aik aor ghazal.

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 9:12 am

Salam Dosto,

aik Tarhi ghazal ke saath Haazir hooN.

meN ne meHsoos kiyaa hai ke pichlay aik do maah se meN shaa'iri ko kuch zydaaa time day rahaa hooN. shayed kuch samajh aane ka waqt hai. is leeay aap logoN se darkhaat hai ke bharpoor tabSiraa se nawaaziay taa ke meN in ibtadaai ayyam meN hi ghalateeoN par qaaboo pa sakooN.

shukr guzar,
Muhamamd K. Siddiqui.

*** image bashukriyaa ReHanaa Ji ***

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 9:24 am

Roman

1.
abhi bulbul kiye rakh saaya tu gul ke shabistaaN par
" abhi baaqi hai kuch kuch dhoob dewaare gulistaaN par
2.
lagaa saktaa hai wo kaise koi ilzaam jaanaaN par
sajaayaa jis ne hai farmaan us ka Taaq e nisyaaN par
3.
khudaa se shikwaa hai tum ko mujhe hai maan ik but par
khudaa kyooN kar na ho raazi miray mazboo^T eemaaN par
4.
junooN mairaa mujhe phir kheench laayaa aap ke dar par
baRaa naadim hooN qaaim reh na paayaa apne paimaaN par
5.
tiray abroo ki junbash ne zamaana kar diyaa dushman
ta'ajub kyaa kissi ne haath Daalaa hai girebaaN par
6.
mirii chasme rawaaN se 'ishq tapke hai lahoo ban kar
moHabbat daagh ban kar reh gayee hai maire daamaaN par
7.
ho-ee doshaiz e shab gaamazan hay subH ki jaanib
andhairaa aaj phir hoga fidaa ik rooaye taabaaN par
8.
mujhe kyooNkar moHabbat ho dar o deewaar se laikin
vo 'aashiq kaisaa jo qurbaan na ho koo-aye jaanaaN par
9.
faqat vo zaat hi :Khawar: hayaat e jaavidaaN paa-aye
karay qurbaan apni zaat ko jo zaat e khoobaaN par

Post by **Sohail Malik** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 4:59 pm

Khawer bhai assalam o alaekum!

aap kay hukem kay mutabiq hazir huN.

to the point

sher kay teknikee lawazimat to ab aap bohat behteri say nibhanay lagay haiN albata khayal kay muamilay maiN abhi kafi behteri ki gunjaesh hay.

1.
abhi bulbul kiye rakh saaya tu gul ke shabistaaN par
" abhi baaqi hai kuch kuch dhoob dewaare gulistaaN par

gul kay shabistaN say aap kia murad laina chahtay haiN. ager yahaN aap zahiri maani tek mehdud haiN to phir bulbal ka phool kay soonay ki jagah per saya kiay rekhna aur us waqt tek keh jab tek dhoop baaqi ho aik ghair haqeeqi khayal hay aur ager aap kissi aur maani ko zahir kerna chahtay haiN to bata dijiay.

2.
lagaa saktaa hai wo kaise koi ilzaam jaanaaN par
sajaayaa jis ne hai farmaan us ka Taaq e nisyaaN par

yeh bhi koi acha khayal nahiN laga

3.
khudaa se shikwaa hai tum ko mujhe hai maan ik but par
khudaa kyooN kar nah raazi ho miree mazboo^T eemaaN par

yeh khayal jis maiN shuara kai mertaba but aur khuda taala ki zaat ko aik terrah kay comparison maiN lay aatay haiN meri nigah maiN shaan e baari taala kay muqaam kay shayaN nahiN hay.

4.
junooN mairaa mujhe phir kheench laayaa aap ke dar par
baRaa naadim hooN qaaim reh na paayaa apne paimaaN par

acha sher hay

5.
tiray abroo ki junbash ne zamaana kar diyaa dushman
ta'ajub kyaa kissi ne haath Daalaa hai girebaaN par

sher acha hay laikin kaam acha nahiN hay

6.
mirii chasme rawaaN se 'ishq tapke hai lahoo ban kar
moHabbat daaqh bar kar reh gayee hai maire daamaaN par

sachi baat to yeh hay keh mujhay is khayal nay kuch mutaCir nahiN kia

7.
ho-ee doshaiz e shab gaamazan hay subH ki jaanib
andhairaa aaj phir hoga fidaa ik rooaye taabaaN par

hay ka istemaal is muqaam per munasib nahiN lag raha -- ager is ko phir say badal laiN to koi herj nahiN hay

8.
mujhe kyooNkar moHabbat ho dar o deewaar se laikin
vo 'aashiq kaisaa jo qurbaan na ho koo-aye jaanaaN par

kiunker kay saath lakin ka istemaal Theek nahiN lag raha... aik shakel yeh banti hay

muhabbet to nahiN mujh ko dar o deewar say laikin

albata sher ka khayal kuch khas dil ko laga nahiN
9.
faqat vo zaat hi :Khawar: hayaat e jaavidaaN paa-aye
karay qurbaan apni zaat ko jo zaat e khoobaaN par

yahaN bhi masala yehi hay keh khubaaN per qurbaan honay waala kis qism ki hayat e jaavidaaN paye ga. yeh mubaligh ameezi hay aur aisi mubaligha aarayi ka kia faeda.

khush rehihay

sohail malik

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 5:51 pm

muhammad_19k wrote: Roman

1.
abhi bulbul kiye rakh saaya tu gul ke shabistaaN par
" abhi baaqi hai kuch kuch dhoob dewaare gulistaaN par
Bulbul aur gaana tou suna tha magar saya? Phir saya
kiya jata hai rakhkha nahiN jata. Sher Safaii chaahta hai.

2.
lagaa saktaa hai wo kaise koi ilzaam jaanaaN par
sajaayaa jis ne hai farmaan us ka Taaq e nisyaaN par
Yeh sher bhi Saaf nahiN. Aap kya kahna chaahte haiN
wazeh hona chaahiye.

3.
khudaa se shikwaa hai tum ko mujhe hai maan ik but par
khudaa kyooN kar raazi ho miree mazboo^T eemaaN par
Yeh sher bhi meri samajh meN nahiN aaya. Doosra miSra wazn meN
nahiN hai. Ya tou kahiye"Khuda kyuuNker ho phir razi" ya yuuN kahiye
"Khuda kyuuNker nah ho raazi"

4.
junooN mairaa mujhe phir kheench laayaa aap ke dar par
baRaa naadim hooN qaaim reh na paayaa apne paimaaN par
Yeh sher Saaf bhi hai aur achcha bhee. Magar, "par" radeef hai tou
matley ke alawah kisee sher meN pahle miSre ko "per" lafz per Khatm nah kijiye. YuuN kah sakte haiN: Mujhe phir kheeNch laya aap ke dar per junooN mera".

5.
tiray abroo ki junbash ne zamaana kar diyaa dushman
ta'ajub kyaa kissi ne haath Daalaa hai girebaaN par
juNbish se zamana ho gaya dushman kar lijiye.
haath Dala gar gireebaN per.

6.
mirii chasme rawaaN se 'ishq tapke hai lahoo ban kar
moHabbat daaqh bar kar reh gayee hai maire daamaaN par
lahoo banker miree chashme rawaN se ishq Tapke hai

7.
ho-ee doshaiz e shab gaamazan hay subH ki jaanib
andhairaa aaj phir hoga fidaa ik rooaye taabaaN par
Pahla miSra ka wazn zara dekh lijiyega.

8.
mujhe kyooNkar moHabbat ho dar o deewaar se laikin
vo 'aashiq kaisaa jo qurbaan na ho koo-aye jaanaaN par
bhala aashiq woh kya qurbaan nah ho jo koo-e janaaN per

9.
faqat vo zaat hi :Khawar: hayaat e jaavidaaN paa-aye
karay qurbaan apni zaat ko jo zaat e khoobaaN par
faqat woh shaKhS pata hai hayaat.e jaavidaaN "Khawar"
keh jo qurbaan karde zaat apni zaat.e khoobaaN per

Sirf sher kahna kafe nahiN aap miSroN ki Safaii bhi kiya kijiye jise Angrezee meN "finishing touch" kahte haiN. Itney ziyadah sher kahne ki zaroorat nahiN. Do maTley, chaar sher aur ek maqta kafi haiN. Mere mashware Ghalat bhi ho sakte haiN.

MuKhliS
Jawaid

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:31 am

Mohtaram janab SOHAIL SaHeb
Mohtaram janab JAWAID BADAUNI SaHeb

meN bohat shukrguzaar hooN ke aap ne mujhe aisi izzat bakhshi. aap ki aaraa maire leeaye bohat qeemti haiN. aor meN in ka zaroor khyaal rakhooN ga,

shukrguzar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui

Post by **Rehana.A** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:24 pm

Khawer sahib!

aap ki ghazal kuch din huay paRhi yaqeen kijiay buhut pasand ,go tabiat ki kharaabi ki
wajah say jawaab likhnay mien dair huee magar saara waqt aap ki ghazal kay baaray
mien hi sochtay guzra is ghazal ko daikh kar maHsoos hota hey kah aap isi aik ghazal main
barsoon ka safar tay kar ga,ay haien MashAllah .buhut khushi hu,ee kah aap jaisay jawaan
maidaan mien utar rahey haien to humain urdu kay mostaqbil ki fikar nahien karna paray gee
inshallah aap log is kaam ko bakhppbi nibhaanay ki Salhieat say malaa maal haien.
main ghazal ya shairi pasand zaroor kartee hoon magar is ki baareekiuon say zydaha bakhabar nahien ,
so apnay makhsoos tareeqay say daad dainay ki koshish kee ,qabool farmaiay ga.

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Post by **muhammad_19k** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:48 am

Rehana.A wrote:Khawer sahib!

aap ki ghazal kuch din huay paRhi yaqeen kijiay buhut pasand ,go tabiat ki kharaabi ki
wajah say jawaab likhnay mien dair huee magar saara waqt aap ki ghazal kay baaray
mien hi sochtay guzra is ghazal ko daikh kar maHsoos hota hey kah aap isi aik ghazal main
barsoon ka safar tay kar ga,ay haien MashAllah .buhut khushi hu,ee kah aap jaisay jawaan
maidaan mien utar rahey haien to humain urdu kay mostaqbil ki fikar nahien karna paray gee
inshallah aap log is kaam ko bakhppbi nibhaanay ki Salhieat say malaa maal haien.
main ghazal ya shairi pasand zaroor kartee hoon magar is ki baareekiuon say zydaha bakhabar nahien ,
so apnay makhsoos tareeqay say daad dainay ki koshish kee ,qabool farmaiay ga.

ReHaanaa ji,

meN jaanti hooN ke aap mairi Hoslaa Afzai meN aisaa keh raheeN heN. vagaranaa mairi shaairi meN aisi koi baat naheeN ka aap jaisi behtareen shaairaa us par sochay. laikin phir bhi meN koshish karooN ga ke kabhi na kabhi aap ki tawwaqqat par pooraa utrooN.

aap ki makSoos daad bohat pasanda aai. shukriyaa qubool kijiaye. aap ne bohat khoobSoorat tasveer ka intekhaab kiyaa hai.

shukrguzaar,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.