ehl-e-bazm
mere azeez dost hazrat-e-Daanish aur maiN eik hi college meiN angrezi ke ustaaz haiN. aksar-o-beeshtar hum ek hi zameen meiN taba_azmaai karte haiN. ek aisi adna kaavish aap ki khidmat meiN pesh kar raha huN.
khasta kharab haal huN,batil khayal huN
barbadiyoN ki aap maiN apni misaal huN
jis ki sadaa-e-ishq se bedaar ho seher
main hi woh ramz-e-sehr-e-azaan-e-Bilaal huN
jo najm toot kar gira arz-o-sama ke paar
pamaal us sitare ka main haal-o-qaal huN
bazm-e-jahan se uth gaye yaraan-e-khush jamal
baaqi maiN ek soorat-e-huzn-o-malaal huN
veeraniyoN ke aks ka dikhlaye jo jamaal
maiN woh kamaal-e-aaina-e-dasht-e-haal huN
aankhoN se meri door raha khwaab bhi Shafeeq
hasrat ki shab huN, dard ki subahoN ka jaal huN[/b]
Shafeeq Ahmed
P.B.No. 174,
G.P.O.
Hyderabad-500 001
Ek ghazal--khasta kharab haal huN,batil khayal huN
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
Ek ghazal--khasta kharab haal huN,batil khayal huN
Last edited by Shafeeq on Sat Jun 24, 2006 8:48 am, edited 8 times in total.
Shafeeq Ahmed
-
Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
Bahut khoob, waah waah
MuHtarami
Shafeeq SaaHib,
PurkhulooS tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal paRhkar beHad khushi houi. Aap ne bataayaa hei ke aap aur danish SaaHib aek hi college meiN English ke ustaad heiN aur akcar aek hi zameen meiN TabA aazmaayi farmaate heiN. WaaqaAi aap dounoN ka rang-e-taghazzul bhi bahut aAlaa aur aek Had tak mummacil hei.
Apni is kaamyaab ghazal per meri dili daad aur mubaarakbad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT
aazurda-e-khayal huN, aashufta haal huN
barbadiyoN ki aap maiN apni misaal huN
jee haaN bahut achchaa maTlaA hei. Waah waah. Khayaal ki aazurdagi aur aapki aashuftah Haali aapki barbaaiyaoN ki micaal hei.
jis ki sadaa-e-ishq se bedaar ho seher
main hi woh ramz-e-sehr-e-azaan-e-Bilaal huN
Bahut khoob, waah waah. Bahut achcha khayaal hei aur apni zaat kaa khoobSoorat tajziyah bhi.
jo nazm toot ke gira arz-o-sama ke paar
maiN us shikasta saaqib-e-kaamil ka haal huN
WaaH kyaa kehne. Wo nizaam jo arZ o samaa ke paar TooT kar giraa se aapki muraad kaamyaabi ke baAd ki shikastah Haali kaa zikr hourahaa hei jisko aap ne "shikastah saaqib-e-kaamil kaa Haal" kahaa hei. Meri nazar meiN, pahle miSreA meiN "toot ke giraa" ki bajaaye "tootkar giraa" kehnaa behtar hei kiyunkeh vazn meiN koii farq nahiN paRrahaa hei.
sab choRH mujh ko chal diye ahbaab-e-khush_khayal
baaqi maiN ek soorat-e-huzn-o-malaal huN
Waah, bahut khoob. Is sheAr se aapki tajribehkaar shakhSiyat AayaaN hourahi hei. Meri nazar meiN pahle miSreA kii ibaarat ko behtar banaane kii koushish kii jaani chaahiye kiyunkeh ibaarat bahut hii shikastah hougayi hei "sab" kaa taAalluq "aHbaab-e-kush-khiSaal yaa khush-khayaal" se hei aur dounoN meiN bahut faaSilah hei. Doosre yeh keh "chouR mujhko chal diye" meiN bhi "chouR kar" kaa ikhtiSaar theek nahiN lag rahaa hei albattah chouR gaye tou saHeeH muHaavirah hei. Yeh meri apni nazar hei jis se aapkaa muttafiq hounaa bilkul zaroori nahiN hei.
veeraniyoN ke aks ka dikhlaye jo jamaal
maiN woh kamaal-e-aaina-e-dasht-e-haal huN
Bahut khoob, waah waah. Kamaal-e-aayiena-e-dasht-e-Haal kaa khoobSoorat istiAaarah isteAmaal karke aap ne tou hamari meHfil ko raunaq bakhshdi.
aankhoN se meri door raha khwaab bhi Shafeeq
hasrat ki shab huN, dard ki subahoN ka jaal huN
Bahut achcha maqTaA hei. Bahut hii kaamyaab ghazal hei. Mujhe tou bahut kuch seekhne ko milaa hei.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Mohtaram Nazir Saheb,
Adaab-o-tasleemaat
aaj ke daur meiN fardan fardan ghazal ke shayr ko paRHkar khayal aaraai kaun karta hai? haqeeqat tau yeh hai ke aap ki tanqeed mere liye islaah ka darja rakhti hai.
ghalti se jo najm maine typing meiN jo nazm kar diya aur is ghalti ki vajeh se shayr ka rang hi badal gaya!
aap ke khayalat se maiN mukkammal taur par ittefaq karta huN. zarranawazi ke liye shukriya.
Shafeeq
Adaab-o-tasleemaat
aaj ke daur meiN fardan fardan ghazal ke shayr ko paRHkar khayal aaraai kaun karta hai? haqeeqat tau yeh hai ke aap ki tanqeed mere liye islaah ka darja rakhti hai.
ghalti se jo najm maine typing meiN jo nazm kar diya aur is ghalti ki vajeh se shayr ka rang hi badal gaya!
aap ke khayalat se maiN mukkammal taur par ittefaq karta huN. zarranawazi ke liye shukriya.
Shafeeq
Shafeeq Ahmed
aazurda-e-khayal huN, aashufta haal huN
barbadiyoN ki aap maiN apni misaal huN
Wah kya kehne..bahut zabardast matla.....
wah bahut khoob!aankhoN se meri door raha khwaab bhi Shafeeq
hasrat ki shab huN, dard ki subahoN ka jaal huN
Daad pesh hai Shafeeq sahab is umda kaavish pe..!
Aate rahiyega..
Shumaila
Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai
Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
-
yasir shah
- -
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 2:17 pm
- Location: karachi
- Contact:
Re: Ek ghazal--"aazurda-e-khayal huN, aashufta haal huN
Shafeeq SaaHib!Shafeeq wrote:ehl-e-bazm
mere azeez dost hazrat-e-Daanish aur maiN eik hi college meiN angrezi ke ustaaz haiN. aksar-o-beeshtar hum ek hi zameen meiN taba_azmaai karte haiN. ek aisi adna kaavish aap ki khidmat meiN pesh kar raha huN.
aazurda-e-khayal huN, aashufta haal huN
barbadiyoN ki aap maiN apni misaal huN
jis ki sadaa-e-ishq se bedaar ho seher
main hi woh ramz-e-sehr-e-azaan-e-Bilaal huN
jo najm toot kar gira arz-o-sama ke paar
maiN us shikasta saaqib-e-kaamil ka haal huN
sab choRH mujh ko chal diye ahbaab-e-khush_khayal
baaqi maiN ek soorat-e-huzn-o-malaal huN
veeraniyoN ke aks ka dikhlaye jo jamaal
maiN woh kamaal-e-aaina-e-dasht-e-haal huN
aankhoN se meri door raha khwaab bhi Shafeeq
hasrat ki shab huN, dard ki subahoN ka jaal huN
Shafeeq Ahmed
P.B.No. 174,
G.P.O.
Hyderabad-500 001
assalamOalaikuM
aap ki Ghazal pasand aa.ee,,har har she'r nihaayat pur.acar hay,,meree taraf se bhee daad qubool keejiye gaa-
khush rahye
du'aago
yasir