moAzziz KHawaateen o hazraat
apni adna si koshish ke saath hazir hoon aur umeed karta hoon apni aara se nawaaz kar mamnoon farmayenge
shukriyah
Husaini
taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalb o jigar meN hai
us ka hi inAkaas miri chashm e tar meN hai
HaaSil isi KHayaal se raHat safar meN hai
"dunya bhi ik muqaam tiri rehguzar men hai "
ik musht e KHaak, aur KHudaayi ka zuAm hai
kya koi KHaaS baat is adna bashar meN hai?
deti rahi daleel miri saNsoN ki sabeel
yeh karwaaN zeest musalsal safar meN hai
hota hai din bhi raat ke daaman se aashkaar
Ailaan e shab bhi aamad e noor e sahar meN hai
yeh baat aur hai keh woh KHud se heN beKHbar
ahl e junooN ka zikr magar har KHabar meN hai
us se rakhooN meN kaise mulaqaat ki ummeed
uljha hua jo ab bhi agar aur magar meN hai
tark e taAlluqaat ki dunya ko hai KHabar
humko gumaaN tha baat abhi ghar ki ghar meN hai
jab se mili hai aap ki nazroN se yeh nazar
dil ka yeh KHastah Haal safeenah bhaNwar men hai
dekheN Husaini raastah kab tak Huzoor ka
hai dil meN itni taab nah taaqat nazar men hai
tarHi ghazal taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalb o jigar men hai
Moderator: Muzaffar Ahmad Muzaffar
- khozema husaini
- -
- Posts: 150
- Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2004 1:37 pm
- Contact:
tarHi ghazal taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalb o jigar men hai
- Attachments
-
- 86tasweer e husn e yaar.jpg (85.09 KiB) Viewed 142 times
Last edited by khozema husaini on Tue Aug 01, 2006 4:17 pm, edited 5 times in total.
hum husaini duAa ki deN soGHaat
laakh chahay bura karay koee
husaini
laakh chahay bura karay koee
husaini
- Abdullah Nazir
- -
- Posts: 2681
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:16 am
- Location: Jeddah
- Contact:
Bahut khoob
MuHtarami
Khuzema Husaini SaaHib,
PurkhulooS Tasleemaat,
Aapki yeh ghazal bahut pasand aayi jiske liye meri dili daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaayiye.
MULAAHIZAAT:
taSweer e Husn e yaar jo qalbo jigar meN hai
us ka hi inAkaas miri chashm e tar meN hai
Bahut achchaa maTlaA hei, waah waah.
raaHat isi KHayaal se ranj e safar meN hai
"dunya bhi ik muqaam tiri rehguzar men hai "
Gireh ke saath yeh Husn-e-maTlaA bhee khoob hei. Is meiN ranj-e-safar se aapki muraad ghaaliban "safar kee taAab aurtakleef" hei. Behtar hougaa kea ke "ranj-e-safar" ke bajaye kuch aur kaheN macal ke Taur per (mushkil safar) yaa jo kuch aapke mafhoom se qareeb tar maAloom hou.
hai kyuN ye KHaak todah KHudaaii ka dawedaar
kya koi KHaaS baat is adna bashar meN hai?
SheAr bahut achchaa hei, waah waah. Agar pahle miSreA ko rawaani kee khaatir badal deN tou munaasib hei. Micaaal ke Taur per:
ik mushte-e-khaak, aur khudaayi kaa zuAm hei !
deti rahi daleel miri saNsoN ki sabeel
keh karwaaN zeest musalsal safar meN hai
SheAr achcha hei. Doosre miSreA meiN "keh" ko sabab-e-khafeef ke taur per yaAni "faa" ke vazn per isteAmaal karnaa raayaj nahiN hei. Is liye "yeh karwaan-e-zeest" kahiye tou behtar hougaa.
hoti hai saHar daaman e shab hi se numudaar
Ailaan e shab bhi aamad e noor e sahar meN hai
Is sheAr meiN "saHar" ko bavzn-e-seHr isteAmaal kiyaa gayaa hie tou SaHeeH nahiN. Iskaa ilaaj tou housaktaa hei lekin lafz "namoodar" bhee rawaani ke liHaaz se tabdeeli chaahtaa hei. Behtar hougaa ke aap is sheAr ko ghazal meiN shaamil nah kareN yaa koii mutabaadi sheAr kaheN.
yeh baat aur hai keh woh KHud se heN beKHbar
ahl e junooN zikr magar har KHabar meN hai
sheAr achchaa hei lekin doosre miSreA kee kitaabat meiN lafz "kaa" chooT gayaa hei yaAni "ahl-e-junooN kaa" hounaa chaahiye.
us se rakhooN meN kaise mulaqaat ki ummeed
uljha hua woh ab bhi agar aur magar meN hai
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah. Doosre miSre meiN"wo" kii bajaaye "jo" likhiye.
tark e taAlluqaat ki dunya ko hai KHabar
humko gumaaN tha baat abhi ghar ki ghar meN hai
achcha sheAr hei, waah waah.
jab se mili hai aap ki nazroN se yeh nazar
dil ka yeh KHastah Haal safeenah bhaNwar men hai
waah waah, bahut khoob.
dekheN Husaini raastah kab tak Huzoor ka
hai dil meN itni taab nah taaqat nazar men hai
achchaa maqtaA hei. Bahut khoob.
Aapkaa MukhliS,
Nazir.
- khozema husaini
- -
- Posts: 150
- Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2004 1:37 pm
- Contact: