Lo maiN ne apna qatl behimanah kar diya.

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

moHtaram khawateen-o-HaZ^rat Ghazal ke chand she'er pesh-e-khidmat haiN.

dil ko kheyaal-e-yar se beganah kar diya

zindagee Haqiqat thee fsanah kar diya.


Dhal hi gai hai dosto shaam-e-musafrat

lo maiN ne apna qatl behimanah kar diya.


jageer-e-dil ka koi bhi waric naheeN mila

maiN ne khuda ke naam yeh weranah kar diya.


yeh sab tumhari pehli naz^ar ka suroor hai

jis ne meri chaal ko rindanah kar diya.


muz^affar hoi khat^a jo kiya mudda'a beyaN

us ne to tera Haal mujarmanah kar diya.



kalam maiN maojod khamiyooN ke liye ma'zrat chahata hooN.

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Muzaffar Ahmed Muzaffar SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Yeh dekhkar bahut musarrat houi ke aap ne apni ghazal ke saath shirkat farmaayi hei, jis ke liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT;

dil ko kheyaal-e-yar se beganah kar diya
zindagee Haqiqat thee fsanah kar diya.

Aapka maTlaA mafhoom ke liHaaz se bahut hi achchaa hei lekin doosraa miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei. Is miSreA ko vazn meiN laane ke liye yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
zindah HaqeeqataoN ko bhi afsaanah kardiyaa.
Housaktaa hei ziyaadah alfaaz badal diye jaayeN tou is se behtar miSraA aap khud kah sakeN.

Dhal hi gai hai dosto shaam-e-musafrat
lo maiN ne apna qatl behimanah kar diya.

yeh sheAr mafhoom ke liHaaz se bahut achchaa he, lekin:
1- doosre miSreA meiN lafz "baheem" Arabi kaa hei jo urdu meiN isteAmaal nahiN houtaa hei. Is liye baheemaanah kehnaa durust houne kaa kyaa javaaz housaktaa hei?
2- doosre miSreA meiN ibaarat ke liHaaz se "kardiyaa" ki bajaaye "karliyaa" hounaa chaahiye.

jageer-e-dil ka koi bhi waric naheeN mila
maiN ne khuda ke naam yeh weranah kar diya.

Bahut khoob, waah waah.

yeh sab tumhari pehli naz^ar ka suroor hai
jis ne meri chaal ko rindanah kar diya.

Is sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN lafz "chaal" ki vajah se be-beHr houraha hei. Is miSreA ko yooN karsakte heiN:
jis ne miri nigaah ko rindaanah kardiyaa.

muz^affar hoi khat^a jo kiya mudda'a beyaN
us ne to tera Haal mujarmanah kar diya.

Aapka maqTaA bhi be-beHr hei. lafz "mujarmaanah" nahiN hei balke "muj'rimaa'nah" hei.

Ummeed ke aap is ghazal ki iSlaaH farmaalenge.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

moHtaram janab Abdullah Nazir SaHeb.
assalam alikum.

Aap ka be Had mamnon keh aap ne faqeer kee Ghazal ko dekha aor pasand bhi farmaya.
a'lawah azeeN Ghazal kee behtaree ke kae'e emkaanat kee janib tawwajjo bhi dilae'ee.

maiN aap ka nihayat mamnoon hooN. keh aap ne khaksaar ke waste waqt nikala. khuda aap ko salamat rakhey. safar-o-HaZ^ar maiN aap ka Hamee-o-madadgaar ho.


Wassalam
mukhliS
muzaffar.