tarHi ghazal taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalb o jigar men hai

[khozema husaini]

moAzziz KHawaateen o hazraat
apni adna si koshish ke saath hazir hoon aur umeed karta hoon apni aara se nawaaz kar mamnoon farmayenge
shukriyah
Husaini

taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalb o jigar meN hai
us ka hi inAkaas miri chashm e tar meN hai

HaaSil isi KHayaal se raHat safar meN hai
"dunya bhi ik muqaam tiri rehguzar men hai "

ik musht e KHaak, aur KHudaayi ka zuAm hai
kya koi KHaaS baat is adna bashar meN hai?

deti rahi daleel miri saNsoN ki sabeel
yeh karwaaN zeest musalsal safar meN hai

hota hai din bhi raat ke daaman se aashkaar
Ailaan e shab bhi aamad e noor e sahar meN hai

yeh baat aur hai keh woh KHud se heN beKHbar
ahl e junooN ka zikr magar har KHabar meN hai

us se rakhooN meN kaise mulaqaat ki ummeed
uljha hua jo ab bhi agar aur magar meN hai

tark e taAlluqaat ki dunya ko hai KHabar
humko gumaaN tha baat abhi ghar ki ghar meN hai

jab se mili hai aap ki nazroN se yeh nazar
dil ka yeh KHastah Haal safeenah bhaNwar men hai

dekheN Husaini raastah kab tak Huzoor ka
hai dil meN itni taab nah taaqat nazar men hai

[Abdullah Nazir]

MuHtarami
Khuzema Husaini SaaHib,

PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,

Aapki yeh ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.

MULAAHIZAAT:

taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalbo jigar meN hai
us ka hi inAkaas miri chashm e tar meN hai

Bahut achchaa maTlaA hei, waah waah.

raaHat isi KHayaal se ranj e safar meN hai
"dunya bhi ik muqaam tiri rehguzar men hai "

Gireh ke saath yeh Husn-e-maTlaA bhee khoob hei. Is meiN ranj-e-safar se aapki muraad ghaaliban "safar kee taAab aurtakleef" hei. Behtar hougaa kea ke "ranj-e-safar" ke bajaye kuch aur kaheN macal ke Taur per (mushkil safar) yaa jo kuch aapke mafhoom se qareeb tar maAloom hou.

hai kyuN ye KHaak todah KHudaaii ka dawedaar
kya koi KHaaS baat is adna bashar meN hai?

SheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah. Agar pahle miSreA ko rawaani kee khaatir badal deN tou munaasib hei. Micaaal ke Taur per:
ik mushte-e-khaak, aur khudaayi kaa zuAm hei !

deti rahi daleel miri saNsoN ki sabeel
keh karwaaN zeest musalsal safar meN hai

SheAr achcha hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "keh" ko sabab-e-khafeef ke taur per yaAni "faa" ke vazn per isteAmaal karnaa raayaj nahiN hei. Is liye "yeh karwaan-e-zeest" kahiye tou behtar hougaa.

hoti hai saHar daaman e shab hi se numudaar
Ailaan e shab bhi aamad e noor e sahar meN hai

Is sheAr meiN "saHar" ko bavzn-e-seHr isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hie tou SaHeeH nahiN. Iskaa ilaaj tou housaktaa hei lekin lafz "namoodar" bhee rawaani ke liHaaz se tabdeeli chaahtaa hei. Behtar hougaa ke aap is sheAr ko ghazal meiN shaamil nah kareN yaa koii mutabaadi sheAr kaheN.

yeh baat aur hai keh woh KHud se heN beKHbar
ahl e junooN zikr magar har KHabar meN hai

sheAr achchaa hei lekin doosre miSreA kee kitaabat meiN lafz "kaa" chooT gayaa hei yaAni "ahl-e-junooN kaa" hounaa chaahiye.

us se rakhooN meN kaise mulaqaat ki ummeed
uljha hua woh ab bhi agar aur magar meN hai

achcha sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSre meiN"wo" kii bajaaye "jo" likhiye.

tark e taAlluqaat ki dunya ko hai KHabar
humko gumaaN tha baat abhi ghar ki ghar meN hai

achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.

jab se mili hai aap ki nazroN se yeh nazar
dil ka yeh KHastah Haal safeenah bhaNwar men hai

waah waah, bahut khoob.

dekheN Husaini raastah kab tak Huzoor ka
hai dil meN itni taab nah taaqat nazar men hai

achchaa maqtaA hei. Bahut khoob.


Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.

[khozema husaini]

mohtaram nazir saaheb
aadaab o taslemaat
ghazal ki pasandedgi , mufaSsil tabsare , mashware aaur daad ke liye men aap ka tah e dil se shukriyah ada karta hoon
qubool farmayeN
Husaini