tarHi GHzal karooN meN yaad tiri kaj adaaiyaaN kiya kiya

[khozema husaini]

Azeezaan e bazm
aadaab
aik tazah ghazal ke saath Hazir hua hoon aur ummeed hai ke aap sabhi KHawateen o Hazraat apni aara se nawaaz kar mujhe shukriyah ada karne ka moqa faraham farmayeNge shukriyah
Husaini

GHazal
karoon meN yaad tiri kaj adaaiyaaN kiya kiya
saheeN heN men ne tiri bewafaaiyaan kiya kiya

KHud apne qalb meN jhaaNka to yeh hua mAloom
chhupeeN heN mere bhii andar buraaiyaan kiya kiya

kiya hai tark e tAalluq ne KHud se beganah
'tum aashna the to theeN aashnaaiyaaN kiya kiya"

cana e husn meN likh doon , zara naqaab uthha
GHazal , qatAat , qaSeedah , rubaaiyaaN kiya kiya

karega jaam e ajal meri bekali ka iilaaj
magar woh dete heN mujh ko dawaaiyaaN kiya kiya

agarchah laaGHar o kamzor hai samand e KHayaal
Uboor karta hai lekin yeh khaiyaaN kiya kiya


bazaat e KHud to nahiN kuchh bhi sifr ki auqaat
bafaiz e sifr bani heN dahaaiyaaN kiya kiya

baraaye nafs kushi hum ne bhi baraah e Hayaat
laReeN heN zaat se apni laRaaiyaaN kiya kiya

Husaini fart e alam se jo band e lab TooTe
unheN bhi deni paRengi safaaiyaaN kiya kiya

Husaini Khandwi

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Khozema Husaini SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MulaaHizaat:

karoon meN yaad tiri kaj adaaiyaaN kiya kiya
saheeN heN men ne tiri bewafaaiyaan kiya kiya

Achchaa maTlaA hei. SheAr meiN lafz "tiri" ki takraar kaa koii ilaaj housake tou behtar hei.

KHud apne qalb meN jhaaNka to yeh hua mAloom
chhupeeN heN mere bhii andar buraaiyaan kiya kiya

Bahut khoob, achcha sheAr hei. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "bhii" se yeh vaaZeH hourahaa hei ke doosraoN ke andur kii buraayiaoN kaa bhi ilm hei.

kiya hai tark e tAalluq ne KHud se beganah
'tum aashna the to theeN aashnaaiyaaN kiya kiya"

bahut achchi gireh lagaayi hei.

cana e husn meN likh doon , dikha tira chehra
GHazal , qatAat , qaSeedah , rubaaiyaaN kiya kiya

is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN "dikha tira chehra" se ghaaliban aapki muraad yeh hei keh "tiraa chehrah nazar aayaa, yaa maAloom houaa". Agar yehi baat hie tou lafz "dikhna" urdu meiN isteAmaal nahiN houtaa. Sirf boul chaal meiN mustaAmal hei. Behtar hei.
Doosre miSreA meiN radeef munfaSil hougaie hei aur yooN meHsoos hourahaa hei ke "aur kyaa kyaa" kahaa jaanaa chaahiye jo qaafiye aur radeef ke liHaaz se naamumkin hei. Is sheAr per nazare caani keejiye.

karega jaam e ajal meri bekali ka iilaaj
pila rahe heN muAalij dawaaiyaaN kiya kiya

Is sheAr meiN ibhaam is liye paidaa hourahaa hei ke doosre miSreA ko lafz "magar" se shurooA hounaa chaahiye thaa.
MaAnavi liHaaz se bahut ahchcaa sheAr hei. Bahut khoob.

be baal o par heN magar mere taaeeraan e KHayaal
uboor karte heN darya o khaaiyaaN kiya kiya

Is sheAr meiN zaahiri ghalatiaaN heiN.
1) pahle miSreA meiN lafz "baal" ko "bal" ke vazn per isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hei.
2) Lafz "Taayiraan" ko "taieraan" isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hei jo ghalaT hei.
Doosre miSreA meiN "darya o khaayiaaN" aek aisi tarkeeb hei jo meri nazar se is se pahle kabhi nahiN guzri. Darya Faarsi kaa lafz hei, wawo (Arabi, Farsi, aur sanskirat) meiN mustaAmal hei. khaayiyaaN lafz "khayi" ki jamA hei jo Hindi kaa lafz hei. Bahut pahle is qism kii izaafat ko ghalaT samjhaa jaataa thaa. Haal kaa mujhe poori TaraH ilm nahiN hei.

bazaat e KHud to nahiN kuchh bhi sifr ki auqaat
bafaiz e sifr bani heN ikaaiyaaN kiya kiya

Is sheAr meiN "ikaayiyaaN" maAnavi liHaaz se ghalaT heiN. IkaayiaN 1 se lekar 9 tak ke aAdaad ko kahaa jaataa hei. Aap ikaayiyaaN baRe 9 se baRe aAdaad ke mani meiN le rahe heiN jo ghalaT hei.

baraaye nafs kushi hum ne bhi baraah e Hayaat
laReeN heN zaat se apni laRaaiyaaN kiya kiya

achcha sheAr hei.

Husaini fart e alam se jo band e lab TooTe
fiZa meN gooNjeNge shikwe , duhaaiyaaN kiya kiya

doosre miSreA meiN lafz "fiZa" nahiN balke "faZaa" hounaa chaahiye. Is maQteA meiN bhi qaafiye aur radeef ke darmiyaan "aur" ki kami meHsoos houti hei. Baharhal sheAr saHeeH hei. MaqTaA achchaa hei.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[khozema husaini]

mohtaram nazir saheb
aadaab o tasleemaat
aap ki tajaweez ke mutabiq aashAar men tabdeeliyan kar di hen aap se guzarish hai inhen aik martabah phir dekh kar mujhe apni raye se zaroor nawazen mujhe behad khushi hogi
Husaini

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Khozema Husaini SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Ab aapki ghazal bahut achchi hougaie hei. Mashaallah, aap apni bhool chook ko bahut hii surAat ke saath durust farmaalete hei.

Meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[khozema husaini]

mohtaram nazir saheb
assalam alaikum
bohat bohat shukriyah ummeed hai aap isi tarah nazar e karam banaye rakhenge
Husaini