ek mukhtasar ghazal

[Mohib]

aadaab !!

ek mukhtasar si ghazal haazir-e-khidmat hai.
:)

dil-e-naadaan kee qayadat mein
umr guzree hai kis aziyat mein

tum bhi ho kya kisi ki qurbat mein??
ham bhi jalte the yun hi furqat mein !!

ab tujhe bhool bhi nahin sakte
mubtilaa hain ajab museebat mein

kisko fursat thi ghar banane kee
log rahne lage imarat mein

main tujhe chhoR kar agar jaaoN
umr kat jayegi musafat mein

-------------

aap sabki aaraa ka muntazir.

khaq saar,
Mohib

[Hashmat Usmani]

salaam MoHeeb saaHib,

aapkii Ghazal abhi abhi nazar_guzaar huii. masha Allah zoe e qalam shabaab par hai...muKhtasir Ghazal meN aapne taveel Ghazal waalii baat kah di masha Allah...mujhe aapkii Ghazal bahot pasand aayii. shukria share karne ke liye.

dil-e-naadaan kee qayadat mein
umr guzree hai kis aziyat mein

waah! dil-e-naadaaN kii qayaadat meN....bahot Khoob

tum bhi ho kya kisi ki qurbat mein??
ham bhi jalte the yun hi furqat mein !!

kia baat hai...kia mavaazna kiyaa hai...bahot Khoob.

ab tujhe bhool bhi nahin sakte
mubtilaa hain ajab museebat mein

haN bhai...saheeH kaha...'ishq vaHshat hii nahiiN musiibat bhii hai

kisko fursat thi ghar banane kee
log rahne lage imarat mein

yeh she'r thoRa behtarii chaahtaa hai...zara Ghaur farmaaiyegaa. lafz-e-banaane ke bajaaye "basaane" ziyaadah mauzooN arhegaa, yaa is she'r ko yuN kahiiye:

unkii fitrat nahiiN ghar basaane kii
is liye jaa base haiN ik 'imaarat meN

main tujhe chhoR kar agar jaaoN
umr kat jayegi musafat mein

achchhaa Khayaal hai par mere Khayaal se aapdusre misr'e ko yuN kar ke dekhiye, aapko kaisa lagtaa hai. maHboob to janaab tasavvur hii nahiN kar saktaa ki kabhii uskii apnii maHbooba se judaaii bhi ho saktii hai is liye aap VOLUNTARILY kiuN use chhoR kar jaane ke imkaanaat ko ubhaar rahe haiN. yah badal kaisa rahegaa?

ham judaa ho ke bhi kahaN jaayeN
zeest kaise kaTe musaafat meN!

ummeed hai ki merii tajaaveez ka bura nahiiN maaneNge. shukria.

Hashmat

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Mohib Saahib,


Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Janab Asad Saahib ke tavassuT se
Bahut dinaoN pahle aap se taAaruf kaa sharaf Haasil houaa thaa. Aaj aapki ghazal urdubandhan per dekhkar bahut khushi houi.

Is per apna tabsirah karte houe yeh bataadenaa chaahtaa hooN ke aapka meri aaraa se muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN hei.

1)dil-e-naadaan kee qayadat mein
umr guzree hai kis aziyat mein

Lafz qiyaadat ko typo kii vajah se aap ne qayadat likhkha hei, aur aziyyat ko aziyat. Mafhoom ke liHaaz se maTlaA bahut achchaa hei.

2)tum bhi ho kya kisi ki qurbat mein??
ham bhi jalte the yun hi furqat mein !!

Aapka sheAr paRhkar yooN meHsoos hourahaa hei ke aapka doosra misraA yooN hounaa chaahiye:
jaise ham jal rahe heiN furqat meiN

3)ab tujhe bhool bhi nahin sakte
mubtilaa hain ajab museebat mein

Doosre misreA meiN lafz "mubtilaa" ghalat hei usko "mubtalaa" likhnaa chaahiye. SheAr bahut hii achchaa hei.

4)kisko fursat thi ghar banane kee
log rahne lage imarat mein

SheAr durust hei jis se yeh samajh meiN aataa hei ke kisi shakhs ko ghar banaane kii fursat nahiN thii
kiyoonkeh sab ke sab imaarat meiN rahne lage thay.

5)main tujhe chhoR kar agar jaaoN
umr kat jayegi musafat mein

yeh sheAr bhii vazeh hei.

Ummeed hei ke aayindah aapke muTaaleAe meiN tauseeA hougi aur aap behtar se behtar sheAr kahne lagenge.



Aapka Mukhlis,

Nazir.

[Mahtab Qadr]

aadaab !!

ek mukhtasar si ghazal haazir-e-khidmat hai.
:)

dil-e-naadaan kee qayadat mein
umr guzree hai kis aziyat mein

tum bhi ho kya kisi ki qurbat mein??
ham bhi jalte the yun hi furqat mein !!

ab tujhe bhool bhi nahin sakte
mubtilaa hain ajab museebat mein

kisko fursat thi ghar banane kee
log rahne lage imarat mein

main tujhe chhoR kar agar jaaoN
umr kat jayegi musafat mein

-------------

aap sabki aaraa ka muntazir.

khaq saar,
Mohib

bahut khoob achi ghazal pesh ki hai mohib ji aapne

dil-e-naadaan kee qayaadat mein
umr guzree hai kis aziyyat mein
bahut khoob , acha sher hai, magar misra e oola maiN dil e naadaan shayed zabaan ke aitebaar se munasib nahi , wazan ki zaroorat zaroor hai. dil e naadaaN sahi hai.

tum bhi ho kya kisi ki qurbat mein??
ham bhi jalte the yun hi furqat mein !!


ab tujhe bhool bhi nahin sakte
mubtilaa hain ajab museebat mein
waah waah khoob

kisko fursat thi ghar banane kee
log rahne lage imarat mein

main tujhe chhoR kar agar jaaoN
umr kat jayegi musafat mein

[najma]

aadaab !!

ek mukhtasar si ghazal haazir-e-khidmat hai.
:)

dil-e-naadaan kee qayadat mein
umr guzree hai kis aziyat mein

tum bhi ho kya kisi ki qurbat mein??
ham bhi jalte the yun hi furqat mein !!

ab tujhe bhool bhi nahin sakte
mubtilaa hain ajab museebat mein

kisko fursat thi ghar banane kee
log rahne lage imarat mein

main tujhe chhoR kar agar jaaoN
umr kat jayegi musafat mein

-------------

aap sabki aaraa ka muntazir.

khaq saar,
Mohib

mohib sahib
aapki ghazal bohat pasand aaee.khoob kahaa hay aap ne
waaah
daad qubool kijiye