8 Oct. 2005 ke ba'd

[naheedv]

sab dostoN ko khuloos bharaa salaam!

aik taveel ghair-haaziree ke ba'd haazir huyee hooN. iss dauraan likhne kaa silsila tau jaari rahaa magar forums par aane meN vaqt maane' rahaa.

maiN aaj apnee voh kaavish le kar haazir huyee hooN jo maiN ne pichle mahine ya'nee 8 Oct. ke ba'd kahee thee. gau kee uss saanihe par buhat se dostoN ne qalam uTHaayaa hai aur apne eHsaasaat ko zubaan dene kee koshish kee hai iss liye ho saktaa hai ke meree ghazal meN koyee baat yaa khayaal nayaa na ho. ye bus mere zaati ehsaasaat haiN jin ko maiN ne bhee zubaan dee hai.
mujhe aap kee mukhlisaana mashvare/tabsare/tanqid kaa intezaar rahe gaa.

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1.
her ik kee zubaaN par yahi daasataaN hai
yahaaN par jo ghar thaa miraa voh kahaaN hai
2.
sirakne lagee hai, hawaa bhee, zameeN bhee
na ghar hai na sar par koyee saa'ebaaN hai
3.
kaheeN aaNkh meN vaqt ruk saa geyaa hai
kaheeN haath par be.basee kaa nishaaN hai
4.
kaheeN jism kee raakh uRne lagee hai
kaheeN rooH se khaali dil kaa makaaN hai
5.
kaheeN bach-cha rau rau bulaataa hai maaN ko
kaheeN siskiyoN meN ghiree uss kee maaN hai
6.
kaheeN maut ke muN meN beTee paRee hai
kaheeN ghar ke malbe meN beTaa jawaaN hai
7.
jise pyaar se maaN sajaati rahi thee
usee ghar ke malbe pe aah.o.fughaaN hai
8.
ab aaNkhoN ke daryaa utarte naheeN haiN
ab aaNkhoN meN gham kaa samaNdar nihaaN hai
9.
jahaaN ziNdagee kee haNsee gooNjatee thee
wahaaN her taraf siskiyoN kaa dhuwaaN hai
10.
khudaa.vaNd too ne ye kyaa kar diyaa hai
ke hairaanagee meN zameeN aasmaaN hai!!!!
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MukhliS
Naheed

[Shummu]

aah Naheed sis! bilkul hasb-e-haal gazal kahi thi aapne jise aaj aapne post kiya hai.....zalzale ne har kisi ko qalam uThaane pe majboor kar diya tha....woh din kaise koi bhool sakta hai..aap ki ghazal paRhke sab phir taaza ho gaya aur wahi manzar aankhon ke saamne ghoomne laga....bahut alaamnaak saaniya tha jise aap ne tehreer kiya hai.....

[Ibn-e-siddique]

Naheed saHiba

salaam arz hai

aap ki Hassaas fikr aur dard.mind dil se aise hi umda kalaam ki tavaqqo thi, jo aap ne saaneHa-e-aath october ke mutaacireen ki takaaleef ko meHsoos kar ke likha.

1.
sirakne lagee hai, hawaa bhee, zameeN bhee
na ghar hai na sar par koyee saa'ebaaN hai

kaheeN jism kee raakh uRne lagee hai
kaheeN rooH se khaali dil kaa makaaN hai

kaheeN maut ke muN meN beTee paRee hai
kaheeN ghar ke malbe meN beTaa jawaaN hai

jise pyaar se maaN sajaati rahi thee
usee ghar ke malbe pe aah.o.fughaaN hai

ab aaNkhoN ke daryaa utarte naheeN haiN
ab aaNkhoN meN gham kaa samaNdar nihaaN hai

jahaaN ziNdagee kee haNsee gooNjatee thee
wahaaN her taraf siskiyoN kaa dhuwaaN hai

khudaa.vaNd too ne ye kyaa kar diyaa hai
ke hairaanagee meN zameeN aasmaaN hai!!!!


vaah !!, ye alamiya poori qaum ka mushtarika alamiya hai. aap ne is per qalam uthaaya, is ke liye ham bhi aap ke bahot bahot mamnoon haiN.

aik mashvara hai, ke she'r no. 3 meiN aap ne "vazn" ko "wazan" baandha hai, jo ke durust nahin hai. aap aik baar nazar-e-caani kar leN, taa'ke itni umda kawish meiN voh jhol bhi khatm ho jaaye

aap ki ye fikr daad ke saath mubarak.baad ki mustaHiq hai. Allah mutaacireen ki takaaleef ka mudaava kare (aameen)

Amjad

[naheedv]

aah Naheed sis! bilkul hasb-e-haal gazal kahi thi aapne jise aaj aapne post kiya hai.....zalzale ne har kisi ko qalam uThaane pe majboor kar diya tha....woh din kaise koi bhool sakta hai..aap ki ghazal paRhke sab phir taaza ho gaya aur wahi manzar aankhon ke saamne ghoomne laga....bahut alaamnaak saaniya tha jise aap ne tehreer kiya hai.....

Dear Shummu,

meree iss koshish ko pasaNd kiyaa, mujhe khushee huyee. waqa'ee ye saaniHa tau bhulaa dene waalaa hai hee naheeN. jin par guzree hai, un kaa dard tau hum meHsoos karne waaloN se karoR gunaa bhaaree hai, hum tau sirf du'aa hee kar skate haiN, allah unheN sabr ataa farmaaye, aamin!

mukhlis
Naheed

[naheedv]

Naheed saHiba

salaam arz hai

aap ki Hassaas fikr aur dard.mind dil se aise hi umda kalaam ki tavaqqo thi, jo aap ne saaneHa-e-aath october ke mutaacireen ki takaaleef ko meHsoos kar ke likha.

1.
sirakne lagee hai, hawaa bhee, zameeN bhee
na ghar hai na sar par koyee saa'ebaaN hai

kaheeN jism kee raakh uRne lagee hai
kaheeN rooH se khaali dil kaa makaaN hai

kaheeN maut ke muN meN beTee paRee hai
kaheeN ghar ke malbe meN beTaa jawaaN hai

jise pyaar se maaN sajaati rahi thee
usee ghar ke malbe pe aah.o.fughaaN hai

ab aaNkhoN ke daryaa utarte naheeN haiN
ab aaNkhoN meN gham kaa samaNdar nihaaN hai

jahaaN ziNdagee kee haNsee gooNjatee thee
wahaaN her taraf siskiyoN kaa dhuwaaN hai

khudaa.vaNd too ne ye kyaa kar diyaa hai
ke hairaanagee meN zameeN aasmaaN hai!!!!


vaah !!, ye alamiya poori qaum ka mushtarika alamiya hai. aap ne is per qalam uthaaya, is ke liye ham bhi aap ke bahot bahot mamnoon haiN.

aik mashvara hai, ke she'r no. 3 meiN aap ne "vazn" ko "wazan" baandha hai, jo ke durust nahin hai. aap aik baar nazar-e-caani kar leN, taa'ke itni umda kawish meiN voh jhol bhi khatm ho jaaye

aap ki ye fikr daad ke saath mubarak.baad ki mustaHiq hai. Allah mutaacireen ki takaaleef ka mudaava kare (aameen)

Amjad

janaab Amjad jee,
aadaab,

meree iss haqeer koshish kee pazeeraayee ke liye be.had shukriya!
aap ne she'r 3 ke lafz.e.wazan par nuqta uThaayaa hai ke sahi talaffuz "wazn" hai.
iss par maiN ye kehnaa chaahooN gee ke maiN ne lughaat meN se tashhee kar ke hi "wazan" rakhaa thaa, lughaat meN iss kaa wazan yooN diyaa geyaa hai: "wazan = wa'o-ze+noon"
thoRee uljhan mujhe thee iss liye maiN ne lughaat meN daikhaa aur jab yehi wazan milaa tau phir maiN ne she'r ko shaamil kiyaa.
ab jab aap keh rahe haiN ke ye sahi nahi hai tau maiN iss par thoRee mazeed research karti hooN magar filvaqt maiN ne apnaa ye she'r forum kee ghazal meN se nikaal diyaa hai, magar jald hee sahi jawaab ke saath haazir hoN gee.

mukhliS
Naheed