Aik taza ghazal

[akifghani]

Qabil e qadr ahl e sukhan,
Assalam o allaikum!
Apni aik taza ghazal pesh kar raha hooN.Kaisee lagi, belag tabsurey ka intezar rahey Ga.
W.S
Akif Ghani



Poet & Journalist

3 Place des Vergers

95140 Garges les Gonesse

France

+33-134530408

+33-650126174

akifghani@hotmail.com

www.urdunagar.com

[sbashwar]

Mohtaram Akif Sahib

Ghazal bohat achchi kahi aapne. #5 sheir bohat pasand ayaa.
Mubarakbaad aur daad qubool kijiye.
Shukria
Salem Bashwar

[najeeb]

Janab e Akif Aapki ghazal padhi. bahut pasand aayee. Maqta to laa jawaab hai. Dili mubarakbad pesh hai. Tashreef laate rahiyega.

Najeeb

[akifghani]

Salem Bashwar SB?,
Sallam o adab!
Ghazal pasand karney ka shukariya
ws
Akif Ghani Malik

Mohtaram Akif Sahib

Ghazal bohat achchi kahi aapne. #5 sheir bohat pasand ayaa.
Mubarakbaad aur daad qubool kijiye.
Shukria
Salem Bashwar

[akifghani]

Janab e Najeeb SB,
Assalam o allaikum!
Ghazal pasand karney ka shukariya, umedd hai aienda bhee hosla afzai farmaeiN gey.
w.s
Akif Ghani Malik

Janab e Akif Aapki ghazal padhi. bahut pasand aayee. Maqta to laa jawaab hai. Dili mubarakbad pesh hai. Tashreef laate rahiyega.

Najeeb

[muhammad_19k]

Salam Akif Sahib,

aik khoobsoorat ghazal par mubarik baad qabool keejiaye. oar jiss khoobsoorat tareeqay se aap ne paish ki hai. woh uss se bhi aHsan hai. aik chhoti si qabhat ye hai ke aap ne ghazal roman meiN nahi likhi. iss taraH assataza ko comments daine meiN mushkil ho sakti hai.( waise meiN bhi comments likhna chah rahaa hooN ) oar agar un ki Haleem tabiayat khud hi roman likh kar tabseraa karne par maa-yal ho bhi jaati hai to unka giraaN qadar waqt aik nisbatun kam aham kaam meiN meiN kharach hoga.

Chaliaye ye kaam meiN kardaita hooN

1. Tumhari deed ko pehroaN sar e rah ham theharte thay.
na dar thaa mosamoaN ka oar na ruswai se darty thaay.

oar agar aap ijaazat daiN to apne taa-assurat bhi kalamband karwaa dooN . expression khoobsoorat hai. "tumhari dee" ko "mafa'ee'lun" ke vazn par leeaye gia hai. jis ko meiN naheeN samajh payaa. aik baar meiN ne aisa hi question "Munawar" sahib ke aik shaAer par kiya thaa jis meiN unhoaN ne "unhaiN" ko mafaa ke vazn par leeaye thaa toa Munawar sb ne aasaatza ke ashAaar se ye wazeH kiya thaa ke aisa jaa-iz hay. ho saktaa hai "tumhari dee" meiN bhi wohi soorat haal ho. meiN chahooN ga ke aap ke tawwassut se ye bhi clear ho ja-aye. kyooN ke aap ne aisa likhaa hai to koi wajah ho gi. agar aap ya ustaad e mohotaram iss nuqta ki vazahaat farma daiN toa tishnigi door ho ja-aye gi.

2. Woah lamhe hijr e yaaraN ke baRi mushkil se kaT-te thay
bohat lambi theeN raataiN oar jo din tum bin guzarte thay.

ji achha shair hai.

3. takhayyul meiN tumhaiN la kar tumhi se baat karte thay
"yehi raatiaN theeN oar bataiN theeN woh din kia guzarte thay"

Akif sahib kia ap ko naheeN lagta ke taraH misrA khud likhne walay ke zahn meiN un ratoaN oar batoaN jo kissi taraH uss ka assasa theeN ka takhayyul leeaye huway hay. toa agar ham girah wale misrA meiN un ratoaN oar batoaN ki koi khasiat bayan karaiN ke bhayee kyooN yaad aateeN haiN woah rataiN oar bataiN to shaid bayan ziada khoobsoorat ho ja-aye. aap ne bhi aisa hi karne ki koshish ki hai laikin maze ki baat hai ke un dinhoaN meiN bhi "Takhayyul" hi aap ka "asaasa" dikhai daitaa hai.

4. ChiraghoaN ki taraH roshan huwa karti theeN ye aaNkhaiN
naqoosh e yaad dil meiN jub bhi ratoaN ko utarte thay.

bohat khoob janab. bohat achha shaAer laga.

5. unhaiN bhi tark e taAluq par huwa tha ranj o gham itnaa
kafe afsoas mal mal kar woah aahaiN sard bharte thay

khoobsoorat khayal hai. laikin pehle misrA ka "itnaa" justified naheeN ho saka. (mere khayal meiN Sir jis ke ghalat hone ke bohat chances haiN ). mujhe aisa lagtaa hai ke itnaa ke baad aisa bayan hona chah-aye jo "kitna" ka jawab ho. laikin iss shaAer ke doosre misra meiN "kaise" ka to zikar meHsoos hotaa hai laikin "kitna" ka naheeN. ye mair soach hay aap daikhiaye agar aap ko "itna" justfied lagtaa hai phir theek hi ho ga

6. kabhi inkraar ki Soorat, kabhi inkaar ki Soorat
woah waada kar toa laite thay magar aakhir mukarte thay.

ye shair kuch khaas samajh naheeN ayaa mujhe. janab inkaar ki Soorat meiN razaamanid ka izhaar toa nikaala ja saktaa hai laikin baat waaday tak baRhai jaa sakti hay, iss par mieN thora tazabzab kaa shikaar huwa hooN. oar doosre misra meiN magar oar Aakhir ka ikathay isteAmaal se bhi meri chhati Hiss kissi gar barh ka ehsaas dila rahi hai. kyooN ke dono lafz aik doosre ke mutabaadil ke toar par bhi isteAmaal ho sakte haiN. oar aap chah-aye kissi ko bhi nikaal daiN mafhoom mukaamal adaa ho ga. haaN vazn ki kharaabi ho ja-aye. yehi ham jaise shooAra ka masla hota hai . hay ke vazn poora karne ke leeaye woaH alfaaz bhi isteAmaal karte haiN jin ki zaroorat nahee hotee. mein bhi aisa hi kartaa hooN . kyooN ke asaataza bhi sub se pehle vazn ki hi ghalati nikaalte haiN

7. nikamma kehne waloaN ko samajh meiN yeh naheeN aayaa
Nikammay kab thay akif ham to kaar e ishaq karte thay.

Matlaa bohat pasand aayaa. khasoosi daad qabool keejiaye.


Akif sahib, yaqeen jaaniaye ye jo itnaa saaraa kuch meiN ne likhaa hai, seekhne ke leeaye likhaa hai. agar aap ko mairi koi baat buri lagi ho to maazrat chahtaa hooN. apne khayaal nehaait eemandari se iss leeaye likh daitaa hooN ke agar meiN saHeeH hooN ga toa likhne walay ka bhala ho ja-aye ga aor agar meiN ghlaat hooN to maira bhala ho ja-aye ga (jub likhne wala un nikaat ki vazahaat kare ga).

Aap ka Mukhlis,
Muhammad Khawar

[akifghani]

Sara J Sahiba,
Assalam o allaikum!
Ghazal ki pasandeedagi ka shukariya.Ijazat wali is meiN kon see baat hai.Agar apko pasand hai tau zaroor aisa kar leiN.
w.s
Akif Ghani