idher kiya nigaaH-e- mohabbat na hogi

[zaamin]

eik tiflaana aur talibaana si koshish pesh-e-khidmat hai;umeed hai app sab ehbaab merii rehnumaaii farmaayeinge:

********************************

nahiiN yeh magar hai sharaafat na hogii
yooN dekhoge gar kyaa muhabbat na hogii?

tiraa zikr mumkin yeh kaise nahii ho
ghazal jo likhooN tere baabat na hogii?

kabhii yooN na mere ho saaNsoN ki tasbii'i
tire naam kii aur talaawat na hogii.

hayaa-baarii-ye-chashm-e-talab-o-tajassus
maraasim balekin ba-zaabit na hogii

na dekhenge tujh ko yahii maslahat hai
na aankhoN ko mumkin kih haajat na hogii.

na sochaa thaa mere liye yeh bhii hogaa
kabhii terii aankhoN mein da'awat na hogii.

tiraa naam roz-e-jazaa ko jo aayaa
qayaamat pe barpaa qayaamat na hogii?

khudaayaa na mujh ko vo din bhii dikhaanaa
mere dil pe uskii nawaabat na hogii

magar bartaraf dil se jo husn-e-jaanam
mo'ajze na honge karaamat na hogii

aaraaish bahaaraaN tujhii se hai nisbat
nahiin tu gul-o-rang shanaakhat na hogii

ba_hadf-e-raqiibaan-e-naawak-andaazii
idher kiya nigaaH-e- mohabbat na hogi


zaamin

[Hashmat Usmani]

salaam Zaamin saaHib,

ummeed hai ki mizaaj-e-giraamii ba_Khair hoNge.

aapkii taraHii Ghazal nazar guzaar huii. aapkii Ghazal ke Khayaal achchhe haiN magar aapko qadre vazan kii mushkilaat pesh aayii haiN mere Khayaal se. kuchh ash'aar ke ma'nii mabham se lage mujhe, jaise matl'a. aap agar nazar e saanii Daal leM apnii Gahzal par to aapko Khud hii 'ilm ho jaayegaa. aapkii koshish qaabil-e-taHseen hai. ummeed hai aap likhte raheNge aur waqt ke saath nehtarii aur phir 'ubooriyat bhii aa jaayegii. ummeed hai ki aap merii aaraa ka buraa nahiiN maaneNge. shukria.

Hashmat

[zaamin]

zaamin saahib,

aapki taarhee ghazal nazar se guzri aur bohat pasand aayi.
khayalaat ko bohat ache se aapne qalam band kiya hai, koshish jaari rakhiye.

ab tou aapki #4 per nayi ghazal ak intezar rahega .

aur aek baat ustad ji ka ye mazmoon zaroor dekhiyega

http://www.urdubandhan.com/anazir/vazn_ ... nSheAr.htm

bohat shukriye ke saath.

sara

shuriya mohtarma sara sahiba;aap jese doston ki rehnmuaaii mein koshsh jaari rakhoonga;inshallah

shukren

zaamin

p.s. janaab naazir sahib ke vazn vaale majmoon ki nishaandahii karane ka shukriya;bahut umdaa aur mufaid majmoon hai.

[zaamin]

salaam Zaamin saaHib,

ummeed hai ki mizaaj-e-giraamii ba_Khair hoNge.

aapkii taraHii Ghazal nazar guzaar huii. aapkii Ghazal ke Khayaal achchhe haiN magar aapko qadre vazan kii mushkilaat pesh aayii haiN mere Khayaal se. kuchh ash'aar ke ma'nii mabham se lage mujhe, jaise matl'a. aap agar nazar e saanii Daal leM apnii Gahzal par to aapko Khud hii 'ilm ho jaayegaa. aapkii koshish qaabil-e-taHseen hai. ummeed hai aap likhte raheNge aur waqt ke saath nehtarii aur phir 'ubooriyat bhii aa jaayegii. ummeed hai ki aap merii aaraa ka buraa nahiiN maaneNge. shukria.

Hashmat

mohtarm janaab usmani sahiB

shukriya ,jo app ne is tehreer ko parhaa aur apnii ara se mujhe nawaaja.abhii nayaa nayaa likhnaa shuroo kiya hai,aur vazn ke baare mein bahut diqqtein dar-pesh hain;ziada dhyaan behr pe hi lagaa rehta he;isliye khyaal barham ho jaate hain;phir bhii kohsihs jaari hai aur aap jaise sahib-e-nazar logon ki imdaad se kuch sudhaar ho hi jaayega.

aap ki ara ka main bilkul buraa nahin maanta,or ismein na hoi koii buraa maane ki baat hai;ham apnii koshiish jahaan isiliye dete hain ki app jaise arbaab-e-mehfil ispe kuch tbsare karein ta kih improvement ho sakay;

aap se guzarish hai kih aap or doosre ustaad log,merii koshish mein ghalation ki nishaandehii kar dein;isse mujhe aur doosron ko seekhne mein bahut faaida hoga
mukhlis

zaamin


p.s. urdustan ke sa'atii mushaire mein aap ki apni awaaz mein ghazal sunne ka sharaf haasil huaa;bakhudaa khoob likhte hain app or usii khoobsoorat andaaz pe pesh bhii kiyaa.

[najma]

eik tiflaana aur talibaana si koshish pesh-e-khidmat hai;umeed hai app sab ehbaab merii rehnumaaii farmaayeinge:

********************************

nahiiN yeh magar hai sharaafat na hogii
yooN dekhoge gar kyaa muhabbat na hogii?

tiraa zikr mumkin yeh kaise nahii ho
ghazal jo likhooN tere baabat na hogii?

kabhii yooN na mere ho saaNsoN ki tasbii'i
tire naam kii aur talaawat na hogii.

hayaa-baarii-ye-chashm-e-talab-o-tajassus
maraasim balekin ba-zaabit na hogii

na dekhenge tujh ko yahii maslahat hai
na aankhoN ko mumkin kih haajat na hogii.

na sochaa thaa mere liye yeh bhii hogaa
kabhii terii aankhoN mein da'awat na hogii.

tiraa naam roz-e-jazaa ko jo aayaa
qayaamat pe barpaa qayaamat na hogii?

khudaayaa na mujh ko vo din bhii dikhaanaa
mere dil pe uskii nawaabat na hogii

magar bartaraf dil se jo husn-e-jaanam
mo'ajze na honge karaamat na hogii

aaraaish bahaaraaN tujhii se hai nisbat
nahiin tu gul-o-rang shanaakhat na hogii

ba_hadf-e-raqiibaan-e-naawak-andaazii
idher kiya nigaaH-e- mohabbat na hogi


zaamin

zaamin sahib!
aapki kawish nazar se guzrii.achay khayalaat baandhay haiN aap ne.bas kaheeN shaz-o-nadir talaffuz ki aur kaheeN wazn ki ghalatii hay.lekin mashq jarii rakhiye aur ustaad shaairoN k kalaam ko tarannum se paRhiye to apko fitri taur pe bohat kuch khud hi samajh ajaeyga, asaatizah ki sarparastii k saath saath.

qalam utha hay to uthaey hi rakhiye.ibtida meiN sabhi ke saath esa hota hay.
shabaash , aur aapki kawish par daad bhi hazir hay

[zaamin]

najma sahiba:
tavajjo aur mashvare ke liye mamnoon hoon;ummid hai aayinda bhii yoon hi inayat farmaatii rahengii;
khush rahein

zaamin