aik taazah ghazal

[naheedv]

MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah],


Aadaab oTasleemaat,

Aapke sawaalaat mutanavvuA kaifiyat ikhtiyaar karte gaye.
1) BeHr ke mauzooN houne nah houne ke baare meiN.
aur phir aapka yeh istidlaal ke aap ne faa'I'lun 5 martabah isteAmal kiyaa hei. 2) kiyaa vazn meiN izaafi rukn kaa isteAmal karnaa jaayiz hei,
3) kaa, kii, ke kaa vazn 2 or 1.

Iske bad yeh kahaa gayaa ke hanouz aapko apne sawaal kaa javaab nahiN milaa. Poochne per aap ne sawaal No.1 ko duhraayaa.

Ab aap agar ghaur kareN ke maiN aapko mandarja-e-zel ibaarat likh chukaa hooN tou aap yeh kaise kahengi ke aapko apne sawaal kaa javaab nahiN milaa.
(((Aapke sawaal kaa javaab yeh hei ke kisi beHr meiN agar izaafi rukn isteAmal kiye jaayeN tou usko mustazaad kehte heiN.))

Agar aap yeh kehtieeN aapko is silsileh meiN mazeed maloomaat darkaar heiN tou aapki baat soulah aane durust houti.

Chaliye ab tou mere muHtaram doust jou bahut hii tajribeh kaar heiN wo bhii in bikhri houii ibaarataoN ko tarteeb denaa chaahte heiN tou is se baRhkar khushii kii baat kyaa housakti hei.

Iske bavajood kiyunke abhi tak on the point guftagu karne se Sarwar Saahib aur doosre aHbaab gurez karrahe heiN, maiN apni naaqis ilmi Hudood ke andur rehte houe aapki rizaamandi aur tasalli ke liye kuch arz karne meiN jhijak nahiN meHsoos kartaa:
=====
Rasm o riyaayat ke Taur per Khalil Ibn-e-Ahmed Al-Faraaheedi aur Akhfash ko ilm-e-Arooz ke moojidaoN meiN maanaa gayaa hei. Unke daryaaft kardah arkan aur beHraoN ko bunyaadi daryaaft.

Iske b'ad, kuch izaafati beHreN bhii daryaaft houeeN aur unko saheeh maan liyaa gayaa. B'az beHraoN meiN arkaan kii nayi shakleN daryaaft kii gaieeN jinke ibraahimi daayire banaaye gaye. Ikhtilaaf ke bavajood is nayii daryaaft ko bhii yaksar rad nahiN kiyaa jaasakaa.

In sab baataoN ke madd0e0nazar ham aapke sawaal kaa mukhtasar javaab yehi samajhte heiN ke agar kisi beHr meiN uski behr ke aek do arkaan kaa izaafah kiyaa jaaye tou usko mustazad kehte heiN. Micaal ke Taur per aek beHr hei BeHr-e-MuqtaZab maTvi maqtooA mucamman jiska vazn hei:
"faa'I'laa'tu … maf'oo'lun………faa'I'laa'tu…. Maf'oo'lun
=/0//0/…/0/0/0………./0//0t…. /0/0/0
=2121… 222………… 2121 …. 222
Is vazn ko mustazaad kii shakl meiN isteAmal karne ke liye maiN ne yooN kardiyaa hei:
=2121…222 .. 2121 … 222 …2121 … 222
aur is per meraa maTlaA yooN hei:
yaas ke andheraoN meiN ik charagh jaltaa hei yaad-e-yaar baaqi hei
saans aati jaati hei, dil dhaRaktaa rhetaa hei, intizaar baaqi hei.

Nateejeh ke Taur per agar is silsileh meiN ham is sawaal ko apnaa meHvar banaakar mazeed tafseel meiN raushni Daalnaa chaaheN tou khaaskar mere ilm meiN izaafah hougaa.
=====
Doosra Tareeqa-e-fikr o nazar yeh housaktaa hei saari guzri hoii baataoN ko nazar andaaz karte houe naye sare se tabaadila-e-khayaal kiyaa jaaye jis ke liye maiN phir MuHtaram Sarwar Saahib kaa naam loongaa aur Rajkumar Saahib kii m'aloomaat se mustafeed hounaa chaahoongaa jin se arsa-e-daraaz se meHroom hooN.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]

moHtaram Nazir saahab, salaam,

kal jab maiN ne janaab Raj saahab kee post kaa jawaab diyaa thaa tau tab tak aap kaa jawaab nazar se naheeN guzraa thaa aur usey paRhne kaa itefaaq abhi huvaa hai.

maiN ne apnee pehli post meN arz kee thee

agar aap ne iss kaa jawaab diyaa hai tau maiN ma'zarat chaahooN gee ke meree samajh meN naheeN aa sakaa aur maiN hunooz uljhan kaa shikaar hooN.

maiN aap ke tafseelee jawaab ke liye tahe dil se mamnoon hooN.
mujhey pooraa yaqeen hai ke aap ke tabsare se mere saath saath aur buhat se dostoN kaa bhee bhalaa huvaa ho gaa.
maiN umeed karti hooN ke aise ilmee behc mustaqbil meN bhee hamaare ilm meN izaafe kaa sabab banti rahe gee.

iss behc ke ikhtitaam par aik dilchasp baat sunaati chalooN.
aaj se kuch saal qabl jab maiN Computer Science meN apnee UNDER GRADUATE kar rahee thee tau meree "Data Structure" kee class ke jo Professor the voh mashaa'Allah se CS meN PHD thay (aur pore CS Department meN un kee knowledge aur un ke ro'b.o.dabdabe kaa Dankaa boltaa thaa. ) aur un ke paRhaane kaa jo style thaa voh aisaa thaa ke achaa khaasa baNdah bhee confuse ho ke reh jaaye aur class khatm ho jaane ke ba'd yahi sochtaa rahe ke aaj hum ne claas meN kyaa paRhaa hai?
dar.asl un ke jo paRhaane kaa aNdaaz thaa voh PHD level kaa hee thaa aur hum Tehre Undergrad. khair semester ke shuroo kaa aik mahina tau un ke lectures mere sar ke oopar se hee guzarte rahe, lekin wahaaN qusoor meree kam.ilmee kaa tau thaa hee magar uss ke saath saath mere un Professor kaa bhee qusoor thaa, kyoN ke voh students ke level ko saamne rakh kar apne lectures naheeN dete thay balke voh ye samajhte thay ke chooNke voh khud PHD heN tau voh saaree baateN/ilm jo un ke andar samaayaa huvaa hai, uss se hamaaree bhee aashnaayee ho gee, haalaaNke hum tau abhee Data Structre kee "alif, be" samajh rahe haiN.

iss micaal se maqsood sirf ye hai ke aap ne sab baateN vaazeH keeN magar aap ne jo techincal terms iste'maal keeN, un se baat mazeed ulajh gayee iss liye meree samajh meN n aaa sakaa aur iss ke liye maiN ma'zarat chaahooN gee.

aik baar phir aap ke vaqt aur tajziye ke liye mamnoon hooN.

mukhlis
Naheed

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah

Tasleemaat,



Aapkaa javaab paRhkar bahut hansi aayii

MaiN jab school meiN paRhtaa thaa tou madraseh kaa ground class meiN se nazar aataa thaa. Hamare aek Taarekh ke teachar bahut hii hans mukh thay. Kabhi kisi Taalib-e-ilm per ghusseh meiN nahiN aate thay.
aek din aek Taalib-e-Ilm ne dekhaa ke ground per aek gadhaa jaarahaa thaa. Us ne ustaad se kahaa ustaad gadhaa, ustaad gadhaa. Is per hamare teacher ne ground kii taraf tirchi nazar se dekhaa. Waaqaii vahaaN aek gadhaa thaa tou unhouN ne Taalib-e-ilm se mukhaatib houte houe kahaa "ghaur se dekho" jiske dounoN maAani nikal sakte thay, (agar tum gadhe ko dekh rahe hou tou ghaur se dekhou) yaa (agar tum mujhe gadhaa keh rahe tou housh meiN aaoo)

Khair aapke dilchusp javaab ne meri himmat baRhaayi ke maiN aapke kalaam per kuch aur bhii likhkhooN taakeh agar aap kii samajh meiN kuch bhii nahiN aaye tou kam se kam mujhe khush karne ke liye hii sahii kuch loag yeh kaheN ke meri baataoN se kuch nah kuch istifaadah Haasil karsake :P
=====
Aapke kalam kii mandarja-e-zail taqTeeA aur taqseem dekhiye.

1.
vaqt kee/ ret se/ guzre pal/ ch`aanti/ rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212
uss kee khush/ boo kee sar/ goshiyaaN/ dh`ooNDati/ rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
mere cheh/re pe voh/ jin se ch`aa'/oN kiyaa/ kartaa thaa
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
uss kee pal/ koN kee voh/ aahaTeN/ khojatee/ rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
3.
kyoN thakan/ see utar/ aayee hai/ mere leh/je meN ab
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
aaNkh kee/ surkhiyoN/ se yahee/ poochatee/ rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
4.
dh`iyaan meN/ haiN abhee/ uss ke leh/je kee sab /vehshateN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
maiN unhee/ vehshatoN/ meN sukooN/ DhooNDatee /rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.5.
lamHa dar/ lamHa mujh/ ko voh bhee/ toRataa/ rehtaa hai
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
lamHa dar/ lamHa khud/ ko maiN bhee/ joRatee/ rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
6.
uljhaa reh/taa hai ap/ne khayaa/loN meN ak/car voh bhee
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
maiN saNjeedagee auRhe kuch sochtee rehtee hooN
(maiN to bas/ khaam'shi/ auRhe kuch/ souchtee/ reh tee hooN)
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
7.
uss ke hoN/toN se jo/ sun naheeN/ paatee :Na/heed: maiN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.
uss kee aaN/khoN se ak/car wohi/ poochatee/ rehtee hooN
/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0…/0//0
=212…..212…..212…..212…..212.

leejiye maiN ne aapke vazn ke muTaabiq aapke kalaam kii taQTeeA kardi hei aur ummeed kartaa hooN ke is meiN koii ghalaTi nahiN hougi. Ab mandarja-e-zeil sawaalaat aur javaabat per ghaur keejiye.
Q.1. Kyaa ham is ko ghazal kii beHr keh sakte heiN.
A.1. Bilkul nahiN. Aisi koii beHr abhi tak daryaaft nahiN houii.
Q.2. Phir is shakl ko kyaa naam diyaa jaasaktaa hei.
A.2. Isko Mustazaad kii do qismaoN meiN se aek (mustazaad-e-alzam) keh sakte heiN. Mustazaad ke baare meiN aage zikr aayegaa.
Q.3. Kyaa Huroof ko giraane kii ijaazat ke yeh mani heiN keh is kacrat se aise huroof giraaye jaayeN jaise is kalaam meiN Amal pazeer houee hei?
A.3. Mere paas koii qaTaAi javaab nahiN, lekin meraa zauq-e-saleem sirf yehi nahiN balkeh kisi ijaazut ko kacrat se aek hii kalaam meiN isteAmal karne se manA kartaa hei.
\
YooN tou bahut se sawaal ubharte heiN lekin filwaqt hamari beHc ke liye mazkoorah nikaat kaafi heiN.
=====
Mustazaad:
Is ke lughavi ma'Ani heiN = baRhaayaa gayaa, ziyaadah kiyaa gayaa.
"surmageeN aankh kii taAreef meiN misraA likhkar
mustazaad aur lagaadete heiN dunbaale kaa" (Aseer)

SheAr ke arkan meiN izaafah karne ko bhii mustazaad kehte heiN.
Khoobsoorat mustazaad wo hei jab ke asl sheAr kaa mafhoom baghair mustazaad ke bhii pooraa houjaaye, macalan:
"Aiy Tabeebou mire jeene ke kuch aasaar nahiN……nah karo fikr-e-dawaa
us maseeHaa ko dikhaado tou kuch aazaar nahiN….abhi houjaye shifaa

Agar ham mustazaadi fiqraoN (nah karo fikr-e-dawaa) aur (abhi houjaye shifaa) Hazf kardeN tou bhii sheAr ka mazmoon mukammal rehtaa hei.

"Dars-e-balaghat" meiN Shameem Ahmed Saahib ne SafHa No.146 per mukhtasar Taur per yooN bayaan kiyaa hei:
"lughavi iAtibar se mustazaad ke maAni heiN ziyaadah kii gaii cheez. Istilaahan ye wo alfaaz heiN jou ghazal, rubaaAi yaa nazm meiN baRhaa diye jaate heiN. Kisi doosri hai'at per (mere khayaal meiN wo kahnaa chaahte heiN shayeri kii doosri asnaaf meiN) mustazaad kaa izaafah is TaraH houtaa hei keh misreA yaa sheAr ke aakhir meiN kuch mauzooN fiqre muttasil kardiye jaate heiN. Mustazaad ke liye macnavi yaa rubaaAi kii Tarah koii beHr yaa beHreN muqarrar nahiN heiN. Ise her beHr meiN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei. Umooman houtaa yeh hei ke jis beHr meiN nazm yaa ghazal hei uske misrAaoN per izaafah kardah fiqre usi beHr meiN houte heiN lekint yeh koii sakhtgeer usool nahiN hei. Kabhi yeh bhii houtaa hei ke nazm yaa ghazal kaa misraA kisi aur beHr meiN hei aur mustazaadi fiqrah kisi aur beHr meiN. BaAz Hazraat kaa khayaal yeh bhii hei ke mustazaadi fiqrah rubaaAi ke vazn meiN hou lekin urdu aur Faarisi ke qadeem shoAaraa kaa Amal akcar is usool kii nafi kartaa hei. Is tarah se mustazaadi fiqreh ke qaafiye nazm yaa ghazal ke qaafiyaoN ke hamqaafiyah hou bhii sakte heiN aur nahiN bhii housakte heiN. Is muAamile kisi usool per sakhti nahiN bartii gaii.

Mustazaad do qism kaa houtaa hei:
1- Mustazaad-e-Aaariz. Is meiN mustazaadi fiqrah asl sheAr ke mazmoon o mafhoom se is Tarah paiwast nahiN houtaa ke agar wo Hazf kardiyaa jaaye tou baaqi kalaam naamukammal reh jaye. (Jiski aek micaal ooper dii gaiee hei).
2- Mustazaad-e-alzam: is meiN izaafah kardah fiqrah yaa TukRaa asl sheAr ko mukammal karne ke liye zaroori houtaa hei. Mustazaad TukRe meiN kitne alfaaz houne chaahiyeN iski bhii koiee qaid nahiN lekin zaahir hei keh mustazaad TukRaa asl misreA se chouTaa hii hougaa."

Isi kitaab "dars-e-balaaghat" meiN nauHeh kii taAreef karte hove Shamsurrahman Farouqi Saahib safHa No.154 aur 155 per likhte heiN:
"NauHe ke liye mustazaadi hai'at kii koii kaRii sharT nahiN lekin bahut se nauHe mustazaad likhkhe gaye heiN".
=====

In tamam baataoN kaa maqsad doust aHbaab ko faaidah pahonchaana hei.

Ab maiN MuHtaramah Naheed kii Taraf lauTte houe, apni fikr kaa mandarja-e-zail istinbaat pesh kartaa hooN.

1-Aap is per Haq bajaanib heiN ke aapke kalaam ko 5 martabah faa'I'lun ke vazn per parkhaa jaasaktaa hei.
2- Is kalaam ke vazn ko ham beHr meiN mustazaad kii shakl keh sakte heiN lekin is poore vazn ko beHr nahiN keh sakte.
3- SheAr No.6 ke doosre misreA meiN lafz "sanjeedagi" ke harf "noon" ko nahiN giraayaa jaasaktaa.
4- Bahut saare alfaaz kaa yooN taqseem hounaa ke aek rukn se doosre meiN daakhil hounaa jaayiz tou hei lekin kacrat kii vajah se unke aahang meiN lutf nahiN rehtaa hei.
5- Baaqi baateN aap khud samajh sakti heiN.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[Dawood_Rizwan]

naheed g aap janti hain ka main bawajoo kisi bhi forum par nahi ja raha hoon. lakin aap nay ghazl ki jis discussion ka hawala dia tha too mujay majboora aana para ka mayri pehli periorty shairi hay. main nay is behs kay kuch hissa parha hay. yaqinan aik dilchap aur maloomati behs hay. mujay nahi pata ka aap nay jis ghazal ki traf ishara kia woo koonsi ghazal thin lakin mayri bhi isi wazn main aik ghazl chap chuki hay.
aap ki ghazal main koee khami too nahi hay taham baz jaga joo aap nay harg giray hain is soorat main giranay say un ki rawani main farq part hay lakin phir bhi unhain ghalat nahi qarar dia ja sakta. khas toor par radeef rahti ki "ya" "hay" aur "waoo" kay sath giarana.
mayri ya guftagoo mukamil nahi hay. main kal apni gahazal bhi aap ki himayat main yahan paish karoon ga aur tafseel say sar aara par kar lihoon ga bhi. aap ki ya ghazal mujay aap ki purani ghazloon ki nisbat buhat behtar lagi hay. dad qabool kayjay
rizwan

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
Naaheed V. Saahibah,


Aadab!,

Leejiye ab mere azeez scholar Janab Rizwan Saahib bhii tashreef laaye heiN. Aisaa ma'Aloom houtaa hei keh inke paas kuch jadeed teHqeeqat aur kitaabi Hawaale heiN jin se kuch nayaa inkishaaf hougaaa aur hameN kuch seekne ko milegaa.

"aage aage dekhiye houtaa hei kyaa"



Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[Dawood_Rizwan]

NAZIR sahib maion aap ki mohabatoon ka hamisha maqrooz raha hoo. lakin muhtram scholar honay ka ilzam mat lagay. aik talib a ilm hoon taaham mujay dili toor par afsoos hoo raha hay ka main is behc say door kun raha. naheed sahiba say mayri buhat si behcain rahi hain aur ba bhi kabhi kabhi hoo jati hain. un kay israr par main nay is bech koo daikha. aik too roman main Theek trah say paRhnay say mazoor hoon aur doosray aap ahbad jis traf taqtee krtay hain us par bhi mujay dastras hasil nahi hay. is lay sari behc say mustafid hoonay main mujay kafi waqt lagay ga. taham kuch too mail kal likh chuka hoon aur chand batain aaj aar karnay ki khwahish hay. alawa azin agar mumkin howa too is behr main apni aik ghazl bhi chispaN kar doon ga.
rizwan

MuHtaramah
Naaheed V. Saahibah,


Aadab!,

Leejiye ab mere azeez scholar Janab Rizwan Saahib bhii tashreef laaye heiN. Aisaa ma'Aloom houtaa hei keh inke paas kuch jadeed teHqeeqat aur kitaabi Hawaale heiN jin se kuch nayaa inkishaaf hougaaa aur hameN kuch seekne ko milegaa.

"aage aage dekhiye houtaa hei kyaa"



Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[Dawood_Rizwan]

adab doostoo
main samjta hoon ka naheed sahiba nay joo beh istimail ki hay us main koee khami nahi hay. kitabi toor par too ooper ki behc kisi had tak darust hay taham jadeed shairi main ya izafi muamlat hay. wazn aur bahoor kay tajarbay buhat agay nikal chukay hain. main shaiad kisi waqt kuch hawalay bhi paish kar doon .
naheed g main aap ki wasatat say baqi doostoon say bhi mukhatib hoon.
mujay in forums par likhnay waloon say aik shikayat hamisha rahai hay kay un main jadeed hissiyat nahi hay. nai tajarba nahi hay. sab loog kitabi dhairi kartay hian. is kay ilawa tabsra karnay walay bhi nai tahrikoon say kam hi agah lagtay hian. is ki bunyadi waja pakistan main likhi janay wali jadeed shairi say doori bhi aik baRa sabab hoo sakti hay.
aap ki shairi main mujay hamisha aik shula nazar aaya hay. min jis bat ka aap say muuqazi rahata hoon us ki jhlak is ghazal main nazar aai hay.
main aap koo mubarik paish karta hoon aur dua goo hay ka aap aur behtari ki traf safar karain
rizwan

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,


Aadaab!

Azeezi Rizwan Saahib ne likhkhaa hei:

adab doostoo
main samjta hoon ka naheed sahiba nay joo beh istimail ki hay us main koee khami nahi hay. kitabi toor par too ooper ki behc kisi had tak darust hay taham jadeed shairi main ya izafi muamlat hay. wazn aur bahoor kay tajarbay buhat agay nikal chukay hain. main shaiad kisi waqt kuch hawalay bhi paish kar doon .
naheed g main aap ki wasatat say baqi doostoon say bhi mukhatib hoon.
mujay in forums par likhnay waloon say aik shikayat hamisha rahai hay kay un main jadeed hissiyat nahi hay. nai tajarba nahi hay. sab loog kitabi dhairi kartay hian. is kay ilawa tabsra karnay walay bhi nai tahrikoon say kam hi agah lagtay hian. is ki bunyadi waja pakistan main likhi janay wali jadeed shairi say doori bhi aik baRa sabab hoo sakti hay.
aap ki shairi main mujay hamisha aik shula nazar aaya hay. min jis bat ka aap say muuqazi rahata hoon us ki jhlak is ghazal main nazar aai hay.
main aap koo mubarik paish karta hoon aur dua goo hay ka aap aur behtari ki traf safar karain
rizwan

NahiN Rizwaan Saahib aapko kyaa maAloom ke ham ko nayaa tajribah nahiN hei. Kam se kam aek kitaab kaa Havaalah tou dete jis meiN naye tajribaat kii raushni meiN kuch likhkhaa gayaa hou. Naye tajribe aaj se nahiN hourahe heiN. Taraqqi pasand muSannifeen kaa naam aaj se nahiN sunaa jaarahaa hei.

Aap ne yeh nahiN kahaa ke agar yeh beHr hei to iskaa vazn kyaa hei. Naheed Saahibah ne tou yeh kahaa thaa ke is meiN 5 martabah faa'ilun hei.

Agar maiN is vazn meiN ghazal kahuN aur koii mujh se pooche keh iska vazn kyaa hei tou maiN kahungaa:

faa'ilaa'tun.... mufaa'ee'lu... mus'taf'ilun.....faa'i'lun

Kiyunke is-TaraH se 5 arkaan nahiN hounge aur vazn hougaa:
=/0//0/0... //0/0/.../0/0//0.../0//0
=2122...1221...2212...212
Go keh yeh vazn meri nazar se guzarchukaa hei lekin maiN beHr kaa naam Dhoondne meiN naakaam rahaa.

Agar shurooA se faa'i'lun 5 martabah kii baat nah duhraayi jaati to mas'alah nisbatan aasaan houjaataa.

Ham urdu ke maHaul se door houne ke bavajood taazah tareen teHqeeqaat per nazar rakhte heiN.

Agar her shakhs ye samjhe ke saari dunyaa kii maAloomaat usi ko heiN aur doosre ahl-e-fikr o nazar jaahil heiN tou mushkil houjaayegi. Yeh baateN maiN istidlaal ke liye likhrahaa hooN ke ilmi tabaadila-e-khayaal ke waqt baahimi tafaahum aur ilmi dalaayil se kaam lenaa chaahiye.

Taraqqi pasandi iskaa naam nahiN hei ke ghazal ko nazm ka naam diyaa jaye aur nazm ko ghazal kaa. Usool ko agar bilkul tark kardeN tou phir taraqqi ke kyaa mani houe. Usko jiddat yaa jadeediyat nahiN kahenge balkeh ieejaad kaa naam denge. Shayad aapko maloom hou yaa nah hou ke India ke shayer Mazhar imaam ne aazaad nazm kii TaraH aazaad ghazal ko bhii rivaaj dene kii koushish kii.

Her adeeb aur shayer ko maAloom hei ke nazm kii hae'at nacri nazm tak pahonchi hei. B'az kaa khayaal tou yeh hei ke shayeri sirf jazbat kaa naam hei. Vazn yaa beHr kii koii zaroorat nahiN. Ikhtilaf-e-fikr aek achchi alaamat hei lekin her kas o naakas ne jo bhii kehdiyaa usko usool maan lenaa zaroori nahiN.

Ab is beHc ke ziman meiN mandarja-e-zail sawaal uThte heiN:

1- Aisi kaunsi beHr hei jis meiN 5 arkaan isteAmaal houte heiN?
2- kaunsi nayi kitaabeN heiN jin meiN is qism kii baat likhkhi gaii hei?
3- Is meiN koii shak nahiN ke meri maAloomaat bhii naaqis heiN lekin barasha baras se yeh koushish rahi hei ke maAloomaat meiN izaafah houtaa rahe.

Kisi ne abhi tak Naheed Saahibah kii ghazal per tabsirah farmaate houe yeh nahiN kahaa ke beHr meiN 5 arkaan nahiN houte aur yeh bhii koushish nahiN kii ke uskaa koii qareebi vazn bataaye.

Chaliye ab yahaN se phir is mauzooA ko cheRte heiN is ummeed ke saath ke hamaare faazil jadeed o qadeem asaatizah is beHr kaa naam talaash karenge aur sab kii maAloomaat meiN izaafah karenge. Shukriyah.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

[Dawood_Rizwan]

MuHtaramah
Naheed Verk Saahibah,


Aadaab!

Azeezi Rizwan Saahib ne likhkhaa hei:





NahiN Rizwaan Saahib aapko kyaa maAloom ke ham ko nayaa tajribah nahiN hei. Kam se kam aek kitaab kaa Havaalah tou dete jis meiN naye tajribaat kii raushni meiN kuch likhkhaa gayaa hou. Naye tajribe aaj se nahiN hourahe heiN. Taraqqi pasand muSannifeen kaa naam aaj se nahiN sunaa jaarahaa hei.

Aap ne yeh nahiN kahaa ke agar yeh beHr hei to iskaa vazn kyaa hei. Naheed Saahibah ne tou yeh kahaa thaa ke is meiN 5 martabah faa'ilun hei.

Agar maiN is vazn meiN ghazal kahuN aur koii mujh se pooche keh iska vazn kyaa hei tou maiN kahungaa:

faa'ilaa'tun.... mufaa'ee'lu... mus'taf'ilun.....faa'i'lun

Kiyunke is-TaraH se 5 arkaan nahiN hounge aur vazn hougaa:
=/0//0/0... //0/0/.../0/0//0.../0//0
=2122...1221...2212...212
Go keh yeh vazn meri nazar se guzarchukaa hei lekin maiN beHr kaa naam Dhoondne meiN naakaam rahaa.

Agar shurooA se faa'i'lun 5 martabah kii baat nah duhraayi jaati to mas'alah nisbatan aasaan houjaataa.

Ham urdu ke maHaul se door houne ke bavajood taazah tareen teHqeeqaat per nazar rakhte heiN.

Agar her shakhs ye samjhe ke saari dunyaa kii maAloomaat usi ko heiN aur doosre ahl-e-fikr o nazar jaahil heiN tou mushkil houjaayegi. Yeh baateN maiN istidlaal ke liye likhrahaa hooN ke ilmi tabaadila-e-khayaal ke waqt baahimi tafaahum aur ilmi dalaayil se kaam lenaa chaahiye.

Taraqqi pasandi iskaa naam nahiN hei ke ghazal ko nazm ka naam diyaa jaye aur nazm ko ghazal kaa. Usool ko agar bilkul tark kardeN tou phir taraqqi ke kyaa mani houe. Usko jiddat yaa jadeediyat nahiN kahenge balkeh ieejaad kaa naam denge. Shayad aapko maloom hou yaa nah hou ke India ke shayer Mazhar imaam ne aazaad nazm kii TaraH aazaad ghazal ko bhii rivaaj dene kii koushish kii.

Her adeeb aur shayer ko maAloom hei ke nazm kii hae'at nacri nazm tak pahonchi hei. B'az kaa khayaal tou yeh hei ke shayeri sirf jazbat kaa naam hei. Vazn yaa beHr kii koii zaroorat nahiN. Ikhtilaf-e-fikr aek achchi alaamat hei lekin her kas o naakas ne jo bhii kehdiyaa usko usool maan lenaa zaroori nahiN.

Ab is beHc ke ziman meiN mandarja-e-zail sawaal uThte heiN:

1- Aisi kaunsi beHr hei jis meiN 5 arkaan isteAmaal houte heiN?
2- kaunsi nayi kitaabeN heiN jin meiN is qism kii baat likhkhi gaii hei?
3- Is meiN koii shak nahiN ke meri maAloomaat bhii naaqis heiN lekin barasha baras se yeh koushish rahi hei ke maAloomaat meiN izaafah houtaa rahe.

Kisi ne abhi tak Naheed Saahibah kii ghazal per tabsirah farmaate houe yeh nahiN kahaa ke beHr meiN 5 arkaan nahiN houte aur yeh bhii koushish nahiN kii ke uskaa koii qareebi vazn bataaye.

Chaliye ab yahaN se phir is mauzooA ko cheRte heiN is ummeed ke saath ke hamaare faazil jadeed o qadeem asaatizah is beHr kaa naam talaash karenge aur sab kii maAloomaat meiN izaafah karenge. Shukriyah.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.

janab a man nazir sahib adab
muhtram aap nay joo mayri bat ka matlab lia hay woo har giz hoo nahi.
main behc main nahi uljhna chahta is lay ikhtalafi batoon say guraiz karoon ga. tajarbay say mayri murad aik majmooee tajraba hay. mehz behr ya wazn ka tajarba mayra nazdeek koo mana nahi rakhta.
main too aik bat janta hoon ka kainat main 22 murawija uzan ki ilawa bhi buhat say ahang hain kooe bhi takhliqat us ahang koo pakaR lay too woo mehz is lay mustrad nahi kiaa ja sakta hay us ka woo ahang kitabooN main darj nahi. han ya zaroor hay ka us ahang koo maroozi toor par bhi "defineable " hona chahay. hawalay kay lay main bhut si misalain day sakta hoon ka loogoon nay ghari mustamil aouzan main bhi likha aur khoob likha lakin la hasil behc hoo gi
mayray kisi jumlay say aap koo takleef punchi hoo too mazirat khah hoon
rizwan

[Abdullah Nazir]

Bhaayi
Dawood Rizwan Saahib,

Agar aap yeh samajhte heiN ke maiN ne javaab dene meiN koii ghalaTi kii hei tou maiN aap se muAafi chaahtaa hooN. Her shayer yaa shaaerah ko jo umr meiN chaahe mujh se chouTe houN apne ustaad kii TaraH samajhtaa hooN.

TabsiraoN kaa maTlab sirf usoolii baataoN kaa izhaar hei. MaiN ne sirf aapki is ibaarat per likhkhaa hei:

sab loog kitabi dhairi kartay hian. is kay ilawa tabsra karnay walay bhi nai tahrikoon say kam hi agah lagtay hian. is ki bunyadi waja pakistan main likhi janay wali jadeed shairi say doori bhi aik baRa sabab hoo sakti hay.

Meraa maqsad sirf yeh hei keh kisi shakhs kaa chaahe wo Shayer hou yaa shaayerah yahaN tak ke kam-ilm hou uskaa intiqaas nahiN hounaa chaahiye.

Mujhe koii takleef nahiN pahonchi kiyunkeh aapne meri shaksiyat per koii keechaR nahiN uchaalaa. Adabi guftagu kaa maqsad sirf seekhnaa aur sikhaanaa houtaa hei. Agar aap meri kisi ibaarat kii ghalatiyaaN bataayeN tou maiN unko samajhne kii koushish karungaa. Housaktaa hei ke aap se beHc karuN aur yeh bhii housaktaa hei keh ikhtilaaf-e-raaye per qaayim rahuN. Is se meri yaa aapki shakhsiyat per koii acar nahiN paRtaa. Ham sab urdubandhan mei juRee houe heiN, jiskaa asl maqsad aapus kaa tafaahum hei.

Aap khud samajhdaar heiN aur kaafi tajribah rakhte heiN. kisi ko kisi se shakhsi mukhalifat nahiN houni chaahiye.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]

[naheedv]

Aadaab,

maiN ma'zarat chaahati hooN ke maiN pichle 3 din kee niyahat masroofiyat kee vajah see iss guftagoo meN hissah na le sakee.
inshaa'allah mujhe aaj jaisey jaisey mujhey waqt miltaa hai, maiN sab kee posts kaa jawaab dene kee koshish karooN gee.

shukriya
Naheed

[naheedv]

aadaab,

buhat din ke ba'd aik ghazal le kar mehfil meN haazir huyee hooN jisey aap sab kee samaa'toN kee nazr karti hooN, iss umeed ke saath ke apni raaye se aagaah farmaa kar shikriya kaa moqa' deN ge.

aaraa kee muntazir
Naheed

[ROMAN]

1.
vaqt kee ret se guzre pal ch`aanti rehtee hooN
uss kee khushboo kee sargoshiyaaN dh`ooNDati rehtee hooN
2.
mere chehre pe voh jin se ch`aa'oN kiyaa kartaa thaa
uss kee palkoN kee voh aahaTeN khojatee rehtee hooN
3.
kyoN thakan see utar aayee hai mere lehje meN ab
aaNkh kee surkhiyoN se yahee poochatee rehtee hooN
4.
dh`iyaan meN haiN abhee uss ke lehje kee sab vehshateN
maiN unhee vehshatoN meN sukooN DhooNDatee rehtee hooN
5.
lamHa dar lamHa mujh ko voh bhee toRataa rehtaa hai
lamHa dar lamHa khud ko maiN bhee joRatee rehtee hooN
6.
uljhaa rehtaa hai apne khayaaloN meN akcar voh bhee
maiN saNjeedagee auRhe kuch sochtee rehtee hooN
7.
uss ke hoNtoN se jo sun naheeN paatee :Naheed: maiN
uss kee aaNkhoN se akcar wohi poochatee rehtee hooN

SALA/\/\.

WAH WAH BOHAT KHOOB JI GHAZAL PASANDE I HAY.

ATTIQ ABBASI

janaab Attiq saahab,

ghazal kee pazeeraayee ke liye mamnoon hooN.

shukriya
Naheed

[naheedv]

chooN.k :faa-i'-lun: ba-Zaat-e-Khud rawaaN hai aur :sur-taal: meN hai, is liYe is kee takraar bh`ee :sur-taal: meN ho gee. is nukteh ke pesh-e-naz^ar yeh shakl ista'maal ho saktee hai. agar Naheed SaaHebah woh micaal i'naayat kar sakteeN jis kaa unhoN ne Zikr kiyaa hai to bohat behtar hotaa. asaatiZah ne is shakl ko kyoN ista'maal naheeN kiyaa hai? is kaa jawaab mere paas naheeN hai.

ab ek Harf-e-aaKhir! janaab RK SaaHeb se darKhwaast hai keh woh is baat par mazeed raushanee DaaleN jaisaa keh unhoN ne apnee teHreer meN likh`aa hai.

ummeed hai keh us ke ba'd ham sab aaraam se so sakeN ge!

Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"

Mohtaram Sarwar saahab,
aadaab,

ma'zarat chaahati hooN ke bar.vaqt aap kee post kaa jawaab na de sakee.
ab chooNke ye baHc khatm ho gayee hai, aur Dawood Rizwan saahab ne bhee apnee aik ghazal issi behr meN peish kar dee hai tau mujhey iss behr meN mazeed koyee namoona paish karne kee zaroorat tau naheeN honi chaahiye.

maiN aap kaa shukriya adaa karti hooN ke aap ne iss silsile meN apnee qeematee raaye se navaazaa.

buaht shukriya!
Naheed

[naheedv]

Naheed saahiba:

aap ki is Ghazal par kaafi kheeNcha-taani ho rahi hai keh is ki baihr kyaa hai? aap ke irshaad ke mutaabiq, is ki baihr hai:

faa'ilun faa'ilun faa'ilun faa'ilun faa'ilun
212 212 212 212 212

is silsile meiN, meri jaanib se do-aek baateN arz haiN:

1. yeh baihr, baRi had tak, Ghair-maanoos hai --- albatta, agar arkaan ka ko'i bhi 'combination' rhythmic ho, ya'ani-k sur-taal ka haamil ho, to hameN us 'combination' ko baihr kehne se katraana naheeN chaahiye!

2. ain mumkin hai k yeh baihr Arabi-Faarsi ki kitaaboN meiN na milti ho, taaham ise rhythmically paRhaa jaa sakta hai aur sur-taal ke saath gungunaaya bhi jaa sakta hai!

3. aap is baihr ki deegar misaaleN naheeN de sakeeN ---------- jab-k mujhe sareehan yaad hai k janaab-e-Dawood Rizwan saahib ne Urdustan par aek Ghazal AIN isi baihr meiN post ki thi aur, us ki baihr ko pehchaan kar, maiN ne un ke aek misre ki Ghalati ki jaanib ishaara bhi kiyaa tha! unhoN ne apni Ghazal ke vuhii arkaan bataaye the jo aap ne bataaye haiN aur, mere PM ke ba'ad, unhoN ne Ghalat misre ki tas_heeh bhi kar li thi!!

For the sake of record, un ki Ghazal ka matla tha:

aek aatish-fishaaN Khud meiN khaulaa hu'aa dekhnaa
barf kaise pighalne lagii, kyaa hu'aa, dekhnaa

Precisely --------------- 212 212 212 212 212

4. sur-taal ki baat vaazeh karne ke liye, aap note kareN k agar is rukn ko teen martaba barta jaaye to bhi aek baihr banti hai, jis ki aek misaal yeh Khoobsoorat she'r hai:

yeh Khudaa'ii ka da'ava hai kyooN?
aap kab se Khudaa ho gaye?

aur agar chaar baar barta jaaye to bhi aek jaani-pehchaani baihr banti hai, jis ki misaal Naazir saahib ka diyaa hu'aa yeh misra-e-tarah hai:

aap bhii mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage!

5. ab agar isi misre ko yooN baRhaa diyaa jaaye:

aap bhii mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage! aap bhii?

to yeh misra har lihaaz se sur-taal ka haamil hoga aur ain usi baihr meiN hoga jis baihr meiN aap ne tab'a-aazmaa'ii ki hai!

maana k yeh baihr Ghair-maanoos hai aur bahut kam musta'amal hai ------- magar mujhe ise baihr kehne meiN ko'i dushvaari mehsoos naheeN ho rahi!

6. aap ki Ghazal ki samaasaya yeh hai k aap ne alfaaz kuchh aise barte haiN jo is baihr par poore to utarte haiN magar un ki madad se baihr ki shinaaKht naheeN ho paati! agar ko'i misra aisa hota, jaise

be-basii be-kasii be-dilii be-hisii be-kalii
yaa phir
husn kii be-basii, ishq kii be-kalii dekhiye

to baihr fauran vaazeh ho jaati!

[Please note that I am not saying that you should have used such misras in your Ghazal --------- all I am doing is to give an example to illustrate the dire situation that has baffled so many of your readers!]

7. Having said all that, I must say that, while a good majority of your misras conform to this baihr, there are at least 2 or 3 places where some words have been used in a manner that I feel is not right. I think, those places need a second look!

bas, mujhe yihi kehna tha. I hope, my comments are of some help!

Raj Kumar[/color]

[/quote]

Mohtaram Raj saahab,
aadaab,

sab se pehley tau ma'zarat chaahooN gee ke maiN vaqt par aap kee post kaa jawaab na de sakee aur beHc hote hote jaane kahaaN nikal gayee.

maiN aap kee shukr guzaar hooN ke aap ne iss behr meN Dawood Rizwan saahab kee ghazal micaal ke taur par paish kee. meree nazar se in kee ye ghazal aaj se pehle naheeN guzree hai, warna maiN iss kaa hi sahi, magar havaalah zaroor detee.

ab jab ke aap ne bhee iss behr ko okay kar diyaa hai tau maiN un misroN par nazar.e.caani kiye letee hooN jahaaN alfaaz kee dusre rukn meN mil rahe haiN.

aap ke vaqat aur bar.vaqt aamad kaa buhat shukriya!

mukhlis
Naheed

[naheedv]

Ab maiN MuHtaramah Naheed kii Taraf lauTte houe, apni fikr kaa mandarja-e-zail istinbaat pesh kartaa hooN.

1-Aap is per Haq bajaanib heiN ke aapke kalaam ko 5 martabah faa'I'lun ke vazn per parkhaa jaasaktaa hei.
2- Is kalaam ke vazn ko ham beHr meiN mustazaad kii shakl keh sakte heiN lekin is poore vazn ko beHr nahiN keh sakte.
3- SheAr No.6 ke doosre misreA meiN lafz "sanjeedagi" ke harf "noon" ko nahiN giraayaa jaasaktaa.
4- Bahut saare alfaaz kaa yooN taqseem hounaa ke aek rukn se doosre meiN daakhil hounaa jaayiz tou hei lekin kacrat kii vajah se unke aahang meiN lutf nahiN rehtaa hei.
5- Baaqi baateN aap khud samajh sakti heiN.

[/color]
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]
[/size]

mohtaram Nazir saahab,
aadaab,

maiN buhat ma'zarat khavaah hooN ke aap kee post kaa jawaab na de sakee.

ab jab ke iss behc kaa ikhtitaam hone ko aa geyaa hai tau maiN aap kee be.had mamnoon hooN ke aap ne buhat saari baatoN se pardah uThaayaa aur mere ilm meN izaafah kiyaa.

ummeed karti hooN ke aa'indah bhee aap ke ilm se istefaadah haasil hotaa rahe gaa.

shukriya
Naheed

[naheedv]

naheed g aap janti hain ka main bawajoo kisi bhi forum par nahi ja raha hoon. lakin aap nay ghazl ki jis discussion ka hawala dia tha too mujay majboora aana para ka mayri pehli periorty shairi hay. main nay is behs kay kuch hissa parha hay. yaqinan aik dilchap aur maloomati behs hay. mujay nahi pata ka aap nay jis ghazal ki traf ishara kia woo koonsi ghazal thin lakin mayri bhi isi wazn main aik ghazl chap chuki hay.
aap ki ghazal main koee khami too nahi hay taham baz jaga joo aap nay harg giray hain is soorat main giranay say un ki rawani main farq part hay lakin phir bhi unhain ghalat nahi qarar dia ja sakta. khas toor par radeef rahti ki "ya" "hay" aur "waoo" kay sath giarana.
mayri ya guftagoo mukamil nahi hay. main kal apni gahazal bhi aap ki himayat main yahan paish karoon ga aur tafseel say sar aara par kar lihoon ga bhi. aap ki ya ghazal mujay aap ki purani ghazloon ki nisbat buhat behtar lagi hay. dad qabool kayjay
rizwan

Rizwan jee,

maiN aap kee buhat shukr.guzaar hoON ke aap mere kehne par iss forum par na sirf aaye balke iss beHc meN hissha bhee liyaa.
kuch arsah qabl Toronto ke aik local urdu akhbaar meN aik ghazal nazar se guzree thee jis kee behr ye thee, shaair' koyee ghair.ma'roof naam thaa aur ghazal bhee aisee khaas nahee thee ke yaad reh jaati, haaN magar uss kee behr thoRee mukhtalif mehsoos huyee thee jo ke mujhe yaad reh gayee thee aur zehn meN voh behr mojood thee aur aik din achaanak hee usee behr meN mujhe se ye ghaza sar.zad ho gayee.
iss ghazal ko post karne se pehle maiN ne buhat sochaa ke ye behr ghair.maanoos see hai, jaane kyaa radd.e.amal ho, agar meree nazar se aap kee ye ghazal guzree hoti tau maiN uss kaa havaala zaroor detee.

bahar.kaif, baat kahaaN se niklee thee aur kahaaN pahoNch gayee,
mujhey aNdaazah hai ke chaNd maqaamaat par mere alfaaz aik rukn se dusrey rukn meN daakhil ho rahe heiN, jo ke ghalat tau naheeN hai, magar mere paas koyee aur soorat thee naheeN.
maiN mazeed inn par ghaur karooN gee agar mujhey un kaa badal mil sakaa tau zaroor badal dooN gee.

aap ke vaqt aur aap ke aane kaa buhat shukriya!

mukhliS
Naheed