Ghazal barae'e nazar cani.

[figaar]

mohtaram shurkae meHfil
adab
Ghazal ko baGharz-e-iSlah pesh karraha hoN.dekh leen nawazish hogi.


naqsh-e-khun-e-jigar hoN miTa chahata hoN.

ilahi maiN phir se baqa chahata hoN.


tera Husn har aek zi ruH meN hai.

koi bat tujh se juda chahata hoN.


duhwaaN kar diya gardish-e-a'hd ne (a'hd=zamanah)

zaman-o-makaaN se uTha chahata hoN.


zamane ki nazroN se jo meHv kar de (meHv=chhupa huwa)

maiN apne liye wo rida chahata hoN.


maiN mar ke bhi zindah raha i'shq meN

hoN fareeb-e-rag-e-jaaN khula chahata hoN.


zara hath dil peh to rakh dijiye

mareeZ-e-kuhon hoN shafa chahata hoN (kuhon=purana)


piyaas Sehra ki khuch to bujhe gi zaroor

ashq dedah-e-tar hoN gira chahata hoN.


shukria

niyazmand
figaar

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Figaar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal per apni raaye pesh karne se pahle maiN aap se darkhwaast kartaa hooN ke aap mujhe TaraH miSraA kyaa hei bataadeN. Aapki ghazal meiN Behr meiN ikhtilaaT houne kii vajah se yeh jaannaa zaroori hei ke aapke kaunse miSreAe TaraHi MiSreA se muTaabiqat rakhte heiN.

Ummeed ke aap isi jagah wo TaraHi miSraA jald uZ jald pesh kareNge.



Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.

[figaar]

moHtaram Janab Nazir SaHeb.
aadaab!
MaiN aap ka nihayat mamnoon hoon keh aap ne faqeer ki pesh kardah Ghazal par fikr ka iradah bandha.
yeh Ghazal sir MoHammad Iqbal ki mashhoor-e-zamanah Ghazal "tere ishq ki intiha chahata hooN...meri sadgi dekh kiya chahata hooN" ki zameen meN likhi gai hai.
ila'wah azeeN is ki takti se nabalad hooN. fart^-e-shaoq meN likh di hai.

azrah-e- karam nacar cani farma´kar faqeer par aHsan kijiye. :?
Wassalam
mukhliS
figaar Nowshehrawi

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Figaar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS tasleemaat,

Aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye khaaksaar kii daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

Ghazal zameen yooN hei:
"Tire ishq kii intihaa chaahtaa hooN" (Iqbal)
Iskaa vazn hei:
= fu'oo'lun……fu'oo'lun……fu'oo'lun……fu'oo'lun
= //0/0………..//0/0……….//0/0………..//0/0
= 122…………….122………….122…………..122 hei.
Is beHr ko beHr-e-mutaqaarib saalim mucamman kehte heiN.

Ab aapki ghazal per ghaur karte heiN:

naqsh-e-khun-e-jigar hoN miTa chahata hoN.
ilahi maiN phir se baqa chahata hoN.

Pahle miSreA kaa vazn hei:
Faa'ilun.....faa'ilun.....faa'ilun....faa'ilun (izaafah hei faa)
Is ke maAni yeh heiN ke yeh miSraA doosri beHr meiN hei aur us ke saath "faa" kaa bhi iZaafah hei.
taqTeeA:
naqsh-e-khoo = faa'ilun
ne'jigar = faa'ilun
hooN-miTaa= faa'ilun
chaa'htaa = faa'ilun
hooN = faa (agar is "faa" ko door kardeN tou aapki behr hougi 4 martabah "faa'ilun" per mushtamil, jou beHr-e-mutadaarik mucamman Salim kehlaati hei. Diye houe miSreA ki beHr aur is beHr meiN ikhtilaaf hi rahegaa.

Doosraa miSraA hei: ilahi maiN phir se baqa chahata hoN.
Iskaa vazn hei: fu'oo'lun…fu'oo'lun…fu'oo'lun…fu'oo'lun
yaAni diye houe miSreA ke vazn per baraabar hei.
TaqTeeA:
Ilaahi = fu'oo'lun
M'phir'se = fu'oo'lun
Baqaa chaa = fu'oo'lun
H'taa'hooN = fu'oo'lun

tira Husn har aek zi ruH meN hai.
koi baat tujh se juda chahata hoN.

Yeh sheAr diye houe miSreA ke vazn meiN hei lekin roman meiN spelling dekh leejiye.
MaAnavi liHaaz se sheAr kaa mafhoom tou nikaltaa hei lekin is falsafeh ki koii bunyaad nahiN hei. Kyaa ham ko yeh Haq hei ke apni marZi ko Khudaa ki qudrat ke muqaabil meiN behtar samjheN???

dhuwaaN kar diya gardish-e-a'ehd ne
zaman-o-makaaN se uTha chahata hoN.

Pahle miSreA ke aakhir meiN aek lafz (sabab-e-khafeef) ki kami hei. Is ke aakhir meiN agar lafz "tou" izaafah kardeN tou yeh diye houe miSreA ke vazn meiN houjaayegaa.
Is meiN gardish-e-Ahd kii bajaae "gardish-e-waqt" isteAmaal karnaa behtar hei. Is Tarah miSraA yooN houjaayegaa:
dhuwaaN kardiya gardish-e-waqt ne tou
= fu'oo'lun….fu'oo'lun….fu'oo'lun….fu'oo'lun
TaqTeeA:
dhuwaaN kar = fu'oo'lun
diyaa gar = fu'oo'lun
dishe-waq = fu'oo'lun
t'ne'tou = fu'oo'lun


zamane ki nazroN se jo meHv kar de
maiN apne liye wo rida chahata hoN.

Is sheAr ke dounoN miSreAe saHeeH vazn meiN heiN.

maiN mar ke bhi zindah raha i'shq meN hooN
qareeb-e-rag-e-jaaN khula chahata hoN.

Agar is sheAr ko jistaraH meiN ne likhkhaa hei usi TaraH se likhkhaa jaaye tou vazn meiN SaHeeH houjaaygaa magar maAnavi liHaaz se khaami thii aur rahegi.

zara hath dil peh to rakh dijiyegaa
mareeZ-e-kuhan hoN shafa chahata hoN

Is sheAr ko maiN ne jisTaraH se likhkhaa hei wo vazn meiN hei.

piyaas Sehra ki khuch to bujhe gi zaroor
ashq dedah-e-tar hoN gira chahata hoN.

Is sheAr ke vazn meiN gaRbaR hei. Pahle miSreA ka vazm hei: faa'ilun…faa'ilun…faa'ilun…faa'ilaat
Aur doosre miSreA kaa vazn yooN housaktaa hei:
Faa'ilun…fu'oo'lun…faa'ilaa'tun…fu'oo'lun
Pahle miSreA ko agar mutadaarik meiN keh sakte heiN tou doosre miSreA ko bilkul bebeHr kahaa jaayegaa.
======

Is tabSireh ke nateejeh ke Taur per maiN aapko yeh mashwirah doongaa ke aap apnaa kalaam kisi aise ustaad shayer ko dikhaaliyaa kareN jin se aapki mulaaqaat houti rehti hei yaa housakti hei.

Site per aise kalaam ki iSlaaH ke liye bahut waqt darkaar houtaa hei aur maiN apni be-intihaa maSroofiyat ke sabab aapki khidmat karne se qaaSir hooN.


Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.

[figaar]

MoHtaram Nazir SaHeb
aadaab.
Aap ka nihayat shukarguzaar hooN.keh aap ne meri mushkil ko Hal kardiya.aor Ghazal ki shakal nikal aai.
wagarna mere liye yeh achcha khaSa masa'lah bana huwa tha.
aap ke mashware ka aHtaraam karte huwe.maiN kisi ustaad shae'r ko DhonD hi loonga. daraSal yahaaN muqami t^aor par aesi saholat naheeN.
agar hai. aor ho gi bhi lekin meri badqismati keh mere aese rawabit^ naheeN.....khaeer aap ka dobara mamnooN hoN.mere lae'q koi khidmat ho to Hukm kijiye ga.
inshaAllah aae'nda aesi zeHmat nah dooN ga......DherooN dua'aooN ke sath ijazat chahata hooN.
khuda Hafiz
mukhliS
figaar.