Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
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jawaid badauni
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Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
---------------------------------------
aapki giranqadr aara ka muntazir,
Jawaid Badauni
Last edited by jawaid badauni on Tue May 20, 2008 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Sohail Malik
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- Posts: 124
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Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
Jawaid bhaee assalaam o alaekum!
waah janaab waah bohat hi umdah. daad qabul kijiay.
aap nay ghazal kay liay ghair maruf alfaaz ka istemaal kia hay laikin bohat khubSureti say. her lafz kay saath aik umdah haqeeqi khayaal dia hay.
sochnay ki baat hay keh kaee alfaaz per qadghan lagaa ker ham ghazal ka daaman tang kernay kay murtakib hotay haiN kiunkeh bilashubah har lafz apni aik judaagaanah qadr o qeemat rakhtaa hay.
tamaam hi ashaar bohat pasand ayee dobaaraa daad qabul kijiay.
wassalam
sohail malik
[
waah janaab waah bohat hi umdah. daad qabul kijiay.
aap nay ghazal kay liay ghair maruf alfaaz ka istemaal kia hay laikin bohat khubSureti say. her lafz kay saath aik umdah haqeeqi khayaal dia hay.
sochnay ki baat hay keh kaee alfaaz per qadghan lagaa ker ham ghazal ka daaman tang kernay kay murtakib hotay haiN kiunkeh bilashubah har lafz apni aik judaagaanah qadr o qeemat rakhtaa hay.
tamaam hi ashaar bohat pasand ayee dobaaraa daad qabul kijiay.
wassalam
sohail malik
[
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jawaid badauni
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Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
Sohail Malik wrote:Jawaid bhaee assalaam o alaekum!
waah janaab waah bohat hi umdah. daad qabul kijiay.
aap nay ghazal kay liay ghair maruf alfaaz ka istemaal kia hay laikin bohat khubSureti say. her lafz kay saath aik umdah haqeeqi khayaal dia hay.
sochnay ki baat hay keh kaee alfaaz per qadghan lagaa ker ham ghazal ka daaman tang kernay kay murtakib hotay haiN kiunkeh bilashubah har lafz apni aik judaagaanah qadr o qeemat rakhtaa hay.
tamaam hi ashaar bohat pasand ayee dobaaraa daad qabul kijiay.
wassalam
sohail malik
[
Azeezi Suhail Malik SaaHab,
aadaab
aap ki purKhulooS daad ke liye behud mamnoon hooN. dil tou chaahta hai ab isee rung meN kaha jayee magar akSar buzugaane Urdu is shairee ko shairee nahiN maante.
Aaj mujhe bohat Khushee huuwee jab Canada meN muqeem ek behud mo'tabar Urdu daaN buzurg Janab Tariq Ghazi Saahab ne is Ghazal per mujhe shabashee dee. main unse e'trazaat kee tawaaqqo kar raha tha. purane log naii shairee ko Amuman pasand nahiN karte.
Ek baar phir himmat afazaayee ke liye aap ka shukriya. HaaN, maiN ne Ghazal meN kuch tabdeeliyaN ki haiN ek baar phir dekh lijiyega.
Aapka muKhliS
Jawaid
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Sarwar A. Raz
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- Location: Fort Worth, Texas
- Contact:
Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
mukaaramee Jawaid SaaHeb:aadaab!jawaid badauni wrote:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
---------------------------------------
aapki giranqadr aara ka muntazir,
Jawaid Badauni
aap kee :rawish se kuchh haT kar: kahee huyee yeh Ghazal dekhee. agar :chhoTaa muNh aur baRee baat: nah samjhaa jaaYe to a'rZ^ karooN gaa keh mujh ko is meN koyee aisaa lafz^ naz^ar naheeN aayaa jo :Ghazal kaa: nah ho. mashaa,heer (KhuSooSa" mutaqaddemeen) ke yahaaN aise bohat se alfaaz^ mil jaaYeN ge. Khair! ek kaamyaab Ghazal par daad qubool keejiYe.
aur ab:
rakhiyo :Ghalib: mujhe is talKh-nawaayee se mu,a'af!
ek baat kehnee Z^arooree hai.
aap kaa mat^la' hai:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
yeh beHr-e-mujtac kee ek shakl hai jis kaa wazn hai:
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun (yaa, fa-i'-lun)
taqt^ee' dekhiYe:
ha-meN-tou-shub; meN-u-ja-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
au-run-ko-din; meN-bhi-ka-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
yahaaN tak to sab Theek hai. ab yeh she'r dekhiYe:
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
is kee taqt^ee' yooN ho gee:
Kha-nDar-sa-bun; ga-ya-yeh-ghar??; tu-mha-re-jaa; ne ke bAAd ????
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Ha-re-k(a)-kam; rey-meN-jaa-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
ya'nee :khaNDar: waalaa miSra' wazn se Khaarij hai!
is ko yooN likhiYe to mauzooN ho jaaYe gaa:
"khaNDar saa ho gayaa ghar yeh tumhaare jaane se"
is kee taqt^ee' bhee dekh leejiYe:
kha-nDar-saa-ho; ga-yaa-ghar-yeh; tu-mhaa-re-jaa; ne-se
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Hairat kee baat hai keh Sohail SaaHeb kee bhee nigaah is par nah paRee! kyaa maiN Ghalat^ee par hooN?
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
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jawaid badauni
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Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
Sarwar Raz wrote:mukaaramee Jawaid SaaHeb:aadaab!jawaid badauni wrote:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
---------------------------------------
aapki giranqadr aara ka muntazir,
Jawaid Badauni
aap kee :rawish se kuchh haT kar: kahee huyee yeh Ghazal dekhee. agar :chhoTaa muNh aur baRee baat: nah samjhaa jaaYe to a'rZ^ karooN gaa keh mujh ko is meN koyee aisaa lafz^ naz^ar naheeN aayaa jo :Ghazal kaa: nah ho. mashaa,heer (KhuSooSa" mutaqaddemeen) ke yahaaN aise bohat se alfaaz^ mil jaaYeN ge. Khair! ek kaamyaab Ghazal par daad qubool keejiYe.
aur ab:
rakhiyo :Ghalib: mujhe is talKh-nawaayee se mu,a'af!
ek baat kehnee Z^arooree hai.
aap kaa mat^la' hai:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
yeh beHr-e-mujtac kee ek shakl hai jis kaa wazn hai:
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun (yaa, fa-i'-lun)
taqt^ee' dekhiYe:
ha-meN-tou-shub; meN-u-ja-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
au-run-ko-din; meN-bhi-ka-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
yahaaN tak to sab Theek hai. ab yeh she'r dekhiYe:
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
is kee taqt^ee' yooN ho gee:
Kha-nDar-sa-bun; ga-ya-yeh-ghar??; tu-mha-re-jaa; ne ke bAAd ????
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Ha-re-k(a)-kam; rey-meN-jaa-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
ya'nee :khaNDar: waalaa miSra' wazn se Khaarij hai!
is ko yooN likhiYe to mauzooN ho jaaYe gaa:
"khaNDar saa ho gayaa ghar yeh tumhaare jaane se"
is kee taqt^ee' bhee dekh leejiYe:
kha-nDar-saa-ho; ga-yaa-ghar-yeh; tu-mhaa-re-jaa; ne-se
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Hairat kee baat hai keh Sohail SaaHeb kee bhee nigaah is par nah paRee! kyaa maiN Ghalat^ee par hooN?
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
Janab Sarwar Raaz SaaHab,
aadaab qubool kijiye
meri Khushee ki Had na rahee aap ka tabsarah dekh ker. aap ne mere ashAAr per tabsara karna bund kar diya tha lekin ek arSey bAAd aap ne yaad farmaya, bohat Khushee huuwee.
Ghazal ka lub.o.lehja, mazameen aur zubaan mujhse baar baar yeh kah rahe the Keh Sarwar saHab hargiz is Ghazal ko pasaNd nahiN farmayeNge. phir bhi ya tou aap ne murawwat se kaam liya hai ya maiN kisee ghalat fahmee ka shikaar tha. Himmat afazaaii ke liye aap ka mamnoon hooN.
Ab us miSrey kee Taraf aata hooN.
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
maiN tasleem karta hoon keh "KEH" lafz bawzm "kaaf aur zer" istaimal kiya gaya hai aur yeh bhi maanta hooN keh "bAAd" lafz ki "DAAL" wazn meN nahiN aa raha hai. magar jahaN tak mujhe ilm hai aur meree ustaad marHoom ne sikhaya hai yeh donoN cheezeN JAAIZ haiN. MiSrey ka aaKhree harf girana har Tarah Jaaiz hai. main darjanoN sher aap ki Khidmat meN pesh kar sakta hooN jahaN ustaad shoara' ne misrey ka AAKHREE HARF giraya hai.
Baraye karam ek baar mere miSre ko is Tarah paRhiye aur bataaiye keh ab wazn meN hai keh nahiN
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane kibaa
mera miSra qawanee.e Urdu suKhan ke muTabiq wazn meN hai ALBATTA MAIN YEH BHI TASLEEM KARTA HOON KEH AAP KA TAZWEEZ KARDA MISRA ZIYADAH SAAF AUR SAADA HAI.
Ek baar phir aap ka shukriya.
MuKhliS
Jawaid
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Khurshidul Hasan Naiyer
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- Posts: 96
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muHtaram Jb. Jawaid Badauni St
salaam o raHmah
a'aam bol chaal kee zabaan meiN ek pur acar Ghazal ke liye daad lekar Haz^ir hooaN. achhee Ghazal hai jismeiN bahut saare Haqaaeq ko pesh kiyaa hai aapne. pechheedgee or caqeel lafz^oN se bojhal GhazleN to akcar dekhne ko miljaatee hai.
khuSuSaN yeh asha'aar bahut pasaNd aayee
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
waah bahut achhaa
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
waah, waah
daad qubool farmayeN.
Allah Hafiz^
khair aNdesh
Khurshidul H. Naiyer
salaam o raHmah
a'aam bol chaal kee zabaan meiN ek pur acar Ghazal ke liye daad lekar Haz^ir hooaN. achhee Ghazal hai jismeiN bahut saare Haqaaeq ko pesh kiyaa hai aapne. pechheedgee or caqeel lafz^oN se bojhal GhazleN to akcar dekhne ko miljaatee hai.
khuSuSaN yeh asha'aar bahut pasaNd aayee
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
waah bahut achhaa
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
waah, waah
daad qubool farmayeN.
Allah Hafiz^
khair aNdesh
Khurshidul H. Naiyer
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jawaid badauni
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- Posts: 810
- Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 5:38 am
- Contact:
Khurshidul Hasan Naiyer wrote:muHtaram Jb. Jawaid Badauni St
salaam o raHmah
a'aam bol chaal kee zabaan meiN ek pur acar Ghazal ke liye daad lekar Haz^ir hooaN. achhee Ghazal hai jismeiN bahut saare Haqaaeq ko pesh kiyaa hai aapne. pechheedgee or caqeel lafz^oN se bojhal GhazleN to akcar dekhne ko miljaatee hai.
khuSuSaN yeh asha'aar bahut pasaNd aayee
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
waah bahut achhaa
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
waah, waah
daad qubool farmayeN.
Allah Hafiz^
khair aNdesh
Khurshidul H. Naiyer
Azeezi wa moHibbe Khurshidul Hasan Naiyer Saahab,
tasleemaat
ghazal ki pazeeraayee se meri bohat himmat afzaayee huuwee. aap ka behud mamnoon hooN. main hamesha bohat sada uar aasan zubaan meN kahta hoon aur jo thoree bohat maqbooliyat mujhe HaSil huuwe hai uska raaz bhi yehee hai.
Ummid hai aaindah bhi aap se rabt rahega.
Khair andesh,
Jawaid Badauni
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Sarwar A. Raz
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- Posts: 518
- Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2005 3:18 pm
- Location: Fort Worth, Texas
- Contact:
Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
mukarramee Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!jawaid badauni wrote:Sarwar Raz wrote:mukaaramee Jawaid SaaHeb:aadaab!jawaid badauni wrote:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
---------------------------------------
aapki giranqadr aara ka muntazir,
Jawaid Badauni
aap kee :rawish se kuchh haT kar: kahee huyee yeh Ghazal dekhee. agar :chhoTaa muNh aur baRee baat: nah samjhaa jaaYe to a'rZ^ karooN gaa keh mujh ko is meN koyee aisaa lafz^ naz^ar naheeN aayaa jo :Ghazal kaa: nah ho. mashaa,heer (KhuSooSa" mutaqaddemeen) ke yahaaN aise bohat se alfaaz^ mil jaaYeN ge. Khair! ek kaamyaab Ghazal par daad qubool keejiYe.
aur ab:
rakhiyo :Ghalib: mujhe is talKh-nawaayee se mu,a'af!
ek baat kehnee Z^arooree hai.
aap kaa mat^la' hai:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
yeh beHr-e-mujtac kee ek shakl hai jis kaa wazn hai:
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun (yaa, fa-i'-lun)
taqt^ee' dekhiYe:
ha-meN-tou-shub; meN-u-ja-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
au-run-ko-din; meN-bhi-ka-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
yahaaN tak to sab Theek hai. ab yeh she'r dekhiYe:
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
is kee taqt^ee' yooN ho gee:
Kha-nDar-sa-bun; ga-ya-yeh-ghar??; tu-mha-re-jaa; ne ke bAAd ????
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Ha-re-k(a)-kam; rey-meN-jaa-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
ya'nee :khaNDar: waalaa miSra' wazn se Khaarij hai!
is ko yooN likhiYe to mauzooN ho jaaYe gaa:
"khaNDar saa ho gayaa ghar yeh tumhaare jaane se"
is kee taqt^ee' bhee dekh leejiYe:
kha-nDar-saa-ho; ga-yaa-ghar-yeh; tu-mhaa-re-jaa; ne-se
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Hairat kee baat hai keh Sohail SaaHeb kee bhee nigaah is par nah paRee! kyaa maiN Ghalat^ee par hooN?
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
Janab Sarwar Raaz SaaHab,
aadaab qubool kijiye
meri Khushee ki Had na rahee aap ka tabsarah dekh ker. aap ne mere ashAAr per tabsara karna bund kar diya tha lekin ek arSey bAAd aap ne yaad farmaya, bohat Khushee huuwee.
Ghazal ka lub.o.lehja, mazameen aur zubaan mujhse baar baar yeh kah rahe the Keh Sarwar saHab hargiz is Ghazal ko pasaNd nahiN farmayeNge. phir bhi ya tou aap ne murawwat se kaam liya hai ya maiN kisee ghalat fahmee ka shikaar tha. Himmat afazaaii ke liye aap ka mamnoon hooN.
Ab us miSrey kee Taraf aata hooN.
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
maiN tasleem karta hoon keh "KEH" lafz bawzm "kaaf aur zer" istaimal kiya gaya hai aur yeh bhi maanta hooN keh "bAAd" lafz ki "DAAL" wazn meN nahiN aa raha hai. magar jahaN tak mujhe ilm hai aur meree ustaad marHoom ne sikhaya hai yeh donoN cheezeN JAAIZ haiN. MiSrey ka aaKhree harf girana har Tarah Jaaiz hai. main darjanoN sher aap ki Khidmat meN pesh kar sakta hooN jahaN ustaad shoara' ne misrey ka AAKHREE HARF giraya hai.
Baraye karam ek baar mere miSre ko is Tarah paRhiye aur bataaiye keh ab wazn meN hai keh nahiN
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane kibaa
mera miSra qawanee.e Urdu suKhan ke muTabiq wazn meN hai ALBATTA MAIN YEH BHI TASLEEM KARTA HOON KEH AAP KA TAZWEEZ KARDA MISRA ZIYADAH SAAF AUR SAADA HAI.
Ek baar phir aap ka shukriya.
MuKhliS
Jawaid
aap kee Ghazal par nah tabSirah manzôor thaa aur nah hee ab koyee beHc maqSood hai. ek takneekee Ghalatêe kee nishaan-dehee maqSood thee taa.k nau-aamoz log kuchh seekh sakeN.
mujh ko miSre' ke aaKhiree mauqoof Harf ko taqt^ee' meN saaqit^ karne kaa baKhoobee i'lm hai. aap kaa miSra' aap kee tajweez-kardah tilaawat meN bhee yaqeena" wazn se Khaarij hai. kisee maahir-e-a'rooZ^ se istifaadah kar leN yaa koyee mustanad kitaab dekh leN to aap par apnee Ghalat^ee Khud hee z^aahir ho jaaye gee. ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!
meree jaanib se is tabaadilah-e-Khayaal kaa iKhtitaam hotaa hai illaa yeh keh koyee nayaa nuktah saamne laayaa jaaYe.
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar
yooN aur bohat a'ib haiN :Sarwar: meN wa-lekin
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
kambaKht muHabbat meN to yaktaa nazar aayaa
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
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jawaid badauni
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Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
Sarwar Raz wrote:mukarramee Jawaid SaaHeb: aadaab!jawaid badauni wrote:Sarwar Raz wrote: mukaaramee Jawaid SaaHeb:aadaab!
aap kee :rawish se kuchh haT kar: kahee huyee yeh Ghazal dekhee. agar :chhoTaa muNh aur baRee baat: nah samjhaa jaaYe to a'rZ^ karooN gaa keh mujh ko is meN koyee aisaa lafz^ naz^ar naheeN aayaa jo :Ghazal kaa: nah ho. mashaa,heer (KhuSooSa" mutaqaddemeen) ke yahaaN aise bohat se alfaaz^ mil jaaYeN ge. Khair! ek kaamyaab Ghazal par daad qubool keejiYe.
aur ab:
rakhiyo :Ghalib: mujhe is talKh-nawaayee se mu,a'af!
ek baat kehnee Z^arooree hai.
aap kaa mat^la' hai:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
yeh beHr-e-mujtac kee ek shakl hai jis kaa wazn hai:
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun (yaa, fa-i'-lun)
taqt^ee' dekhiYe:
ha-meN-tou-shub; meN-u-ja-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
au-run-ko-din; meN-bhi-ka-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
yahaaN tak to sab Theek hai. ab yeh she'r dekhiYe:
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
is kee taqt^ee' yooN ho gee:
Kha-nDar-sa-bun; ga-ya-yeh-ghar??; tu-mha-re-jaa; ne ke bAAd ????
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Ha-re-k(a)-kam; rey-meN-jaa-la; di-kha-yee-de; ta-hai
ya'nee :khaNDar: waalaa miSra' wazn se Khaarij hai!
is ko yooN likhiYe to mauzooN ho jaaYe gaa:
"khaNDar saa ho gayaa ghar yeh tumhaare jaane se"
is kee taqt^ee' bhee dekh leejiYe:
kha-nDar-saa-ho; ga-yaa-ghar-yeh; tu-mhaa-re-jaa; ne-se
mu-faa-i'-lun; fa-i'-laa-tun; mu-faa-i'-lun; fa'-lun
Hairat kee baat hai keh Sohail SaaHeb kee bhee nigaah is par nah paRee! kyaa maiN Ghalat^ee par hooN?
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
Janab Sarwar Raaz SaaHab,
aadaab qubool kijiye
meri Khushee ki Had na rahee aap ka tabsarah dekh ker. aap ne mere ashAAr per tabsara karna bund kar diya tha lekin ek arSey bAAd aap ne yaad farmaya, bohat Khushee huuwee.
Ghazal ka lub.o.lehja, mazameen aur zubaan mujhse baar baar yeh kah rahe the Keh Sarwar saHab hargiz is Ghazal ko pasaNd nahiN farmayeNge. phir bhi ya tou aap ne murawwat se kaam liya hai ya maiN kisee ghalat fahmee ka shikaar tha. Himmat afazaaii ke liye aap ka mamnoon hooN.
Ab us miSrey kee Taraf aata hooN.
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
maiN tasleem karta hoon keh "KEH" lafz bawzm "kaaf aur zer" istaimal kiya gaya hai aur yeh bhi maanta hooN keh "bAAd" lafz ki "DAAL" wazn meN nahiN aa raha hai. magar jahaN tak mujhe ilm hai aur meree ustaad marHoom ne sikhaya hai yeh donoN cheezeN JAAIZ haiN. MiSrey ka aaKhree harf girana har Tarah Jaaiz hai. main darjanoN sher aap ki Khidmat meN pesh kar sakta hooN jahaN ustaad shoara' ne misrey ka AAKHREE HARF giraya hai.
Baraye karam ek baar mere miSre ko is Tarah paRhiye aur bataaiye keh ab wazn meN hai keh nahiN
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane kibaa
mera miSra qawanee.e Urdu suKhan ke muTabiq wazn meN hai ALBATTA MAIN YEH BHI TASLEEM KARTA HOON KEH AAP KA TAZWEEZ KARDA MISRA ZIYADAH SAAF AUR SAADA HAI.
Ek baar phir aap ka shukriya.
MuKhliS
Jawaid
aap kee Ghazal par nah tabSirah manzôor thaa aur nah hee ab koyee beHc maqSood hai. ek takneekee Ghalatêe kee nishaan-dehee maqSood thee taa.k nau-aamoz log kuchh seekh sakeN.
mujh ko miSre' ke aaKhiree mauqoof Harf ko taqt^ee' meN saaqit^ karne kaa baKhoobee i'lm hai. aap kaa miSra' aap kee tajweez-kardah tilaawat meN bhee yaqeena" wazn se Khaarij hai. kisee maahir-e-a'rooZ^ se istifaadah kar leN yaa koyee mustanad kitaab dekh leN to aap par apnee Ghalat^ee Khud hee z^aahir ho jaaye gee. ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!
meree jaanib se is tabaadilah-e-Khayaal kaa iKhtitaam hotaa hai illaa yeh keh koyee nayaa nuktah saamne laayaa jaaYe.
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar
Janab Sarwar Saahab, tasleemaat
maiN aap ke e'traz se muttafiq nahiN. chund m'otabar hastiyoN se rujoo' kar chuka hooN. ab maiN puri mehfil ko d'awat deta hoon keh batayeN aaya mundarjazel miSra wazn meN hai keh nahiN (iskey lafzee m'aana kuch bhi rahe hooN)
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhar jaan kiba
agar mundarjabala miSra wazn meN hai tou meri ghazal ka miSra bhi wazn meN hai kyuuNkeh "tumhare" ki YEH girana , "jaane" kee YEH girana, keh ko "kaaf aur zer" ke wazn per istaimal karna aur miSrey ke aaKhree lafz ka aaKhree harf "DAAL" girana har liHaaZ se jaaiz hai.
Allah Allah Khair salla. (meri janib se bhi yeh dilchusp adabee guftagoo ab Khatm huuwee).
MuKhlis
Jawaid
Last edited by jawaid badauni on Wed May 21, 2008 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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muhammad_19k
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- Location: Lahore
- Contact:
Mohtaram Janab SARWAR SaHeb,
aap jaante heN k aap se seekhne ka koi moqa' meN haath se nahi jaane daitaa. so yahaaN bhi Haazir ho gyaa hooN. meN samajhne se qaaSir hooN ke Jawaid SaHeb ka miSra kaise wazn se baahir hai. meN aap k hi ki-aye tukRay neechay lagaa rahaa hoooN.
kha----nDar-----saa----ho;---- ga-----yaa-----ghar------yeh;----- tu-----mhaa-----re-----jaa; -----ne--------se================(SARWAR SAHEB)
mu----faa--------i'------lun;---- fa------i'--------laa-------tun;----- mu-----faa--------i'------lun;----- fa'--------lun
Kha---nDar------saa----bun;--- ga-----yaa-----yeh------ghar; ----tu------mhaa-----re-----jaa;---- neke---- bAAd===============(Jawaid SaHeb)
mu----faa--------i'------lun;---- fa------i'--------laa-------tun;----- mu-----faa--------i'------lun;----- fa'i-------laat
maire zehn meN ye saawal uTh rahe heN.
1. kyaa is beHr meN fa'lun ki jagah fa'ilan ya aakhiri saakin giraate huwaay, fa'laat ya fa'ilaat nahi aa sakte?
2. kyaa aap "yeh" ko "laa" ke vazn par istemaal karne ki wajh se miSra khaarij az beHr qaraar day rahe heN. laikin aap ne bhi tajveez karda miSra meN "yeh" ko "tan" ke vazn par istemaal kiyaa hai.
3. kyaa ne aor ke ki ye pe dar pe giranaa aap ko ma-yoob lag rahaa hai. aor kyaa ye naa jaaiz hai?
4. ya is ke allawa bhi koi mas,alaa hai?
daikhne meN to Jawaid SaHeb ki baat theek lagti hai k aap ka miSra Saaf aor behtar hai jab ke un ka miSra nisbatan kamzor. laikin bevazn kaise hai ye kuch samajh nahi aa rahaa.
khosha cheeN
aap jaante heN k aap se seekhne ka koi moqa' meN haath se nahi jaane daitaa. so yahaaN bhi Haazir ho gyaa hooN. meN samajhne se qaaSir hooN ke Jawaid SaHeb ka miSra kaise wazn se baahir hai. meN aap k hi ki-aye tukRay neechay lagaa rahaa hoooN.
kha----nDar-----saa----ho;---- ga-----yaa-----ghar------yeh;----- tu-----mhaa-----re-----jaa; -----ne--------se================(SARWAR SAHEB)
mu----faa--------i'------lun;---- fa------i'--------laa-------tun;----- mu-----faa--------i'------lun;----- fa'--------lun
Kha---nDar------saa----bun;--- ga-----yaa-----yeh------ghar; ----tu------mhaa-----re-----jaa;---- neke---- bAAd===============(Jawaid SaHeb)
mu----faa--------i'------lun;---- fa------i'--------laa-------tun;----- mu-----faa--------i'------lun;----- fa'i-------laat
maire zehn meN ye saawal uTh rahe heN.
1. kyaa is beHr meN fa'lun ki jagah fa'ilan ya aakhiri saakin giraate huwaay, fa'laat ya fa'ilaat nahi aa sakte?
2. kyaa aap "yeh" ko "laa" ke vazn par istemaal karne ki wajh se miSra khaarij az beHr qaraar day rahe heN. laikin aap ne bhi tajveez karda miSra meN "yeh" ko "tan" ke vazn par istemaal kiyaa hai.
3. kyaa ne aor ke ki ye pe dar pe giranaa aap ko ma-yoob lag rahaa hai. aor kyaa ye naa jaaiz hai?
4. ya is ke allawa bhi koi mas,alaa hai?
daikhne meN to Jawaid SaHeb ki baat theek lagti hai k aap ka miSra Saaf aor behtar hai jab ke un ka miSra nisbatan kamzor. laikin bevazn kaise hai ye kuch samajh nahi aa rahaa.
khosha cheeN
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
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dilshadnazmi
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- Contact:
Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
aap tamami hazrat ke jawab ka muntazir hoon ,jawaid badauni wrote:
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai
---------------------------------------
aapki giranqadr aara ka muntazir,
Jawaid Badauni
dilshadnazmi
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muhammad_19k
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Re: Meri taza Ghazal..rawish se kuch haT kar
Mohtaram janab Jawaid SaHeb,
aap ki ghazal ki badaloat bohat se 'aroozi nikaat bhi seekh chukaa hooN. to sochaa kyooN na is par kuch raa-aye bhi day di jaa-aye. mairi koi baat naagwaar lage to paishgi ma'ziraat. kuch tajaaveez bhi hoN gi. jin ka maqSad aap se Sirf ye poochna hai k kyaa meN saHeeH samajh rahaa hooN. aap ki farakhdili hamesha maire HoSla afzaai karti hai.
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai -----------------------------------------------hmm
aap ki matla' waqiatan munfarid andaaz ka hai. bohat sochne k b'aad is par daad diaye baghair koi chaaraa nahi.
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai---------------------------------------------------zabardast.
laikn dar pe bhi taalaa ko baa aasaani muHaawara meN badal sakte heN. ghar pe bhi taalaa . baaqi aap behtar jaante heN.
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai------------------------------------------------
is par to pehlay hi bohat baat ho chuki hai.
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai---------------------------------------------------------bohat khoob.
laikin pahonchne se wataniat ka taSavur kuch khaaS wazeH nhai ho rahaa.
watan ghareeboN ka kya bus waheeN pe aa thehray
jahaaN bhi .............
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai----------------------------------------------bohat khoob.
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai-------------------------------------------------------muafi chaahtaa hooN.
is ka mafhoom kuch waZeH nahi. niraala se kyaa muraad hai. kyaa aadaat meN niraala, rehne sehne meN niraala ya kisi aor taraH.
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai----------------------------------------------yahaaN bhi muaafi chaahtaa hooN
doosra miSra zabardast hai laikin pehla miSra kuch Saaf samajh nahi aa rahaa.
mukhliS,
aap ki ghazal ki badaloat bohat se 'aroozi nikaat bhi seekh chukaa hooN. to sochaa kyooN na is par kuch raa-aye bhi day di jaa-aye. mairi koi baat naagwaar lage to paishgi ma'ziraat. kuch tajaaveez bhi hoN gi. jin ka maqSad aap se Sirf ye poochna hai k kyaa meN saHeeH samajh rahaa hooN. aap ki farakhdili hamesha maire HoSla afzaai karti hai.
hameN tou shub meN ujala dikhayee deta hai
aur unko din meN bhi kala dikhayee deta hai -----------------------------------------------hmm
aap ki matla' waqiatan munfarid andaaz ka hai. bohat sochne k b'aad is par daad diaye baghair koi chaaraa nahi.
tou kiya woh shaKhs bhi apne waTan ko choR gaya?
Ab uske dar pe bhi tala dikhayee deta hai---------------------------------------------------zabardast.
laikn dar pe bhi taalaa ko baa aasaani muHaawara meN badal sakte heN. ghar pe bhi taalaa . baaqi aap behtar jaante heN.
KhanDar sa bun gaya yeh ghar tumhare jaane ke bAAd
Harek kamrey meN jaala dikhayee deta hai------------------------------------------------
is par to pehlay hi bohat baat ho chuki hai.
Watan GhareeboN ka kya bus udhar hi jaa pahoonchey
Jidhar bhee ek niwalah dikhayee deta hai---------------------------------------------------------bohat khoob.
laikin pahonchne se wataniat ka taSavur kuch khaaS wazeH nhai ho rahaa.
watan ghareeboN ka kya bus waheeN pe aa thehray
jahaaN bhi .............
Ghazab tou dekho keh jismeN nahiN koyee Khoobee
woh sub ko KhoobiyoN wala dikhayee deta hai----------------------------------------------bohat khoob.
Hum apne shahr meN aaye haiN ek muddat bAAd
Harek shaKhS nirala dikhaayee deta hai-------------------------------------------------------muafi chaahtaa hooN.
is ka mafhoom kuch waZeH nahi. niraala se kyaa muraad hai. kyaa aadaat meN niraala, rehne sehne meN niraala ya kisi aor taraH.
Suna hai aaj bhi “Jawaid” hai woh rahrawey Haq
Woh shaKhS Hausley waala dikhayee deta hai----------------------------------------------yahaaN bhi muaafi chaahtaa hooN
doosra miSra zabardast hai laikin pehla miSra kuch Saaf samajh nahi aa rahaa.
mukhliS,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com
+92 321 4435273
938-C-Faisal Town, Lahore.
Pakistan.
+92 42 111516516
muhammad_19k@hotmail.com