Guzarish # 26.........Saara Jabeen

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:33 am

Saraa ji,

aap ki ye aazaad ghazal bohat achhchhi koshish hai

, aazaad se mairi ye bilkul muraad naheeN ke qafiyaa o radeef se aazaad balke aazaad meiN ne :independent: ke tor par istemaal kiyaa hai.

ye walay ash'aar bohat shaandar haiN.

5. jab talak dil mein lahu baaqi rahe
"koee kaese dil lagana chouR de"

6. ab na Saara aarzu karna kabhi
apne khwaabon ko sajaana chouR de

daad qabool kijiaye.

baaqi ash'aar par mukhtaSir taSSuraat is taraH haiN

1. gham chupaa ker muskuraana chouR de
yun muqaddar ko banaana chouR de

ye samajh naheeN aa-i ke muqaddar kaise ban rahaa hai.

2. raah-e-ulfat mein ye kaisi bebasi
zindagi sadme uThaana chouR de

shaer bhi khoob hai.

3. rooThne wale tujhe teri qasam
aashiqui mein dil jalaana chouR de

ye shaer bhi achhaa hai

4. haal e dil tanhaayi mein tujh se kahun
yun na milne ka bahaana chouR de

iss shaer par dobaar fikr ki daawat dooN ga. doosre meiN istemaal hone walay "yooN" ki wazaahat pehlay miSraa meiN naheeN ki gayee na doosray miSra meiN ho rahi hai.

aor aakhir do ashhar par izhaar pasandeedgi to meiN pehlay hi kar chukaa hooN.

aap ka mukhliS,
Muhammad K. Siddiqui.

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 1:35 pm

Agar aap shaer No. 3 ki tashreeH se mutamain haiN to phir theek hai.

Shear No. 4 ke leeaye, mairay zahn meiN kuch iss taraH ka khyaal aa rahaa hai.

haal e dil tanhaayi mein tujh se kahun
aa bhi ja ub tao bahaanaa choR de.

aap yaqeenun mujh se behtar soch sakteeN haiN ke aap kyaa khyaal paish karnaa chahti haiN.

khair andesh,
Muhammad K. Siddqiui.

Post by **jawaid badauni** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 2:43 pm

Sara SaaHibah
Salam aur doa

Aapki muKhtaSar tarahee Ghazal nazar nawaaz huuwi jo pasaNd aaii. Yeh bohat Khooshii ki baat hai keh hum sub ne miljul kar is kaam ko jaari rakhkha hai aur Mohtaram nazir Saahab ki Alalat ke bawojood mahana Mushaairah Urdu bandhan ka jaari hai. Nazir SaaHab ki kami aap ko meHsoos ho rahee hogee. Hum sub ek hi naao per sawaar haiN aur doago haiN keh Allah jald unheN is qaabil kar dey keh woh phir se in mahaafil ki raunaq baneN.

Tarahee Ghazal per ek baar phir daad qubool kijiye.

Aapka MuKhliS
Jawaid Badauni

Tue Mar 13, 2007 5:23 pm

mohtarmah Sara JabeeN SaHibah aadaab!

Guzarish 26 ke liye aap kee kahee hoee Ghazal dekh~ee agarcheh mukhtaSir hai. lekin aap ne baRe khubSurat andaaz aor perae meN apne kheyaal ko miSra'-o-she'er ke HaseeN paekar meN utara hai.

mujh~e sabh~ee asha'ar pasan haiN. Allah aap kee t6aqat-e-qalam ko baRh~ata chala jae. aor aap is maedaan meN khoob taraqqee kareeN.

1. gham chupaa ker muskuraana chouR de
yun muqaddar ko banaana chouR de

Bohot khoob,

2. raah-e-ulfat mein ye kaisi bebasi
zindagi sadme uThaana chouR de

kiya kehne,

3. rooThne wale tujhe teri qasam
aashiqui mein dil jalaana chouR de

waah,

4. haal e dil tanhaayi mein tujh se kahun
yun na milne ka bahaana chouR de

waah jee waah,

5. jab talak dil mein lahu baaqi rahe
"koee kaese dil lagana chouR de"

kiya kehne! waah waah

6. ab na Saara aarzu karna kabhi
apne khwaabon ko sajaana chouR de

bohot khoob!

Wassalam
Muz^affar A Muz^affar

Post by **muhammad_19k** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 6:55 am

sara_j wrote:

Khawar sahib kal jald bazi mein ye jawab likh di thi dobara ghaur karne per mujhe lafz 'yun' ke istemal mein koi na-munasibat nahi lagi balke misre ko badalne se shair ki khoobsurti jaa rahi hai. mere khayaal mein filwaqt aise hi rehne deti hoon, kisi aur ne abhi tak kuch nahi kaha masalan jawaid bhai ne muzaffar sahib bhi nahi aaye . intezar karleti hoon

aap ko dobaaraa daikhne par bhi theek lagaa hai to phir theek hi ho gaa naa

Post by **zmufti** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 8:45 am

Sara jee
ghazal ke liye daad qabool kijye
khush rahiye
zmufti

Post by **sbashwar** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 11:09 am

Mohtarama Saara Sahiba

1. gham chupaa ker muskuraana chouR de
yun muqaddar ko banaana chouR de
Sheir bohat achcha hai.

2. raah-e-ulfat mein ye kaisi bebasi
zindagi sadme uThaana chouR de
Wah wah, bohat khoob.

3. rooThne wale tujhe teri qasam
aashiqui mein dil jalaana chouR de
Aashiqui mein dil na jale, yeh kaise mumkin? Daad qubool kijiye.

4. haal e dil tanhaayi mein tujh se kahun
yun na milne ka bahaana chouR de
Yeh sheir bohat pasand ayaa. Daad qubool kijiye.

5. jab talak dil mein lahu baaqi rahe
"koee kaese dil lagana chouR de"
Sahi farmaya aapne. bohat khoob.

6. ab na Saara aarzu karna kabhi
apne khwaabon ko sajaana chouR de
Daad aur mubarakbaad qubool kijiye.
Shukria

Post by **haamidbaaqri** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:10 am

sara_j wrote:Ahl-e-mehfil ki khidmet mein tasleemaat.

aise lag raha hai aaj mera exam hai, kyunke is martabah jaise

ghazal likhi aap sabke saamne waise hi pesh kar rahi hoon, warna tou

Nazir sahib ke dekhne tak nahi pesh karti, aap sabki hosla afzai

ki wajah aur Ustad-e-mohtaram ki rehnumaii ki wajah se yehan tak

pahunchi hoon. aap sabki araa ki muntazir.

[align=center]Ghazal:

1. gham chupaa ker muskuraana chouR de
yun muqaddar ko banaana chouR de

2. raah-e-ulfat mein ye kaisi bebasi
zindagi sadme uThaana chouR de

3. rooThne wale tujhe teri qasam
aashiqui mein dil jalaana chouR de

4. haal e dil tanhaayi mein tujh se kahun
yun na milne ka bahaana chouR de

5. jab talak dil mein lahu baaqi rahe
"koee kaese dil lagana chouR de"

6. ab na Saara aarzu karna kabhi
apne khwaabon ko sajaana chouR de

[/align]

azeezah sara saahebah
Assalaam o alaikum

bahut acchee ghazal hai yeh aapki.

khaas taur say girah bahut pasand aayee.

dilee daad qubool keejiye.

allah(sbhnwt)Karay zoray qalam aur ziyaadh

aapka bhai
haamidbaaqri

Post by **Star Mind** » Wed Mar 28, 2007 6:05 pm

Saara behnaa , aadab !

bahut KhoobSoorat Ghazal i'naayat kii hai aap ne ! beHad pasand aa'ii !! daad Haazir hai ! shukriya

Zia Baloch

Guzarish # 26.........Saara Jabeen

Re: Guzarish # 26.........Saara Jabeen