taZah Ghazal pesh-e-khidmat hai.

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

[align=center]Yaaraan-e-meHfil-e-Urdubandhan tasleemaat! :rose

Banee Aadam ko mahed taa leHad Hawaadic-e-duniya kaa saamnaa hai. is musaafir-e-hastee ko agar raaHat hai to shaayad aaGhaosh-e-gaor meN hai. khuda ma'loom khaaknasheenaan-e-a'dam kaa guzar basar kaesa hai. jo geya woh wohee kaa ho raha. koee jaa kar waapis naheeN aataa. jaane waalY par kiya GuZartee ho gee. isee kashmakash meN beThaa a'aalam-e-fanaa kaa e'brat naak muraqqa' kheench raha thaa. keh chand she'er ho gaeY haiN. mulaHiZ^ah farmaiye.

Ghazal

1,
uRaaee khaak hamaree yooN Aatish-e-Gul neY
rahee nah ser-e-GulistaaN kee aarZu dil meN!


2,
Qafas meN hoN yeh Ghaneemat hai warnah ehl-e-JunooN
Ghubaar-e-raah huweY kab ke shaoQ-e-manzil meN!


3,
hamaree khaat^ir-e-naashaad ko nah raas aayaa
t^arab kaa aek bhee lamHah tumhaaree meHfil meN!


4,
ab aageyaa hooN to maiN laoT kar nah jaooN gaa
"kahaN umeed keh phir aaooN ku-e-qaatil meN"


5,
yeh Jurm hai to maiN iqbaal-e-jurm kartaa hooN
chupaa rakhaa hai tiraa payaar khanah-e-dil meN!


6,
wafaa to yeh hai keh is daor-e-ehd shiknee meN
nah baal aaeY kabhee dost sheeshah-e-dil meN!


7,
yeh moa'jiZah hai Muz^affar keh khuN baha ke lieY
pukaaraa khun kaa har Qat^rah khu-e-Qaatil meN!


Muz^affar A Muz^affar[/b][/center][/align]

[muhammad_19k]

Salam Muzaffar SaHeb,

'amoman aap ki ghazloN par tabSiraa baRay shauq se kartaa hooN aor 'amoman aap kissi qism ki waZahat se kinaara kashi kar jaate heN. chaliaye aap nahi badalte to meN kyooN badlooN [:)]. leejiaye aek baar phir Haazir e khidmat hooN.

1,
uRaaee khaak hamaree yooN Aatish-e-Gul neY
rahee nah ser-e-GulistaaN kee aarZu dil meN!


fidwi ye jaanna chahtaa hai ke aatish gul aag kaise uRaati hai? ye to Sabaa ka kaam hai.


2,
Qafas meN hoN yeh Ghaneemat hai warnah ehl-e-JunooN
Ghubaar-e-raah huweY kab ke shaoQ-e-manzil meN!

bohat khoob.

3,
hamaree khaat^ir-e-naashaad ko nah raas aayaa
t^arab kaa aek bhee lamHah tumhaaree meHfil meN!

hmmmm. soch rahaa hooN kuch.

4,

ab aageyaa hooN to maiN laoT kar nah jaooN gaa
"kahaN umeed keh phir aaooN ku-e-qaatil meN"

aap ki girah bilkul perfect hai. mujhe aSal sher ka nahi pataa. laikin guman hai ke ye us ke qareeb qareeb ho gi.


5,
yeh Jurm hai to maiN iqbaal-e-jurm kartaa hooN
chupaa rakhaa hai tiraa payaar khanah-e-dil meN!

bohat khub. yahaaN aek baat seekhna chaahooN gaa. agar rakhaa ko huwaa meN badal deN to fanni or manavi 'aetbaar se sher meN kyaa tabdeeli aa-aye gi


6,
wafaa to yeh hai keh is daor-e-ehd shiknee meN
nah baal aaeY kabhee dost sheeshah-e-dil meN!

wafaa ye hai ke sheesha e dil meN baal na aaey. bohat achhi baat kahi aap ne laikin sheesha e dil meN to baal bohat si wajoohaat se aa saktaa hai. phir doar e ehd shikni ka tazkira e khaaSkyooN? mujhe rabt samajh nahi aayaa.



7,
yeh moa'jiZah hai Muz^affar keh kuN baha ke lieY
pukaaraa khun kaa har Qat^rah khu-e-Qaatil meN!

mujhe lagtaa hai ke kuch typo hai. mairaa gumaaN hai ke ye aise ho ga.

yeh moa'jiZah hai Muz^affar keh khuN baha ke lieY
pukaaraa khun kaa har Qat^rah ku-e-Qaatil meN!


agar ye theek hai to bohat khoob. aor agar aap ki likhi hoee teHreer theek hai to phir meN mafhooM samajhne se qaaSir hooN.


aap ka dost,

[jawaid badauni]

biradarm Muzaffar Saahab,
aadaab.o.tasleemaat

aapki ghazal nazar nawaaz huuwee. riwayatee andaaz ki achchi ghazal hai.
waise to sabhi ashAAr achche haiN magar saadgee ke sabab mundarjazel ashAAr ziyada dil ko bhaa gaye:


yeh Jurm hai to maiN iqbaal-e-jurm kartaa hooN
chupaa rakhaa hai tiraa payaar khanah-e-dil meN!

wafaa to yeh hai keh is daor-e-ehd shiknee meN
nah baal aaeY kabhee dost sheeshah-e-dil meN!


meri daad qubool farmaaiye. mujhe Khushee hai hamare is Urdu Bandhan meeN aahista aahista hi saheeh kuch raunaq wapas to aa rahee hai. is forum ko kamyaab banane meN aap ki koshish sar-e fehrist hai. ummid hai jald hi puraanee faza phir wapas aa jayegee.

aapka muKhliS

Jawaid Badauni

[Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar]

Salam Muzaffar SaHeb,

'amoman aap ki ghazloN par tabSiraa baRay shauq se kartaa hooN aor 'amoman aap kissi qism ki waZahat se kinaara kashi kar jaate heN. chaliaye aap nahi badalte to meN kyooN badlooN [:)]. leejiaye aek baar phir Haazir e khidmat hooN.

1,
uRaaee khaak hamaree yooN Aatish-e-Gul neY
rahee nah ser-e-GulistaaN kee aarZu dil meN!


fidwi ye jaanna chahtaa hai ke aatish gul aag kaise uRaati hai? ye to Sabaa ka kaam hai.


2,
Qafas meN hoN yeh Ghaneemat hai warnah ehl-e-JunooN
Ghubaar-e-raah huweY kab ke shaoQ-e-manzil meN!

bohat khoob.

3,
hamaree khaat^ir-e-naashaad ko nah raas aayaa
t^arab kaa aek bhee lamHah tumhaaree meHfil meN!

hmmmm. soch rahaa hooN kuch.

4,

ab aageyaa hooN to maiN laoT kar nah jaooN gaa
"kahaN umeed keh phir aaooN ku-e-qaatil meN"

aap ki girah bilkul perfect hai. mujhe aSal sher ka nahi pataa. laikin guman hai ke ye us ke qareeb qareeb ho gi.


5,
yeh Jurm hai to maiN iqbaal-e-jurm kartaa hooN
chupaa rakhaa hai tiraa payaar khanah-e-dil meN!

bohat khub. yahaaN aek baat seekhna chaahooN gaa. agar rakhaa ko huwaa meN badal deN to fanni or manavi 'aetbaar se sher meN kyaa tabdeeli aa-aye gi


6,
wafaa to yeh hai keh is daor-e-ehd shiknee meN
nah baal aaeY kabhee dost sheeshah-e-dil meN!

wafaa ye hai ke sheesha e dil meN baal na aaey. bohat achhi baat kahi aap ne laikin sheesha e dil meN to baal bohat si wajoohaat se aa saktaa hai. phir doar e ehd shikni ka tazkira e khaaSkyooN? mujhe rabt samajh nahi aayaa.



7,
yeh moa'jiZah hai Muz^affar keh kuN baha ke lieY
pukaaraa khun kaa har Qat^rah khu-e-Qaatil meN!

mujhe lagtaa hai ke kuch typo hai. mairaa gumaaN hai ke ye aise ho ga.

yeh moa'jiZah hai Muz^affar keh khuN baha ke lieY
pukaaraa khun kaa har Qat^rah ku-e-Qaatil meN!


agar ye theek hai to bohat khoob. aor agar aap ki likhi hoee teHreer theek hai to phir meN mafhooM samajhne se qaaSir hooN.


aap ka dost,

Bandah parwar M. Khawar SaaHib tasleemaat!

yeh baat durust hai keh aap baRee talaash se khaadim kee GhazloN par tabSirah-o-tanqeeS likhteY haiN. aor u'muma" she'er-o-miSra' par tanqeeH (tafteesh-o-teHqeeq) karteY haiN. lekin yeh baat keh maiN jawaab dene ke mua'mlah meN waZ^ahat se kinaarah kash ho jataa hooN ba'eed az Haqeeqat hai. maiN to Hattal imkaan apnee jaanib se baat waaZ^eH karnee kee koshish kartaa hooN. aor kartaa rahooN gaa. is Ghazal ke pehle she'er ke barah meN (chunkeh is Ghazal kaa mat^la' naheeN) aap farmate haiN.

1,
uRaaee khaak hamaree yooN Aatish-e-Gul neY
rahee nah ser-e-GulistaaN kee aarZu dil meN!

fidwi ye jaanna chahtaa hai ke aatish gul aag kaise uRaati hai? ye to Sabaa ka kaam hai.

Qiblah maiN neY to yahaaN kisee aatish-e-Gul ke aaG uRaaneY ka zikr hee naheeN kiyaa. haaN albattah "khaak uRaaneY kaa" maZkoor Z^aroor hai. ta'jub hai keh ham a'aam t^aor par miSra' ke z^aahiree alfaaz^-o-bandish ko sahaaraa bana kar shaae'ir kee muraad aor she'er meN pinhaaN mua'nee ko samajhneY kee koshish karneY lagteY haiN. aor yahee wajah hai keh u'muma" she'er ke darpardah aSal mua'nee maqSad aor peGhaam se Ghaafil reh jateY haiN.


Aap kaa khat^ dekhneY se pataa chaltaa hai keh aap ne miSra'-o-she'er ke z^aahiree ma'nee akhaZ kar liye haiN aor yahee cabab hai keh miSra'-e-uolaa meN "khaak uRaaneY kaa taZkirah hai" jiseY aap aag aRaaneY se ta'beer farma rahY haiN. darHqeeqat Z^aroorat hai keh miSra' meN maojood muHawirah ko samjhaa jaeY nah keh tarkeeb kaa z^aahiree mat^lab akhaZ kiya jaeY.

daraSl miSra' meN muHawirah "khaak uRanaa" ko agar samajh liya jaeY to tamaam mushkil ke Hal kaa imkaan paedah ho jataa hai. yahaaN miSra' meN khaak uRaanaa ba ma'naa barbaad honaa, ruswaa honaa, maTTee maleed karnaa, pareshaan naz^ar aanaa ke ma'nooN meN istema'aal kiya geya hai. alqiSSah muraad yeh hai keh aatish-e-gul ne hameeN yooN pareeshan kiyaa ya'nee hamaree :khaak uRaaee: keh keh hamareY dil se ser-e-gulistaaN kee aarZu hee jaatee rahee. dusre lafz^ooN meN yeh keh aatish-e-gul ne hameeN deewanah banawaa aor ham ruswaa huwe aor aese badnaam huwe keh nateejata" ser-e-gulistaaN kee aarzu hee miT gaee.

5,
yeh Jurm hai to maiN iqbaal-e-jurm kartaa hooN
chupaa rakhaa hai tiraa payaar khanah-e-dil meN!

bohat khub. yahaaN aek baat seekhna chaahooN gaa. agar rakhaa ko huwaa meN badal deN to fanni or manavi 'aetbaar se sher meN kyaa tabdeeli aa-aye gi

agar :rakhaa: ko :huwaa: se badal deN to fannee aa'tebaar se to naheeN balkeh ma'nawee aatebaar se numayaaN farq paedah ho jataa hai. :chupaa rakhaa: kaa mat^lab huwaa keh maiN ne teraa payaar chupaa rakhaa hai. ya'nee maiN ne teraa payaar Zamanah se chupaa kar rakhaa huwaa hai. lekin :chupaa huwaa: kehneY se yeh mat^lab liyaa jaeY gaa keh az khud peyaar mereY khaanah-e-dil meN chum geya hai. ya'nee is fa'el meN mera a'mal dakhal kuh naheeN balkeh yeh sab az khud ho geya hai. aor teraa peyaar az khud zamanah se chub geya hai. is liye aesa kehna mant^aqee aa'tebaar se durust nah ho gaa.

Zeyaadah hadd-e-adab!

yeh moa'jiZah hai Muz^affar keh khuN baha ke lieY
pukaaraa khun kaa har Qat^rah ku-e-Qaatil meN![/i]


agar ye theek hai to bohat khoob. aor agar aap ki likhi hoee teHreer theek hai to phir meN mafhooM samajhne se qaaSir hooN.

jee is maiN meree jaanib se typo ho gaee thee. so aap ke ishaarah par durust kar dee gaee hai. asha'aar aor khuSuSa" maqt^a' ko pasand farmane par aap kaa mamnoon hooN.

khush raheeN
Wassalam
Muzaffar A Muzaffar

[muhammad_19k]

Muzaffar bhai,

waZaaHat ka bohat bohat shukriyaa.

niazmand,