dastk say khali rat ( aik taza treen nazm )

[Dawood_Rizwan]

aziz doostoo aik bilkul taza nazm kay sath hazir hooN. is bar aik maqsad bhi is nazm koo post karnay ka hay. aap main say aksar doost muj say azad nazm kay baray main sawal kartay hain. jis kay baray main mukhtalif mawaqaay par izhar bhi kar chuka hoon. alawa azeeN aik forum par is baray main chand satraiN bhi tehreer kar chuka hooN. irada hay ka an qreeb aik mufassil mazmoon bhi aap loogooN ki khidmat main paish karooN ga (inshallah )

is nazm kay hawalay say mujay arz ya karna hay ka khas toor par woo doost joo azad nazm koo samjhna chahtay hain woo is nazm par bashamool is kay unwan kay apnay khiyalat ka izhar farmain ka woo is nazm main kia patay haiN . yani is ka mazmoon, is kay awzan aur misroon ki tarteeb main unhain kia bat nazar aaee. is kay ilawa khiyal ki tarseel main unhain kahaN kahaN rikawaT mehsoos hooee ya woo kia samjhay yar phir main apany khiyal koo kahan kahan paish karnay say aajiz raha.

is ziman main ya darkhwast hay ka aap apni zati aara say niwaziay. aapas main besh say agar guraiz mumkin koo too mujay ziada sahoolat hoo gi. neez main apni har mumkin kooshish karoon ga ka sab ki tasali infradi toor par jawab day kar karoon. agar kuch ahbab kay sawalooN main yaksaniat hoo gi too main mushtarka toor par jawab doon ga.

aap aik doosaray ki aara koo zaroor paRhay. takah aap ya jan sakain kah deegar ahbab nay is nazm koo kasay concieve kia hay.

ikhtlaf a raay say bilkul guraiz mat kijay ga ka seekhnay kay amal main ya buhat kar aamad hoota hay.

kisi aur ki bajay apni nazm paish karna ka maqsad bhi yahi hay kah har kisim kay ikhtilafat mayray lay hoon gay aur mujay ikhtlaf say koee ikhtilaf nahi

aap ka doost
rizwan

[zmufti]

Dawood Rizwan sahib
Aap ki taaz tareen nazm dekhi. Mein sirf aik Qari ki haisiat say comment karon gi. Bahr waghaira par mujhe kuch khaas aboor nahin.
pehlay band ya 3-4 lines say maaloom hota hay kay shayer kissi ki yaad mein mubtala hai aur aik intizaar mein bhi
2nd part mein intizaar mayous kun hai aur tanhai ka ehsas bhi
3rd part mein bay sakooni aur depression aur bekhawabi say bezaar hay
umeed hay aap meray is tabsaray ka bura nahin manien gay
zarqa

[najma]

bohat khoob dawood rizwaan sahib
daad qubool kijiye

[naheedv]

aziz doostoo aik bilkul taza nazm kay sath hazir hooN. is bar aik maqsad bhi is nazm koo post karnay ka hay. aap main say aksar doost muj say azad nazm kay baray main sawal kartay hain. jis kay baray main mukhtalif mawaqaay par izhar bhi kar chuka hoon. alawa azeeN aik forum par is baray main chand satraiN bhi tehreer kar chuka hooN. irada hay ka an qreeb aik mufassil mazmoon bhi aap loogooN ki khidmat main paish karooN ga (inshallah )

is nazm kay hawalay say mujay arz ya karna hay ka khas toor par woo doost joo azad nazm koo samjhna chahtay hain woo is nazm par bashamool is kay unwan kay apnay khiyalat ka izhar farmain ka woo is nazm main kia patay haiN . yani is ka mazmoon, is kay awzan aur misroon ki tarteeb main unhain kia bat nazar aaee. is kay ilawa khiyal ki tarseel main unhain kahaN kahaN rikawaT mehsoos hooee ya woo kia samjhay yar phir main apany khiyal koo kahan kahan paish karnay say aajiz raha.

is ziman main ya darkhwast hay ka aap apni zati aara say niwaziay. aapas main besh say agar guraiz mumkin koo too mujay ziada sahoolat hoo gi. neez main apni har mumkin kooshish karoon ga ka sab ki tasali infradi toor par jawab day kar karoon. agar kuch ahbab kay sawalooN main yaksaniat hoo gi too main mushtarka toor par jawab doon ga.

aap aik doosaray ki aara koo zaroor paRhay. takah aap ya jan sakain kah deegar ahbab nay is nazm koo kasay concieve kia hay.

ikhtlaf a raay say bilkul guraiz mat kijay ga ka seekhnay kay amal main ya buhat kar aamad hoota hay.

kisi aur ki bajay apni nazm paish karna ka maqsad bhi yahi hay kah har kisim kay ikhtilafat mayray lay hoon gay aur mujay ikhtlaf say koee ikhtilaf nahi

aap ka doost
rizwan

Rizwan ji,

aap kee taazah ba taazah nazm paRhee aur buhat pasaNd aayee.
nazm aap ke makhsoos aNdaaz meN kahee gayee hai aur qaaree par gehraa acar ch`oRtee hai. meree taraf se iss apnee iss takhleeq par daad qubool kijiye.

aap ne apnee iss nazm ke hawaale se kahaa hai ke aap se iss baare meN sawaalaat karne kee ijaazat hai tau nazm meN meree dilchaspee kee vajah se maiN aap se aik sawaal yaa phir behr ke hawaale se chaNd baateN poochnaa chaahooN gee. umeed hai ke aap jawaab deN ge.

aap ne apnee nazm me jo beHr iste'maal kee hai, voh ye hai:

faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa'lun

ab agar iss behr meN aap kee nazm kee taqtee' kee jaaye tau nazm kee pehlee 2 lines iss behr par haiN aur

3rd line faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa'lun par hai

4th line faa.i.lun fa'lun/fa.i.lun par hai

5th, 6th,7th lines faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa'lun

8th line faa.i.lun fa'lun

9th line faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa'lun par hai

10th line faa.i.lun fa'lun

11th aur 12th line faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa'lun par haiN

13th line faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa.i.lun par

14th fa.i.lun fa'lun par

and
15th aur 16th faa.i.lun fa.i.lun fa'lun par heiN.

ye nazm behr meN tau hai aur maiN ne iss taraH behr ke iss taraH auzaan tauR kar kahee huyee nazmeN paRh bhee rakheeN haiN magar iss tarah kyooN aur kab ravaa hotaa hai?

ummeed karti hooN ke aap ko meraa sawaal samajh meN aa geyaa ho gaa. aap ke jawaab kaa intezaar rahe gaa.

shukriya
Naheed

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Dawood Rizwaan Saahib

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Aapki aazad nazm paRhkar bahut luTf aayaa. Yeh andaz-e-bayaaN aur ta'assur paidaa karne waali ibaaraat kaa bayaan aapkaa hii Hissah hei.

Meri dili daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.