Aziz saathio

sabko payaar bheraa salaam


aik taazah tareen na'ee ghazal pesh-e-kidmat hai. ummeed hai aap apni aara se zaroor nawaaziN ge.Shukeriyah.

mairee aap se sab se yeh derkhwaast hai keh eski technicalties k muta'alliq zaroor bataaiN.
wassalam



TooTne ko ikk bahaana chaahiye
Ishq-o-dil nah aazmanah chaahiye

dasht yeh aasaaN nahiN kernaa Ubbur
josh-o-jazbah Aashiqaanah chaahiye

paalna aasaN nahiN dooje kaa raug
es liye dil ikk diwaanah chaahiye

gar kabhi jaana jab uss kooche meN ho
jaaN hathaileee per sajaana chaahiye

khwaah ander se bohat ho TooT phooT
gham chupaa ker muskuraana chaahiye

her jafaa aur her sazaa seh ker bhi tau
lab peh ulfat kaa teraanah chaahiye

woh jise az bar nahiN ho yeh naSaab
as ko es se baaz aana chaaiye

WEBMASTER wrote:
MuHtaramah
Tahirah Masood SaaHibah,

Aapki ghazal pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

Sab se pahle is ghazal kee beHr kaa taAayyun aapke hee aek miSreA se kartaa hooN.
"gham chupaakar muskuraanaa chaahiye"
iskaa vazn hei: faa'ilaa'tun…faa'ilaa'tun…faa'ilun
=/0//0/0…/0//0/0…/0//0
=2122……..2122………212
ooper diye houe miSreA kee taqseem yuN hougi:
gham chupaaker ….. muskuraanaa…… chaahiye
Note: Radeef "chaayiye" aakhiri rukn "faa'ilun" kee jagah aarahi hei. Is TaraH se ghazal kehne meiN ziyaadah diqqat nahiN pesh aati hei.

keh dil k TooTne ko ikk bahaana chaahiye
mohabbtoN ko nahiN aazmaanah chaahiye

pahle miSreA ke shurooA meiN "keh" likhne se aapki muraad hei ke isko yuN paRhaa jaaye "kay" aur aisaa isteAmaal nahiN houtaa hei balkeh "k" + zer hee houtaa hei. Isi bunyaad per aapke miSreA kaa vazn hougaa:
=/0/0//0 = "keh dil k'Too" = mus'taf'ilun
, //0/0/0 = "T'ne ko'ik" = "mufaa'ee'lun"
. //0/0 = "bahaanah" = "f'Aoo"lun"
,/0//0 = "chaa'hiye" = "faa'ilun"
Iske maAni yeh houe ke aap is beHr per qaaboo nahiN paasakeeN.
Ab "faa'ilaa'tun" ke vazn per ghaur keejiye ke iske mumaacil kyaa alfaaz housakte heiN:
Mical ke Taur per (kyaa kareN ham, kuch nahiN hei, teri'khaa'Tir, ham's'pahle, zin'dagaa'ni, dil'k'baateN, kyaa'sunaa'eN, us'n'samjhaa, kyaa houaa thaa) waghairah. Agar aapko is BeHr per qaaboo paanaa hou tou pahle aise hee kayee alfaaz "faa'ilaa'tun" ke vazn per jamA kareN. Is beHr meiN 2 rukn "faa'ilaa'tun" heiN aur aek "faa'i'lun".
Ab aapke maTleA ke doosre miSreA ko dekhiye:
mohabbtoN ko nahiN aazmaanah chaahiye
muHabbatoN = //0//0 = mufaa'ilun
ko nahiN aa = /0//0/0 = faa'ilaa'tun
z'maa'naa = //0/0 = f'Aoo'lun
chaa hiye = faa'ilun
Is TaraH se yeh miSraA bhee beHr se khaarij hougayaa hei. Baaqi ashAar ke baare meiN Sirf yeh likhoongaa ke BeHr meiN hei yaa BeHr se khaarij hei:

dasht yeh aasaaN nahiN kernaa Ubbur
josh-o-jazbah majnoonaanah chaahiye

Pahla miSrA BeHr meiN hei. Aakhiri rukn "faa'ilaat" hei jiska ghair qaafiyah-band miSrAoN meiN javaaz hei.
Doosra miSraA lafz "maj'noo'naanah" kee vajh se be-beHr hougayaa hei. Agar is kee jagah "mukhliSaanh" hou tou beHr meiN aajaataa hei mandarja-e-zeil taqseem ke saath:
Josh o jazbah = /0//0/0 = "faa'ilaa'tun"
Mukh'liSaanah = /0//0/0= "faa'ilaa'tun"
Chaa'hiye = /0//0 = "faa'ilun"

paalna aasaN nahiN dooje kaa raug
es liye dil ikk diwaanah chaahiye

Pahla miSrA BeHr meiN hei. Aakhiri rukn "faa'ilaat" hei jiska ghair qaafiyah-band miSrAoN meiN javaaz hei.
Doosra miSraA bilkul SaHeeH hei:
Is liye dil = /0//0/0 = faa'ilaa'tun
Ik diwaanah = /0//0/0 = faa'ilaa'tun
Chaa'hiye = /0//0 = faa'ilun
Is TaraH mandarja-e-baalaa sheAr beHr meiN hei.

gar kabhi jaana jo uss kooche meN ho
jaaN hathaileee per le jaana chaahiye

sheAr beHr meiN he lekin doosre miSreA meiN lafz "le" ke Harf "ye" ko giraane se aahung meiN khalal paRrahaa hei.

khwaah k ander se bohat ho TooT phooT
gham chupaa ker muskuraana chaahiye

Yeh sheAr bilkul BeHr meiN hei bashartekeh pahle miSreA se "k" nikaal diyaa jaaye.

her jafaa aur her sazaa seh ker bhi tau
lab peh ulfat kaa teraanah chaahiye

Yeh sheAr bhee BeHr meiN hei.

woh jise az bar nahiN ho yeh naSaab
as ko es se baaz aana chaaiye

Yeh sheAr bhee BeHr meiN hei. Pahle miSreA meiN lafz "naSaab" kee bajaaye "niSaab" likhnaa chaahiye.


Aapka MukhliS,
Nazir.

moHteram mukarram Abdullah Nazir Saheb

salaam-e-khuloos

aap ki es inaayat per dil kee geraaiyoN se mamnoon-o-mutashakkir hooN. :rose

aap k tabSirae ki raushnee maiN

ghazal ki Surat kuch yuN huee hai. pehle misrae ko agar yuN likhoN tau kayaa yeh Surat Theek ho gee

dil TooTne ko ikk behaanah chaahiye
mohabbat ko nahiN aazmanah chaahiye

Note: MaTleA ko yuN kardeejiye:
TooTne ko ik bahaana chaahiye
yuN nah dil ko aazmaana chaahiye
Nazir.


dasht yeh aasaN naiH kernaa Ubuur
josh-o-jazbah mukhliSaanah chaahiye

gar kabhee jaana jo es kooche maiN ho
jaaN hatahilee per sjaana chaahiye

"le jaana" ki bajaaey " sajaana"

kh'waah ander se bohat ho TooT phooT
gham chupaa ker muskuraana chaahiye

her jafaa aur her sazaa seh ker bhee tau
lab pegh ulfat kaa teraanah chaahiye


woh jise az bar nahiN ho yeh niSaab
us ko es se baaz aana chaahiye

aap ki teraf se daubaarh rehnumaa'ee ki muntaZir rehoN gee

khush rehiya

wassalam[/color]

moHteram mukarram Abdullah Nazir Saheb

salaam-e-khuloos

aap kaa note dkehaa

Note: MaTleA ko yuN kardeejiye:
TooTne ko ik bahaana chaahiye
yuN nah dil ko aazmaana chaahiye
Nazir

aik mo'add'baanah iltemaas hai

yeh jo doosera misraa hai kayaa yeh waZaaHat talab nahiN keh "yuN" se kayaa muraad hai? y'anee kis terah nah dil ko aazamaanh chaahiye ?

yeh Surat kaisee rehe gee?

dil kabhi nah aazamana chaahiye

yaa aap ki khayaal maiN


yuN nah dil ko aazmaana chaahiye

bhee bilkul Theek hai?


maiN aap ki es inaayat ki mamnoon hoN

bohat bohat shuekriayh.

umeed hai keh aayndah bhee yeh inaayat aur HuaSlah afza'ee fermaate rehieN ge.


mujhay in forums ne bohat kuch sikhaaya hai jo aap jaise feraakh dil aur Urdu se payaar kerna waale Hazaraat ki merhoon-e-minnat hai. Jazaakomullaho Khairaa

wassalam

MuHtaramahTahirah Masood SaaHiba,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Dekhiye aek pahle se behtar tajveez yeh housakti hei:


YuN nah dil ko aazmaanaa chaahiye

TooTne is ko bahaanah chaahiye

.


moHteram Muakarram Nazir Saheb

salaam

doosera misr'a

TooTne is ko behaanah chaahiye

"TooTne is ko" meri smajh meN nahiN aaya

kayaa yeh aisee hi likhaa jaa saktaa hai hai yaa typo ho gayaa hai

kioNkeh meri nazar se aise kabhi nahiN guzeraa
apni is kam ilmi per maiN shermindah hoN

Agar aap is maTleA se muTma'in heiN tou badal leejiye

.

TooTne ko ikk behaanah chaahiye
dil kabhi nah aazmaanh chaahiye


umeehd hai keh meraa baar baar derkhwaast kernaa ap ko naagawaar nah guzere gaa

maiN tau es se shaa'iiree k na'ey na'ey imaakanaat aur jehaat seekh rehi hoN
wassalam
shuekriyah
khush rehiye :rose

nice..

Bilal Saheb

aap aaet tay bijliyaaN chamkaate huay magar ghazal ko daad bohat subak tareeqe se du hai aap ne

khush rehaiN


wassalam