dastaan-e-ishq ko jab mukhtasar us ne kiyaa........ghazal

[sbashwar]

Sara Sahiba,

Ghazal:

1. daastaan ishq ko jab mukhtaSar us ne kiyaa
maiN ne yeh samjhaa mujhe be baal o par us ne kiyaa
Achcha sheir hai

2. aaye din jo chal rahe the saath banke rahnuma
aagayeiN jab manzilein tou dar-ba-dar us ne kiyaa

Yeh sheir bhi bohat achcha hai.

3. chun liye the jab sitaare roshnii gum hougayi
toR ke sab khwaab mujhko be samar us ne kiyaa

Kya kehne, bohat khoob

4. hougaya berang aanchal aankh ka kaajal gaya
soz-e-gham de kar mujhe daryoozah gar us ne kiyaa
Bohat khoob.

5. ajnabi the rang-o-buu gulshan me thi veeraniyaaN
dediya tanhaaiyaaN aur chashm-e-tar us ne kiyaa
Wah wah

6. aashiyaan hasrat se Saara ne sajaayaa tha kabhii
thaam ker jab haath aghaaz-e-safar us ne kiyaa
Bohat khoob. Bohat achcha sheir hai.

Aapki umda ghzal par meri dili daad aur mubarakbaad arz hai, qubool kijiye.
Shukria

[muhammad_19k]

Salam Saaraa ji,

aap ki koi takhleeq aik a'rsaa ke b'aad mazar aam par aati hai. laikin jab aatee hai to khoob aati hai

1. matl'a bohat pasand ayaa.

2. bohat achchha sha'er hai. shayed yehi khyaal iss tarah bhi bayaan kiyaa gyaa hai.

kia kia khiZr ne sikandar se,
ub kisse rahnumaa kare koi

aik raa-aye laina chahooN ga aap se agar aaye din kuch aisaa likha jis say rahnamai ka arsaa bohat lamba aor ta-aullaq ki mazbooti wazeh ho jaise, umar bhar, tha azal se waghairaa waghairaa to kiyaa expression ziadaa behtar naheeN ho ja-aye ga? meiN yooN kehtaa,

jo safar meiN chal rahaa thaa saath ban ke rahnuma,
aagayee manzil nazar tou dar-ba-dar us ne kiyaa

*. rahe thay ko bhi rahaa thaa karnaa chahiaye.
*. manzil ke nazar aane (pohchane se pehle hi) dar badar karna ziadaa qareeb ul jawaz hai.

dil kara rahaa hai khud ko bhi daad dooN

3. bohat achchha sh'er hai.

4. bohat khoob, bohat achhchh sh'er hai. pehla miSra meiN kamal kafiat bayaan ki gayee hai.

5. is sh'er ka doosra misr'a mujhe samajh naheen aayaa.

[bdediya tanhaaiyaaN aur chashm-e-tar us ne kiyaa[/b]

6. maqt'a ke pehlay miSra meiN lafz Hasrat. qaabil e ghor hai. aaghaaz e safar meiN hi Hasrat ko bohat ziadaa fitri amal naheeN. aghaz meiN shuq hotaa hai, josh hotaa hai, khaab hotaiN haiN. janooN hotaa hai. agar aaghaaz safar meiN Hasrat kissi khaaS kafiat ki tarah ishaaraa karti hai toa meiN rehnamai ke leeaye aap ka mamnoon hooN ga.


aap ka mukhliS,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

[haamidbaaqri]

sab ki khidmet mein tasliimat,

aek ghazal pesh hai jo Parveen Shakir aur Muneer Niazi ki

ghazal's se mutassir hoker likhi, umeed ke pasand fermaiyenge aur

apni raaye se nawazenge.

Ghazal:

1. daastaan ishq ko jab mukhtaSar us ne kiyaa
maiN ne yeh samjhaa mujhe be baal o par us ne kiyaa

2. aaye din jo chal rahe the saath banke rahnuma
aagayeiN jab manzilein tou dar-ba-dar us ne kiyaa

3. chun liye the jab sitaare roshnii gum hougayi
toR ke sab khwaab mujhko be samar us ne kiyaa

4. hougaya berang aanchal aankh ka kaajal gaya
soz-e-gham de kar mujhe daryoozah gar us ne kiyaa

5. ajnabi the rang-o-buu gulshan me thi veeraniyaaN
dediya tanhaaiyaaN aur chashm-e-tar us ne kiyaa

6. aashiyaan hasrat se Saara ne sajaayaa tha kabhii
thaam ker jab haath aghaaz-e-safar us ne kiyaa

sara.

azeezah sara saahebah
Assalaam o alaikum

bahut khoobsoorat ghazal hai.

daad qubool keejiye

allah(sbhnwt)karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadah

aapka bhai
haamidbaaqri

[Shummu]

1. daastaan ishq ko jab mukhtaSar us ne kiyaa
maiN ne yeh samjhaa mujhe be baal o par us ne kiyaa

2. aaye din jo chal rahe the saath banke rahnuma
aagayeiN jab manzilein tou dar-ba-dar us ne kiyaa

4. hougaya berang aanchal aankh ka kaajal gaya
soz-e-gham de kar mujhe daryoozah gar us ne kiyaa

6. aashiyaan hasrat se Saara ne sajaayaa tha kabhii
thaam ker jab haath aghaaz-e-safar us ne kiyaa

wah..bahut khoob sara jee..aap ka kalaam yahan parhke bahut khushi hui...takneeki baatein apni jagah aur aap ki kalaam ki dilsozi apni jagah..daad qubool karein..

[muhammad_19k]

Salam Saaraa ji,

aap ki koi takhleeq aik a'rsaa ke b'aad mazar aam par aati hai. laikin jab aatee hai to khoob aati hai

1. matl'a bohat pasand ayaa.

2. bohat achchha sha'er hai. shayed yehi khyaal iss tarah bhi bayaan kiyaa gyaa hai.

kia kia khiZr ne sikandar se,
ub kisse rahnumaa kare koi

aik raa-aye laina chahooN ga aap se agar aaye din kuch aisaa likha jis say rahnamai ka arsaa bohat lamba aor ta-aullaq ki mazbooti wazeh ho jaise, umar bhar, tha azal se waghairaa waghairaa to kiyaa expression ziadaa behtar naheeN ho ja-aye ga? meiN yooN kehtaa,

jo safar meiN chal rahaa thaa saath ban ke rahnuma,
aagayee manzil nazar tou dar-ba-dar us ne kiyaa

*. rahe thay ko bhi rahaa thaa karnaa chahiaye.
*. manzil ke nazar aane (pohchane se pehle hi) dar badar karna ziadaa qareeb ul jawaz hai.

dil kara rahaa hai khud ko bhi daad dooN

3. bohat achchha sh'er hai.

4. bohat khoob, bohat achhchh sh'er hai. pehla miSra meiN kamal kafiat bayaan ki gayee hai.

5. is sh'er ka doosra misr'a mujhe samajh naheen aayaa.

[bdediya tanhaaiyaaN aur chashm-e-tar us ne kiyaa[/b]

6. maqt'a ke pehlay miSra meiN lafz Hasrat. qaabil e ghor hai. aaghaaz e safar meiN hi Hasrat ko bohat ziadaa fitri amal naheeN. aghaz meiN shuq hotaa hai, josh hotaa hai, khaab hotaiN haiN. janooN hotaa hai. agar aaghaaz safar meiN Hasrat kissi khaaS kafiat ki tarah ishaaraa karti hai toa meiN rehnamai ke leeaye aap ka mamnoon hooN ga.


aap ka mukhliS,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

Khawar sahib,

aadaab arz hai.

ghazal per purkhuloos daad ke liye aapka shukriya ada karti hoon.

shair # 2 per aapki islah pasand aayi .

jee jee meri taraf se bhi daad qubool keejiye is shair per

shair # 5 samjhne ke liye intezar fermaiye

Khawar sahib...........#6......... "aghaz meiN shuq hotaa hai, josh hotaa hai, khaab hotaiN haiN. janooN hotaa hai".............ye jo saare words aapne likhe un sab ke liye kaunsa aek word istemal karenge aap....meri rehnumai fermaiye taake main sahi lafz ka istemal karskaun jo wazn mein bhi sahi ho.

darasl urduanjuman mein Sarwar sahib ne bhi kuch inhi ashaar ka likha hai jis mein se aapne aek shair ki islah tou kerdi hai, abhi main zara waqt milne per aur ashaar per dimag laRaungi.

meri hosal afzai ke liye aek baar phir aapka tehdil se shukriya.

sara

Salam Saara ji,

Sarwar Sb baray aadmi haiN. un baat meiN wazn aor mairi baat meiN shaaibaa hotaa hai. . meiN ne un ka tabSiraa bhi diakhaa hai. unhoaN ne lafz Hasrat par koi aitraaz naheeN kiyaa. kia aap phir bhi samajhteeN haiN ke isse tabdeel karne ki zaroorat hai?


chaliaye meiN aap ko apna bataataa hooN.

aashiyaan hasrat se Saara ne sajaayaa tha kabhii
thaam ker jab haath aghaaz-e-safar us ne kiyaa

jub meiN ne iss ki tabdeeli ka iss taraH socha ke kam se kam alfaaz ka hair phair ho to ye pehli Soorat ye bani

aashiyaaN ik shouq se Saaara sajaayaa tha kabhi
thaam kar jab haath aghaaz e safar us ne kiyaa

pehle miSra se ne ka lafz ghayab ho gyaa hosakta hai ke iss se faraq na paRhtaa ho. laikin mujhe yakdam lagaa ke saare ka saaraa Husn to iss ne meiN hai. oar uss ke baghair pehlaa miSraa mujhe pheeka pheeka laga, so

doosri tabdeeli maire zahn meiN ya aaii,


aashyaaN meiN ne bhi ik saaraa sajayaa thaa kabhi
thaam kar jab haath aghaaz e safar us ne kiyaa

ye mujhe aik behtar option lagi jis meiN woh aah hai jo aap ke pehle misRa mein hai laikin Hasrat ka lafz istemaal kiaye baghair. lafz "ik" se woh taaccur paidaa karne ki koshish ki hai.

ye sirf mairi pasand hai. jo kissi bhi taraH aik ma'yaar ka paimaanaa naheeN. ho saktaa hai sukhan shanaas iss bilkul hi fazool miSraa qaraar day daiN. pasand apni apni

dua'goa,
Muhamamd Khawar.

[muhammad_19k]

Salam Saaraa ji

Janaab khawar sahib main aapse kahi ke mujhe aek lafz bataiye jisme aapke diye hue sab alfaz maujood houn
shuq
josh
khaab .
janooN "............. more or less the meaning of all these words combined together in one word.

phir baad mein shair ki doosri sorat ki taraf ayenge

ye ooper waalaa sawaal toa aap ko adbi khel ke unwaan ke saath likhni chahiaye

Ji maire zahn meiN aisaa ko lafz naheeN hai. haaN agar aap jawab meiN lafz Hasrat sun-na chahti haiN to meiN ye maan-ne ke bilkul tayyar naheeN hooN.

wasalam,
muhammad k. siddiqui.

[Anis Hasan]

sab ki khidmet mein tasliimat,

aek ghazal pesh hai jo Parveen Shakir aur Muneer Niazi ki

ghazal's se mutassir hoker likhi, umeed ke pasand fermaiyenge aur

apni raaye se nawazenge.

Ghazal:

1. daastaan ishq ko jab mukhtaSar us ne kiyaa
maiN ne yeh samjhaa mujhe be baal o par us ne kiyaa

2. aaye din jo chal rahe the saath banke rahnuma
aagayeiN jab manzilein tou dar-ba-dar us ne kiyaa

3. chun liye the jab sitaare roshnii gum hougayi
toR ke sab khwaab mujhko be samar us ne kiyaa

4. hougaya berang aanchal aankh ka kaajal gaya
soz-e-gham de kar mujhe daryoozah gar us ne kiyaa

5. ajnabi the rang-o-buu gulshan me thi veeraniyaaN
dediya tanhaaiyaaN aur chashm-e-tar us ne kiyaa

6. aashiyaan hasrat se Saara ne sajaayaa tha kabhii
thaam ker jab haath aghaaz-e-safar us ne kiyaa

sara.

Maroof zameen mein aap nay achi ghazal likhi hai saray mubahis apni jagah laikin aap kay khuloos-e-fikr ki daad daina zaroori hai.
Anis

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

moHtarmah Sara jee tasleem! :rose
kiya kehne jawaab kahaaN se laooN waah waah. bohot khubSurat kawish hai.

Muz^affar