MERI EK MUNFARID GHAZAL AAPKE HAWALE........................

[jawaid badauni]

:::::::::::::Ghazal:::::::::::::::


Ek masnooii sajaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN
Unki batoN meN banawaaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Gham ke har ghoonT meN shamil haiN khooshi ke qatre
Jaam-e hasti meN milawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Kal ke shahoN ne kiya aaj gadaii ka safar
Yeh safar waqt ki karwaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

:Shyam: ki aankhoN meN manzar haiN zamane bhar ke
Dil meN :Radha: tire ghooNghaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Tere qadmoN ki sadaa hai mire dar ki m’eraaj
YooN to ik adna see aahaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Ishq-e janaN se zara door raho ai :Jawaid:
Dekho iss kaam meN jhanjhaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN


Jawaid Badauni
Muscat - Oman

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
JAWAID BADAAYUNI Saahib,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,



Aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. Apne tafseeli tabsireh ke saath Haazir houaa hooN jis se aapka muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN hei.

Ek masnooii sajaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN
Unki batoN meN banawaaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

MaTlaA bahut achchaa hei lekin mulaahizah keejiye ke aap ne qaafiyaoN kii paabundi meiN "aahaT" ko mushtarik rakhkhaa hei jis se bad ke kaiee ashAar meiN inhiraaf hougayaa hei. Waise aajkal ke shoAraa ke haaN is qism ka inHiraaf kacrat se miltaa hei.

MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Yeh sheAr bahut achcha hei magar is ke pahle misreA meiN lafz "maiN" kii takraar se bachne ke liye aap doosre "maiN" kii jagah "jis" isteAmal karsakte heiN.
MaiN hooN mazdoor, mahal jis ne banaaye heiN magar

Gham ke har ghoonT meN shamil haiN khooshi ke qatre
Jaam-e hasti meN milawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

SheAr achchaa hei agar aap yehi kehnaa chaahte heiN ke dar asl gham hii maTloob hei lekin khushi kii vajah se milaawaT paidaa hourahi hei!

Kal ke shahoN ne kiya aaj gadaii ka safar
Yeh safar waqt ki karwaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Yeh sheAr bhii bahut hii achchaa hei lekin is meiN bhii lafz "safar" kii takraar hei jis se bachne ke liye doosre misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
yeh sazaa waqt kii karwaT ke siwaa kuch bhii nahiN

[/quote]Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN [/quote]

sheAr achchaa hei. Albattah pahle misreA meiN sahra kii alif girrahi hei jo ghair jaayiz hei. Is misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
aaj bhii dasht meiN baqi hei sukooN ka Aalam

:Shyam: ki aankhoN meN manzar haiN zamane bhar ke
Dil meN :Radha: tire ghooNghaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Achchaa sheAr hei.

Tere qadmoN ki sadaa hai mire dar ki m’eraaj
YooN to ik adna see aahaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

SheAr achchaa hei lekin doosre misreA meiN lafz adnaa kii alif ko giraanaa jaayiz nahiN. Is se bachne ke liye misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
yooN to adnaa si ek' aahaT ke siwaa kuch bhii nahiN

Ishq-e janaN se zara door raho ai :Jawaid:
Dekho iss kaam meN jhanjhaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

MaqTaA tou bahut hii purluTf hei. Bahut khoob.

MajmooAii Taur per aapki ghazal bahut hii pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Mohtaram Jawaid saHib:

salaam arz hai

aap ki ye ghazal bahot pasand aayee. tamaam ash'aar hi khoob haiN, bas matle meiN aap ne qavaafi ki paabandi barqaraar nahiN rakhi, is liye "eetaa" vaarid ho rahaa hai, magar jaisa ke Nazir saHib ne farmaaya, aaj kal sho'araa ke haaN ye musta'mal hai, magar aap agar aik matla aur keh leN to behtar hoga, kyuNke itni umda ghazal hai, is meiN koi kami na rahe :)

mujhe jo ash'aar zyaada pasand aaye, wo likh rahaa hooN:


MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Tere qadmoN ki sadaa hai mire dar ki m’eraaj
YooN to ik adna see aahaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Ishq-e janaN se zara door raho ai :Jawaid:
Dekho iss kaam meN jhanjhaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN


in tamaam ash'aar per daad qubool kijiye :)

amjad

[jawaid badauni]

:::::::::::::Ghazal:::::::::::::::


Ek masnooii sajaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN
Unki batoN meN banawaaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Gham ke har ghoonT meN shamil haiN khooshi ke qatre
Jaam-e hasti meN milawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Kal ke shahoN ne kiya aaj gadaii ka safar
Yeh safar waqt ki karwaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

:Shyam: ki aankhoN meN manzar haiN zamane bhar ke
Dil meN :Radha: tire ghooNghaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Tere qadmoN ki sadaa hai mire dar ki m’eraaj
YooN to ik adna see aahaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Ishq-e janaN se zara door raho ai :Jawaid:
Dekho iss kaam meN jhanjhaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN


Jawaid Badauni
Muscat - Oman

Sara Bahin,

AshAAr per tabsare ke liye aur Ghazal ki pazeeraii ke liye aap ka mamnoon hooN.

Khoosh raheN,

Jawaid

[jawaid badauni]

MuHtarami
JAWAID BADAAYUNI Saahib,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,



Aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye. Apne tafseeli tabsireh ke saath Haazir houaa hooN jis se aapka muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN hei.

Ek masnooii sajaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN
Unki batoN meN banawaaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

MaTlaA bahut achchaa hei lekin mulaahizah keejiye ke aap ne qaafiyaoN kii paabundi meiN "aahaT" ko mushtarik rakhkhaa hei jis se bad ke kaiee ashAar meiN inhiraaf hougayaa hei. Waise aajkal ke shoAraa ke haaN is qism ka inHiraaf kacrat se miltaa hei.


Ab Yeh rasm qubool-e aam hai. Main ne matAle meN istaimal kar liya to ab aage bhi istaimal karne ki riayat hai.

MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Yeh sheAr bahut achcha hei magar is ke pahle misreA meiN lafz "maiN" kii takraar se bachne ke liye aap doosre "maiN" kii jagah "jis" isteAmal karsakte heiN.

MaiN hooN mazdoor, mahal jis ne banaaye heiN magar


"MaiN" ka mukarrar istaimal yaqeenan matrook hai magar mushkil yeh hai keh yahaN main hi achcha lag raha hai. "Jis" agar pahle misre meN siataimal karooNga to doosre meN "Jiski" qismat kahna paRhega jo achcha nahiN lagta. She'r ka husn khatm ho jata hai.

Gham ke har ghoonT meN shamil haiN khooshi ke qatre
Jaam-e hasti meN milawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

SheAr achchaa hei agar aap yehi kehnaa chaahte heiN ke dar asl gham hii maTloob hei lekin khushi kii vajah se milaawaT paidaa hourahi hei!


Ji maiN balkul yehee kahna chaahta tha Janab.

Kal ke shahoN ne kiya aaj gadaii ka safar
Yeh safar waqt ki karwaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Yeh sheAr bhii bahut hii achchaa hei lekin is meiN bhii lafz "safar" kii takraar hei jis se bachne ke liye doosre misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
yeh sazaa waqt kii karwaT ke siwaa kuch bhii nahiN


Main ne ghaur kiya hazrat. YahaN bhi wohee diqqat hai. Safar ka mukarrar istaimal jo shayad matrook hai she'r meN bahut husm paida kar raha hai. Saza mujhe yahaN kuch munasib nahiN lagta. Yahan saza ya jaza mera mazmoon nahiN.


[/size]

Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN [/quote]


sheAr achchaa hei. Albattah pahle misreA meiN sahraa kii alif girrahi hei jo ghair jaayiz hei. Is misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
aaj bhii dasht meiN baqi hei sukooN ka Aalam



Apka mashwara sir aaNkhoN per. Dasht halankeh meri zuban ka lafz nahiN(jaisee zuban mukammal Ghazla meN istaimal ki hai) magar is se girte hoe Alif ko bachane men madad mil hgayee. Shukriya.

:Shyam: ki aankhoN meN manzar haiN zamane bhar ke
Dil meN :Radha: tire ghooNghaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Achchaa sheAr hei.

Tere qadmoN ki sadaa hai mire dar ki m’eraaj
YooN to ik adna see aahaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

SheAr achchaa hei lekin doosre misreA meiN lafz adnaa kii alif ko giraanaa jaayiz nahiN. Is se bachne ke liye misreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
yooN to adnaa si ek' aahaT ke siwaa kuch bhii nahiN


Yeh mera hasil-e Ghazal she'r hai. YahaN aap ka mashwara mujhe manzoor hai. "YooN to adna see ik aahat" adna ka alif bachaya ja sakta hai. Waise tamam alfaz ka Alif, ye, He grana ab qubool aam ho gaya hai magar yeh bhi baja hai keh matrookat se bachna chahiye.

Ishq-e janaN se zara door raho ai :Jawaid:
Dekho iss kaam meN jhanjhaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

MaqTaA tou bahut hii purluTf hei. Bahut khoob.

MajmooAii Taur per aapki ghazal bahut hii pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
[/quote]




Mohtran Nazir sahab, Tasleemat

Aapke tabsare aur ghazal ki pazeeraii ke liye aapka bahud mamnoon hooN. Suna tha aapke dushmanoN ki tabeeyat kuch nasaaz thi. Ummid hai ab mizaj baKhiar hoNge.


Khulooskar,
Jawaid

[Anis Hasan]

:::::::::::::Ghazal:::::::::::::::



MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Gham ke har ghoonT meN shamil haiN khooshi ke qatre
Jaam-e hasti meN milawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Kal ke shahoN ne kiya aaj gadaii ka safar
Yeh safar waqt ki karwaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN



Jawaid Badauni
Muscat - Oman

Buhat khub Jawaid bhai lajawab ghazal hai tamam hi ashaa'r apni jagah par khub hain laikin ooper walay ashaa'r mujhay behud pasand aayay buhat fikr angaiz ashaa'r hain. Meri daad aur mubarak qabool kijiyay.

[jawaid badauni]

:::::::::::::Ghazal:::::::::::::::



MaiN hooN mazdoor mahal maiN ne banaaye haiN magar
Meri qismat meN thakaawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Gham ke har ghoonT meN shamil haiN khooshi ke qatre
Jaam-e hasti meN milawaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Kal ke shahoN ne kiya aaj gadaii ka safar
Yeh safar waqt ki karwaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN

Aaj bhi sahra meN baqi hai sukooN ka aalam
Shahr meN roz ki khaT khaT ke siwa kuch bhi nahiN


Bahut bahut shukriya Hasan Sahab. Aapkee daad.o.tahseen baais-e himmat afzaai hai.

Khoosh RaheN

Jawaid



Jawaid Badauni
Muscat - Oman

Buhat khub Jawaid bhai lajawab ghazal hai tamam hi ashaa'r apni jagah par khub hain laikin ooper walay ashaa'r mujhay behud pasand aayay buhat fikr angaiz ashaa'r hain. Meri daad aur mubarak qabool kijiyay.