aapkii Ghazal aur us par aapkii tamheed nazar guzaar huii. bhai saaHib, dil se dil ko raah hotii hai aur aapne usii pag_danDii ko apnaayaa. bahot Khoob!
aapkii Ghazal hamesha kii taraH is baar bhii mere dil_o_dimaaGh par Haavii ho gaii aur maiN kis qadar usse lutf_andoz huaa iskaa aap andaaza shaayad hii lagaa paayeN. agar aap roo_ba_roo hote to 'arz karta:
dil kahe ruk jaa re! ruk jaa! inhiiN se lagii
jo baat in meN hai, vo kahiiN bhii nahiiN!!
har ek she'r meN qayaas hotaa hai jaise darya kooze meN aapne band kar diyaa. waah! waah! subHaan Allah! marHabaa! kia baat hai!
Ghazal ke kisi ek she'r ko kisii dusre she'r par tarjeeH denaa chaand ko sooraj se tashbeeH denaa hogaa...chaand apnii jagah, sooraj apnii...ek se afzaaish-e-Hayaat hai to dusre se uskii daraKhshaanii. jiyo mere la'l!
par kiya karuuN, aadat se majboor ho kar chand ek ash'aar kii bil_Khusoos nishaan_dehii kar dene kii jasaarat kar rahaa huuN:
jab puraana koi dukh mujh ko sataaya kartaa
maiN nayee fikr ko she'roN mein sanvaara kartaa
ik saHar hi se tha roshan miraa khursheed-e-Hayaat
aur kis se maiN ujaaloN ki tamanna karta
jis ki Haalat thi moHabbat meiN faqeeroN jaisi
us se kis tarHa maiN ulfat ka taqaaza karta ;)
andaleeboN se rafaaqat ka tha charchaa her su
baaghbaaN kab mujhe gulshan meiN gavaara karta
door rehne ka saleeqa hi nahiN tha mujh meiN
maiN khudaa jaane tire hijr meiN kia kia karta?
kaash hoti ye ijaazat ke tujhe yaad karooN
maiN tiree yaad se khalvat ka mudaava karta
tae mire saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti
tujh ko aadaab moHabbat ke sikhaaya karta
us ko she'roN se koii khaas shaghaf tha hi nahiN
aur maiN taaza ghazal roz sunaaya kartaa
jaanta hooN baRee himmat hai mire dushman meiN
Doobne ki bhi voh koshish lab-e-daryaa kartaa
zeib detaa hi nahiN mujh ko mukammal hona *
maiN agar ishq bhi karta to adhoora kartaa
khauf rehta tha hamesha tujhe rusvaaii ka
"tujh se kis tarHa maiN izhaar-e-tamanna karta"
hai ghalat !! tark-e-ta'alluq ki khabar sun ke Nabeel
bharee meHfil meiN moHabbat ka tamaasha karta
lo ji ab maiN kia kar saktaa thaa...ek ek she'r kar ke sare hii Khusoosii nishaab_dehii ke Haq_daar Thehre...mubaarkaaN!
Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,
Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut khushi houi. Aap ne bahut saare achche mazaameen baandhe heiN. Agar ijaazat hou tou maiN apni aaraa pesh karne kii jasaarat karuN jin se aapka muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN.
jab puraana koi dukh mujh ko sataaya kartaa
maiN nayee fikr ko she'roN mein sanvaara kartaa
Is maTleA ke her misreA meiN "thaa" ke lafz ko mustatir rakhkhaa gayaa hei jiske baare meiN mujhe ilm nahiN aur koushish karuNga ke uski micaaleN jamA karuN. Mafhoom ke liHaaz se maTlaA bahut hii khoobsurat hei.
ik saHar hi se tha roshan miraa khursheed-e-Hayaat
aur kis se maiN ujaaloN ki tamanna karta
Bahut khoob waah waah, bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei. Alfaaz ke liHaaz se bhii aur manavi liHaaz se bhii. Haqeeqat bhii yehi hei ke Sooraj sahar ko hii TulooA houtaa hei. Uski raushni ke muqaabil kisi aur cheez kii raushni maand hei.
jis ki Haalat thi moHabbat meiN faqeeroN jaisi
us se kis tarHa maiN ulfat ka taqaaza karta
yeh sheAr bhii bahut khoobsoorat hei. Dekhne meiN yooN maloom houtaa hei ke "muhabbat" kaa lafz maAnavi Taur per dounoN misraAoN meiN aayaa hei lekin is sheAr meiN dounouN lafzaoN "muHabbat" aur "ulfat" ke manaoN meiN jou haqeeqi farq hei uskaa izhaar bhii kamaal hei.
andaleeboN se rafaaqat ka tha charchaa her su
baaghbaaN kab mujhe gulshan meiN gavaara karta
SheAr bahut achcha hei. Sirf doosre misreA meiN lafz "kab" se behtar mere khayaal meiN "kiyooN' hounaa chaahiye thaa.
door rehne ka saleeqa hi nahiN tha mujh meiN
maiN khudaa jaane tire hijr meiN kia kia karta?
kaash hoti ye ijaazat ke tujhe yaad karooN
maiN tiree yaad se khalvat ka mudaava karta
Achcha sheAr hei lekin meri nazar meiN doosra misrA agar yooN houtaa tou lafz "yaad" kii takraar se bachaa jaasaktaa thaa aur lafz "kaash" kii takrar se zour paidaa kiyaa jaasaktaa thaa: kaash yooN uzlat-e-khalvat ka mudaava karta
tae mire saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti
tujh ko aadaab moHabbat ke sikhaaya karta
Is sheAr kaa bhii mafhoom bahut hii aAlaa hei lekin radeef kii vajah se ibaarat meiN kamzouri paidaa hourahi hei. Meri nazar meiN pahle misreA kii mandarja-e-zail do shakleN housakti heiN: 1.Tae jo tuu saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti 2.Tae agar saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti
us ko she'roN se koii khaas shaghaf tha hi nahiN
aur maiN taaza ghazal roz sunaaya kartaa
Is sheAr ke doosre misreA meiN bhii radeef kii vajah se lafz "thaa" ko mustatir rakhnaa zaroori hougayaa hei.
jaanta hooN baRee himmat hai mire dushman meiN
Doobne ki bhi voh koshish lab-e-daryaa kartaa
Yeh sheAr bhii maAnavi liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei lekin yahaaN bhii radeef ne doosre misre meiN is phrase ko mustatir rakhne per majboor kardiyaa hei "tou phir use chaahiye thaa keh"
zeib detaa hi nahiN mujh ko mukammal hona *
maiN agar ishq bhi karta to adhoora kartaa
Bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei her liHaaz se. Waah waah.
khauf rehta tha hamesha tujhe rusvaaii ka
"tujh se kis tarHa maiN izhaar-e-tamanna karta"
Bahut achchi gireh lagaayi hei aap ne mashaaAllah. SheAr her liHaaz se mukammal hei. Khoob.
hai ghalat !! tark-e-ta'alluq ki khabar sun ke Nabeel
bharee meHfil meiN moHabbat ka tamaasha karta
MaqTaA bhii bahut khoob hei. "Hei ghalat" ke do lafz muHtaaj hougaye heiN in Alaamaat ke (!!).
MajmooAii Taur per aapki yeh ghazal mujhe behad pasand aayi. Daad aur mubaarakbaad pesh kartaa hooN.
WEBMASTER wrote:
Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut khushi houi. Aap ne bahut saare achche mazaameen baandhe heiN. Agar ijaazat hou tou maiN apni aaraa pesh karne kii jasaarat karuN jin se aapka muttafiq hounaa zaroori nahiN.
[/size]
mohtaram Nazir saHib:
salaam arz hai:
ye baat mere liye baaic-e-sad.iftikhaar hai ke aap jaise ustaad shaa'ir ne meri is ghazal ko pasand farmaaya.
jahaaN tak aaraa ki baat hai, to aap ki her raaye mere liye qaabil-e-ghaur bhi hai, aur qaabil-e-aiHtiraam bhi
jab puraana koi dukh mujh ko sataaya kartaa
maiN nayee fikr ko she'roN mein sanvaara kartaa
Is maTleA ke her misreA meiN "thaa" ke lafz ko mustatir rakhkhaa gayaa hei jiske baare meiN mujhe ilm nahiN aur koushish karuNga ke uski micaaleN jamA karuN. Mafhoom ke liHaaz se maTlaA bahut hii khoobsurat hei.
aap ne bajaa farmaaya, aur is silsile mein aap ki rehnumaai ki bhi zaroorat hai, agar tha ko mustatir rakhna jaaiz nahIN hai, to maiN matla aur aise hi deegar ash'aar per nazar-e-caani karooN ga, khaas taur per matla kehne ki phir se koshish karooN ga inshallah
ik saHar hi se tha roshan miraa khursheed-e-Hayaat
aur kis se maiN ujaaloN ki tamanna karta
Bahut khoob waah waah, bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei. Alfaaz ke liHaaz se bhii aur manavi liHaaz se bhii. Haqeeqat bhii yehi hei ke Sooraj sahar ko hii TulooA houtaa hei. Uski raushni ke muqaabil kisi aur cheez kii raushni maand hei.
mujhe tifl-e-maktab ka ye she'r aap ko pasand aaya, samajhiye meri meHnat vusool ho gayee, shukria
jis ki Haalat thi moHabbat meiN faqeeroN jaisi
us se kis tarHa maiN ulfat ka taqaaza karta
yeh sheAr bhii bahut khoobsoorat hei. Dekhne meiN yooN maloom houtaa hei ke "muhabbat" kaa lafz maAnavi Taur per dounoN misraAoN meiN aayaa hei lekin is sheAr meiN dounouN lafzaoN "muHabbat" aur "ulfat" ke manaoN meiN jou haqeeqi farq hei uskaa izhaar bhii kamaal hei.
is she'r ko pasand farmaane ke liye bhi shukria, aur aap ne "ulfat" aur "mohabbat" ke farq ko vaazeH kia, ye dekh ker bhi khushi hui, Ahmed Nadeem Qasmi ke isi taraHi misre ki ghazal ka aik she'r yaad aa rahaa hai , jis mein unhoN ne aik hi misre mein "ulfat" aur "mohabbat" ko mukhatilf maa'noN meiN iste'maal kia hai :)
mujh ko dushman ke iraadoN pe bhi pyaar aata hai
teri ulfat ne moHabbat meri aadat kar di
andaleeboN se rafaaqat ka tha charchaa her su
baaghbaaN kab mujhe gulshan meiN gavaara karta
SheAr bahut achcha hei. Sirf doosre misreA meiN lafz "kab" se behtar mere khayaal meiN "kiyooN' hounaa chaahiye thaa.
shukria , doosre misre mein lafz "kyuN" bhi bahot acha lag rahaa hai, maine to Ustad Qamar Jalalvi ke misre ko saamne rakha tha "kab mera nasheman ahl-e-chaman gulshan meiN gavaara karte haiN", phir bhi maiN aap ki tajveez per zaroor ghaur karooN ga
door rehne ka saleeqa hi nahiN tha mujh meiN
maiN khudaa jaane tire hijr meiN kia kia karta?
Bahut khoob. Achcha sheAr hei, alfaaz aur mani ke liHaz se.
shukria janaab, poori ghazal mein aik she'r bhi kaam ka ho jaaye to baRee baat hai, aap ko mere kaafi ash'aar pasand aaye, ise maiN apni kaamiyaabi samjhooN ga :)
kaash hoti ye ijaazat ke tujhe yaad karooN
maiN tiree yaad se khalvat ka mudaava karta
Achcha sheAr hei lekin meri nazar meiN doosra misrA agar yooN houtaa tou lafz "yaad" kii takraar se bachaa jaasaktaa thaa aur lafz "kaash" kii takrar se zour paidaa kiyaa jaasaktaa thaa: kaash yooN uzlat-e-khalvat ka mudaava karta
aap ki raaye pasand aayee, aur agar is meiN bhi "tense" ka mas'ala hai to maiN nazar-e-caani karooN ga
tae mire saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti
tujh ko aadaab moHabbat ke sikhaaya karta
Is sheAr kaa bhii mafhoom bahut hii aAlaa hei lekin radeef kii vajah se ibaarat meiN kamzouri paidaa hourahi hei. Meri nazar meiN pahle misreA kii mandarja-e-zail do shakleN housakti heiN: 1.Tae jo tuu saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti 2.Tae agar saamne zaanu-e-talammuz karti
is she'r meiN doosri raaye zyaada achi lagii, shukria :)
us ko she'roN se koii khaas shaghaf tha hi nahiN
aur maiN taaza ghazal roz sunaaya kartaa
Is sheAr ke doosre misreA meiN bhii radeef kii vajah se lafz "thaa" ko mustatir rakhnaa zaroori hougayaa hei.
yahaaN matle' vaali soorat-e-haal paida ho rahi hai, maiN is per ghaur karooN ga
jaanta hooN baRee himmat hai mire dushman meiN
Doobne ki bhi voh koshish lab-e-daryaa kartaa
Yeh sheAr bhii maAnavi liHaaz se bahut achchaa hei lekin yahaaN bhii radeef ne doosre misre meiN is phrase ko mustatir rakhne per majboor kardiyaa hei "tou phir use chaahiye thaa keh"
jee ye mas'ala to mujhe darpesh rahaa hai , mazaameen to aa rahe the, magar radeef saath nahin de rahi thi :D, is liye aise hi likh diye
zeib detaa hi nahiN mujh ko mukammal hona *
maiN agar ishq bhi karta to adhoora kartaa
Bahut hii achchaa sheAr hei her liHaaz se. Waah waah.
bahot bahot shukria, Huzoor , mujhe zaati taur per ye she'r bahot pasand hai, aap ne is she'r ko daad di, is ke liye maiN dil se aap ka mamnoon hoon
khauf rehta tha hamesha tujhe rusvaaii ka
"tujh se kis tarHa maiN izhaar-e-tamanna karta"
Bahut achchi gireh lagaayi hei aap ne mashaaAllah. SheAr her liHaaz se mukammal hei. Khoob.
shukria Nazir saHib, aap ne jin ash'aar ko pasand farmaaya hai, soch rahaa hooN unhiN ko ghazal mein rehne dooN aur deegar ash'aar ki chuTTi kar doon :)
hai ghalat !! tark-e-ta'alluq ki khabar sun ke Nabeel
bharee meHfil meiN moHabbat ka tamaasha karta
MaqTaA bhii bahut khoob hei. "Hei ghalat" ke do lafz muHtaaj hougaye heiN in Alaamaat ke (!!).
MajmooAii Taur per aapki yeh ghazal mujhe behad pasand aayi. Daad aur mubaarakbaad pesh kartaa hooN.
Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
[/b]
maqte meiN ye baat kehne ke liye maine "!!" ka sahaara liya, sunaate vaqt thoRa sakta de dooN ga :)
majmui taur per aap ne ghazal ko itna pasand farmaaya, is se meri kaafi Hosla.afzaai hui
umeed hai aainda bhi isi taraH rehnumaai farmaate raheN ge , ham ne abhi bahot kuch seekhna hai
aap ka bahot bahot shukria
amjad
Mire ash'aar ae Iqbal kyuN pyaare na hoN mujhko
mire TooTe hue dil ke ye dard.angez naale haiN
Ibn-e-Siddique Sahib
Aap ki taza Ghazal parhi buht pasand aayi dad qabool kijye aur ziyada to kuch nahin lagta hai barey achey mood mein likh thi In english I would say It is refreshing and light
zmufti
zmufti wrote:Ibn-e-Siddique Sahib
Aap ki taza Ghazal parhi buht pasand aayi dad qabool kijye aur ziyada to kuch nahin lagta hai barey achey mood mein likh thi In english I would say It is refreshing and light
zmufti
zarqa saHiba
salaam arz hai
ghazal ko pasand farmaane ke liye bahot bahot shukria
jee vaaqai, ye ghazal bahot ache aur light mood mein hi likhi thi :)
sadaa khush raheN
amjad
Mire ash'aar ae Iqbal kyuN pyaare na hoN mujhko
mire TooTe hue dil ke ye dard.angez naale haiN
, mazaameen to aa rahe the, magar radeef saath nahin de rahi thi :D, is liye aise hi likh diye 
, khoob kahaa aap ne, chaleN aap unko ye she'r bhi sunaaiye ga ;),