shummu wrote:Salaam ahl-e-bazm...Guzaarish#43 ke tehet diye gaye misre pe kuch likhne ki koshish ki hai...I hope maine radeef ko sahi se baandhaa hai...agar koi ghalti hui to plz mujhe zaroor bataaiyega...Shukriya :)

dheere dheere nazar se giraane lage
'Aap bhi mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage'

fikr not, unheen kaa nuqsaan hai :)

kaun si baat hai jo chupaane lage?
aap kyoN hum se nazreiN churaane lage?!

ya'nee "chor kee daRhee meiN tinkaa" :)

is tarah woh humeiN to jalaane lage
Ghair ki bazm meiN aane jaane lage!

arey naheeN ba'ee, voh jalaa thoRee rahe heiN, voh tau aap ko aazmaa rahe heiN ;)

jab se khaaboN meiN hum ghar basaane lage
log aa aa ke hum ko jagaane lage

tumhaaraa matlab "zaailm samaaj" :)

zindagii meiN ajab daur aane lage
hum raqeeboN se milne milaane lage!

bas bayee, ziNdagee meiN buhat kuch naa.chaahate huve bhee karnaa paRtaa hai, tum dil choTaa mat karo :)

haath mere ye kaise khazaane lage?!
log kyoN cheena jhapTi machaane lage?! 8O

jab line ghaTne lage tau bataanaa, "hum bhee line meiN aa jaa'eN ge" ;)

jab se karne lage unki taareef hum
nit naye pairahan mein woh aane lage

achaa hai isee tarah un ke kapRon ko havaa bhee lag ga'ee ho gee ;)

aap ke aane se gham ke baadal chaTe
chaand,taare sabhii muskuraane lage! :D

waah, lagtaa hai koee habs kaa mosam thaa jo ch`aT gyaa :)

hum ne ye kab kahaa deejiye hum ko jaaN?!
khwaamakhwaah aap baateiN banaane lage!

ya'nee "aNgoor kh`aTe heiN" :)

jab bhi chaahaa ke unse kaheiN haal-e-dil
muuh phiraa ke woh mehfil se jaane lage! :x

kam.zaraf log aisaa hi karte heiN :)

aalam-e-yaas ne jab bhi gheraa humeiN
aas ki jyot hum to jalaane lage! :D

good sipirit, keep it up :)



Aap ki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila

Hashmat Usmani wrote:salaam Shummu,

W'salaam HASHMAT sahab! :-D

aapkii Ghazal nazar navaaz huii aur paRh kar bahot lutf aayaa. saada alfaaz meN dil kii baat kah jaanaa to bas koii aap se seekhe. bahot Khoob. she'roN meN ravaanii hai, puKhtagii-e-Khayaal hai, Husn-e-bayaan ke saath saath alfaaz aur ma'aanii ka Haseen sangam hai. Allah kare zor e qalam aur bhii ziyaada.

ufffffffffffffff itni taareef ....Allah main kahin khushi se mar na jaoon lolz bahut shukriya zarra nawaazi ka... :-D


mujhe go ki tamaam ash'aar hii pasand aaye magar aapke chand ash'aar kii nishaan dehii karne kii jasaarat kar rahaa huuN:

jee jee zaroor ...go ahead! 8)

kaun si baat hai jo chupaane lage?
aap kyoN hum se nazreiN churaane lage?!

waah...marHaba...kia baat dar_parda kah Daalii...subHaan Allah

--ADAAB ARZ HAI

is tarah woh humeiN to jalaane lage
Ghair ki bazm meiN aane jaane lage!

waah shummu waah...zara us bazm ka URL to dena...maiN unkii Khabar le luuNga ... fikar NOT

[color=Dark blue]---ha ha ye URL waali bazm nahi..asli walai hai [/color]

jab se khaaboN meiN hum ghar basaane lage
log aa aa ke hum ko jagaane lage


is she'r par mera deevaan Haazir hai [agar hota to hii na!] iimaan se dil Khush kar diyaa... :-D

really?????????? wow isse baDi daad kya ho sakti hai mere liye...mujhe to laga ye sher kisi ko pasand nahi aayega .....

jab se karne lage unki taareef hum
nit naye pairahan mein woh aane lage

yeh bhii Khoob raha goyaa HIPPIYON ka daur aa gayaa...kia VO kabhii sherwaanii meN bhii nazar aaye...she'r achchhaa hai aur lafz e pairaahan ka achchha ist'emaal kiya hai.


--nawaazish ,karam..shukriya :-D

aap ke aane se gham ke baadal chaTe
chaand,taare sabhii muskuraane lage! :-D

aane se uske aaye bahaar...jaane se uske jaaye bahaar

jee jee lolz

ab yuN bhii kaha jaa saktaa hai ki:

aane se unke muskaayeN chaand...aane se unke haNseN sitaare...lolz

hum ne ye kab kahaa deejiye hum ko jaaN?!
khwaamakhwaah aap baateiN banaane lage!

yeh huii na baat...haN bilaa vajah hii gale paR gaye...haN! vaise yeh dialogue to shaadii ke ba'd sunne ko miltya hai

ab sachchaii to na ugalwaayeiN

bahot Khoob Shummu...ek kaamiiyaab Ghazal par DheroN mubaarak_baad gar qubool uftaad.

Hashmat

naheedv wrote:

shummu wrote:Salaam ahl-e-bazm...Guzaarish#43 ke tehet diye gaye misre pe kuch likhne ki koshish ki hai...I hope maine radeef ko sahi se baandhaa hai...agar koi ghalti hui to plz mujhe zaroor bataaiyega...Shukriya :)

dheere dheere nazar se giraane lage
'Aap bhi mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage'

fikr not, unheen kaa nuqsaan hai :)

lolz

kaun si baat hai jo chupaane lage?
aap kyoN hum se nazreiN churaane lage?!

ya'nee "chor kee daRhee meiN tinkaa" :)

bilkul

is tarah woh humeiN to jalaane lage
Ghair ki bazm meiN aane jaane lage!

arey naheeN ba'ee, voh jalaa thoRee rahe heiN, voh tau aap ko aazmaa rahe heiN ;)

achcha lolz lekin unki is harkat se hum jal ke raakh ho jaate haina..uska kya kiya jaaye

jab se khaaboN meiN hum ghar basaane lage
log aa aa ke hum ko jagaane lage

tumhaaraa matlab "zaailm samaaj" :)

han na ...wahan bhi chain se rehne nahi dete

zindagii meiN ajab daur aane lage
hum raqeeboN se milne milaane lage!

bas bayee, ziNdagee meiN buhat kuch naa.chaahate huve bhee karnaa paRtaa hai, tum dil choTaa mat karo :)

dilaasa dene ka shukriya

haath mere ye kaise khazaane lage?!
log kyoN cheena jhapTi machaane lage?! 8O

jab line ghaTne lage tau bataanaa, "hum bhee line meiN aa jaa'eN ge" ;)

aap bhi..hadh hai lolz

jab se karne lage unki taareef hum
nit naye pairahan mein woh aane lage

achaa hai isee tarah un ke kapRon ko havaa bhee lag ga'ee ho gee ;)

well said!

aap ke aane se gham ke baadal chaTe
chaand,taare sabhii muskuraane lage! :D

waah, lagtaa hai koee habs kaa mosam thaa jo ch`aT gyaa :)

han na...unki judaii mein habs ka hi mausam tha na ..samjhaa kareiN

hum ne ye kab kahaa deejiye hum ko jaaN?!
khwaamakhwaah aap baateiN banaane lage!

ya'nee "aNgoor kh`aTe heiN" :)

LOL

jab bhi chaahaa ke unse kaheiN haal-e-dil
muuh phiraa ke woh mehfil se jaane lage! :x

kam.zaraf log aisaa hi karte heiN :)

sahi kaha!

aalam-e-yaas ne jab bhi gheraa humeiN
aas ki jyot hum to jalaane lage! :D

good sipirit, keep it up :)

THANX :D



Aap ki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila

Shumaila,

aaj 2 din ke ba'd forum par aanaa huvaa tau aap kee ye khobsoorat ghazal paRhne ko milee,
waaah, waaah ,
kyaa khoob be.laag ghazal irshaad kee hai.
mashaa'Allah aap tau matlo'N kee line hee khaRee kar deteeN heiN, koee khyaal kisee aur ke liye bhee choR diya karo ;)

mazaq bar.taraf, mujhe tumhaaree ye saadah aur shokh byaanee ke andaazd meiN kahee ga'ee ghazal buhat pasaNd aa'ee,
aur isey paRhte huve maiN apnee shokh.byaani kee rag par qaaboo na rakh sakee aur chaNd jule likh diye, ummeed karti hooN tum buraa naheeN maano gee :)

ab tau buhat ach`aa likhne lagee ho, allah kare zor-e-qalam aur zeyaadah!

mukhliS
Naheed

arey ye sab aap logon ki hausla afzaii ka nateeja hai warna main kis qaabil :D mujheeeeee bahut khushi hui ke aap ko mera kalaam is darjaa pasand aaya....har sher pe fardna fardan comments dene ka shukriya...i was laughing after reading ur comments..maine halki phulki hi ghazal likhi thi aur usi tarah ke halke phulke comments bhi expect karti hoon isliye buraa maanne ka sawaal hi paida nahi hota..I really enjoyed it!Shukriya bahut bahut NAHEED sis :rose

Shumaila

dheere dheere nazar se giraane lage
'Aap bhi mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage'

kaun si baat hai jo chupaane lage?
aap kyoN hum se nazreiN churaane lage?!

is tarah woh humeiN to jalaane lage
Ghair ki bazm meiN aane jaane lage!

jab se khaaboN meiN hum ghar basaane lage
log aa aa ke hum ko jagaane lage

zindagii meiN ajab daur aane lage
hum raqeeboN se milne milaane lage!

haath mere ye kaise khazaane lage?!
log kyoN cheena jhapTi machaane lage?!

jab se karne lage unki taareef hum
nit naye pairahan mein woh aane lage

aap ke aane se gham ke baadal chaTe
chaand,taare sabhii muskuraane lage!

hum ne ye kab kahaa deejiye hum ko jaaN?!
khwaamakhwaah aap baateiN banaane lage!

jab bhi chaahaa ke unse kaheiN haal-e-dil
muuh phiraa ke woh mehfil se jaane lage!

aalam-e-yaas ne jab bhi gheraa humeiN
aas ki jyot hum to jalaane lage!

Abdullah Nazir wrote:
SHUMMU

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Re:Ghazal guz.43.

Aapki yeh TaraHi ghazal paRhkar bahut khushi houi. Aap ne bahut achche ashAar nikaale heiN.

Hameshah kii TaraH sab se pahle yeh Arz kartaa chalooN ke aapka meri aaraa se muttafiq huunaa zaroori nahiN hei.

Meri raaye:

dheere dheere nazar se giraane lage
'Aap bhi mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage'

Gireh ke saath bahut khoobsoorat maTlaH hei. Bahut khoob.

kaun si baat hai jo chupaane lage?
aap kyoN hum se nazreiN churaane lage?!

Husn-e-MaTlaA bhii seedhi saadah zubaan meiN bahut hii khoob hei.

is tarah woh humeiN to jalaane lage
Ghair ki bazm meiN aane jaane lage!

Is maTleA meiN bhi bahut hii achcha andaaz-e-tagahazzul hei.

jab se khaaboN meiN hum ghar basaane lage
log aa aa ke hum ko jagaane lage

Yeh Husn-e-maTlaA bhii achcha hei.

zindagii meiN ajab daur aane lage
hum raqeeboN se milne milaane lage!

Yeh Husn-e-MaTlah bhii bahut khoob hei.

haath mere ye kaise khazaane lage?!
log kyoN cheena jhapTi machaane lage?!

Yeh maTlaA bhii khoob hei.

jab se karne lage unki taareef hum
nit naye pairahan mein woh aane lage

Kiyaa kehne Shummu, yeh sheAr bhii bahut pasand aayaa mujhe.

aap ke aane se gham ke baadal chaTe
chaand,taare sabhii muskuraane lage!

Waah waah, bahut hii khoob. Aap tou bahut hii achche ashAaar kehne lagi heiN. Mubarakbaad.

hum ne ye kab kahaa deejiye hum ko jaaN?!
khwaamakhwaah aap baateiN banaane lage!

Yeh sheAr bhii Theek hei.

jab bhi chaahaa ke unse kaheiN haal-e-dil
muuh phiraa ke woh mehfil se jaane lage!

Waah wah kiyaa taghazzul hei is sheAr meiN. Bahut hii khoob. Albattah agar muHaavirah "muNh phair ke" aasaktaa tou behtar houtaa.

aalam-e-yaas ne jab bhi gheraa humeiN
aas ki jyot hum to jalaane lage!

Bahut achchaa sheAr hei.
Mujhe aapki yeh ghazal behad pasand aayi, jiske liye meri daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
Aakhir meiN, aek kaam kii baat bataataa hooN. Aap hamaishah yeh koushish kareN ke aise alfaaz jaise "tou", "phir", "maiN", "too" "tum", waghairah kam se kam isteAmaal karne kii koushish kareN aur us jagah jahaN unke nah houne se sheAr ka mafhoom adaa nah housake.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.[/i]

Wow Nazir bhai.....aap ne to har sher pe alag se daad di...mujhe itni khushi hoti hai aap ki jaanib se daad paa kar ....bahut bahut shukriya poori ki poori ghazal ko dil khol ke saraahne ka..aap ne jo baateiN kahin inshaAllah un pe bhi ghaur karungi..aayenda koshish karungi magar woh kehte haina...dheere dheer hi insaan seekhta hai ummeed hai aayenda bhi hausla afzaii farmaate rahenge!

Shumaila

sara_j wrote:shumaila,

wah bhai wah! kya khoob ashaar likhe hain aap. bohat khoob!
dhair saari daad aur mubarakbaad qubool keejiye.

sara.

Anis Hasan wrote:Mohtarma "Shumaila" aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayee. Buhat hi saada aur dilkash andaz-e-bayan hai saray hi ashaar buhat umdah hain magar mujhay zaati taur par shair no.4 & 5 ziyada pasand aayay.

Mohtaram "Anis" sahab..bahut bahut shukriya ghazla ko pasand karne ka aur daad se nawaazne ka

Shumaila

Fatima wrote:

shummu wrote:Salaam ahl-e-bazm...URDUSTAN pe Guzaarish#43 ke tehet diye gaye misre pe kuch likhne ki koshish ki hai...I hope maine radeef ko sahi se baandhaa hai...agar koi ghalti hui to plz mujhe zaroor bataaiyega...Shukriya :)

walikam salaam shu.
kesi ho. is "taraaii misrey" per tumhaarii gazal dekh ker achaa lagaa

dheere dheere nazar se giraane lage
'Aap bhi mujh pe tohmat lagaane lage'

waah bohat khub. yeh sher behad pasand aayaa


kaun si baat hai jo chupaane lage?
aap kyoN hum se nazreiN churaane lage?!

bohat khub ki. daad qubool karo

is tarah woh humeiN to jalaane lage
Ghair ki bazm meiN aane jaane lage!

very bad esaa nahin kertey.



jab se khaaboN meiN hum ghar basaane lage
log aa aa ke hum ko jagaane lage

=D> =D> bohat khub shu.
"JAB SEY KHAABON MEIN HUM GHAR BASAANE LAGE"

zindagii meiN ajab daur aane lage
hum raqeeboN se milne milaane lage! :x

kiyun bhi
yeh kiyaa baat huii?
achaa sher hey :) ;)


haath mere ye kaise khazaane lage?!
log kyoN cheena jhapTi machaane lage?! :?

arrey bhi esaa kiyaa aagayaa tumhaarey haath. kuch hamein bhi to pata chaley

jab se karne lage unki taareef hum
nit naye pairahan mein woh aane lage ;)

itnii tareef nahin kernii thi na ;)



aap ke aane se gham ke baadal chaTe
chaand,taare sabhii muskuraane lage!

yeh to bohat achii baat hey.
yeh sher bhi bohat achaa lagaa :)

hum ne ye kab kahaa deejiye hum ko jaaN?!
khwaamakhwaah aap baateiN banaane lage!

lo ker lo baat ;)

jab bhi chaahaa ke unse kaheiN haal-e-dil
muuh phiraa ke woh mehfil se jaane lage!

bohat galat baat hey bhala esey bhii koii kertaa hey


aalam-e-yaas ne jab bhi gheraa humeiN
aas ki jyot hum to jalaane lage! :)


bohat khub shu.
purii gazal hi bohat achi lagii.
dilli daad qubool karo. :)

ab to main hi soch rahi hun is per kuch likh daalun

shukriya


Aap ki aara ki muntazir,


Shumaila