Tarahi Guz#17

[zmufti]

Ahl-e-Bazm
aadaab
apni adna si kaawish mushairey maiN pesh kar rahi hoN aap ki aaraa ka intzaar rahe ga
regards
zmufti

1. tirre baghair yeh dil pur malal houta hai
Tirre firaaq maiN ik pal bhee saal houta hai

2. kabhi gila jo karoN hasb-e-haal houta hai
tirre ghazab ka magar ehtamaal houta hai

3. Dil-o-nazar ka na ab kuch kamal houta hai
Bina bareeN gham-e-ulfat ma'aal houta hai

4. Fareb-o-makr se bachna muhaal houta hai
bara haseen riya ka yeh jaal houta hai

5. muhabattoN ki nahiN qadr ab zamane maiN
munafiqat se hi ab dil nihaal houta hai

6. yeh dil machalta hai jis ke firaaq maiN akcar
husool us ka hamesha muhaal houta hai

7. aazaab din haiN mirre, pur aataab haiN raatieN
“ab aek saans bhi lenaa muHaal houtaa hei"

8. mire jigar peh jo houtaa hei koii vaar nayaa
sitam shiAar tirra hi kamal houta hai

9. guzar ke jab bhee kissi imtehaan se aayii
tirre laboN pe nayya ik sawal houta hai

10. jafa ki baat ho ya zikr kaj adaaii ka
tirra chalan khud apni micaal houta hai

11. duAa ke waasTe jab mere haath uThte heiN
bajuz tire mujhe kis kaa khayaal houtaa hei.

12. falak ke chaand, zameeN ke gulaab chehroN maiN
Tirra hi aks tirra hi jamal houta hai

[zmufti]

Sara jee aap ka buhat shukria
aap ki ghazal ka intizaar rahe ga
regards
zmufti

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtaramah
zmufti SaaHibah,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Guz.17 ke TaraHi miSreA per aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

1. tirre baghair yeh dil pur malal houta hai
Tirre firaaq maiN ik pal bhee saal houta hai

MaTlaA bahut khoob hei, waah waah.

2. kabhi gila jo karoN hasb-e-haal houta hai
tirre ghazab ka magar ehtamaal houta hai

Husn-n-maTlaA bhi bahut achcha hei, waah waah.

3. Dil-o-nazar ka na ab kuch kamal houta hai
Bina bareen-e-muhabat bhee maal houta hai

Is sheAr ke doosre miSreA meiN "bareen-e-muHabbat" ki iZaafati tarkeeb mere ilm se baahar hei kiyunkeh "bareen" Sifat hei ism nahiN. Bina bareeN bamaAni "is liye yaa is bunyaad per" to Theek hei. Isi TaraH se (bina bareeN baahami dousti) kehnaa jaayiz hei.
Is liye aapke doosre miSreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
binaa bareeN gham-e-ulfat ma'aal houtaa hei
Is TaraH aapka yeh Husn-e-maTlaA bhi bahut achchaa houjaayegaa. Waah waah.

4. Fareb-o-makr se bachna muhaal houta hai
bara rangeen riya ka yeh jaal houta hai

Doosra miSraA be beHr hougayaa hei jiske liye "baRa rangeen" ki bajaaye kuch aur kehnaa paRegaa jaise:
baRaa Ajeeb riyaa kaa yeh jaal houtaa hei
yeh Husn-e-maTlaA bhi achcha hei, waah waah.

5. muhabattoN ki nahiN ab qadar zamane maiN
Yeh dil to aasaayishoN se nihaal houta hai

Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "qadar" ki bajaaye "qadr" hounaa chaahiye jiske maAni heiN izzut ke. Doosra miSraA bhi be-beHr hougayaa hei. Pahle miSreA ko yooN karsakte heiN:
muHabbataoN ki nahiN qadr ab zamaane meiN
doosre miSreA meiN "aasaayishaoN se" ki vajh se miSraA be-beHr hourahaa hei. Isko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
a) yeh dil to jhooTi khushi se nihaal houtaa hei.
b)munaafiqat se hi ab dil nihaal houtaa hei.
c) farebkaari se ab dil nihaal houtaa hei.
yaa aap jaisaa bhi munaasib samjheN.

6. yeh dil machalta hai jis ke firaaq maiN akcar
hasool us ka hamesha muhaal houta hai

achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Lafz "HuSool" SaHeeH hei.

7. aazaab din haiN mirre aur aataab haiN raatieN
“ab aek saans bhi lenaa muHaal houtaa hei"

Gireh ke miSreA ko yooN kardeejiye to behtar houjaayega:
azaab din heiN mire, pur itaab heiN raateN

8. mirre jigar pe naya jab bhee waar houta hai
sitam shuar tirra hi kamal houta hai

Is sheAr meiN pahle miSreA ke "houtaa hei" per khatm houne ki vajh se bayaan meiN kamzouri paidaa hourahi hei. Isko yooN karleejiye:
mire jigar peh jo houtaa hei koii vaar nayaa
doosre miSreA meiN "sitam shiAar" ko SaHeeH likhiye.
Achaa sheAr hei. Waah waah.

9. guzar ke jab bhee kissi imtehaan se aayii
tirre laboN pe nayya ik sawal houta hai

Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.

10. jafa ki baat ho ya zikr kaj adaaii ka
tirra chalan aap apni micaal houta hai

Doosraa miSraA be-beHr hougayaa hei. Isko yooN karsakte heiN:
hameshah tera chalan hi micaal houtaa hei
achchaa sheAr hei. Waah waah.

11. dua ko jab bhee kabhi meray haath uthte haiN
tirre siwa na kissi ka khayal houta hai

Is sheAr per zaraa gehri nazar Daalte heiN. Pahle miSreA meiN "jab bhee kabhee" ki ibaarat sheAr meiN Theek nahiN maAloom hourahi hei. Is sheAr ko aap jaise ka waisaa rakh sakti heiN. Meri nazar meiN agar isko yooN kiyaa jaaye to behtar hei:
duAa ke waasTe jab mere haath uThte heiN
bajuz tire mujhe kis kaa khayaal houtaa hei.

12. falak ke chaand, zameeN ke gulaab-chehroN maiN
Tirra hi aks tirra hi jamal houta hai[/u]

Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

[zmufti]

Mohtaram Abdullah Nazir Saheb
Taleemaat
ghazal per aap ke tabsarey ke liye be had mamnoon hoN
aap ki tajaweez ke mutabiq ghazal edit kar di hai
Allah se dua hai keh aap sehat ke saath lambi umr ata kare Aamin
wasalaam
zmufti

[hassan_bashir]

Zarqa saaHiba aadaab arz hai!

ummid hai khair-o-aafiyat se hoNgi?!

aap ki Ghazal nazar-navaaz huii. mashaallah bohat aChhi koshish kii hai aap ne bas kahiN kahiN kuCh kamii reh gaii jo ke Ustaad-e-mohataram ke tabShirah meiN bayaan ho Chukii hai, lihaaza un kii baatoN ko ba-ghaur amal meiN laayeN inshallah kalaam meiN maziid nikhaar aa jaaYe ga.

eik umdah koshish par merii jaanib de daad qubuul keejiYe :rose

shukriYa!


~ Hassan ~

[tahira Masood]

Ahl-e-Bazm
aadaab
apni adna si kaawish mushairey maiN pesh kar rahi hoN aap ki aaraa ka intzaar rahe ga
regards
zmufti

1. tirre baghair yeh dil pur malal houta hai
Tirre firaaq maiN ik pal bhee saal houta hai

khoooooooooooooooooooooooooob

2. kabhi gila jo karoN hasb-e-haal houta hai
tirre ghazab ka magar ehtamaal houta hai

waaaaaaaaaah kayaa baat hai zabardast!!

3. Dil-o-nazar ka na ab kuch kamal houta hai
Bina bareeN gham-e-ulfat ma'aal houta hai

4. Fareb-o-makr se bachna muhaal houta hai
bara haseen riya ka yeh jaal houta hai

Theek

5. muhabattoN ki nahiN qadr ab zamane maiN
munafiqat se hi ab dil nihaal houta hai



6. yeh dil machalta hai jis ke firaaq maiN akcar
husool us ka hamesha muhaal houta hai



7. aazaab din haiN mirre, pur aataab haiN raatieN
“ab aek saans bhi lenaa muHaal houtaa hei"


achee girah hai Zarqa jee wll said

8. mire jigar peh jo houtaa hei koii vaar nayaa
sitam shiAar tirra hi kamal houta hai

9. guzar ke jab bhee kissi imtehaan se aayii
tirre laboN pe nayya ik sawal houta hai

good


10. jafa ki baat ho ya zikr kaj adaaii ka
tirra chalan khud apni micaal houta hai

11. duAa ke waasTe jab mere haath uThte heiN
bajuz tire mujhe kis kaa khayaal houtaa hei.

12. falak ke chaand, zameeN ke gulaab chehroN maiN
Tirra hi aks tirra hi jamal houta hai

bohat khoob

nazaakat se bherpuur aik dilnasheeN ghazal per beHadd shukeriyah

wassalam

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

moHtarmah Zarqa mufti behen aadaab!

aap kee tarhee Ghazal dekhee bohot khubSurat asha'aar kahe haiN.
meree janib se mubarak bad aor dad qubool kijiye.

wassalam
muzaffar aHmad muzaffar

[zmufti]

Hasan Bashir saheb
aap ka buhat shukria
ghazal to aap ke dekhnay se pehlay hi edit kar chuki thii (ghalatiaN durust kar chuki thee) aap ne shayad ghour nahiN farmaya
regards
zmufti

[zmufti]

Tahira jee
aap ki hoslaafzaaii ke liye behad mamnoon hoN
khush rahiye
zmufti

[haamidbaaqri]

Ahl-e-Bazm
aadaab
apni adna si kaawish mushairey maiN pesh kar rahi hoN aap ki aaraa ka intzaar rahe ga
regards
zmufti

1. tirre baghair yeh dil pur malal houta hai
Tirre firaaq maiN ik pal bhee saal houta hai

2. kabhi gila jo karoN hasb-e-haal houta hai
tirre ghazab ka magar ehtamaal houta hai

3. Dil-o-nazar ka na ab kuch kamal houta hai
Bina bareeN gham-e-ulfat ma'aal houta hai

4. Fareb-o-makr se bachna muhaal houta hai
bara haseen riya ka yeh jaal houta hai

5. muhabattoN ki nahiN qadr ab zamane maiN
munafiqat se hi ab dil nihaal houta hai

6. yeh dil machalta hai jis ke firaaq maiN akcar
husool us ka hamesha muhaal houta hai

7. aazaab din haiN mirre, pur aataab haiN raatieN
“ab aek saans bhi lenaa muHaal houtaa hei"

8. mire jigar peh jo houtaa hei koii vaar nayaa
sitam shiAar tirra hi kamal houta hai

9. guzar ke jab bhee kissi imtehaan se aayii
tirre laboN pe nayya ik sawal houta hai

10. jafa ki baat ho ya zikr kaj adaaii ka
tirra chalan khud apni micaal houta hai

11. duAa ke waasTe jab mere haath uThte heiN
bajuz tire mujhe kis kaa khayaal houtaa hei.

12. falak ke chaand, zameeN ke gulaab chehroN maiN
Tirra hi aks tirra hi jamal houta hai

mohtaramah zarqa mufti saahebah
salaamun alaikum

aapki yeh takhleeq hum bahut der se padh rahe hai.n

hum muaazirat chaahte hai.n.

hame.n bahut pasand aayee aapki yeh ghazal

hamaari dilee daad qubool farmaaye.n
mukhlis
haamidbaaqri