Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"

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Shummu
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Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"

Post by Shummu »

Salaamz sab ko!

aaj pehli dafaa urdubandhan ke kisi mushaire mein hissa le rahi hoon..umeed hai aap logon ko meri tukbandi pasand aayegi aur aap apni aara se zaroor nawaazenge..aur han mera kuwait aana 24th june se mazeed Tal ke 4th august ho gaya hai...filhal main india mein hi hoon. Ghazal mein koi kami beshi ho to plz mujhe zaroor aagaah kijiyega..shukriya. :-)

jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unka saamnaa aakhir!

kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir'

dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir ?!

mujh ko de de koi pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?

kyoN sitam kar raha hai tuu mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!

ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne kya aisa likh diyaa aakhir?

kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir

kab talak zindagii kaTegi yuN hi?
jaane, kab aayegi qazaa aakhir?!

kis liye Aye 'Shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?

Aap ki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila
Last edited by Shummu on Sun Jul 31, 2005 5:18 am, edited 6 times in total.

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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khurram_shaikh
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Post by khurram_shaikh »

Assalaam o alekum,


waaah waaah bahooot khooob shuuuuuuu gud work keep it up ek dum jhakas entry mari hai tumnien dad qabool karo khush raho aur khoob makhkhiyaan maroo :lol:


ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?

kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
RISK IS MY BUSINESS
DANGER IS MY GAME
DONT PLAY WITH ME
BCOZ KHURRAM IS MY NAME
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Mahtab Qadr
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Post by Mahtab Qadr »

salaam
shummu behad khushi huvi aapki ghazal pakar ke aik arse baad naseeb horahi hai .


jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unse saamnaa aakhir.
wah wah kia baat hai

kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir'
mashallah , haal e dil ko lab pe laane bhi waqai larhkioN ke lye dushwar hota aur aapne niswani ehsasaat ki akkasi ki hai.

dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir
khoob , pahle misre mai wazeh na ho saka ke aapka mukhatib kaun hai.

mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
shayed aap "mujh ko de de koi pataa aakhir" kah rahi theiN aur typo ho gai , bahut khoob acha sher hai.


itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
shummu ji shayed 'kar raha' ke bajaye 'karte ho' ziada munasib hoga ,sher acha hai

ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
usne kia aisa likh diyaa aakhir , bahut khoob

kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir

kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
kab talak yuN hi zindaqi jeena , magar itni mayoosi kioN janab.

kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
bahut umda maqta hai bhai waah waah

shukria
Mahtab Qadr
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najma
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Re: Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"

Post by najma »

Shummu wrote:Salaamz sab ko!

aaj pehli dafaa urdubandhan ke kisi mushaire mein hissa le rahi hoon..umeed hai aap logon ko meri tukbandi pasand aayegi aur aap apni aara se zaroor nawaazenge..aur han mera kuwait aana 24th june se mazeed Tal ke 4th august ho gaya hai...filhal main india mein hi hoon. Ghazal mein koi kami beshi ho to plz mujhe zaroor aagaah kijiyega..shukriya. :-)

jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unse saamnaa aakhir. :shock:

kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir' :-)

dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir :?:

mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir? :roll:

itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?! :(

ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir? :-k

kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir :!:

kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir! :(

kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir? :?:

Aap ki aara ki muntazir,
Shumaila



shummu

waah kya baat hay.

ese khayal nikaly hain tum ne.

chuttiyoN pe hone ke ba-wujood shareek rahheN, bohat kamal ki baat hay.

kalam meiN akcar andaz, wazn aur behtar alfaz k isti,mal ki gunjaish hay, jise asaaizah kiram hi point out kareNgay.
lekin ham logoN se to ye sam matawaqq,o hay :grin: :grin: :grin:

bohat khoob

daad bhi qubool karo
:grin:
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Abdullah Nazir
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Bahut achci ghazal kahi hei aap ne

Post by Abdullah Nazir »



Azeezah Shummu,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Sab se pahle khushaamaded ke aap chuTTiyaaN guzar kar baseHHet o Aafiyat hamare darmiyan aagaieeN.

Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut luTf aayaa jiske liye meri daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

Mandarja-e-zeil ashAar behtar banaaye jaasakte heiN. Yeh meri apni raaye hei jis se yeh zaroori nahiN kah aap bhi muttafiq houN.

mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
Pahle misreA meiN ghaliban typo hei aur usko yooN hounaa chaahiye:
(mujh ko de de koii pataa aakhir)

itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
Pahlaa miSraA yooN houjaye tou Theek rahega:
(kiyuN sitam karraha hei tuu mujh per)

ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
Is sheAr ke doosre misreA meiN bhii shayad typo hou jisko yooN hounaa chaahiye:
(usne kya aisa likh diyaa aakhir?)

kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN lafz "wajah" ghalat hei. SaHeeH lafz "wajh" hei. Isi miSreA ko qaayim rakhne ke liye lafz "sabab" isteAmaal kiyaa jaasaktaa hei.

kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
Pahle miSreA kaa aakhiri Harf shayad "jee leN" hou. Agar nahiN tou miSreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
(kab talak yuN hi zindagi ka safar) yaa
(kab talak yuN hi zindagi kii sazaa) yaa
(kab talak zindagi ke ranj o miHan)

Dobaarah daad pesh kartaa hooN aur ummeed kartaa hooN ke aapki shaayeraan salaaHiyataoN per yooN hii nikhaar aataa rahegaa.


Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.
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Shummu
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Post by Shummu »

khurram_shaikh wrote:Assalaam o alekum,


waaah waaah bahooot khooob shuuuuuuu gud work keep it up ek dum jhakas entry mari hai tumnien dad qabool karo khush raho aur khoob makhkhiyaan maroo :lol:


ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?

kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir
W'salam khurram sahab!

bahut khushi hui ye dekh kar ke na sirf fauran aap ne meri ghazal paRhi balki apne taa'suraat bhi pesh kiye..behad shukriya tah-e-dil se khusoosan un do sher ko pasand karne ke liye. :grin:

K'hafiz,
Shumaila

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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Shummu
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Post by Shummu »

Mahtab Qadr wrote:salaam
shummu behad khushi huvi aapki ghazal pakar ke aik arse baad naseeb horahi hai .
--w'salaammmmm!!!jee bilkul bajaa farmaaya aapne..maine taqreeban 4 maah baad kuch likha hai isliye is mein bahut ghaltiyaan thin jise maine aap ke aur Nazir sahab ke mashwaron ke baad durust kar liya hai.. :grin:

jis ka Dar tha,wahi huaa aakhir
ho gaya unse saamnaa aakhir.
wah wah kia baat hai
--SHUKRIYA :-)
kar gayi kuch asar du'aa aakhir
'Haal-e-dil lab pe aagayaa aakhir'
mashallah , haal e dil ko lab pe laane bhi waqai larhkioN ke lye dushwar hota aur aapne niswani ehsasaat ki akkasi ki hai.
--nawaazish!
dekh kar mujh ko ghamzadaa aakhir
tujh ko miltaa hai kyaa mazaa aakhir
khoob , pahle misre mai wazeh na ho saka ke aapka mukhatib kaun hai.
--apne mehboob se! :oops:
mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
shayed aap "mujh ko de de koi pataa aakhir" kah rahi theiN aur typo ho gai , bahut khoob acha sher hai.
--jee jee shukriya nishaandehi farmaane ka :-)
itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
shummu ji shayed 'kar raha' ke bajaye 'karte ho' ziada munasib hoga ,sher acha hai
--is sher mein maine Nazir sahab ke bataaye hue misre se apna pehla misra tabdeel kar diya hai.
ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
usne kia aisa likh diyaa aakhir , bahut khoob
--jee shukriya dubaara se sher dursut karne ke liye :-)
kitna bhii khud se jhooT bolo tum
sach bataa dega aa'inaa aakhir

kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
kab talak yuN hi zindaqi jeena , magar itni mayoosi kioN janab.
--is sher ko bhi maine durust karne ki koshish ki hai..dekhiye aur bataaiye ke main kamayaab ho saki hoon ya nahi.. :!:
kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
bahut umda maqta hai bhai waah waah

shukria
Mahtab Qadr
--yahan pe 'wajah' ghalat hai isliye maine is sher ko kuch yun likha hai ab... kaisa hai ??

kis liye Aye 'Shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?


--shukriya bahut bahut Mahtaab sahab detail mein reply dene aur meri hausla afzaayi farmaane ke liye...! :grin:

talib-e-dua,
Shumaila

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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Shummu
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Re: Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"

Post by Shummu »

sara_j wrote:
:shock: wow shummu! what a pleasant surprise!!
kamaal kardiya kya hi khoob ashaar likhdiye!

maqta waqai bohat khoob hai.

dekhiye ustad ji kya kehte hain :grin:

bohat din baad tumahri kavish dekh ker
dil khush hua, zor e qalam aur ziyada.

sara

Salaamz dear Sara jee..kaisi hain...arey bhai aap kahein aur hum na maanein ..aise to haalaat nahi 8) Aap ka hukm tha so haazir ho gaye...bahut jaldi mein ghazal kahi thi woh bhi 4 maah baad ...dekha na kitni ghaltiyaan thin..lekin maine sab durust kar liya hai ab..ummeed hai ab ghazal behtar ho gayi hogi....waise shukriya bahut bahut itne pyaare comments dene ke liye :grin:

Shumaila

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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Shummu
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Re: Guz#6 "Haal-e-dil lab pe aa gaya aakhir"

Post by Shummu »

najma wrote:
shummu

waah kya baat hay.

ese khayal nikaly hain tum ne.

chuttiyoN pe hone ke ba-wujood shareek rahheN, bohat kamal ki baat hay.

kalam meiN akcar andaz, wazn aur behtar alfaz k isti,mal ki gunjaish hay, jise asaaizah kiram hi point out kareNgay.
lekin ham logoN se to ye sam matawaqq,o hay :grin: :grin: :grin:

bohat khoob

daad bhi qubool karo
:grin:
Dear najma sis...bahut bahut shukriya hausla afzaayi farmaane ka.... :grin: jee maine bahut jaldi mein ghazal kahi thi isliye khaasi ghaltiyaaN reh gayin thin jise maine doston ke mashwaron ke baad durust karne ki koshish ki hai .

shumaila

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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zmufti
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Post by zmufti »

shummu jee
aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayii
khaas kar yeh sher
kab talak yuN hi zindagii guzre..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
take care
zarqa
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Ibn-e-siddique
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Post by Ibn-e-siddique »

shumaila saHiba:

salaam arz hai

aap ki ghazal doosre forum per paRhi thi aur bahot pasand aayee :), yahaaN daad dene Haazir hua hooN, qubool farmaaiye

amjad
Mire ash'aar ae Iqbal kyuN pyaare na hoN mujhko
mire TooTe hue dil ke ye dard.angez naale haiN
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Shummu
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Re: Bahut achci ghazal kahi hei aap ne

Post by Shummu »

WEBMASTER wrote:

Azeezah Shummu,

Purkhuloos Tasleemaat,

Sab se pahle khushaamaded ke aap chuTTiyaaN guzar kar baseHHet o Aafiyat hamare darmiyan aagaieeN.

ADAAB MOHTARAM NAZIR SAHAB....KHUSHAAMADEED KEHNE KA BAHUT SHUKRIYA MAGAR ABHI MERI WAPSI NAHI HUI HAI...LUCKNOW MEIN HI HOON AUR MERI WAPSI 4TH AUGUST TAK HAI INSHALLAH.

Aapki ghazal paRhkar bahut luTf aayaa jiske liye meri daad aur mubarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

BAHUT BAHUT SHUKRIYAAAAAAAA :grin:

Mandarja-e-zeil ashAar behtar banaaye jaasakte heiN. Yeh meri apni raaye hei jis se yeh zaroori nahiN kah aap bhi muttafiq houN.

mujh ko koii de de pataa aakhir
koii DhooNDe kahaaN wafaa aakhir?
Pahle misreA meiN ghaliban typo hei aur usko yooN hounaa chaahiye:
(mujh ko de de koii pataa aakhir)

JEE BEHTAR..MAINE DURUST KAR LIYA HAI...SHUKRIYA :-)

itna kyoN kar rahaa sitam mujh par?
kyaa khataa hai miree,bataa aakhir?!
Pahlaa miSraA yooN houjaye tou Theek rahega:
(kiyuN sitam karraha hei tuu mujh per)

JEE MAINE ISE AISA KAR DIYA HAI..

'kyoN sitam Dhaa rahaa hai tuu mujh par?'

ho gayii teri aankh nam kyoNkar?
usne aisa kya likh diyaa aakhir?
Is sheAr ke doosre misreA meiN bhii shayad typo hou jisko yooN hounaa chaahiye:
(usne kya aisa likh diyaa aakhir?)

JEE MAINE ISE BHI SAHI KAR DIYA HAI..THANX. :grin:

kis wajah se 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?
is sheAr ke pahle miSreA meiN lafz "wajah" ghalat hei. SaHeeH lafz "wajh" hei. Isi miSreA ko qaayim rakhne ke liye lafz "sabab" isteAmaal kiyaa jaasaktaa hei.

JEE MUJHE DOUBT THA..AB MAINE ISE BADAL KAR YUN KAR DIYA HAI...

'kis liye Aye 'shumaa'ilah' tum ho
is qadar zeest se khafaa aakhir?'

AB THEEK HAINA? :-)

kab talak yuN hi zindagii jiyeiN..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
Pahle miSreA kaa aakhiri Harf shayad "jee leN" hou. Agar nahiN tou miSreA ko yooN kiyaa jaasaktaa hei:
(kab talak yuN hi zindagi ka safar) yaa
(kab talak yuN hi zindagi kii sazaa) yaa
(kab talak zindagi ke ranj o miHan)

HMMM MAIN ISE AISE KAR DOON? :?:

'kab talak zindagii kaTegi yuN hi?
jaane, kab aayegi qazaa aakhir?!'

Dobaarah daad pesh kartaa hooN aur ummeed kartaa hooN ke aapki shaayeraan salaaHiyataoN per yooN hii nikhaar aataa rahegaa.
[/color]

Aapka Mukhlis,
Nazir.



BAHUT NAWAAZISH NAZIR SAHAB..AAP JAISI HASTI SE DAAD PAA KE DIL BAAGH BAAGH HO GAYA WALLAH!BAHUT DILI SHUKRIYA QUBOOL FARMAAYEIN NA SIRF DAAD DENE KA BALKI MERI KHAAMIYON KI JAANIB ISHAARA KARNE KE LIYE BHI :P

TALIB-E-DUA.
SHUMAILA

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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Shummu
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Post by Shummu »

zmufti wrote:shummu jee
aap ki ghazal buhat pasand aayii
khaas kar yeh sher
kab talak yuN hi zindagii guzre..
jaane kab aayegii qazaa aakhir!
take care
zarqa
ADAAB ZARQA JEE...PEHLI DAFAA AAP SE APNI THREAD MEIN MUKHAATIB HO RAHI HOON...GHAZLA KO PASAND FARMAANE KE AUR KHAAS TAUR SE US SHER KO PASAND FARMAANE KA BEHAD SHUKRIYA! :-)

SHUMAILA

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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Shummu
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Post by Shummu »

Ibn-e-siddique wrote:shumaila saHiba:

salaam arz hai

aap ki ghazal doosre forum per paRhi thi aur bahot pasand aayee :), yahaaN daad dene Haazir hua hooN, qubool farmaaiye

amjad
wsss Amjad jee...wah bhai do do jagah comments dene ka bahut shukriya :grin: jee khush hua.....!!!THANXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

shumaila

Koi pooche humse hamaari haalat ka sabab
to ashk baha kar bhi baat adhoori reh jati hai

Waqt jaise kahin thehar sa gaya hai
Na Gham jaata hai na khushi aati hai
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irfan barabankwi
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wah wah

Post by irfan barabankwi »

mohtaramah

shumailah sahibah

itni khoobsurat ghazal daad na dena na insafi hogi. mujh nacheez ki bhi dad qubool kareiN. aaj bahut dino baad jab is taraf aaya to yeh ghazal dekhi. bahut khoob hai.

khair andaish

irfan barabankwi
iHtisab apne naqaayis ka mujhe aataa hei
Saare Aalam ki maiN taqseer kahaN tak dekhuN
Irfan Barabankwi.
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