 aur 8 ke liye khasoosi daad qabool kijye
regards
zmufti

[Sohail Malik]

khawer bhai chunkeh is ghazal per tafseeli baat pehlay hi ho chuki hay is liay yahaN faqet daad dainay per hi iktifa kerta huN.


wassalam

sohail malik

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

moHtaram Biradaram M, Khawar SaaHib aadaab!

aap kee Ghazal dekh kar baRee khushee huee keh aap ne aakhir kaar usee usloob ko ikhteyaar kar liyaa jiskaa mashwarah eHbaab dete rahe. aor nah Sirf ikhteyaar kiyaa balkeh is meN khaaSe maharat aor istea'adaad bhee HaSil kar lee hai. jaesaa keh aap ne meHsoos kiyaa ho gaa. keh raftah raftah tarakeeb aor bandisheeN az khud she'er meN aanaa shuro' hoeeN haiN.
aor aap ne t^abia'at par Zoor Dale baGHaer hee halkee phulkee tarkeebooN ko baru-e-kaar la kar she'er kahe haiN.

Ghazal muraSSa' beyaanee ke Hawalah se aek achchee koshish hai. aap ne dostooN ke aasanee ke liye Ghazal se pehle ael judool bhee bana diyaa hai is se dostooN ke mashwarah dene meN baRee madad mile gee. to usee kee janib chalte haiN.


1. konsa sher aap ko sub se zydaa pasand aayaa?
#3 kiya kehne!

2. konsay ashaar achchay haiN.
#8 aor#5#10 kiya kehne!!

3. konsay ash'aar meN behtari ki gunjaish hai. agar aap apnaa mashwaraa bhi deN to ye doonaa eHsaan ho gaa.
mat^la' kaa miSra'-e-ulaa khubSurat hai. lekin miSra' caanee meN Gunjae'sh hai.
#2 kaa pehlaa miSra' bohot khubSurat hai. dusra miSra' meN abhee mazeed behtaree kee gunjaae'sh meHsoos hotee hai. #6maZeed behtar kiyaa ja saktaa hai.
#8 ko yooN bhee kiyaa jaa saktaa hai.( maiN kiyooN nah chooR dooN dunyaa kaa daman) yaa (maiN kiyooN nah tark-e-ulfat kar ke dekhooN)
#9 ko a'aam alfaaz^ meN yooN keh kar zeyadah qubool-e-a'aam naSeeb ho saktaa hai. (maiN un ke naqsh-e-paa ko DhooDtaa hooN)

4. konsay ash'aar ghazal se nikaal daine chaahi-aiN.
qabil-e-akhraaj koee she'er naheeN. sabhee achchee haiN.

is khubSurat koshish par dilee daad aor mubarak baad qubool keejiye!

Wassalam
Muzaffar A Muzaffar

[jawaid badauni]

Azeezi Khawar SaaHab

baraye karam apni Ghazal ko Roman meN bhej deejiyega maiN nai shakl meN isko khol nahiN paa raha hooN. Aajkal mera computer zara sust hai.

MuKhliS
Jawaid

[muhammad_19k]

mohtaram Janab jawaid SaHeb,

aap ke hukm ke mutaabiq ghazal urdu meN bhi likh di hai.

niazmand,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.

[jawaid badauni]

Azeezi Khawar SaaHab

Aapki Ghazal per tabsarey meN taaKhir ka sabab pahle hi bayan kar chuka hooN.

Ab aapne Roman meN Ghazal bheji hai tou kuch Arz karooNga jaisee ke aap ki Khuwaahish thee.

1. ye andaazaa huwaa Aaho fughaaN say
ko-ii aashiq ge-yaa hai is jahaaN say

Thik hai. Magar aashiq ke jane per kaun rota hai.
Woh bechara tou Khamoshee se hi ruKhsat ho jata hai.

2. mujhey un say moHabbat hoa ge-ii thi
nikaalooN kyooNkar is koa daastaaN say

Sher ko kuch aur Saaf kar lete tou aap ki baat wazeh
ho jati.

3. mujhey apnii koii taSveer dejay
k jaa-aye teeragi mairay makaaN say

Waise tou mubaliGhe per mabnee KhaSa achcha
Khayaal hai. Yaanee aisa munawwar chehra ke taSveer
ghar ko raushan kar dey. Magar sher kuch uljha sa hai
aur wazahat Talab hai.

4. "moHabbat" hii lagaa hai lafz e nafart
sunaa jub bhii he us sheereeN byaaN say

Suna hai jab bhi kah dete tou lafz titar bitar nah hote.
Khayal achcha hai.

5. karam farmaa-i-aye mujh par khudaa raa
kahaaN Taaqat ke guzrooN imteHaaN say.

Bohat achcha hai

6. jo naazaaN thay kabhi apney sukhan par
tirii meHfil meN haiN kuch bayzabaaN say

Tiri mehfil meN ab haiN ......ziyadah achcha lagta hai.

7. na hoa murgh ea saHar kyooN mujh se behtar
woh uthtaa hai bohat pehlay azaaN say

Waah magar pahla miSra kuch Safaii chaahta hai.

8. meN tark ea dunya kar ke kyooN na daikhooN
keh kuch furSat milay baar e giraaN say

Achcha Khyaal hai. MiSre Safaii chaahte haiN.

9. meN un ke naqsh e paa koa dhooNdhta hooN
he manzil jin ki aagay laa makaaN say

Bohau Khub. Shayad main usee tarf le gaya hooN jidhar
aap le jana chaahte thEy.

10. mujhe ab taiz chalnaa hoa gaa :khawar:
meN peechay reh ge-yaa hooN karvaaN say

WahaN kuch ki jagah ab achcha lag raha tha.
YahaN ab ki jagah Kuch behter hai. Mujhe kuch tez chalna........
Sher bohat achcha hai agar isko zati e'tbaar se dekhne ki
bajaye puri qaum ke nukta.e nazar se socha jaye.

new one!

Urdu shairee meN Angrezi ka daKhl kyuuN?

kahaaN ja kar bhalaa wo bheek maaNgeN
jinhaiN too hai uthaa-aye a aastaaN sey

.

Achcha sher hai magar lafzoN ke her pher aap
kar hi dete haiN. IsmeN kya harj hai?

JinheN tou ne uThaya aastaaN se


Ziyadah Hudde. adab

Khosh raheN!

Jawaid

[muhammad_19k]

Mohtaram Janab Jawaid SaHeb,

meN aap ka bohat shukrguzaar hooN ke aap ne apnaa qeemti waqt nikaal kar chhoti chhoti tabdeelyoN se mairi ghazal ko saNwaar diyaa. ye yaqeenun aap jaise kohna mashq shaair ka hi kaam hai. aik do jagheN jahaaN aap ne behtari mujh par chhoRi, meN ye kehne meN bilkul bhi 'aar naheeN samajhtaa ke meN un ko mazeed behtar karne se qaaSir hooN. agar aap mazeed koi ishaara deN to shayed baat ban jaa-aye. woh muqaamaat ye haiN.

2. mujhey un say moHabbat hoa ge-ii thi
nikaalooN kyooNkar is koa daastaaN say

Sher ko kuch aur Saaf kar lete tou aap ki baat wazeh
ho jati.

3. mujhey apnii koii taSveer dejay
k jaa-aye teeragi mairay makaaN say

Waise tou mubaliGhe per mabnee KhaSa achcha
Khayaal hai. Yaanee aisa munawwar chehra ke taSveer
ghar ko raushan kar dey. Magar sher kuch uljha sa hai
aur wazahat Talab hai.

8. meN tark ea dunya kar ke kyooN na daikhooN
keh kuch furSat milay baar e giraaN say

Achcha Khyaal hai. MiSre Safaii chaahte haiN.

Allah ta'aalaa aap ko khush o khurram rakhay aor SeHat to tandurusti se nawaaze. ameen!

shukrguzaar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

[jawaid badauni]

Mohtaram Janab Jawaid SaHeb,

meN aap ka bohat shukrguzaar hooN ke aap ne apnaa qeemti waqt nikaal kar chhoti chhoti tabdeelyoN se mairi ghazal ko saNwaar diyaa. ye yaqeenun aap jaise kohna mashq shaair ka hi kaam hai. aik do jagheN jahaaN aap ne behtari mujh par chhoRi, meN ye kehne meN bilkul bhi 'aar naheeN samajhtaa ke meN un ko mazeed behtar karne se qaaSir hooN. agar aap mazeed koi ishaara deN to shayed baat ban jaa-aye. woh muqaamaat ye haiN.

Sher ko kuch aur Saaf kar lete tou aap ki baat wazeh
ho jati.



Waise tou mubaliGhe per mabnee KhaSa achcha
Khayaal hai. Yaanee aisa munawwar chehra ke taSveer
ghar ko raushan kar dey. Magar sher kuch uljha sa hai
aur wazahat Talab hai.



Achcha Khyaal hai. MiSre Safaii chaahte haiN.

Allah ta'aalaa aap ko khush o khurram rakhay aor SeHat to tandurusti se nawaaze. ameen!

shukrguzaar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

MoHibbee Khaawar SaaHab
aadaab

Mere sher Saaf karne se aap ka faaidah nah hoga miyaN.
Aap ko yeh mushq Khud karna chaahiye. Kisi ki uNglee pakaR
kar chalne wale kabhi achche shayar nahiN bun sakte. Phir bhi
aap ko samjhane ke liye ek sher ko kuch Saaf karne ki koshish
karta hooN:

maiN bAAd.e tark.e duniya shaadmaaN hooN
keh furSat tou milee baar.e giraaN se


Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid

[muhammad_19k]

:) Jawaid SaHeb shukriyaa.

maire ishaaray se muraad thi ke pataa chal jaa-aye ke kyaa cheez behtar karni hai. ab pataa chal gyaa ke mafhoom kuch clear naheeN hai. meN zaroor behtarai laanay ki koshish karooN gaa.

bohat bohat shukriyaa.

mamnoon,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.

[haamidbaaqri]

karam farmaa-i-aye mujh par khudaa raa
kahaaN Taaqat ke guzrooN imteHaaN say

bahut khoob.............


mohtaram mohammed khawar saahib

aap tadreejan taraqqi kartay chalay jaarahay haiN.

bahut mehnat kartay haiN aap.

aapki yeh ghazal bhi usee mehnat ka nateejah hai.

hamaari dilee daad aur mubaarakbaad haazir hai .

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah

mukhlis
haamidbaaqari