yaqeenun bohat ziadaa dair ho gayee ghazal paish karne meiN laikin mairaa khayal hai mujh jaise shakhs ka kuch paish kar dainaa hi bohat hai. jald ya dair to bohat door ki baat hai.
Toa janab ye rahi mairi koshish.
1. mujh pe kia guzri bataaooN tujhe jaanaaN kia kia
ho gaye khaak mire dil k haiN armaaN kia kia
2. too banaataa hai mohabbat ke usool apnay hii
jeet jaane k tire paas haiN saamaaN kia kia
3. khoon karte haiN jigar ko kaheeN ja kar tab,
shaAer kehte haiN tirii Hub* meiN qadar daaN kia kai.
4. saaNs laine ko hawa milti rahi thi jab tak
qazi e shehr ne jaari kiaye farmaaN kia kia
5. meiN huwa kalmaa goa oar ummati aaqaa ka huwaa,
"maire Allah ne mujh par kiaye eHsaaN kia kia"
6. woh hai ik chaand sitaaroaN ke HaseeN jhurmat meiN
uss ke meHfil meiN haiN roushan rukh e taabaaN kia kia
7. zikr hi uss ka mire zakhm haray rakhtaa hai
gul khilaa-e gi mire dil meiN bahaaraN kia kia
8. jab chamakte haiN tiri yaad ke jugnoo shab koa
dil ke veerane meiN hote haiN chiraaghaN kia kia.
9. hai ye khaahish k meiN ik baar to daikhooN ja kar
uss ne seHraa meiN khilaaaye haiN gulistaaN kia kia
10. meiN gira bhi taire dar pe giraa hooN aa kar
kia khabar mujh ke raste meiN thay darmaaN kia kia.
11. un se doori ke siwaa kia hai jahanum :khawar:
sochtaa hooN mirii bakhshish ke haiN imkaaN kia kia
aap ne iss ko daikh leeaye. iss ki shaan baRh gayee. meiN shukar guzaar hooN ke mairaa naam daikhne ke baad bhi aap ne "click" karne ki zehmat ki.
Ashaar jaise bhi toote phootaiN haiN. haazir haiN. kia aap mujhe bataana pasand karaiN gay ke konse teen ashhaar aap ko nisbatan behtar lage?
aap ka shukarguzaar,
Muhammad Khawar.
* iss jageh par lafz "chah" shaAer ko bewazn kar rahaa thaa. iss leeaye "Hub" se replace kar diyaa hai.
Last edited by muhammad_19k on Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:25 am, edited 7 times in total.
Guzarish 25 ke kiye aap kee Ghazal hadiyah-e-qaraeen ho chukee hai. mujh~ee bh~ee dekh~ne ka maoqa' mila. kiYa kehne, bohot talaash aor inhemaak se asha'aar kahe haiN. sabh~ee she'er deedah zeb aor rawayatee rang meN range huwe haiN. kalam meN salasat numayaaN hai. halke ph~ulke andaaz meN baat karna mere nazdeek zeyadah mushkil hai. is ke bar a'aks tarakeeb aor bandisheeN maZ^moon ko faora" sameT lete haiN. lekin woh jo sadah aor a'aam fehem kehte haiN. aek to un kee nigah zamanah ke she'eree taqaZ^ah par hotee hai. aor dusree baat yeh keh aese qalam kaar mazaaq-e-jamhoor se bakhubee wakif hote haiN. aor mushkil pasand likh~ariyooN ke bajae qabool-e-a'aam bh~ee jald pa lete haiN. aap ka zeyadah waqt nah lete huwe aap kee Ghazal kee t^araf aate haiN,
1. mujh pe kia guzri bataaooN tujhe jaanaaN kia kia
ho gaye khaak mire dil k haiN armaaN kia kia
2. too banaataa hai mohabbat ke usool apnay hii
jeet jaane k tire paas haiN saamaaN kia kia
3. khoon karte haiN jigar ko kaheeN ja kar tab,
shaAer karte haiN tirii chah meiN qadar daaN kia kai.
4. saaNs laine ko hawa milti rahi thi jab tak
qazi e shehr ne jaari kiaye farmaaN kia kia
5. meiN huwa kalmaa goa oar ummati aaqaa ka huwaa,
"maire Allah ne mujh par kiaye eHsaaN kia kia"
6. woh hai ik chaand sitaaroaN ke HaseeN jhurmat meiN
uss ke meHfil meiN haiN roushan rukh e taabaaN kia kia
7. zikr hi uss ka mire zakhm haray rakhtaa hai
gul khilaa-e gi mire dil meiN bahaaraN kia kia
8. jab chamakte haiN tiri yaad ke jugnoo shab koa
dil ke veerane meiN hote haiN chiraaghaN kia kia.
9. hai ye khaahish k meiN ik baar to daikhooN ja kar
uss ne seHraa meiN khilaaaye haiN gulistaaN kia kia
10. meiN gira bhi taire dar pe giraa hooN aa kar
kia khabar mujh ke raste meiN thay darmaaN kia kia.
11. un se doori ke siwaa kia hai jahanum :khawar:
sochtaa hooN mirii bakhshish ke haiN imkaaN kia kia
sabee she'er aap kee zabaaN kee rawanee aor kalam kee jaolanee ke a'lam bardaar haiN. kise ch~oRooN aor kise likh~ooN. sab apne paekar meN khubSurat haiN. aor barjastah aae haiN.
is kamyaab aor HaseeN koshish par dilee mubarak baad aor jo keh aap ka Haq hai. qubool kijiYe!
aap ka ke mulaahizaat paRh kar khushi hoee. aap ne nehait khooobsoorat alfaaz meiN kuch achhay asbaaq se nawaaza hai. apni pehli post meiN ne maiN ne aik jumla ke izaafa kiaya hai. Jo surkh rang meiN likhaa huwaa hai. agar ho sake tao aik nazar uss par bhi daal leejiaye ga,
yaad aawaree ka shukriayh aap ne apne she'er meN tabdeelee kee hai. jo achch~ee hai. aap yooN hee agar lagan se kaam karte raheeN ge to yaqeen se kaha ja sakta hai. keh aap is maedaan meN khob taraqqee kareeN ge.
