dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki...by...farhan
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki...by...farhan
Ustaad-e-MuHtaram Janab Abdullah Nazir SaHib
As salamu aalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,,,
TaraHi ghazal peesh-e-KHidmat hai.
1)
sarkaSHi azal say fiTrat rahi hai insaaN ki,
raHmateeN barastii haiN phir bhi hum pay YAZDAAN ki.
2)
aagayii mujhay jab bhi yaad Qabr-e-veeraaN ki,
dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki.
3)
kunch na pooch hum say HirmaaN naseebi AfGhaaN ki,
miyyaateeN uthaata hai rooz apnay armaaN ki.
4)
ai mu'arriKHoo! jab tareeKH tum likho mayrii,
daastaaN rakhoo shamil mou'jiza-e-eemaaN ki.
5)
tum Qadam Qadam per ho bad gumaaN agar mujh say,
zeest yeh kaheeN ban jaye na miCl zindaaN ki
6)
apni KHawhiSHooN ka meHwar badal liya us nay,
so nahin rahi ab Hajat mujhay bhi pursaaN ki.
7)
KHawb-e-waSl aankhooN say mayri youn huye ruKHSat,
bas raheeN mire dil main HasrateeN CHaraGaaN ki.
8
hogaya hai jeena muSHkil tiri judayii main
din k jaisay SeHra ka aur raat ToofaaN ki.
9)
rooz hi tasalli daytay haiN hum KHizaaN ko youN,
kiya KHabar kaheeN say aayee KHabar baharaaN ki.
10)
haye! hijr-e-jaanaaN main faSl-e-gul ki aamad say,
weHshateeN mire dil main aa baseeN bayaabaaN ki.
11)
ik dua maiN maaNgii haiN laakh HajateeN apnii,
hooN Qabool ya ALLAH sub duayeeN farHan ki.
aap ki aaraa ka muntazir
Syed Abdul Azeez Farhan....
-
Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
- -
- Posts: 1258
- Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 1:40 pm
- Location: London, England
- Contact:
moHtaram S, Abdul Azeez Farhaan SaHeb aadaab! 
Guzarish 23 ke teHet aap kee Ghazal dekh~ee bohot pasand aaee.
aap ne baRee talaash se she'er kahe haiN. Yahee wajah hai keh har ek she'er khubSurat aor aor dilkash hai.
1)
sarkaSHi azal say fiTrat rahi hai insaaN ki,
raHmateeN barastii haiN phir bhi hum pay YAZDAAN ki.
2)
aagayii mujhay jab bhi yaad Qabr-e-veeraaN ki,
dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki.
3)
kunch na pooch hum say HirmaaN naseebi AfGhaaN ki,
miyyaateeN uthaata hai rooz apnay armaaN ki.
4)
ai mu'arriKHoo! jab tareeKH tum likho mayrii,
daastaaN rakhoo shamil mou'jiza-e-eemaaN ki.
5)
tum Qadam Qadam per ho bad gumaaN agar mujh say,
zeest yeh kaheeN ban jaye na miCl zindaaN ki
6)
apni KHawhiSHooN ka meHwar badal liya us nay,
so nahin rahi ab Hajat mujhay bhi pursaaN ki.
7)
KHawb-e-waSl aankhooN say mayri youn huye ruKHSat,
bas raheeN mire dil main HasrateeN CHaraGaaN ki.
8
hogaya hai jeena muSHkil tiri judayii main
din k jaisay SeHra ka aur raat ToofaaN ki.
9)
rooz hi tasalli daytay haiN hum KHizaaN ko youN,
kiya KHabar kaheeN say aayee KHabar baharaaN ki.
10)
haye! hijr-e-jaanaaN main faSl-e-gul ki aamad say,
weHshateeN mire dil main aa baseeN bayaabaaN ki.
11)
ik dua maiN maaNgii haiN laakh HajateeN apnii,
hooN Qabool ya ALLAH sub duayeeN farHan ki.
meree janib se is HaseeN Ghazal par dilee mubarak baad aor dad qubool kijiYe!
bazm meN aate raheeN ge isee ummeed aor Yaeen ke sath~ ab ajazaut chahooN ga. aap ke kalam ka shiddat se muntaz^ir rahooN ga.
Wassalam
muz^affar
Guzarish 23 ke teHet aap kee Ghazal dekh~ee bohot pasand aaee.
aap ne baRee talaash se she'er kahe haiN. Yahee wajah hai keh har ek she'er khubSurat aor aor dilkash hai.
1)
sarkaSHi azal say fiTrat rahi hai insaaN ki,
raHmateeN barastii haiN phir bhi hum pay YAZDAAN ki.
2)
aagayii mujhay jab bhi yaad Qabr-e-veeraaN ki,
dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki.
3)
kunch na pooch hum say HirmaaN naseebi AfGhaaN ki,
miyyaateeN uthaata hai rooz apnay armaaN ki.
4)
ai mu'arriKHoo! jab tareeKH tum likho mayrii,
daastaaN rakhoo shamil mou'jiza-e-eemaaN ki.
5)
tum Qadam Qadam per ho bad gumaaN agar mujh say,
zeest yeh kaheeN ban jaye na miCl zindaaN ki
6)
apni KHawhiSHooN ka meHwar badal liya us nay,
so nahin rahi ab Hajat mujhay bhi pursaaN ki.
7)
KHawb-e-waSl aankhooN say mayri youn huye ruKHSat,
bas raheeN mire dil main HasrateeN CHaraGaaN ki.
8
hogaya hai jeena muSHkil tiri judayii main
din k jaisay SeHra ka aur raat ToofaaN ki.
9)
rooz hi tasalli daytay haiN hum KHizaaN ko youN,
kiya KHabar kaheeN say aayee KHabar baharaaN ki.
10)
haye! hijr-e-jaanaaN main faSl-e-gul ki aamad say,
weHshateeN mire dil main aa baseeN bayaabaaN ki.
11)
ik dua maiN maaNgii haiN laakh HajateeN apnii,
hooN Qabool ya ALLAH sub duayeeN farHan ki.
meree janib se is HaseeN Ghazal par dilee mubarak baad aor dad qubool kijiYe!
bazm meN aate raheeN ge isee ummeed aor Yaeen ke sath~ ab ajazaut chahooN ga. aap ke kalam ka shiddat se muntaz^ir rahooN ga.
Wassalam
muz^affar
-
Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
Bahut khoob, waah waah
MuHtarami
FardHan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guz.23 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
sarkaSHi azal say fiTrat rahi hai insaaN ki,
raHmateeN barastii haiN phir bhi hum pay YAZDAAN ki.
Mafhooom ke liHaaz ze maTlaA bahut achchaa hei, waa waah. Pahle miSreA kee taqseem yuN hourahi hei:
Sarkashi azal se fiT / rat rahi hei insaaN ki
Is qism kee taqseem agarche durust hei lekin akcar shoAaraa aur naqqad isko munaasib nahiN samajhte is liye gurez karnaa behtar hei.
aagayii mujhay jab bhi yaad Qabr-e-veeraaN ki,
dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki.
Aapki gireh ke miSreA meiN kuch ibhaam hei jis meiN qabr-e-veeraaN ki nishandehi aasaan nahiN. Iske baavajood gireh bahut achchi hei, waah waah.
kunch na pooch hum say HirmaaN naseebi AfGhaaN ki,
miyyaateeN uthaata hai rooz apnay armaaN ki.
Is Husn-e-maTlaA ke pahle miSreA meiN bhee taqseem ke liHaaz se lafz HirmaaN do TukRaoN meiN hourahaa Hir /maaN. Doosr miSreA meiN aap ne "miyyaateeN' likhkhaa hei jisko "mayyiteN" hounaa chaahiye.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se achcha hei, waah waah.
ai mu'arriKHoo! jab tareeKH tum likho mayrii,
daastaaN rakhoo shamil mou'jiza-e-eemaaN ki.
Is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN bhee taareekh kaa lafz taqseem hourahaa hei.
Iski nacr yuN kee jaasakti hei "ai muarrikho jab tum meri taareekh likhkho to muAjiza-e-ieemaaN kee taareekh ko shaamil rakhkho.
Ieemaan ke kayi muAjize bhee heiN aur karaamat bhee. Aapke sheAr se kisi khaaS muAjize ki nishandehi nahiN hourahi hei. MaiN samajhtaa hooN aap is iZaafat se yeh muraad lenaa chaahte heiN ke ieemaan kee vajh se qudrati Taur per aapko aasaaniyaaN faraaham hougayieeN. In maAaani meiN sheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.
tum Qadam Qadam per ho bad gumaaN agar mujh say,
zeest yeh kaheeN ban jaye na miCl zindaaN ki
Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSreA ko agar yuN karleN tou behtar hei:
zeest yeh nah ban jaaye, ik micaal zindaaN ki
apni KHawhiSHooN ka meHwar badal liya us nay,
so nahin rahi ab Hajat mujhay bhi pursaaN ki.
Is sheAr ke douno miSraAoN meiN taqseem-e-alfaaz kaa mas'alah hei jiske baare meiN ooper zikr karchukaa hooN. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "so" matrook hei lekin bahut saare shoAaraa ab bhee isteAmaal karrahe heiN.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
KHawb-e-waSl aankhooN say mayri youn huye ruKHSat,
bas raheeN mire dil main HasrateeN CHaraGaaN ki.
Is sheAr per bahut ghaur karne ke baAd yeh kehnaa munaasib hei ke bahut achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Zaati eHsaas-e-HirmaaN naSeebi kaa zikr achche andaaz meiN kiyaa gayaa hei.
hogaya hai jeena muSHkil tiri judayii main
din k jaisay SeHra ka aur raat ToofaaN ki.
Pahle miSreA meiN lafz kee taqseem kaa mas'alah hei. Doosre miSreA meiN keh kee bajaaye "hei" behtar hei. MiSraA yuN houjaayegaa:
din hei jaise SaiHra kaa, aur raat ToofaaN ki
Pahle miSreA ko bhee yuN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
tere hijr meiN jeenaa, hougayaa hei ab mushkil
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.l
rooz hi tasalli daytay haiN hum KHizaaN ko youN,
kiya KHabar kaheeN say aayee KHabar baharaaN ki.
Is sheAr meiN khazaaN ko tasalli denaa munaasib nahiN maAloom houtaa. Aur alfaaz kee taqseem ke mas'aleh kee vajh se bhee sheAr kee dilkashi majrooH hougayi hei. Meri raaye hei ke aap kis sheAr per nazar-e-caani karke tabdeeli laayeN.
haye! hijr-e-jaanaaN main faSl-e-gul ki aamad say,
weHshateeN mire dil main aa baseeN bayaabaaN ki.
Bahut achcha sheAr hei. Waah waah, bahut khoob. Pahle miSreA meiN "ki aamad se" yaa "ke aane se" dounoN durust heiN.
ik dua maiN maaNgii haiN laakh HajateeN apnii,
hooN Qabool ya ALLAH sub duayeeN farHan ki.
MaqteA ke pahle miSreA meiN "maiN" kee jagah "meiN" hounaa chaahiye.
MaqtaA bahut khoob hei, waah waah.
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
Last edited by Abdullah Nazir on Sun Nov 12, 2006 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
zmufti wrote:buhat khoob
Farhaan saheb
aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayii
meri janib se daad qabool kijye
regards
zmufti
MoHtarma ZarQa SaHiba
Adaab
ghazal ki pasandeegii ka bahut bahut shukriya....daad kay liye bhi main aap ka shukriya aada karta hooN....JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA....
isi taraH HouSla afzayii ki ummid karta hooN.
farhan
Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar wrote:moHtaram S, Abdul Azeez Farhaan SaHeb aadaab!
Guzarish 23 ke teHet aap kee Ghazal dekh~ee bohot pasand aaee.
aap ne baRee talaash se she'er kahe haiN. Yahee wajah hai keh har ek she'er khubSurat aor aor dilkash hai.
meree janib se is HaseeN Ghazal par dilee mubarak baad aor dad qubool kijiYe!
bazm meN aate raheeN ge isee ummeed aor Yaeen ke sath~ ab ajazaut chahooN ga. aap ke kalam ka shiddat se muntaz^ir rahooN ga.
Wassalam
muz^affar
Janaab-e-MuHtaram Muzaffar SaHib
Adaab....
kaisay hain janab aap....hameesha say hi mujhay aap say baat kar kay khushii hoti hai...ALLAH aap ko khush o khurram rakhay..
aaj kal net per aana bahut mushkil hogaya hai. wajh yeh hai ki ghar per net nahin aur net cafe jo hain voh kafi door door hain...office say thakay haray ghar aanay kay baad net cafe ka rukh karna zara mushkil say hi hota hai....koushish karoonga ki pabandi sayaaya karoonga....
Guzarish # 23 kay tahat mayri ghazal ko aap nay paRha, pasand kiya aur pazirayii bhi ki main bahut mamnoon hooN....JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA....
daad kay liye main aap ka shukriya aada karta hoon. aur ummid karta hoon ki isi tarah aap mayri houSla afzayii farmatay raheengaye.....
talib-e-dua
farhan
Re: Bahut khoob, waah waah
WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtarami
FardHan SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Guz.23 ke miSreA per aapki TaraHi ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Ustaad-e-MuHtaram
Adaab o Taslimaat.....
ummid karta hooN aap kay yahan sub ba khair o aafiyat hongaye...
ghazal ki pasandeedgii, daad o mubarak baad kay liye main bahut mamnoon hooN...JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA.....
MULAAHIZAAT:
sarkaSHi azal say fiTrat rahi hai insaaN ki,
raHmateeN barastii haiN phir bhi hum pay YAZDAAN ki.
Mafhooom ke liHaaz ze maTlaA bahut achchaa hei, waa waah. Pahle miSreA kee taqseem yuN hourahi hei:
Sarkashi azal se fiT / rat rahi hei insaaN ki
Is qism kee taqseem agarche durust hei lekin akcar shoAaraa aur naqqad isko munaasib nahiN samajhte is liye gurez karnaa behtar hei.
ji,,, behtar...main aayenda khiyaal rakhoonga...waisay yeh baHr mayray liye nai hai....so is baat ka mujhay ilm nahin tha...JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA
aagayii mujhay jab bhi yaad Qabr-e-veeraaN ki,
dhajjiyaaN uRaadi heiN apne hee girebaaN ki.
Aapki gireh ke miSreA meiN kuch ibhaam hei jis meiN qabr-e-veeraaN ki nishandehi aasaan nahiN. Iske baavajood gireh bahut achchi hei, waah waah.
mayri apni kam ilmi kay baaiC mujhay is main kuch ibhaam nahin lag raha .... is shair kay talluq say aap ko jo ibhaam nazar aarah hai agar aap is ki kuch tafseel batayeengaye to yaqeenan mayray ilm main izafa honga...
kunch na pooch hum say HirmaaN naseebi AfGhaaN ki,
miyyaateeN uthaata hai rooz apnay armaaN ki.
Is Husn-e-maTlaA ke pahle miSreA meiN bhee taqseem ke liHaaz se lafz HirmaaN do TukRaoN meiN hourahaa Hir /maaN. Doosr miSreA meiN aap ne "miyyaateeN' likhkhaa hei jisko "mayyiteN" hounaa chaahiye.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se achcha hei, waah waah.
lafz ki taQseem kay talluq say main jaisa ka arz karchuka hoon ki mujhay is baat ka ilm nahin tha ki is ko na pasand kiya jata hai is baHr main....
lafz "miyyaateeN" typo hai...SaHeeH lafz "mayyiteN" hi hai...nishaan dahi ka shukriya....
[color=blue=]ai mu'arriKHoo! jab tareeKH tum likho mayrii,
daastaaN rakhoo shamil mou'jiza-e-eemaaN ki.
Is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN bhee taareekh kaa lafz taqseem hourahaa hei.
Iski nacr yuN kee jaasakti hei "ai muarrikho jab tum meri taareekh likhkho to muAjiza-e-ieemaaN kee taareekh ko shaamil rakhkho.
Ieemaan ke kayi muAjize bhee heiN aur karaamateN bhee. Aapke sheAr se kisi khaaS muAjize ki nishandehi nahiN hourahi hei. MaiN samajhtaa hooN aap is iZaafat se yeh muraad lenaa chaahte heiN ke ieemaan kee vajh se qudrati Taur per aapko aasaaniyaaN faraaham hougayieeN. In maAaani meiN sheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah.[/color]
ji bilkul is shair main kisi khaas moujiza ki taraf ishara nahin hain...lakin hamari islami tareekh in mojizaat say bhari pari hai.....mayray kiyaal main jis ka jitna mazboot imaan hoga waisi hi karamateeN ya madad minal ALLAH hoti hai....
shair ki pasandeedgii kay liye mashkoor hooN.
tum Qadam Qadam per ho bad gumaaN agar mujh say,
zeest yeh kaheeN ban jaye na miCl zindaaN ki
Achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSreA ko agar yuN karleN tou behtar hei:
zeest yeh nah ban jaaye, ik micaal zindaaN ki
tajweez karda miSa bahut pasand aaya....main isay Qabool karta hooN...JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRA...
apni KHawhiSHooN ka meHwar badal liya us nay,
so nahin rahi ab Hajat mujhay bhi pursaaN ki.
Is sheAr ke douno miSraAoN meiN taqseem-e-alfaaz kaa mas'alah hei jiske baare meiN ooper zikr karchukaa hooN. Doosre miSreA meiN lafz "so" matrook hei lekin bahut saare shoAaraa ab bhee isteAmaal karrahe heiN.
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
lafz "so" ki tafseelaat say ilm main izafa hua....shair ki pasandeedgii ka shukriya...
KHawb-e-waSl aankhooN say mayri youn huye ruKHSat,
bas raheeN mire dil main HasrateeN CHaraGaaN ki.
Is sheAr per bahut ghaur karne ke baAd yeh kehnaa munaasib hei ke bahut achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah. Zaati eHsaas-e-HirmaaN naSeebi kaa zikr achche andaaz meiN kiyaa gayaa hei.
ji bahut bahut shukriya....
hogaya hai jeena muSHkil tiri judayii main
din k jaisay SeHra ka aur raat ToofaaN ki.
Pahle miSreA meiN lafz kee taqseem kaa mas'alah hei. Doosre miSreA meiN keh kee bajaaye "hei" behtar hei. MiSraA yuN houjaayegaa:
din hei jaise SaiHra kaa, aur raat ToofaaN ki
Pahle miSreA ko bhee yuN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
tere hijr meiN jeenaa, hougayaa hei ab mushkil
Mafhoom ke liHaaz se achchaa sheAr hei, waah waah.l
mujhay mayra apna miSra munasib lagra hai...go k aap kay bataya hua miSra rawan bhi hai aur achcha bhi lakin lafz "ab" say yeh gumaan paida hora hai ki "pahlay" tayray hijr main jeena mushkil nahin tha "ab" hogaya hai....is nuktay per aagar aap mazeed roushnii daleeN to mayray ilm main izafa honga....
rooz hi tasalli daytay haiN hum KHizaaN ko youN,
kiya KHabar kaheeN say aayee KHabar baharaaN ki.
Is sheAr meiN khazaaN ko tasalli denaa munaasib nahiN maAloom houtaa. Aur alfaaz kee taqseem ke mas'aleh kee vajh se bhee sheAr kee dilkashi majrooH hougayi hei. Meri raaye hei ke aap kis sheAr per nazar-e-caani karke tabdeeli laayeN.
ji zaroor main koushish karoonga...mayray khiyaal main doosra miSra theek hai...pahlay ko badalnay ki ya phir re frame karnay ki zaroorat hai....
haye! hijr-e-jaanaaN main faSl-e-gul ki aamad say,
weHshateeN mire dil main aa baseeN bayaabaaN ki.
Bahut achcha sheAr hei. Waah waah, bahut khoob. Pahle miSreA meiN "ki aamad se" yaa "ke aane se" dounoN durust heiN.
bahut bahut shukriya.....
ik dua maiN maaNgii haiN laakh HajateeN apnii,
hooN Qabool ya ALLAH sub duayeeN farHan ki.
MaqteA ke pahle miSreA meiN "maiN" kee jagah "meiN" hounaa chaahiye.
MaqtaA bahut khoob hei, waah waah.
lafz"main" typo hai....maQta ki pasandeedgii ka shukriya....
Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.
talib-e-dua
farhan