aap ki ye Ghazal to mashaa Allah bahut hi Khoob hai !! waah waah !!
mazaa aagayaa shaai'ree ka !!
tamaam asha'aar hi Khoob haiN !! daad qabool farmaaye !!
moKhliS : Zia Baloch
Dikhaadi shaan, phir ahl-e-chaman ko, Be-niyaazi ki
Khamoshi se jhatak kar, aaj phir, dast-e-sabaa maiN ne
Tahira saheba
Aadaab kubool karen, taareef aur shiqayat dono hi lekar aayee hun mey aapke paas, aapki ghazal paDne ki koshish ki :? aur jitni bhi paD paayee bohot acchhee lagi.
shiqayat kyaa guzaarish samjhen, ke baDi sharmindaghi se kehna padta haiy ke kuch hum jeyse ut-pataang shayri ke qadardaan eyse bhi hain jo sirf roman urdu ke sahare hi urdu shayri ka sahee maza le paaten hain.
Aur aapse aur doosre doston se bhi, humaari yehi ilteja haiy, agar is qabil samjhen to humaare liye ek post roman urdu me bhi kar den. isse ye hoga ke taareef karne waalon me humare naam ka bhi izaafa ho jaayega.
aap ki ye Ghazal to mashaa Allah bahut hi Khoob hai !! waah waah !!
mazaa aagayaa shaai'ree ka !!
tamaam asha'aar hi Khoob haiN !! daad qabool farmaaye !!
moKhliS : Zia Baloch
shuekraiyh sitarah zehn ji yanee
Starmind ji
salaam
aap k yeh kalimaat mere liay bohat HuSlah afzaa haiN. so nice of u.
sher #3, misra #1: dukhoN kii leh'r meN aur sail-e-Gham meN bah kar bhii
sher #4, misra #1: sunaa diyaa hai fasaanaa GhamoN kaa apne magar (is sher ke misra #2 meN :vuhii: ko :abhii: kar deejiye)
sher #7, misra #1: KhizaaN.raseeda badan thak gayaa hai ab lekin
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
moHteram Abid saheb
slaam
ghazal ki pazeeraaii ker k meri HuSlah afzaaee kerne kaa shukeriyah.
aap ki tajaaveez kaa bhi shukeriyah. maiN es mehrbaani k liay mamnoon hoN.
sher # 7 meN aap jis khaami ki nishaan dhi fermaaee hai woh wazn k aitebaar se bajaa tau hai laikin
KhazaN raseedah badan " k istemaal se aglaa misraa jis maiN dil kaa zikr hai keh dil meN ummeed-e-behaar baaqi hai tau dil bi tau badan ka hi HiSSah hai jab badan thakaa hai tau dil bhi thakk jaay gaa
kioN nah ese aisee ker diyaa jaaey
khizaan raseedah meri soch thak ga'ee hai magar
aap kaa kayaa khyaal hai?
pehle misra'e meN aap ne khaami ka mutabadil nahiN bataaya beraah-e-keram zaroor bateeiN.
sher # 4 meN
"sunaa k daastaN gham ki lafz lafz magar"
es maiN aap ne tajveez di hai keh ese es teraH ker sakte haiN.
" sunaa diyaa hai fasaanah ghamoN kaa apna amagar "
tajveez yuN tau nehaayt ma'Qool hai
maine yeh poochnaa hai ( aur mujhe Husn-e-zan hai keh aap bura anahiN manaaeiN gey meHaz apni isteata'At khud aitemaadi aur ilm meiN izaafe k liay pooch rehi hoN ) kioNkeh maine us meN jo alfaaz maine istemaal kiya haiN woh gham ki shiddat ko Zaahir ker rehe hain keh ghamoN ki daasatN lafz lafz keh ker bhi gham halka nahiN huaa.
jab keh Sirf fasaanah sunaaker gham se halkaa nah hona meri us soch ko pooree teraH adaa nahiN ker rehaa.
kayaa aise keha ajaa sktaahi
"sunaa k gham kaa fasaanah bhi lafz lafz magar"
maiN kayaa keroN wahee gham kaa guhubaar baaqee hai
ummeed hai aap es post kaa jawaab deker mujhe mamnoon fermaaeiN gey.
Tahira saheba
Aadaab kubool karen, taareef aur shiqayat dono hi lekar aayee hun mey aapke paas, aapki ghazal paDne ki koshish ki :? aur jitni bhi paD paayee bohot acchhee lagi.
shiqayat kyaa guzaarish samjhen, ke baDi sharmindaghi se kehna padta haiy ke kuch hum jeyse ut-pataang shayri ke qadardaan eyse bhi hain jo sirf roman urdu ke sahare hi urdu shayri ka sahee maza le paaten hain.
Aur aapse aur doosre doston se bhi, humaari yehi ilteja haiy, agar is qabil samjhen to humaare liye ek post roman urdu me bhi kar den. isse ye hoga ke taareef karne waalon me humare naam ka bhi izaafa ho jaayega.
aapki ghazal ko do-baara paDne ka intezaar rahega
Safiya
Safiya ji
salaam
aap ki sahulat k liay maine use roman maiN likh diyaa hai.
[color=olive]1-
Qaraar kho k dil-e-be qaraar baaqee hai
jo zakhm khaaey heN un kaa shumaar baaqee hai
2-
ubuur ker tau chukee dasht maiN junooN kaa magar
hanuuz saamne ik raigzaar baaqee hai
3-
sunaak daastaN gham ki m , lafz lafz magar
maiN kayaa keroN keh wahee dil kaa ghubaar baaqee hai
5-
dukhoN ki leh'r aur sail-e-gham maiN beh ker bhi
yeh sakhtaajaan dil-e-zaar zaar baaqee hai
4-
woh meethe bol jo ras gholte the kaaoN maiN
zamaane b'Ad bhi un ka akhumaar baaqee hai
6-
ghamoN ki aag miN jal ker maiN ban gaee kundan
jabhi tau chehre pey ab tak nikhaar baaqi hai
7-
KhizaaN raseedah meri soch thak gaee hai magar
yeh dil hai jis meN ummeed-e-behaar baaqee hai[/color]
Tahira saheba,
Bohot bohot shukriya jo aapne humaari guzaarish pe ghaur kiya, aur itni jald post bhi kar diya, mey aapki mamnoon hoon.
Ghazal ke kya kehne,
Qaraar kho ke dil-e-be-qaraar baaqi haiy
jo zakhm khaaye hain unka shumaar baaqi haiy
waah waah kamaal la matla haiy, mubarakbaad kubool karen
albatta ashaar 3 aur 5 ka khyaal bohot achha haiy lekin aghar aap ashar 3 ke doosre misre aur ashaar 5 ke pehle misre pe ek baar phir gaur-e-nazar kar len to inka rang aur bhi nikhar sakta haiy, baaqi ghazal bohot khoobsoorat haiy aur bohot pasand aayi haiy.
sher #7 ke liye aap kaa tajveez.karda misra qataii mauzuuN hai. albatta sher #4 par aap kii tajveez kuchh khaTak rahii hai. aap ne :lafz lafz: ko :shiddat: ke izhaar kii Khaatir istemaal kiyaa hai. lekin misre kii saaKht ye taassur nahiiN chhoRtii. Khair, aap mut.main haiN to bismillaah keejiye.
se kehna padta haiy ke kuch hum jeyse ut-pataang shayri ke qadardaan eyse bhi hain jo sirf roman urdu ke sahare hi urdu shayri ka sahee maza le paaten hain. 
