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AIK NAZM "BAHOO"
Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:00 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
DOSTO
Aik nazm Bahoo pesh e khidmat hai. aap ki raye aur mashwaroN ka intezar rehega
shukria
NAZM BAHOO
BY Mahtab Qadr
(mai)
Mera beta jawaan hone laga
ek naya imtehaan hone laga
log charoN taraf se aane lage
bagh mujhko haseeN dikhane lage
kahiN visa ticket hai US ka
kahiN offer aik biznes kaa
kahiN larkhki kamaane wali hai
shaan e susraal bhi niraali hai
har qisam ka kamaal hazir hai
chaheiN biznes to maal hazir hai
(Mera Zameer)
mool karta nahi mai bete ka
beta number nahi hai satte ka
uski ghairat ko baich kar kaise
kwab dekhoN ameer hone ka
mere ghar ke har aik goshe mai
ghairatoN ke charagh jalte haiN
mishaleiN hirs ki bujhaa daalo
in se auroN ke bagh jalte hiaN
(awaaz e ghaib)
beti rozi hai beti roti hai
beti barkat ki cheez hoti hai
jinse bazaar mat banaao usay
itni zillat na tum dikhaao usay
roop dekar bahut ko beti ka
apne seene se tum lagaao usay
uski ghairat mai apni ghairat hai
uski izzat mai apni izzat hai
kaisi maiN haiN jin ki janib se
koshish e ifteraaq hoti hai
arsh e maula bhi kaaNp jaata hai
jab kisi ko talaq hoti hai
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 3:19 am
by zmufti
Mahtaab saheb
aap ki nazm achi lagi
aik typo mistake theek kar laiN Arsh-e-Muala ko aap ne durust nahiN likha
aur aik sher samajh nahiN aaya
beti rozi hai beti roti hai
beti barkat ki cheez hoti hai
beti ko rehmat kaha jata hai aur woh koi cheez nahiN insaan hoti hai
meray comment ka bura mat maaniye ga aik beti honey ki haciat se clarify karna mera haq thaa
regards
zmufti
shukria
Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:15 am
by Mahtab Qadr
zarqa sahiba
aapki pasand ka shukria
Arsh e Maula mai laam par alif likhna bhool gaya ye typo inshallah durust karli jaigi. rahi baat beti ke rozi aur roti hone ki to ye bhi kahaa jata hai jab beti paida hoti hai umooman ke beti roti yani beti se roti mai barkat hoti hai rozgaar mai izafa hota hai ,islye aisa kahne mai koi harj nahi albatta cheez kahna kitna sahi hai aur kitna ghalat agar dosre ahbaab bhi is par raye deiN to mai tahqeeq ke baad soch sakta hoN.
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
zmufti wrote:Mahtaab saheb
aap ki nazm achi lagi
aik typo mistake theek kar laiN Arsh-e-Muala ko aap ne durust nahiN likha
aur aik sher samajh nahiN aaya
beti rozi hai beti roti hai
beti barkat ki cheez hoti hai
beti ko rehmat kaha jata hai aur woh koi cheez nahiN insaan hoti hai
meray comment ka bura mat maaniye ga aik beti honey ki haciat se clarify karna mera haq thaa
regards
zmufti
Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:19 am
by sbashwar
Janaab Mahtab Qadr Sahib
ASAK
Nazm bohat pasand ayee.
Salem Bashwar
:)shukria
Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 8:26 am
by Mahtab Qadr
Walaikum salam
Salem bhai behad shukria ,inayat :)sbashwar wrote:Janaab Mahtab Qadr Sahib
ASAK
Nazm bohat pasand ayee.
Salem Bashwar
Bahut khoob
Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:51 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Mahtab Qadr SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapki nazm "bahu" paRhkar bahut luTf aayaa. Mahoul ki bahut achchi Akkasi kii hei aap ne.
BaAZ mulaaHizaat aapki nazr heiN:
1- doosre sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN TibaaAat kii ghalati kii vajah se "lage" kii bajaye "lagaa" hougayaa hei.
2- Chauthe sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN (shaan-e-samdhi) ki izaafat ghalaT hei kiyunkeh "samdhi" hindi ka lafz hei jisko izaafat meiN nahiN isteAmaal kiyaa jaasaktaa.
3- paanchweN sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN "qisim" ghalaT hei kiyunkeh is ka saHeeH talaffuz hei "qism" yani Harf "seen" per sukoon hei.
4- Doosre band meiN "roop dekar bahu ko beTi kaa......apne seene se tum lagaao use" meiN mukhaaTibat kuch yooN hougaie hei jaise ke aap bahu nahiN laarahe heiN balke beTi kisi ko de rahe heiN. MaAnavi liHaaz se tasalsul baaqi nahiN rahaa.
BaharHaal daad aur mubaarakbaad HaaZir hei.
Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:43 pm
by rahmed25682
Salam Mahtab sahab ...
Apni giraaN-qadr nazm se humain nawaznay ka shikriya.
Khush rahain
Khair Andesh
Raheel Ahmed
Re: Bahut khoob
Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:34 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Mohatrame Abdullah bhai salaam e masnoon
Aap ke giraNqadr irshaadat se mustafeed huva aur behad mashkoor hoN aapki nazar e karam ka.
1-ghalati kitabat ki hai ab usay durust karna parhega.magar inp file mai. yani waqt lagega inshallah kardoNga.
2-shan e samdhi ki koi mutabadil aapki nazar mai ho to zaroor marhamat farmaiN . hindi ke lafz par izafat ki majboori mauzoo ki nazakat ke sabab hai warna badal deta . aap ki kya raye hai.
3- is ghalati ko mai ne mahsoos nahi kia ya chook ho gai baharhal nazm kahte waqt sirf mauzoor itna ghalib tha ke zaban o bayan ki taraf baad mai tawajju huvi.
4- is masalay mai ye arz hai ke yahaN nazm ko aik morh bhi dena tha aur compact bhi karna tha islye lahja aur khitaab ko badalna parha , agar ho sakay to ispar bhi ghaur karoNga.inshallah
aapki tajaweez baharhaal bilkul durust aur mere lye mishal e raah hain.
Jazak Allah khair
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
Mahtab Qadr SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapki nazm "bahu" paRhkar bahut luTf aayaa. Mahoul ki bahut achchi Akkasi kii hei aap ne.
BaAZ mulaaHizaat aapki nazr heiN:
1- doosre sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN TibaaAat kii ghalati kii vajah se "lage" kii bajaye "lagaa" hougayaa hei.
2- Chauthe sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN (shaan-e-samdhi) ki izaafat ghalaT hei kiyunkeh "samdhi" hindi ka lafz hei jisko izaafat meiN nahiN isteAmaal kiyaa jaasaktaa.
3- paanchweN sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN "qisim" ghalaT hei kiyunkeh is ka saHeeH talaffuz hei "qism" yani Harf "seen" per sukoon hei.
4- Doosre band meiN "roop dekar bahu ko beTi kaa......apne seene se tum lagaao use" meiN mukhaaTibat kuch yooN hougaie hei jaise ke aap bahu nahiN laarahe heiN balke beTi kisi ko de rahe heiN. MaAnavi liHaaz se tasalsul baaqi nahiN rahaa.
BaharHaal daad aur mubaarakbaad HaaZir hei.
Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.
Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:42 pm
by nazneen_72
as salaam o alekum.
wahhhhh buhat khoob ..kaise hain aap? ummed hai theek thaak qisam k honegay
waise kia hmmmm acha chorein nahi pochte. :P esi tarhan lekhte rahye Allah apko aur tarraqi de aamin
Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 8:56 pm
by Shummu
wah bahut khoob....!!!!
Shukria
Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:21 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Azeez Raheel Ahmed sahib
Walaikum salaam wa rahma
Behad mashkoor hoN ke aap ne nazm ko qadr ki nigaah se dekha.
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
rahmed25682 wrote:Salam Mahtab sahab ...
Apni giraaN-qadr nazm se humain nawaznay ka shikriya.
Khush rahain
Khair Andesh
Raheel Ahmed
Nawazish
Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:26 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
Walaikum Salaam
Bahut Bahut Shukria . Allah ka karam hai acha hoN. aapki duaiN haiN. himmat afzai ka shukria . Allah aap ko khush rakhe.aameen
Mahtab Qadr
nazneen_72 wrote:as salaam o alekum.
wahhhhh buhat khoob ..kaise hain aap? ummed hai theek thaak qisam k honegay
waise kia hmmmm acha chorein nahi pochte. :P esi tarhan lekhte rahye Allah apko aur tarraqi de aamin
InayateiN
Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 6:29 pm
by Mahtab Qadr
shummu ji InayateiN haiN aapki .
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
Shummu wrote:wah bahut khoob....!!!!
Aapki nazm nazar-e-caani ke baAd
Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 10:37 am
by Abdullah Nazir
MuHtarami
Bhayi Mahtab Qadr SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aap ne apni nazm "Bahoo" per nazar-e-caani karke usko bahut hi achche Tareeqe se pesh kiyaa hei.
Aise munfarid mauZooA ko ikhtiyaar karne per aur usko apne khoobSoorat andaaz meiN pesh karne per meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
[color =brown]
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
[/color]
Re: Aapki nazm nazar-e-caani ke baAd
Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2005 10:52 am
by Mahtab Qadr
Mohatram Abdullah Bhai
salaam
Aapki nazr e inayat mere lye qeemti asaasa hai. behad mashkoor o mamnoon hoN.
shukria
Mahtab Qadr
WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
Bhayi Mahtab Qadr SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aap ne apni nazm "Bahoo" per nazar-e-caani karke usko bahut hi achche Tareeqe se pesh kiyaa hei.
Aise munfarid mauZooA ko ikhtiyaar karne per aur usko apne khoobSoorat andaaz meiN pesh karne per meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
[color =brown]
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
[/color]