Aap ki ghazal paRhne ke baad apne kyalaat qalamband kar rahaa hooN. yaqeenun mera andaaz aap saa mutasir kun naheeN. Laikin phir bhi meiN samajhtaa hooN ke woah sub kuch likhne meiN koi aar naheen jo meiN ne mehsoos keeaye. Aap ki shaAer se ye mera qiaas hai ke aap aik bareek nazar rakhti haiN oar maira fazool sa "feed back" bhi kissi na kissi tarah zaroor aap ki leeaye mufeed ho ja-aye ga ( iss meiN kamaal aap ki nazar kaa ho ga -:)
Aap ke tamaam hi mazaaemeen khoobsoorat haiN. mujhe khasoosun jo shaAer sub se achha lagaa uss ka doosra misra meiN ne subject line meiN "paste" kar diaya hai.
1-waqt k saath yeh azhaan badal jaate heiN
sach tau yeh hai keh insaan badal jaate haiN
Ghazal ko doosri martabaa paRhne par mehsoos huwa ke jis taraH ke mazaameen aap ne bandhaiN heN. meqtA iss se bhi ziada dilkash hona chah-aye thaa. dhayaan rakhiaye ga "is se bhi ziada"
2-muaa'milaah ghair ka jab hau tau bohat sakht haiN laug
apnee baari peh yeh meezaan badal jaate haiN
bohat khoobsoorat shaAer hay. mujhe meezaan ke saath "ye" ka andaaza naheeN ho pa raaha ke ye "ye" logoaN" ki taraf ishaara kar rahi hai ya "meezan" ki taraf? oar us ke allaway peh oar yeh ka ikatha isteAmaal bhi shaid koi aisa achha naheeN lag rahaa.
3-ASr-e-Haazir maiN kuch aisee baRhi duniyaa daari
naik tab'AoN k bhee maelaan badal jaate haiN
bohat hi khoob. dhairoaN daad qabool keejiaye.
4-Um'r k saath taghayyur bhee hai laazim laikn
dil wahi rehtay haiN abdaan badal jaate haiN
abdaan badalnaa? meiN yaqeenun samajh rahaa hoaN ke aap taba-aee sikast o raikht ki baat kar raheeN haiN. daikhte haiN ustaad e mohtaram iss ke bare meiN kia farmate haiN.
5-Azm-e-momin se Takraa k yeh dekhaa akCar
rukh biphartay huay toofaan badal jaate haiN
is meiN pehle misrA meiN halka sa shaibaa hota hai jaise ham takrane jaa rahaiN haiN . oar doore misraA meiN aap ne wazn ko malhooz khatir rakhte huway "biphray huwa" ( jo poori taaqat meiN ho) ki bajaaye "bipharte huway" ( jo abhi taqwar ho rahaa ho) isteAmaal kiya hai. ye yaqeenun aap ne misra ko vazn meiN rakhne ke leeaye kiya hai. laikin iss compromise ke saath mazmoon ko poora arooj miltaa huwa dikhai naheeN daita.
6-kayaa gilaah tujh sae badal jaanay kaa ay daust miray
dil tau dil hai yehaan eemaan badal jaate haiN
Pehle oar doosre misraA ka rabt? aap agar meri naa samjhi par daantaiN gi to yaqeen jaaniaye bilkul khamoshi se sunooN ga.
7-khush gumaani mairee aadat nahiN fitrat hai miree
kaun kehtaa hai keh wajdaan badal jaate haiN
meiN yahaaN par english likhe baghair neheeN reh sakta . :This is great:
8-jab kisee kaam maiN raazi nah hau Yazdaan tau phir
dekhtay dekhtay samaan badal jaatay haiN
Yazdaan? mere ilm meiN lafz yazdaaN hai. aik baar phir agar meiN apni la ilmi meiN ye question maark lagaa rahooN to maazarat.
9-sho'Abdah baazi-e-baatil ne woh phooNkaa hai fusooN
kitnay pukhtah bhee hoN eeqaan badal jaate heiN
bohat khoobsoorat.
10-itnee afsurdah ho kioN dekh k badlee duniyaa
Tahira waqt k rujHaan badal jaatay haiN.
Ye bhi aik khoobsoorat khayal hai. waise agar kissi taraH "waqt ke ruHjaan" ke baja-aye "dunya ke ruHjaan" baandha jaata toa kia bayan ziada khoobsoorat na ho jaata?
Aik baar phir dasta basta aap ke saamne kharaa hooN. mujhe un tamaam bataoN ke leeaye muaaf farma-aye ga jo meiN ne apni kam ilmi laikin shouq meiN likh deeN. oar agar aap mairi tasheeH farmaa daiN toa meiN aap ka shukar guzar hooN ga.
